"what Fic" THE SIDE STORY

epilogue

the beautiful days never quite arrived. not to say that I made it any easier for them, waiting and waiting, as if golden rain would arrive any moment into this closed cell room, under this creaky bed. these days I find myself lost in a new daydream, one where I wake up, and it was all a nightmare, and it is the morning of 2018 again. and I will remember all that I did wrong, and I will fix it: I will love my friends the way they deserved to be loved, I will give and give and give to the people I am in debt to. and they won’t know of my wrongs, so this time around, just this time, I might be forgiven in advance. it’s too happy of a dream, too far away from reality, too much for my heart to bear when I blink my eyes and it is not the afternoon I dreamt of.

God, acceptance is a virtue I have yet to learn. and wasn’t struggle supposed to be retribution? wasn’t it supposed to be noble, and good, and wasn’t it supposed to be the key to happiness? did I pick the wrong kind of struggle, the kind against my own reality, or is it that the struggle of running away is no more noble than that of the coward against his own enemies? I wish I knew.

And in the pleasant dream of 3 years ago, everything went perfect. Because I knew what words to say, to make you love me, and I knew what mistakes to avoid, and- What if I never met her? How is she doing, right now, how do I spend the next 3 years not knowing if we will cross paths again, what if I don’t get to laugh with you? No, the future had so much more pain, and regret. But what about the paintings, and the gifts, and the phone calls? What about the cats outside my window, what about the flowers that lasted one week? Why now? Why do I have to think of all that is good now, seeped in the misery of all that is not?

But, again, this is just a dream. My phone screen will always read 2021, in the bleary lighting of my too-warm room. And the beautiful days won’t arrive, because they never existed. I won’t wake up at 4AM every morning, jump out of bed for a morning run, make a warm cup of coffee and complete my work before the sun ever rises. It eats away at my soul, at times: the thought of facing my younger self, who prayed for a beautiful dress so everyone could love her, who asked for different skin and eyes and smile, so maybe they would turn around and embrace her.

My shame takes the shape of that child, again, and I must hold her day after day and tell her I am so sorry, child, I’m so sorry I ruined your dreams, please, let me piece together whatever happy ending I can from the small hopes I find for you today. There is no perfect ending, child, there is no magic quite like what you and I hope for. But today I woke up at 4:35 AM, and I got something done, and I fell asleep till the afternoon. I didn’t go for a morning run, but I walked to the park before sunset. I didn’t face every terrifying problem, but I read one chapter, sent one apology. If only the perfect days had existed, so I would know what it felt like. All I know is a dream and the fact that one hour of reading was so much more than nothing. All I know is the warmth of waking to the sunrise, no matter how poorly the day went ahead. All I know is that I must love this life however I can, however it may be, just as one loves a child, in spite of, because of, all that makes them imperfect.

list 5 songs you like to listen to, then publish this and send this ask to the last 5 people in your notifs <3

magic 8 ball - frankie cosmos & cavetown little soldiers - the crane wives I miss my mum - cavetown beautiful brain - mabel ye recently, - liana flores

thank you for sending me this ask ☺️

Shin Yoosung³

least kdj kinnie orv reader: i will pull up the orv ebook during an upsetting and awkward moment to cope with the situation at hand (i dont have wifi). i will pull up my most sentimental chapter. i will scroll furiously while trying to get sucked in so i don't need to think. hm? i resemble who? nahhhhh

rereading early orv is like. wow kdj is so detached from the rest of his companions. he still believes ysa's close to him because she's nice to everyone and he counts as everyone. he still talks about the end of the scenarios as if he expects a peaceful, happy ending to this story because he hasn't planned it out yet. he still judges yjh as if he were only a character he would utilize to get to that end. and every time i feel uncomfortable reading kdj be so heartless i remember that he hates himself exactly because of this in the later scenarios

huh. han sooyoung as a child had to survive her own ruined world alone. huh.

To all compassionate hearts,

I am Heba, a mother of three children, currently living in Deir al-Balah after our home was destroyed by the occupation. Our situation is extremely difficult, as we are living in a tent and suffering from the high costs of war.

My children are suffering from some skin diseases, and I need your help to provide the necessary medical care for them, in addition to food and shelter.

Please donate and share.

https://gofund.me/3ebf0c0f

Verified by bees and watermelon Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #125 )

gofundme.com

Spende für Help Heba and her 3 children survive and reunite with father, organisiert von Ashika Jaffar

Heba is a mother of 3 stuck in Gaza, her husband works in Kuw… Ashika Jaffar braucht deine Unterstützung für Help Heba and her 3 children

what does Yi Sunsin—who famously got shot to death—think of Lee Jihye using a gun now?

LGY, LJY, and SYS as the three girls on google street for anonymous for @orv-gotcha-for-gaza thank you for your donation anon!

i have been! reading orv!