Rly Lightweight Elves Bc It Would B Cool But Mostly Hilarious

Look at my little guy

bagginshield moments in the hobbit trilogy:

an unexpected journey:

- bilbo was a simp for thorin the second he knocked on his door

- bilbo hearing gandalf and elrond talk about thorin in rivendell and thorin letting him hear

- thorin fully risking his life to save bilbo even tho he thinks he’s a “burden”

- bilbo being so personally hurt by thorin saying what he said, that he decides to leave (dramatic gay™️)

- thorin realizing he actually hurt bilbo and regretting having said anything (guilty gay™️)

- “why did you come back”

- bilbo saying he came back bc he wants to help thorin find a home

- bilbo being the one to intervene in thorin’s fight w azog despite never fighting before and having every excuse to stay on the tree

- he fully jumps an orc???? like twice the size of him???? to save his boyfriend????

- faces AZOG head on bc thorin wasn’t moving

- thorins first question upon waking being about whether bilbo is okay

- trying so hard to be angry at bilbo

- bilbo becoming a burden on thorins HEART rather than his mind

- “i have never been so wrong in all my life. i am sorry i doubted you.”

- the look™️ after the hug

the desolation of smaug:

- thorin and bilbo having the most willpower out of everyone in the group

- constantly joining at each other’s sides

- the look on thorins face when he realizes bilbo isn’t with them anymore

- thorin being the only one to think that bilbo would come for them

- thorin RUNNING to the cell door when bilbo appears

- bilbo looking to thorin when he asks them to trust him

- thorin being the only one who trusts bilbos judgement w the barrels

- “well done, master baggins”

- bilbo vouching for thorins character

- thorin giving him the Look™️ as bilbo speaks on his behalf

- “you have keen eyes, master baggins”

- “thorin, you can’t give up now.”

- thorin coming back as soon as bilbo calls for them

- thorin trying to dehumanize bilbo as much as possible so he “won’t care” as much about his life, being fully incapable of doing so

- bilbos FACE when thorin turns his sword on him

- thorin being able to really easily read bilbo’s expressions, even when he’s blind by greed

- thorin suggesting they all split up and taking bilbo with him

- bilbo not wanting to go with balin, and calling for thorin as he’s pulled away

- bilbo always immediately responding to thorins commands, not hesitating or doubting him for a second

- “keep going bilbo!”

battle of the five armies

- “i’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t listen.”

- the fact that bilbo took to stone because he knew what it would do to thorin, not caring if thorin found out and hated him after because he knew he was helping him

- the way thorin LOOKS at him when he shows him the acorn

- literally the Look™️

- the way bilbo relaxes under That Specific Gaze from thorin

- bilbo being the only one who cares enough to try and reason with thorin

- “you should never underestimate dwarves” ft. the Look™️

- thorin intentionally gives him one of the strongest pieces of armor they have

- “i look absurd,” “it is a gift, a token of our friendship. true friends are hard to come by.”

- never assuming for a SECOND that bilbo would be the one to betray him

- the SYMBOLISM of thorin backing away and them being separated by the other dwarves

- “i’m not afraid of thorin”

- thorins face when he realizes bilbo was the one to betray him

- bilbos voice being the only one thorin hears clearly in his head, the only voice that brings him to sense

- bilbos FACE as he says “thorin” when they finally come to fight

- thorins face when bilbo comes to warn him of the fifth army

- the Look™️

- they exchange one look and bilbo knows that he’s meant to go with thorin

- “i’m glad you’re here”

- “you’re going to live, thorin.”

- bilbo holding his hand

- “plant your tree, watch it grow”

- bilbo begging him to stay alive, whispering to him about the sky and the eagles, desperately saying his name as he dies

- cradling his body

- sobbing next to him

- standing alone at his body during the funeral, unmoving

- trying desperately not to cry, being unable to look at his body

- “i know that’s how you must honor him, but to me he was never that. he was... he was...”

- just nodding, balin knowing exactly what he wants to say but can’t bring himself to

- “who is this person you pledged your loyalty to? thorin oakenshield?”

- the Look™️

- “he... he was my friend.”

- bilbo baggins kept that map, thorins map, the for the rest of his life, for it was all he had left of a lost love

This actually made me tear up a little, this painter loved drawing this woman, and it shows in every little damn detail

William P. Welsh - Burlesque Queen (1941)

Y'all

Imagine if Bilbo lost his lil acorn once Smaug was dead.

Throin sees Bilbo looking around all panicked, digging through some pile of gold or gems, and asks about it, and this is where he learns about the acorn.

So of course he offers to help look, while they're looking for the Arkenstone, and eventually they've got the whole company looking for both. Thorin's head seems a little more clear suddenly, so everyone's more looking for the acorn than the arkenstone, because yeah they're looking for the arkenstone, but they'll know it when they see it, they have to CONCENTRAIT to find a lil acorn, and it's important they find IT soon or it'll get crushed, or die or rot. The arkenstone has lasted this long. It'll last a little longer.

