Ah Shit….

It’s inconceivable how many instances there are of Captain Marvel’s kiddish tendencies being used in conjunction with blind obedience towards authority or in making rash split-second decisions when in reality there should be way more moments of him being a rightfully stupid preteen. Billy should get to stop and play with a dog while a villain recites a melodramatic speech in the background and he needs to laugh so hard that he cries over fart jokes. Bringing balance to his mythos by making him fry open watermelons with his thunderbolts.

a shazam and robin book called the 'batsons'. dc where's my paycheck

4. He’s also getting questions about his home life and he’d rather let that topic die in a corner

So, the Justice league finds out his secret identity.

Cool he’s fine with that.

What he’s NOT cool with, is the fact…

they treat him worse than their sidekicks. (Ugh)

He’s not allowed on league missions anymore.

He can’t even stop crime anymore. (keep to your own city, is that really hard?)

They don’t even treat him like a hero anymore…

GUYS MY S/O FISCOVERED MY AO3 ACCOUNT AND TUMBLR IM SO EMBARRASED SKSJJSJDIDJDKD

hey kid

Jason: Take me to art museums and make out with me.

Roy: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Jason: Well somebody's gotta pin the artwork to the wall.

Dick, into a walkie-talkie: This is Grayson, those idiots are fucking in the East wing again.

I really love the idea of captain marvel being like really fucking shady

Imange with me

"I know a guy"

Knows how to pick locks

Yeah for blood you've got to do peroxide and cold water and scrub harder

*the league is talking about a crime boss his image is shown marvel is late* hey I know that guy!

Can relate to criminals

Still has the sunny boyscout attitude somehow

When overhearing a conversation about weapons and their pros and cons marvel causally drops the fact that he favors a switchblade

Flash and green lantern are talking a show most likely the office they ask captain marvel if hes seen it

"Oh no I dont have a tv sorry"

In the end half the league thinks hes a really polite mafia boss

nuggets ahoy

reblogging this because this is going to be inspiration for a fic

(mmm adventures of tired+bitchass DILF constantine and a swearing sunshine 12 year old kid) this is a horribly long list im sorry; im adding to the "john and shazam are dating misunderstanding" hc i saw when browsing

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due to billy's reaction at canary telling him that john kissed zantanna, word gets around that john is lowkey polyamorous

~

the engagement party is somewhat awkward cuz john and billy are like: ??? what????

billy, as he sees john being congratulated on his "engagement" by the members of the jl: is john getting married to zantanna?

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i said this before but when the league sees john with billy (without him being shazam/chilling in his true form), everyone assumes that billy’s john and shazam’s adopted kid

green arrow: how's life with your dads?

billy, in his true form, confused: don't you mean dad?

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when billy (as shazam) accidentally stubs his toe onto something hard, the jl hears the loudest "FUCK!" from him and thinks that he's gotten into john's swearing habits

superman: i see you have gotten some...habits

billy, who swears like a sailor all the time and thinks superman is mentioning his lessons with john: okay???

This is fantastic and cursed, I love it.

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Captain Marvel: (Injured)

Superman: (panicking) You’re husband is coming soon, just hang in there.

Captain Marvel, who is too injured to understand what was just said to him: k

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John: He’s a handful to put to bed.

Captain Marvel: Hey, it’s not my fault I want to keep playing!

The entire league, not knowing Cap was talking about animal crossing: 😶