Credit To: User

i hate being on my period bc i'm sad and lonely and all i want rn is to be held but i have no one :')

idk if ur okay with vent, feel free to ignore if you're not

i'm kinda frustrated. i was venting to a white friend about racism, and ever since i did, she pulled away from me. she stated the reason is she feels bad bc she thinks she's complicit by virtue of not being black and benefiting from white privilege, and thus she thinks i deserve better friend than her.

i was just venting. she herself is not racist. the white guilt feels so unnecessary and it hurts that instead of just being there for me, she let her white guilt pull her away from me. it's so excessive. like i guess i get the guilt if it's about her also having unlearned antiblackness and feeling bad for those unlearned stuff, but it's not that. it's purely because she's white that she feels guilty

I was gone delete this because Black, but I think everyone needs this example. I want you to hear me:

Your friend is being racist to you.

Your friend might not MEAN to be, she may be well intentioned. But she is. You went to her to vent about your experiences with racism, believing her to be a safe ear. While I can understand that she is uncomfortable, rather than just being honest and saying "hey I'm uncomfortable with this topic and I don't know how to deal with that", she has decided to center her feelings about your experiences with racism. That helps no one, in fact it redirects the weight of the conversation. She just feels bad, and you're still experiencing racism. These two things are not the same.

Now. If it were ME, I wouldn't want to be this person's friend anymore. I need the people close to me to be on the same page; I can't lean on you if I gotta coddle you about oppressing me 😭. If I came to you to tell you I'm struggling with racism, and you made it about your white guilt, I'm not telling you shit else 😅 I see EXACTLY where the line has fallen, the limit of this relationship. But that's me! 🙌🏾

That said! If you want to mend this relationship and put it on a better path, I think you should tell her how you feel.

"If you want me to feel supported, if you want to feel like an active ally and actually do something to counter that guilt over your privilege, here are things you can do." The PDF is in one of my lessons (3, I believe) but I always recommend White Fragility by Robin diAngelo as baby's first confrontation with white guilt. Maybe hand that to her? Because she's not as "unlearned" as y'all think if this is her response. And if she don't take it, well... Balls in her court! You did what you were gone do.

“what if kids identify with something and it ends up just being a phase-?” good. stop teaching and expecting kids (and adults honestly) to formulate permanent traits and ideas of themselves. everything in life is a phase. that doesn’t make it any less legitimate while you experience it. let people explore themselves and know it’s okay if what you think about yourself changes.

Some people here really treat butchfemme dynamics... weirdly. Especially the butch label.

Butch is queer. Butch is not inherently a "daddy" a "boy", a he/him. Butch is not predatory, always dominant, buff, tough, scary.

It's cool if you identify with any of it, but it seems that many people just take it all as face value. They lack historical knowledge.

Being butch or femme is not inherently sexual or indicative of what your position in bed is/should be. That is a heteronormative idea and if you think so, you really should reevaluate it.

Art about transformation I think

Oh to be called boy in a lesbian way. Handsome in a butch sort of manner. A dyke type of boyfriend. A lesbian guy. Dude. Husband. Please

im sorry but when you grow up and interact with people irl youre gonna have friends where you dont fw their tastes. sometimes youre gonna meet someone chill whos also a hazbin hotel fan or have a really nice coworker that likes taylor swift and youre gonna need to mind your business and shut the fuck up or youre gonna be real lonely

Butches in leather jackets, butches in sweaters, butches in tshirts, butches in trans tape, butches in button downs, no matter what a butch is wearing, they always radiate safety. Protection and community and support. And that is why I love them

Saying

"trans men do not hold the same power as cis men in society and will still always be seen as trans men in many ways, therefore trans men absolutely can and do experience misogyny throughout their lives"

Does not equal

"trans men are more oppressed than any other trans identity"

Oppression isn't a competition, stop trying to erase the fact transandrophobia exists when you don't even know what it is

No one's saying trans women are less oppressed

This isn't the Olympics