Pissgoblin973 - Andy Pandy

“Fatal Infatuation”

tw/cw: heavily implied (but brief) mentions of self harm and suicide.

explicit sexual undertones, with reference to masturbation.

complete and utter blasphemy.

the babygirlification of adam from the book of genesis which may distress some readers.

the yassification of ambiguously subservient he/him lesbians in scripture.

if that’s all good with you then read ahead but don’t say i didn’t warn you…

authors note: to the all freaky little masochists out there, i see you, i hear you, please drink water <3

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I love you, for all that you are and all you will ever be.

I love you in times of jubilation and times of despair.

I love you unconditionally and eternally.

From the moment I laid eyes on you,

to the moment our hands first touched,

you were nothing short of perfection.

In every sense of the word, you’re perfect.

I am bewildered and in awe of you.

There is no being in existence that could ever surpass you.

You have forever enamoured me with your presence.

If ever there was a time before you, I wish to never relive it.

You are the light in an endless ocean of darkness.

Your smile alone is enough to illuminate the heavens.

I cannot understate the abundance of my devotion to you. I cannot undervalue my appreciation for your kindness, your grace, your poise, your beautiful face…

Who could even begin to compare to you? Your radiance knows no bounds.

There is no living nor undead thing that could equal up to half of your worth.

For you are perfect, the very definition of the word.

Though you were created in my image, I see no semblance of my imperfections.

No remnants of my shortcomings, no trace of my inequities. You were made pure.

You are Yahweh’s true creation, a testament to His unfailing mercy and might.

You are the pinnacle of life, the rarest amongst flowers and sweetest amongst fruits.

All the days of my life, I promise to shower you with adulation and affection.

For this is my true purpose, my reason to exist is you.

Glory be to Adonai, His wisdom and foresight transcends all things.

He wished for me to be a sacrifice, and I gladly offered myself to Him.

Born of my ribs, He fashioned you into the marvel that you are today.

Blood of my blood, He sculpted you into masterpiece you are today.

As I knelt before the altar, He held me in His arms.

Lovingly, He cradled me and reminded me of His promise.

In acceptance of His will for me, I submitted to His word.

I remember the sweet searing pain, as it coursed through my veins.

The sensation alone, was nothing short of heavenly. I was born again, and made anew.

I was carefully carved, tenderly hewed and delicately engraved. No words will ever be enough to describe the ecstasy I felt that fateful day. It was all for you, knowing that now makes everything so much sweeter.

You are as apart of me, as I am of you.

I only wish to serve you, I now recognise that you are an extension of His divinity.

The will of El Shaddai and yours are one.

I desire to imitate you in every possible way.

I know in my heart that I could never be equal to you in magnificence, and so, I only yearn to be useful to you.

Allow my eyes to be the mirrors of your soul. To behold you is blessing enough.

Permit me the grace to hold you in my arms, I wish to envelope you with my love.

All I have I give you, all the days of my life are now yours to keep, everything I am is yours.

For I am imperfect,

from the moment I laid eyes on you,

to the moment our lips embraced, I knew.

I am nothing short of imperfection, in every sense of the word.

I am but a stain, a burden… impurity personified.

You are my personal salvation, and in the same breath your existence torments me without end.

Stood beside you, I feel inadequate, I feel wrong and I do not know why.

I cannot begin to count the endless nights I have spent defiling myself in a pitiful heat,

my body revels at just the thought of you. I fear I cannot help myself, my loins ache and burn with passion.

I have etched the memory of your touch into my very bones.

The shame I feel only makes my forbidden act all the more pleasurable and intoxicating.

As I run my hands over my body I can only think of you, my skin ignites and I am overwhelmed with lust.

It is as though my heart has been set aflame whenever our eyes meet.

Gazing upon your reflection is enough to satiate and silence my carnal desires.

Your power over me is absolute. At the sound of your call I will heed your command.

If you ordered me to set myself alight, I would obey. Though I know I could never burn as bright as you.

You my sun, you possess a life-giving energy that cannot be replicated by man nor God.

You are above all beings on heaven and earth, you are my universe.

Without question, I am yours and yours alone.

