Things The Tolkien Biopic Needs To Include:

things the tolkien biopic needs to include:

tolkien being such a bad driver edith refused to ride in the car with him driving

young tolkien and edith dropping sugar cubes on the heads of passerby from the second story of a tea room

tolkien and lewis going to a non-costume party dressed as polar bears

tolkien almost ending his friendship with lewis because he hated santa claus making an appearance in narnia so much

tolkien’s entire writing group except for lewis fucking hating his writing because of all the elves

literally everyone hating going for walks with tolkien because he would stop and stare at every tree he passed for like 20 minutes

tolkien owning a goblet with the black speech (that he made up) on it and refusing to drink out of it because it’s an “accursed language”

tolkien inventing the “one ring to rule them all” verse while in the bathtub and jumping out

tolkien dressing up as an anglo saxon warrior and chasing his neighbors down the street with an axe

tolkien entering the room shouting beowulf in old english at his students the first day of classes

tolkien convincing his class that leprechauns were real

tolkien stealing a city bus while attending oxford and taking his friends for a joy ride

tolkien being a savage replying to a letter from the nazis

tolkien hating the beatles with a passion and refusing to let them make a lotr movie

tolkien hating his crazy american fans and calling them his “deplorable cultus”

“jirt”