Hello, How Are You? How Did You Learn How To Pick Locks And Why? Thank Youu

Me trying not to tell random people trivia about whatever my hell brain has latched onto this month

y'ever get haunted by the fear you will never write anything as beautiful as the US Steel Pipe Works Slag Dump Youtube Comment cuz hoo boy i sure do:

shoutout to you, youtube user mrc109, wherever you may be today

Pretty impressive that America has been at war for 20 fucking years and yet there have been essentially no anti-war films out of supposedly liberal Hollywood because it’s effectively impossible to make war movies without the consent of the US Military who only want to be depicted with jingoistic favourability.

In fact, you became the very thing you sought to destroy.

[footage of the inside of an ordinary Eastern-European home, taken with a handheld phone camera, the man filming is walking from the living room to the back door of the house]

man, narrating in russian: Every fucking year, this time of the year, the pond at my backyard gets infested. What do ponds get infested with? Frogs? Poisonous weeds? Geese? No. Not my pond.

[The man opens the back door, stepping out into a garden. Three or four nude, human-like figures dash from the borders of a pond back into the water.]

man: Rusalki! I don't know where they come from or how they get here, and I can't afford to hire an exterminator every year. I can't let my cat outside anymore. Last year a rusalka managed to drown a whole deer in my pond, the stench was unbearable.

[He walks as he speaks, approaching the pond. There are several eerily beautiful female beings peering at him from under the surface, their long hair floating in the murky water. Their eyes are gleaming in an unhuman way. The man holding the camera stops to film them.]

man, calm and deadpan: What the fuck are all of you staring at. Get jobs or something.

[One of the rusalki, smaller than the others and clearly not a fully matured adult, slowly reaches out of the water with her white, thin hand, grasping his ankle. He appears unconcerned.]

man: You can't drown me, you little idiot. You're too small. Shoo!

[A loud thud startles the rusalki, making them scatter. A second thud makes it clear these are the approaching footsteps of something massive. The man turns around and points the camera at what appears to be a house, walking past above the treeline with chicken-like legs]

man, now yelling: IF YOUR HOUSE SHITS ON MY YARD AGAIN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-

How did you give yourself an EAR INFECTION eating pussy

im just gonna screenshot from a text i sent my friends after the doctors visit

I want to prove a point to a coworker of mine.

Pretend this post is the coronavirus.

If you see this on your dash, just reblog it.

Let’s show them how quickly this virus can spread from just one person.

“no i will not elaborate” is such a fun line, but unfortunately i have adhd and am incapable of shutting up. yes i will elaborate