#catthings

it's so fucked up that i had to crack my own egg. i should have been seduced by a girl of ill intent when i was a lonely 17 year old boy. hmph.

Cottagecore robotgirl who cross stitches pixel art

Tumblr users love to act informed on queer history before saying the most insane shit

hiya, don't know where else to throw this but. recently realized that being referred to in a plural way is,,, very nice,, (using we, being called darlings and puppies by those close to me (us?)) and this has been really interesting to feel and experience, especially since I had already been using we occasionally for a while before hand? talking to myself too but idk how unique that is to plurality..

this is a bit of a ramble but point is; very unsure, don't know if any of this means anything, and don't know how to find out if it does. need to do something to try and figure that out so; why not throw this here...?

oh we had 100% started sometimes using "we" or other plural language about ourself before we figured out we were plural lol

and you're 100% allowed to experiment with that stuff or ask friends to use it for you if it feels good. regardless of if that leads to a plural self-conception down the line.

being plural? awesome

being a singlet but using plural pronouns and shit? awesome

like. it probably means something. being referred to in ways that gesture at multiplicity feeling good probably means that reflects some way you are, or want to be treated or percieved. but it's yours to explore and decide the degree to which that does/doesn't change how many people all of you think you are.

“You’re a nerd” I say as I look at you with heart eyes while you info dump to me

that princesses attitude is a facade btw, what she wants more than anything is for her knight to push her against a wall with her hands held helplessly above her head while her knight makes out with her and slowly slips her hands under her—oh fuck what was i saying

trying to explain to an older transfem that you’re not cute and aren’t deserving of love and she just casually sticks her hand in your mouth before you can articulate your point. you start drooling.

📝I composed this on the spot, with minimal editing, but I hope that it will suffice. Its title is, "Who am I?"

You seek us as your last resort

Searching within for that which could not be found without

You look inside yourself and shout

"Who am I?"

Let us tell you who we are, first

My name is Lust

I sought companionship, affection, and love

But I was forbidden, so I hid myself away

My name is Gluttony

I sought nourishment, sweetness, and to quell my hunger

But I was shamed, so I grew to detest myself

My name is Greed

I sought possessions, personal items to keep and call my own

But I was denied, so I learned to deny myself, as it was right

My name is Sloth

I sought rest, and could not remain attentive to that which held no interest

You despise me, for you believe that I was all that held you back from meeting the standards of others

But you cannot be rid of me, for I am all that keeps you from working yourself to death

My name is Wrath

I sought to defend myself from those that would harm me, to keep myself safe

But I was punished each time, so I silenced myself out of necessity

My name is Envy

I sought that which was not mine to have, a better life, better things, a better form

I was told that what I had was a gift, so I grew to accept the worst

My name is Pride

I believed that I was a person with value, dignity, and autonomy

That belief was proven false again and again, until I was broken

Now you know who we are

So we return the question

Who are you?

Who are you, without us?

.

system[?] here. i guess? idk, this is just a confession and maybe asking for advice if there is any for something like this. i struggle a lot with singletmoding when depression and dysphoria gets bad, and it has been bad a lot lately. like months. and its hard because im basically just fragments anyways, nothing super distinct. and i dont have a headspace, or voices. so i dont know what to do to make myself feel more plural. sometimes a really distinct headmate comes to front and it feels like something but most of the time it feels like nothing and i miss plurality. but its not easy. idk if theres any advice because so much of it focuses on having a headspace or looking inward or creating a headspace etc etc but when we had tried that before it made the host at the time go dormant due to stress and we still didnt get like a headspace out of it. idk. you dont have to post this, im sorry.

shhhhh anon - so, for the record our system:

doesn't have a headspace or any sense of spatialness related to fronts/switching

doesn't have internal dialogue. we can't write notes either, our brain rejects it

doesn't have a memory split / gaps between headmates - switches are just a slight shift we help happen

tends to hold fronts for days at a time, but finds that fronts often "fade out" into mush after a while, the vividness goes away and it gets kinda generic feeling

and my main sentiment is. don't force it. these quieter types of systemhood are about connecting with yourself/ves, they're about curiosity. they're about exploration and finding new ways to express yourself/ves. and they're all about really small things instead of really big things.

We usually wouldn't offer such specific advice to a specific ask, because we hate prescribing the way systems should be - but this is our personal thought process for when we've masked ourself into a hole and forgotten what we're even capable of experiencing.

So, think of a chime, or a pond - if it's thrashed, it's an unclear mess well after you stop, but if you touch it while it's still, that input resonates, and what you put in slowly comes back to your ears and eyes. Systems often have this "reflective" quality, I think - which means reconnecting with your system often means looking for things you put in to it.

You miss the feeling of your system. That's a good start - let yourself have that. It kinda sucks but, mull over and genuinely explore that feeling. Then keep your ears open from then and into the week, and you just might feel that feeling that your system misses itself/you back. Have a fondness? Same thing. Something you're wearing would look better if certain fragments were more present? *Think* that - picture it. Look after yourself through looking after your system - see if it looks after you back. Feel for that little "delay" between when you feel a feeling, and it comes back to being felt about you.

And hey, even if that doesn't mean "switching and fronts" like you want it to, maybe it'll feel good anyway.