😂😂

Spiny Flower Mantis (Pseudocreobotra wahlbergii)

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You are a space traveler from Earth. One day you land on a seemingly advanced planet where the aliens are friendly. You decide to live there and learn their language, and with their technology it takes barely a day. However, you soon offend the wrong person by accident and become arrested. It is decided that your punishment is death, and you are brought a vial of liquid that you are told is of the deadliest kind. Terrified, you drink it only to find out it’s water. Turns out that the very substance keeping you alive is deadly to these creatures. Write what happens following this discovery.

The reason aliens have not invaded Earth is due to our television transmission. Since they have no concept of televised entertainment, they view everything seen as fact.

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Fucking love Lucifer

You… deserve someone better because you, Detective, are selfless to a nauseating degree. You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent. So… you deserve someone worthy of that grace. Someone who knows that every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you’d never admit it. Someone who actually appreciates your impossibly boring middle name. Jane. More importantly, Detective, you deserve someone as good as you… because… well, you’re special and I’m… I’m not worth it.

You punch in a date, and activate the time machine. There’s a flash of light, and you black out.

You awaken in what looks like a hi-tech hospital, with people walking around, conversing in a language you’ve never heard before. One person walks over to you, and says, in fluent English; “Well, you’ve managed to not only travel several thousand years into the past, but you’ve also managed to get into a timeline that honestly shouldn’t exist anymore. So, how do you feel?”

(via BoringEnormous)

my dog took a bullet for me

The Black Earth. (photoshop)

There are many stories about Dhio, nearly every one of them is false.