Sorry. I'm Still Here. Is This Not Insane

retro haikyuu!! 🧡🏐✨

romance as a subplot is SOOOOO GOODDDDD because 98% of the time it's an intense slowburn that develops over several chapters. the story focuses on the plot or character development more but somehow it makes the romance SO MUCH BETTER!!! idk how to explain it it's just so good...like when an author's focus is more on characters and plot it gives you as the reader a deeper connection to the characters which makes the romantic/platonic aspect so much better

hxh ep 85: “gon, you are light”

this episode was just so heartbreaking but so good. killua loves gon so much. while killua thinks of how unqualified and weak he is, there’s gon being a positive force of energy. and killua doesn’t believe he deserves it. oh my god this scene destroyed me. killua felt so much guilt over what he did even though it was in their best interest AND kite wanted them to go. killua beats himself up over his decision and gon responds with kindness. THIS EPISODE WAS JUST SO WELL DONE AND WELL WRITTEN I CAN NOT GET OVER IT. i watched it last night and i'm STILL thinking about it.

double date :-)

my biggest jinmao fantasy is them both getting a full night's sleep. no subtext just pure sleep

my thoughts on hxh: chimera ant arc

There is a LOT of spoilers in this post. Also, a warning: this is a long post...I got very into my hxh watch. I had just finished watching Chimera Ant Arc, and my thoughts were too many to keep to myself. so much has happened, the writing, the character development, the suffering, all of it was just so well done.

I know people say this arc is much "slower" at first, and I understand why that's said. But I didn't once think any part of this arc was boring. It felt like each episode was perfectly crafted for the climax of the arc to take effect. Not one moment was wasted. Every episode had its purpose, which was to push the plot along.

Several episodes got me thinking and super involved in the story, so I wanted to highlight some of them. Also, I apologize in advance for my VERY BAD screenshots!

killua

In this arc, we saw a different version of the "cool" character we were introduced with. Compared to the first few arcs, Killua was known for his calm demeanor; he wasn't afraid and was pretty confident in himself. However, with his arc, he had to come face to face with his insecurities. For once in his life, Killua was SCARED to go into a fight. Unlike Gon, it isn't about WILL he fight but whether or not Killua CAN win. It's an entirely different type of thinking. I knew that issue would have occurred later in the arc, but I didn't expect how it would be handled. 

Ep 85 was so beautiful. It shows how much Killua loves Gon and how he resents himself for running away from Pitou. While Killua thinks of how unqualified and weak he is, there’s Gon being a positive light. And Killua doesn’t believe he deserves it. Killua felt guilty about what he did even though it was in their best interest, and Kite wanted them to go. Kite knew he would die, and he didn’t want them to get hurt. Killua beats himself up over his decision, and Gon responds with kindness. 

The one to make Killua come face to face with his flight instinct was Bisky. She tells him, “You’re too quick to give up” and “You always assume the worst-case scenario,” which is true. What I love most about this scene is that the only way for Killua to stay with Gon is to overcome this fear. It’s so well written. Out of all the times to have this inner conflict come into play, it was such a good move to have it happen during this arc. Throughout this arc, Killua's battle is more internal rather than external. He’s constantly battling his instincts in a fight, knowing that to quit his habits, he needs to stay and fight, but he also wants to run away because of Illumi’s needle increasing his fear. 

Ep 94 was the height of Killua's problem. He pushes through his fight with the chimera ant, thinking about Gon, wanting to protect him, having all their moments flash through his mind. Gon has impacted Killua's life, and despite his fears, he PUSHED THROUGH AND FOUGHT and even ripped out the implant in the process.

This entire arc was so good for Killua's development. Not only did he face his fears, but he also became a friend to someone. In episode 113, we see Killua forget about the plan he made and rush forward to save his friend. At first, I was confused about why he was acting this way, only to realize that Killua has always been about following the plan. Not to lose track, to do what he needs to do, and to keep moving forward. But he knew his friend was in trouble, and his body ACTED ON ITS OWN. This is what friendship is. To save those you care about without any thought behind it. Killua has come such a long way, and this scene makes me feel so emotional.

Ep 124 broke my heart. After burying all his emotions, watching his best friend change into someone unrecognizable, and having to fight Palm, Killua finally reaches his breaking point and cries. Although it was initially thought to be a strategic move, he couldn’t keep it together anymore. He wants to help Gon but realizes he can’t do anything whatsoever. Gon is fighting all by himself with no room for help, and all Killua can do is watch from the sidelines. 

Although Killua went through so much emotional turmoil, this arc made him a stronger and better person. He’s no longer the same Killua as he once was. He’s more sure of himself, and he’s opened himself up to others. He isn’t afraid to do all he can to save his loved ones. Even if he’s hurt over what happened with Gon, he won’t give up on him. 

gon

Compared to Killua, Gon has always been stubborn when it comes to a fight. He won’t ever give up, even with the odds stacked against him. he doesn’t know when to quit. Time and time again, he allows himself to get beat up because he can’t allow himself to lose. Despite this stubbornness, Gon has been a light in everyone’s lives. His overwhelming positivity has brought so much joy to many characters, especially Killua. 

In this arc, we see a completely different side of Gon. Kite's character was one that I grew really attached to, and watching him take Gon and Killua under his wing was so nice. Kite was a strong and great person who valued the lives of animals and people. I thought Kite would be like Bisky in this arc and help Gon become stronger. However, everything changes when Kite forces Gon and Killua to run from Pitou. 

