Cody.

having been on tumblr for 10 solid years without ever leaving and now watching all these people come crawling back in after scorning it all this time makes me feel like a haughty king on a throne but also the court jester but also the castle itself but also the alligators in the moat because alligators are really cool

I read a post and decided to make a separate post about it but it was about the rebellious phase teenagers go through and how invalidating it is that parents write off the phase as the result of hormones and irrational teenage anger. And it got me thinking, because I never really had that “rebellious phase of irrational anger.” The more I think about it, the more I think it’s because my parents never treated me like they expected me to rebel.

This has less to do with abusive parents (which was the point of that post and also the reason I’m making a new one) and more to do with the way western society in particular fosters parental expectations when kids reach adolescence. Because even kids who had previously good relationships with their parents sometimes hit really tumultuous times in adolescence, and I don’t think it is all hormonal.

There’s this real self-fulfilling prophecy with the relationship between parents and teens. Parents are told by their peers and elders (esp. THEIR parents) to “expect hell” when their kids reach adolescence. I remember my mom telling me once, right around the time I turned 13, that someone at her office said to her “uh oh, buckle in, this is when things get rough!” in reference to my being a teenager. My mom kind of shrugged it off and told me “I’ve never understood people who want their kids to stay kids forever. You guys are more interesting every year older you get. You’re becoming your own people.”

And that was that. My parents didn’t TELL me I was about to get rebellious and nasty to them, because they didn’t expect it of me. They told me I was becoming an interesting young person with my own thoughts and ideas. And because they didn’t expect me to be suddenly rebellious, they treated me like what I was: an interesting young person with my own thoughts and ideas. Someone who maybe still needed help with a few things now and then but by and large, they set expectations and gave me reasonable explanations for them, and I followed those expectations because they made sense. 

My brother and I never had a curfew, for instance. Instead, my parents always just said, “let us know if you’re going to be out late so we don’t worry about you,” with the additional explanation that that’s something you should always do for the people who you share a house with, as a courtesy. They also modeled the behaviors themselves: we would leave a chair with a note in it by the front door if we were going out somewhere so anyone coming home while we were gone would know where we were–this was in the age before cell phones, you understand–and that meant my parents did it for us kids too. After all, if they wanted to know where we were so they wouldn’t worry about us, it was just as important that we know where they were so we wouldn’t worry about them. Our feelings were treated with the same courtesy as theirs. They respected us, so we respected them. 

When boundaries needed setting there were some rocky conversations, sure, and my mom and I are STILL on occasionally rocky ground when it comes to my weight/eating habits, but generally we came to reasonable conclusions. And I never “rebelled” because I didn’t have to. I wanted alcohol, my dad would’ve let me try his fancy beer (I never wanted it because it stank, and I still don’t, but I could’ve tried it if I’d wanted to). I had questions about sex, my mom explained things clinically and asked if I had any questions. I wanted to wear makeup, my mom’s only request was I save my allowance and buy my own instead of stealing hers. I wanted to dye my hair ridiculous colors? My mom hated it but always told me “It’s your hair,” (and I honestly think half the reason she hated it so much was I ruined a lot of her nice towels). 

My parents accorded me with the freedoms I was naturally seeking with the expectation that I would be responsible with those freedoms, and because they expected me to be responsible, I just…was.

I’m not saying that will work with everyone of course, but I think there’s something to be said for creating an atmosphere of expectation too. If parents begin tightening the reins in anticipation of rebellion (as they are told to do), they are paradoxically providing teenagers with something to rebel against.

Start treating your teenager like a prisoner, and they’ll start trying to escape prison.

disorganised thoughts

Encanto concept art by Camille Andre

◉ Click the pictures to read about each one!

HEY THIS IS IMPORTANT whats your favorite place to find drawing references?

the azure-hooded jay is a large corvid species found in middle america. they prefer tropical and subtropical forest habitats, where they forage for fruits in the canopy. they are omnivorous, and primarily feed on fruits and berries, but also on dead animals and insects. little is known about this bird due to its secretive nature, but it can be inferred from closely related species that they are likely very social and intelligent creatures.

this bright yellow cardinal, affectionately known as “tweets”, currently resides on the university of florida campus. typically male cardinals are a distinctive red; this bird’s coloration is due to a genetic mutation called xanthochromism. xanthochromic birds lack an enzyme that properly converts yellow to red, leaving pigments in their body the original yellow.

a cute but disastrous old habit between a dragon and her foster knight

I don't know who you are, but logging in to see notifications like you gave me. *chef's kiss* I love you.

💜🙂👍

in light of the texas abortion ban here’s a reminder to stop debating what counts as a human, baby, or life with pro-lifers because that is not a debate you can win. you can not win a philosophical debate about what counts as a person, and you will not change their minds.

what can be proven is that in no situation under united states law is an individual legally obligated to lend their body or organs for the sake of another life. 

4.5 million people each year are in need of blood transfusion, the entire process of donating blood takes a little over an hour, it’s free, and a single pint of blood can save up to 3 peoples lives, but there is no legal obligation or requirement to donate blood in place. 

it is illegal to take organs from deceased peoples’ bodies without permission. CORPSES. bodily integrity is prioritized by law, even after death.

it doesn’t fucking matter whether a fetus is a person, whether a fetus is alive, whether a fetus has a soul. it literally doesn’t matter. pro-lifers set up the argument through that lens (hence their name) to evoke empathy and pity and take the focus away from the actual process of pregnancy, which changes a person’s body FOREVER. that is not an exaggeration. whether the pregnancy is complicated and high-risk or totally smooth sailing, the birthing person will physically never be the same. if they’re lucky, they’ll come out of it with weight gain, differently shaped breasts, and changes to the cervix/vagina. if they aren’t, there’s a fucking laundry list of potential complications that could arise, that may eventually fix themselves, need surgical or therapeutic intervention, or never go away, like varicose veins, separation of the abdominal muscles, incontinence, prolapse, diabetes, postpartum depression, and chronic pain, just off the top of my head. and this makes no mention of the very real possibility of income disruption, as well as the financial cost of giving birth, and the chance of fucking death, which is even higher for underserved communities like black women.

there is no basis for a governing body forcing an individual to lend their body or organs for the sake of another life. that is the argument. period the end.