Me Writing Something At 2am: Omg This Passage Is PEAK Comedy. No One Could Beat How Funny This Is

Thirty-five years of writing English and I still have to double-check my usage of “laying” vs “lying” every. fucking. time.

Reblog if you would be comfortable living in a dormitory with an openly transgender or intersex individual. We’re working on a campaign for gender neutral housing and we could use your support.

today i found out that anne hathaway replaced jennifer lawrence in ocean’s 8 and i would like to thank not only god but also jesus

They’re BACK

Same, except Im in slytherin, Im in the fourth chapter or so in year 2, I have 167 points, and BOY. The second student has 62 points? Bitch the fuck?

I swear that I’m the only person in Hufflepuff in Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery who gives a shit about house points. Guys, cmon, I am literally going all out and earning ten points per class, and we’re STILL in 4the place.

Because only Doctor Who and Sherlock are worth watching

why are the hot ones always gay

Because straight people are ugly

Queen: mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all

Mirror: *shows a girl*

Queen: where is she what’s her name and does she like girls

someone gay who is joking and has literally no systematic power to make this happen: sorry straight people [some item/subject/thing] is gays only, that means no straights

straight people: I FINALLY KNOW OPPRESSION AND THIS IS THE WORST I’VE EVER FELT THE GAYS WILL PAY FOR THIS

i do have a writing style and it is called “i am gay, have access to a keyboard and the internet, and i intend to make that everyone else’s problem”

Rowan: “I wrote an extra 12 inches. Do you think she will notice?”

Me: “I drew three house elves standing on each other’s shoulders”

No wonder Merula hates me so much, gosh.