So There Are People Out There Who Have A Consistent Mood For Most Of The Day? My Mood Changes Every Other

i think it's funny how ten years ago i was an average tumblr emo girl except not on tumblr and not really a girl yet

you cannot see my penis or any suggestion of my penis in this picture but it is in fact there

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

adhd will have you fighting for your life to do beloved hobbies that bring you nothing but joy

important personality test: if you had wings, would you rather have insect wings, bird wings, or bat wings?

Methods for Spells

TO BIND- wrap in black thread, drip wax over, or seal in a jar and hide it in the dark.

TO BANISH- burn an effect to ash and sweep off the back door step, cast it out a window, or bury in the ground and spit on it

TO ENCOURAGE-  plant it by the front door/steps, bury by a window, or place it on a windowsill

TO HIDE- place in a jar painted black, cover with cloth and bury, or wrap with a ribbon

TO CLEANSE- bury it in a bowl of  salt, burn herbs and pass through the smoke, or lay it in a moonwater bath

TO GLAMOUR- leave under the full moon, hold its reflection over a mirror with herbs, or 

TO WISH- place before a candle and blow it out, drown a coin in water, or let seeds blow into the wind

TO COMMUNICATE- (with a spirit or deity) - anoint a candle, leave out offerings, or open the front doors and windows

TO WARD- leave part of the spell in four corners, draw lines around the protected area, or plant an object of projection in the north, east, south, and west edges

TO CURSE- spit on it, drag your nails down it, or stick sharp things in it

TO DISCOURAGE - plant or bury by the back door, or burn to ash

TO JINX- say it three times out loud, or say a word the same time as someone else

TO MANIPULATE - use wax, use poppets, or tie several strings to pieces of an effect

TO BENEFIT - light a candle, charge a crystal, or create a talisman

more on my Twitter