Just like Killua, Gon has to come face to face with his weakness. Although he has grown from the hunter exam arc, it isn’t enough to defeat any ants. Despite this issue, Gon is the one who believes Kite can be saved. Gon is very naive and innocent. It’s evident to the audience Kite is dead; even Killua has doubts about him being alive, but Gon's stubbornness won’t allow him to accept this thought. 

It isn’t until episode 116 that Gon's rage begins to hit his breaking point. It’s so odd to watch Gon be so stubborn in such an aggressive way. He’s so angry, and all that rage is bubbling over, spilling all over the place with nowhere to go. Gon even goes as far as threatening to kill Komugi, AN INNOCENT CIVILIAN, if it means Pitou will heal Kite. It’s so unsettling to see how different Gon changed because of his anger. 

Episodes 130 & 131 were not only perfectly executed but also heartbreaking. I felt like my heart was ripped out. Gon believed Kite could be saved this whole time. He had a plan, thought it out, and stuck with it, and Kite is still dead. His inner dialogue was heart-wrenching. Going from “it’s my fault” to “NO! IT’S PITOU” back and forth was so well done. He finally reached his breaking point. He had been latching on to the certainty that Kite could be saved, only to find out that was never happening. All of Gon's rage coming out at this moment, using up his life to kill Pitou. It was so violent, so unlike him. How much he’s changed mentally and physically was shown so well here. Killua runs to save Gon, only to see he’s too far gone. I can’t begin to explain how well done episode 131 was. I was shocked, hurt, scared, and so sad. All of Gon's anger has come down to this moment. And I don’t know if Gon and Killua could move on from this. 

The end of the Chimera Ant arc was so emotional for me. With Gon's life at risk, Killua is upset that Gon did everything on his own again, and the uncertainty of how these two boys will heal from this arc makes me so stressed. Overall, Gon's story in this arc was so well executed. Although it was so heartbreaking to watch Gon turn into someone unrecognizable, I will never get over how beautifully written it all was. The subtle changes, his inner conflict, his rage, all of these new parts of Gon were done with such care. 

meruem and komugi

I did not like Meruem at first. I spent the beginning of the arc anxious about the birth of the King, so when he finally was born, I was so stressed. He was violent from the moment he killed his mother, killing innocent people like it was nothing, and had the power to take over a whole country. He was terrifying to me because I knew there was no way he could be defeated. 

However, when Komugi was introduced, I knew everything would change. Meruem was simply passing the time, wanting to defeat every game master, but when Komugi came into the picture, it was clear things would change for Meruem. Komugi was the one person Meruem could not beat, and he had every intention of playing with her for as long as he could. 

He even goes as far as ripping his arm off because he realizes how seriously Komugi takes this game. She believes it’s her only reason for living, and if she can no longer win, she will end her life. It was so fascinating watching Meurem listen so intently to A HUMAN. Meruem doesn’t understand basic human concepts like empathy, yet he takes the time to listen to her talk about herself. 

Ep 108 was such a good episode. Meruem was battling his instinct to kill while also being affected by Komugi's humanity. Wanting to know her name, more about her, getting upset that she’s hurt, and doing nothing to protect herself. He has to remind himself that he’s the strongest creature on earth, yet when he sees her hurt, he crumbles down worried. This was such an amazingly written episode that highlighted Meruem's subtle personality changes. 

Ep 112 was such a tense episode, especially because of how angry Meruem was. His aura had even Netero frozen in his spot. Not one person moved during that moment; everyone was subconsciously afraid to move a muscle. It was so eery and made me nervous for everyone in that room. I honestly thought he was going to kill everyone in his sight, but he calmly told Pitou to heal her and walked out like Netero and Zeno didn’t matter. 

Ep 122 highlighted Meruem's development so well that he now wants to use his strength to protect the weak. Most of those changes are thanks to Komugi. He wavers between ant and human without even realizing it. Also, choosing to have a discussion with Netero instead of fighting was so surprising. He’s such a complex character that has quickly become a favorite of mine. 

The way he was written was done with so much care. His change was so gradual that it felt so realistic. Ep 135 was such a heartbreaking but beautiful ending. Meruem remembers Komugi and does everything he can to spend his last moments with her. I can not think of a better way to end Meruem's story. 

chimera ant arc 10/10

Chimera Ant Arc was such a painful but fantastic experience. This arc was so perfectly done that I am still in shock, even after watching it weeks ago. I’m glad I finally started this series, and I can happily say it made it into my top 3 anime ever.

this is the best day of my life!! finally have the tobio lookup figure!! HE’S SO CUTE! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER EVERRR!! 🩷🩷

kagehina parallels always make me so emotional. their first set at karasuno vs the first set AT THE OLYMPICS. from two freshmen boys who discovered their first partner to two OLYMPIC PLAYERS dominating the game. they spent a few years apart, growing as individuals, only to come together and play like normal, as if all the time away never happened. KAGEHINA PRE TIMESKIP AND POST TIME SKIP ARE ALWAYS IN SYNC!! lifelong rivals and forever partners.

more itafushis i drew before ch 267 to cope 'cuz i was genuinely so scared for what was gonna happen next, but i think i'm slowly learning trust again with gege akutami 💗 not really