And because they've all got he mindset if "yeah thats a bit of gold, but it's not an acorn. Sure sure some pretty gems but it's not an acorn!" In there heads, they stave of the gold sickness.

When Fili shouts, "I found it!" They're all rather disappointing when they realise he means the Arkestone. Thorin pockets it, but they return to their search for the acorn right away.

Then, one day, Thranduil shows up demanding the white gems and Thorin's standing up on the barracks like "Sure, if we come across them."

And Thranduil's like "what do you mean if you come across them?"

"There was a dragon in the mountain for over a century! He wasn't exactly cleaning and we're a bit preoccupied with our own search at the moment! I'll send them your way once we find them! If takes a day or a year, you'll live!" And then he disappears from Thranduil's sight.

Only to reappear after a moment, looking slightly irritated. The hobbit is by his side looking, perhaps hopeful? With a roll of his eyes, Thorin says, bitting out the words like they physically hurt to say "If you would like, perhaps you could send a select few of your most trusted guard, and if they might help us in our search, they can also look for your gems as well?"

Thranduil has never been more caught of guard in his life. Did a dwarf, one whom he'd had imprissoned in his dungeon less than a month ago, just invite his people into his most recently reclaimed treasurey?

"I'm sorry. What?" He blinks up at the dwarf- most elegantly, he assures you.

"Elves have very keen eyes, do you not?" Asks the little hobbit. "We're looking for my acorn, you see, that I got from Beorn the skin changer, I seem to have lost it in the dragon's chase, and we fear it'll be crushed. Throin says your box would likely be in the front of the treasurey, and we haven't searched there yet, though Smaug did follow us through there, so it's a fine place for your people to start. It would be greetly appreciated."

And really. The argument could go on, Thranduil's really not sure he believes there IS an acorn, but if it gets him those damned white gems, fine. He sends Tauriel and her guard, and Legolas volunteers himself.

When Bard shows up asking for aid for the town Thorin throws his hands up. "Your just as bad as the elves! We just got our montain back! Fah! At least you asked for nothing so specific!" And practically chucks a chest full of randomly scooped up gold and gems over at the man. "But if there is an acorn in there, you are to return it immediately!"

There isn't an acorn.

"Why would there be an acorn?" He asks Thranduil that evening as he takes tea with the Elven king who's made camp outside the Lonely Mountain as a statement to the dwarven king he doesn't mean to leave without what's rightfully his, regardless of their compliance.

"His husband appears to be rather attached to it." Thranduil shrugs. "I don't pretent to understand the ways of haflings, but if the hobbit has half so strong a love for that which grows from the earth, as the dwarves do that which is mined from it, and I was a king who'd dragged my consort half way across Middle Earth to risk his life battling a dragon for its hoard, I'd think it wise to have the Mountain turned upside down for one measly acorn as well."

Dain shows up and is about ready to storm the peacefully-aiding-the-humans-at-this-point-because-we're-here-what-else-do-we-have-to-do elves on principle, but Thorin puts a stop to it quick.

It takes Dain a day and a half to realised that Thorin did infact say "they were all looking for an Acorn," yesterday, and several minutes to understand that he was saying "no, we found the Arkenstone days ago," today.

And of course, the orcs and goblins show up and are defeated by the forced of them all, united under Acorn Peace Treaty of 2942

Sadly, weeks go by, and they do not find the acorn. They do eventually find the Gems, and Legolas and the majority of the elves return to Mirkwood, Legolas having made good friends with the Company, especially Gloin (this is a suprise tool that will help him later) but Tauriel remains, and if Thorin wasn't smitten with the hobbit, he might comment on just how close Kili is growing to her. At least she's respectful. Might just teach that boy a think or two. The opposite is, of course, true, and Tauriel becomes just as much a menace as the princes.

As the weeks go by and proper cataloging of the treasury commences, every dwarf who comes to help is shows a picture of the acorn every single morning, and promised a just reward for its discovery.

Eventually, Bilbo has to concede they aren't going to find it, but, well, by then he's not exactly planning to return to the Shire for long enough to care for a sprouting tree.

He does return long enough to stop all his things being auctioned off, no he's not a ghost, thank you very much, and have Bag End transfered to his cousin Drogo and his wife, before setting back out for Erebor with the things he intends to keep.

It's years before anyone thinks of the poor lost little acorn again, decades, infact.

One day, in the early morning of the 21st Durin's day after the reclaiming of Erebor, a dwarf comes rushing from the treasurey to find the Royals preparing for the celebration.

"Is it one of these, your highne- uh, Bilbo, your lost acorn?" He asks, stuttering over the title he knows the hobbit dislikes. "I can't really.... tell them apart."

And Bilbo just blinks, because in the cupped palms of the dwarf's are perhaps 15 or 20 little acorns...

"Where did you find these?" He asks.

"They were in the back."