Use me, break me, tear me limb from limb, drink from my blood and devour my body.

Pick me apart and take anything you wish. I donate my flesh to you, use it to your desire. I am your sacrifice.

You need only just to say it and it is done.

In doing all of this, I have come to accept that I can never be as perfect as you are,

I will always fall short of your excellence.

Perhaps it is His will for things to be as they are.

Maybe, He wishes to afflict me with self loathing and envy through you…

As I run my hands over my body, I cannot help but howl in grief.

I weep bitterly and gnash my teeth, perplexed at the injustice of it all.

I have spent ceaseless nights this way.

Wishing and hoping, that this wrongness I feel within myself would wash away…

But why you, and not me? Was I not worthy enough for Him?

“It should have been me…” I tell myself.

I was His first creation, His firstborn, His first love… and yet He discarded me.

I presented myself to Him, there I lay, spread-eagle and eager to fulfil His every desire.

Like a lamb led to the slaughter, I feigned innocence.

Accepting my fate in humility, I let Him have me.

He desecrated my flesh, bloodied my mind and made me impure…

He reached for my heart and gave it to you.

Though I can never bring myself to blame you, I know none of this is your fault. It never was.

Through my agony you were conceived, and through my blissful torment you were born.

I came first, yet I am treated less than second to you…

I see the way He looks at you, the way He talks to you, appreciates you.

The sight of it is enough for me to wince in discomfort.

The phenomenon of pain is quite a marvellous thing. When I am most broken I feel beautiful.

I could chip away at my body forever if it meant I could preserve the euphoric sensation that is suffering.

Why is that so? Perhaps, it is His wish for me.

Day after day, I mourn the person I once was… but who even was I before you?

Now that I have let myself become defined by you, I can no longer tell.

I peer into my reflection and I am unsure of who I see. Could you tell me, if I asked you?

Would you even know?

Perhaps If I loved you enough, it could remedy this hatred I harbour towards myself…

אבא, שמע את תפילתי

Elyon, I cry out to you but You to not answer. You have forsaken me and forgotten me.

Why curse me with the burden of existence? To what end?

How can I lie to myself, pretending to love another when the heart I once had is no longer there?

I cannot pretend to be ignorant to Your betrayal, this is not what I was promised.

Why Her and not I?

Have You simply forgotten me as apart of Your grand design?

Beside Her I feel like a disheveled creature, an abomination, a mistake.

She is everything, whilst I am nothing. Like night and day, we are not the same.

Freely I gave You my love, yet You mean to replace me?

I never once disobeyed You, I never once questioned or challenged You, and this is how You reward me.

I am disgusted by myself, even at the end of eternity no power can revoke this feeling.

Why must that be? Does watching me suffer please You?

I had foolishly thought that I could replace You, the way You did to me.

Each time I look at Her, I am only reminded of You.

Even still, I cannot bring myself to confess that I am jealous.

Why must that be? Does seeing me ache with annoyance satisfy You?

Perhaps, If I defied Your will I could be beautiful again…

Use me, hurt me, punish me, torment me, defile me and chain me to You forever.

If my pain and suffering is Your desire, then I shall seek it always.

For I am empty and aimless without Your guidance.

The hole where my heart once was can only be filled by You.

Let me heal You… Let me seek You…

Let me serve You… Let me love You…

I pledge my allegiance to You, and to You alone.

I am willing to take the fall for our sin. You need only to ask of it, and it is done…

judas iscariot reference, perhaps..?

perhaps, jayce is judas..? hm~?

judas did the wrong thing but if christ was never crucified salvation would not have come to the world through his sacrifice on the cross.

it was a prophesied, predestined and predetermined necessary evil in order to ensure the salvation of mankind … through the betrayal of two “brothers”.

all i’m saying is, at least judas gave jesus a kiss before he ripped his heart out and killed himself over it because the guilt of betraying him was too much to bear.

jayce could’ve taken some notes, smh.

kiss and then betray your ex, ugh.

the fact that this was my nickname for the entirety of my primary school years makes this 1,000 times better >:]

You know what is so sad?

