there is a part of helaena that knows, that understands the way her mother had formed her own conjecture – had come to the idea that this had been the answer required to keep her safe, and yet . . . there is another notion altogether, buried deeper down that she cannot help but to hear bubble off in the wind, asking, wondering, if her mother had ever considered the fact that aegon and the word mercy did not ever belong in the same sentence.
too fragile, too broken on his own accord; suffering at the same cruel hands of fate that'd been dealt to her, it was no wonder all three of the queen's children held their own unfortunate misgivings. helaena flinches as her mother steps closer, a nervous habit – a worrisome, rabbit's heart within her chest; she'd not been well since their boy had died. since helaena had been forced to choose. her hands wring together in her lap, another nervous tic, inherited no doubt from the woman that stands before her.
“i do not feel . . . much loved in this moment, mother.” spoken truthfully, honestly, as her hand releases its hold on itself and extends out from her lap, reaching out in search of alicent's hand and curling delicate, nimble fingers round into hers. the way she has ever since she was a child. “i am – terrified, i do not want this. i do not want for any of it. and yet i know there is nothing i can do or say to release myself from it.”
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍, 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄. a voice that, in her mind, whispers nothing but wrong decision & failure. to know she's had a hand, no matter how inconsequential it felt at the time, in helaena's pain was enough to make her stomach turn. to cause another crack in her heart. like helaena, alicent lives her life in a certain state of discomfort which never wavers . . except now, she feels, when things look to be worsening rather than getting better. was this the gods punishment onto her, then ? ( to see her children, one by one, turn on her or destroy themselves. to witness their suffering & only have empty palms to remedy it. a mother is suppose to comfort her children, to assure them, to make them as content as possible. why couldn't she ever do that one thing right ? why, gods, why ! )
@petitmortes said, " DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT I NEVER WANTED THIS TO BEGIN WITH ? "
brown eyes, so full of sorrows as of late, widened as mouth hangs slightly agape. hand rests about her stomach to keep teeth from picking at skin, a shaky breath taken before the mother can speak: ❛ of course i have, helaena. ❜ spoken softly, voice thick. tears well in the queens eyes, but none fall in the moment. ❛ i- . . marrying you to aegon felt like a mercy. it felt better. better you marry someone you know than a stranger. better you remain somewhere familiar, surrounded by those whom love you. ❜ all the things i was not spared, not given, briefly thought internally. lips press together, discomfort settling into her bones, as alicent takes a step forward. ❛ my girl, do you know how it hurts me to look at you at times & see a mirror of myself ? to know i . . i was the cause of some of your pain, your discomfort, when i believed myself protecting you. ❜
a plotted starter for @sunfyred
for the longest time, sansa had thought this day would never come. her position in the north had changed the day her father was imprisoned, her freedom no longer a matter that rested in his hands, but rather in the hands of her cousin, cregan. bennard stark's plotting had not ceased at just holding onto the lordship of house stark, but rather had extended far greater than his nephew could have ever imagined – a matter that had been kept quiet and secret still. long had he sought power and glory, long were the lengths he was willing to go to achieve it, even if it had meant sending his only daughter from winterfell's halls. she'd been raised as was befitting a highborn lady, prim – proper, exceptionally well - behaved when her brothers were not teasing her or drawing her ire, made into the perfect offering of a wife to viserys targaryen's firstborn son.
it'd taken an extended effort to free her from winterfell, a jointed effort between sansa's own lady mother and the hightowers, a planned trip to visit her mother's family in karhold, wherein sansa and lady margaret had boarded a ship and sailed from the shivering sea to blackwater bay. it'd not been an easy journey, so many days on board a ship that she swore her stomach had turned as often as the tides, but she had survived it. had survived the uncertain eyes at the port – and had been far more thankful than she had ever been when her feet had touched sturdy, dry land.
but if she were meant to feel less nerves, her stomach had not received the memo; freshly bathed and fed, dressed in a soft grey gown of lace and velvet, sansa had been directed into the throne room, directed forward to stand underneath the watchful gaze of far too many eyes. she hadn't known much of her husband - to - be; rumors from the south did not oft travel well north, and save for what her father had allowed her to know of aegon – that he was a handsome, targaryen king, named after the conqueror himself – she'd come into the room as uncertain and unsure as one could have possibly been.
good manners dictate that she sink into a bow, a graceful curtsy with steel grey hues downturned to the floor; she counts seconds in her head, soft, delicate numbers, until she finally exhales a breath and stands tall once more, allowing her eyes to flicker up from the floor to land on the man who sits the throne before her. her heart skips a subtle beat, a gentle flush of pink settling across the apples of her porcelain cheeks – the letters hadn't been wrong about aegon being handsome. his eyes a shade of purple that sansa longed to get lost in, the expression on his features one she cannot precisely read, but one she finds herself all the more intrigued by.
a smile curls onto her lips, warm and sweet, as her hands smooth out the skirt of her gown. “ it is a pleasure to meet you, your grace. although i fear my father's words may have . . . downplayed certain aspects of the capital. ”
.
It’s hilarious how badly joff and cersei fumble sansa. like this is the same girl that watched cersei order the death of her direwolf and still convinced herself the queen was good and gentle she would have bent herself over backwards justifying their actions during the wotfk if they remained even remotely nice to her. my girl has a phd in dissociation and probably could have continued deluding herself for another couple years but nooooooo they just had to decapitate her father in front of her
i did this to myself but that won't stop me from asking why all of you are here encouraging my bad decisions
home from work but desperately trying to remove dip nails = love and deepspace brain rot 😔
I want - no, I need more long term, in depth ships. The kind of ships that I can’t stop thinking about. That have a real chokehold on you as an rper. Really thought out, headcanoned and plotted ships. Where we obsess over them endlessly. Go back and forth and stay up late just to read one or two more replies. Where you can get so attached to the characters involved that you can feel what they’re feeling, the good, the bad, the ugly. The kind of ships that really make the RP experience. The ones we can really develop, see grow over the months, have long angsty threads of, but also short fluffy or smutty ones as well. Or where we can post a random one liner just to mix things up here and there! Yeah, I need more ships like that. So please, like… message… send a carrier pigeon... doesn’t matter! Because as the great t.swif.t once said… it’s a need.
idk what i’m doing w my hand but we sleepy today.