"The back?" Thorin repeats, then catches himself and shoos the dwarf back the way he came "Show us."

They all- Bilbo and Thorin, the princeses, and a handful of the company who'd been present- follow the dwarf down into the treasurey, and then through the treasurey, past all the neat piles of gold and the many chests of organized gems and stones and all manner of other treasures, until they're presented with a very familiar back door.

Or rather, a hidden passage, tucked away in an alcove, where another handful of acorns' the few the Dwarf who'd brought them the first had likely missed- are scattered about.

"You did... just have the one, right Uncle Bilbo?" Fili asks.

"Or course I just had the one!" Bilbo retorts. "I couldn't have possibly carried that many with me all the way from Beorn's!"

With a resigned sort of sigh, as he begins to piece together the answer to a decades old mystery, Thorin steps forward and follows the tunnel up, up, up, and out of Erebor, the others- save the dwarf who brought them, dismissed by Bilbo with a smile, a thanks, and an oh, no, you may keep those- right behind.

As they walk, the acorns start to increase. Though there's never so many as to begin piling up in the tunnel, by the time they reach the end, the majority of the ground is covered in a solid layer if the little things, and the crunch underfoot as they all emerge onto the ledge which they had all once stood, with batted breath in the moon light as they realised they were at last, truly home.

"Was that here last time?" Kili asked, studying the impressive Oaktree shading the entire ledge that sat in front of the secret entrance to Erebor.

The trunk of the tree was wide and solid, sitting right up against the mountain side, and rather winning the battle of wills against the carved stone architecture of the dwarves. Its limbs grow twisted and wild, up and out in all directions. It's easily 250 or 300 feet tall. There is all sorts of life flittering about in its florishing branches, all covered in brilliant green leaves, and fresh green little acorns.

The growned all around them is covered in acorns as well, so many more than the tunnel.

"No." Thorin says, watching a squirrel dash down from the trunk of the tree, shove several acorns into its cheeks, and dash back up the trunk. "No it was not." He turns to Bilbo, and raises an eyebrow. "Lost it after the dragons chase, you said?"

Beet red and look quite flustered, all Bilbo can manage out is a squicky little "oops."

"'Oops' indeed." Thorin returns, smiling fondly.

Thinking about vampire!Soap showing up to the den with you—a weak, freshly turned fledgling, clinging to his jacket and hiding behind him.

He gets scolded. Probably punished. They’re not allowed to turn people without express permission from Price to do so, and he’s gone and disobeyed. He couldn’t help himself, he says— saw you wandering the beach alone and knew you needed a forever home. That you’d make a beautiful creature of the night. that his coven would adore you— just look at that face— red tint soaking into your irises, little baby fangs pressing against your bottom lip as you bite it nervously, a few drops of Johnny’s blood still smeared at the corners of your mouth.

By all accounts, they should kill you and start him on some sort of punishment for the next decade. That tends to be how it goes when a vampire tries to undermine the sire of the coven.

But he was right. You are a cute little thing. Already settled onto Nikolai’s lap while they’re deciding if you should live or die. You’re a little too hazy from dying to really follow the conversation in any meaningful way. You’re tired and blood-hungry, your eyelids fluttering as you get bounced on his knee.

Which Price does not appreciate, by the way. This was supposed to be a serious discussion, condemning Soap for his mistake, not coddling it.

Thranduil: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SON, HE'S PERFECTLY FINE!

Legolas:

Every time I think I’m out of my lotr phase I hear the beginning of the bridge of kazhad dum and immediately get thrown back into the trenches

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

Bilbo: I love you,

Thorin: Affection? Disgusting.

Thorin: ... Do it again

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Phillip Graves who makes you into his perfect little wife.

It all started out on a mission in god knows where, it was a simple hostage situation. Get in, free the hostages, get out.

One of the shadows had found you after the majority of the hostages were cleared out and safe. The shadow rang in through the talkie, ‘sir, you might want to come see this one.’

And he was right.

Phillip thought you were such a darling little thing, all vulnerable, beaten and half naked. His heart clenched at the thought of what a pretty thing like you had gone through.

So, he takes you into his arms as uncharacteristically careful as he could, and brings you to safety himself.

He kept tabs on you for months after, he found your medical records, your home address, your place of work- anything he could get his grubby hands on. He called your phone a few days after you’d been released from the hospital, he just wanted to check in on you, that’s all, no need to ask how he got your number or why theres a large bouquet of roses on your front step.

It took far longer than he wished for you to agree to a date with him, but he made damn sure it was worth it. Took you to a fancy restaurant, a late night walk where he draped his blazer over your shoulders.

“This could be a regular thing, honey.”

So, it became that. Every chance he got, he took you out. He bought you pretty dresses, heels, jewelry- anything his sweet girl wanted. Then, he bought you a pretty diamond ring and gave you his last name.

There’s no doubt he refers you and him as the shadows ‘mama and daddy’ in the most unironic way that makes you roll your eyes.

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