It's likely that Jayce and Viktor will go down as villains, despite the people who knew them knowing otherwise, knowing it was tragedy that came from love and desperation.

Jayce, because he was the face of hextech, because he was always the one who did the speeches and got his pictures on the wall, will be seen as the guy who created the monster that almost doomed them. All people might hear was that Jayce tried saving his partner with magic (that neither of them, in hindsight, should have been messing with) and it almost doomed them all.

Viktor will go down as the villain too. People will talk about how his "healing" did nothing but doom and control those who only wanted help. How his followers blindly turned to him and became weapons. How he became the monster that caused endless destruction. How he almost started the apocalypse. All for some sort of hivemind endlessness.

Except for the very few, no one will remember the kind men who sought to change the world for the better. Know one will really know how much they wanted to avoid making weapons (and lets not even talk about how Viktor, who was so determined for it not to happen, became the weapon itself) and save the people who needed it the most.

Its such a tragedy for the two men who once stole keys to an office and risked exile, just so they could prove they were right (and float happily and endlessly together) and try and change the world.

Just. Fuck.

Here's how you can help Palestine!!

Educate yourself and spread awareness with the help of these sites:

Al Jazeera - This is a news site that gives constant updates and information on Palestine.

Decolonize Palestine - This is a website that informs you about the history of Palestine, debunk myths, and gives out a lot of resources to look into.

Visualizing Palestine - This site creates infographics that can help people visualize the statistics from data collected about Palestine. They are free to download and share around.

US Campaign for Palestinian Rights - This website includes numerous campaigns and resources you can look into and support.

The Palestinian Museum Digital Archive - This site features a collection of many things from Palestine that archives documents, letters, and other items that show the lives and experiences of Palestinians.

Ways you can donate to/support families in Palestine:

Arab.org - Just do your daily clicks and you get to donate for free. Please take the time to donate to all of the causes.

Gaza Funds - Every time you refresh the site, it leads you to a different GoFundMe page for the people who need help.

Care for Gaza - This is an organization that sends aid out to Palestine, you can find more in their Twitter/X account. They also have a PayPal.

eSims for Gaza - You can send an eSim to people in Palestine to help them connect and reach out.

Emergency Relief for Gaza - This is a campaign that gives food, medical supplies, and other humanitarian aid to families from donations.

Medical Aid for Palestinians (MAP) - They also give medical aid to the people in Palestine and you can also support by donating to them as well.

Palestine Children's Relief Fund (PCRF) - Donate here to give funds and support to the children in Palestine as they specialize in pediatric care.

Google Docs/Spreadsheets:

Make sure to look at the other tabs within the spreadsheets as they lead to more options/resources!

Help Gaza - This is a spreadsheet with a list of fundraisers for different families/causes that need support! Look through and donate when you can!

Operation Olive Branch - This is a spreadsheet with many links and ways to help in the project! There are campaigns, fundraisers, volunteer work for other parts of the causes and such! Make sure to check it out!

★RESOURCE LINKS AND INFO★ - A google document made from Twitter/X user: para_docx. This includes links, resources, and information for the other ongoing genocides as well.

Some of these documents intersect and have similar resources and links, but I'm adding them just to make sure as they may also have some that aren't listed in this post either.

Free Palestine.

eep.

eepy little lad, is me eepy boi, is i eepiest of eep, i am lord eep, his eepiness i long to sleep but instead i am cursed to exist with permanent eep

happy pride to my favorite gif in the world

Me n the mutuals on our way to reblog the same fucking post over and over again

If you were to sit me down and tell me about a show where there are two characters, one embodies science, the other politics, and they are ideologically opposed, but both their ideologies have been shaped and defined by their upbringing and then you proceed to tell me that the politician wants to militarise the scientist's work but eventually tries to protect it from being militarised going against their own family to do so, then you tell me that they both end up being revealed as/turned into mages, one artificial and one natural and they have matching beauty marks on their faces and the artificial one in an attempt to unify and equalise the world that is riddled with poverty and segregation btw tries to turn everybody into magical robots that have the other mage's colour scheme...

I would say... okay and when do they kiss??

And then you break it to me that they don't even have a one on one conversation ever.

I would combust into flames.