*Hands Him The Hobbit*

Galadriel rly be out here like: "I lost my dear husband Celeborn to the war against Morgoth."

Meanwhile Celeborn, Maedhros-ing his way through the entire second age, maybe even dangling off a really tall cliff: "Quit telling people I'm dead!"

Galadriel: "Sometimes I can still hear his voice."

Thranduil: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SON, HE'S PERFECTLY FINE!

Legolas:

Reading today’s Daily Dracula and man. You do not understand how much I wish Team Kill Dracula’s quest ended when they roll up on the Czarina Catherine and find out some random Romanian sailors pushed his stupid box overboard, trapping the Count beneath water that he can’t cross

Like I know they gotta actually kill him to free Mina or whatever but like. It would be so funny. They’ve gone on this quest to far Romania, they’ve bribed everyone they can think to bribe, they’ve got a plan, and then they get aboard the ship and the crew are like, “there was a fucked up man in that box so we threw it overboard”

Something, something, König picking up gaming in his free time, not uncommon for an older guy especially with a cute little thing who has a nice set up for gaming and he absolutely takes to it with flying colours. Kinda pissing you off how he’s gotten leagues better than you at one of your favourites in such a short amount of time. So when that skin you absolutely NEED drops you’re going insane grinding for it. It’s frustrating too because all the sweats have come out of the woodwork to grind for it too, leading to a lot of swearing and groaning on your end, coincidentally, König’s free time aligns and he’s more than happy to help you grind the tougher parts if you sit pretty on his lap and drain his pent cock.

What’s better than two stress relievers when he comes home from a high tension workplace environment?

(Bonus points if he’s your weird online long distance boyfriend who definitely told you an age younger than what’s on his ID and the place he comes home to is just your apartment that he decided was his too.)

Brother. The way this ask is in my mind. I would like to preface this by saying if you or a loved one is playing a video game with microtransactions and limited edition skin drops it’s not too late to get help. We can beat this together.

cw: he’s kind of a creep in this. Red flags abound. Somno/dubcon type stuff

Gonna make a couple of amendments to this one if that’s ok. 1) König is never going to be a god gamer because his hands are too fucking big and also I WANNA BE THE DOMINANT GAMER IN THE RELATIONSHIP. My ass is carrying HIM in apex. I don’t care that he knows how to shoot real guns. Don’t take this away from me

2) while he didn’t outright lie about his age, he did not say shit that would lead you to believe this man was over 40. He shared very few details about his personal life. Just that he was in the military, Austrian, and now? A gamer. Those are all the hallmarks of being a man in his 20s! Except the Austrian thing— that can happen to anyone.

I like to imagine he treats you like his discord kitten tho. You ask how old he is and he’s like “I’m an adult, if that’s what you’re worried about” or “old enough” or “don’t worry about it” and you say “okay 💖 yay 💖”

And he’s 100% your sugar daddy. Constantly buying you games just so you can co-op with him, gifting you in-game currency to spend on battle passes, absolutely ravaging your wishlist— steam, amazon, or otherwise.

He finds himself in your area for work and you tell him your address so he can meet up with you.

And you’re kind of a stupid femcel so when this dude shows up at your door, almost seven feet tall and wearing a surgical mask, scarred face with a healthy grey streak in his hair, it’s not setting off any alarm bells. There’s like at least 5 red flags here but you’re colorblind and inviting him in.

You didn’t realize that he was planning on staying with you while he was in the area. You also didn’t realize that the moment he found out he’d be stationed near you, he decided it was time to take your relationship to the next level.

Which is how you end up stretched out on his cock on the same day that you met in person for the first time, with him grunting in your ear about how he dreamed of this— thought of it every time he jerked off when you fell asleep during a discord call. He could tell just from your voice that you’d be pretty and soft and tight and perfect for him— and he was ready to settle down.

Good thing you didn’t really have any plans for the rest of your life, or you might find how fast he moves a little scary.

So it makes sense that you’re still a little shy. Too nervous to initiate things usually. So he just has to motivate you a little.

This skin’s an exclusive, can’t be earned with currency, and available as a drop for just 7 days. You can’t put in the hours to get it on your own, not to mention how tedious it is, and it can’t be bought. But it’s so cute.

So he makes the offer. He’ll spend his precious leave time helping you earn it if you keep his cock warm while he does it. He’d initially planned on using that time to rearrange your guts, so you’re gonna have to make it worth his while.

And maybe you exaggerate a little. You’re used to saying these things over calls— where nothing has any repercussions in the real world. Where you can promise anything from the safety of being on a screen a world away.

You tell him you’ll let him do whatever he wants to you if he can get that skin for you. After a moment you realize the implications of saying that to someone who can and will hold you down and make out with your cervix using the tip of his cock.

He borrows one of your elastics to tie back his hair.

He’s gonna get you that skin. And then he’s gonna get you pregnant.

You did say anything.

cw: messy smut & hand fetish

simon’s bird is a twitchy thing, buzzing about with tepid energy thrumming underneath your skin. he’d even catch you shifting around when you’re sitting still for too long, gaze dancing between objects as you try to tether yourself back to the conversation. it’s an adorable thing—it could be worrying on days when it splinters into a spiralling—but it has always been cute.

even cuter was the way that you’ll only stop when his hand clamps down on your thigh. you’ll twitch, blinking at his hold, before melting. you’ll never look away, your mind is quiet even for a moment, and for a while, simon thought that it was the touch that grounded you. that it was the weight of his hand that eases up your flighty thoughts, allowing you a reprieve.

it’s only after you moved in with him that he realizes that grounding you didn’t even need to be his touch because your mind stutters at the mere sight of his hands. and what a delight that realization was.

it came to him when he walked into the living room after being holed up in the garage, fixing up your car, only to see you freeze at seeing the way that oil tainted his fingertips, highlighting the ridges of his veins and the rough patches his scars. what he thought was a scrutiny of how dirty he’s gotten, ended up being a quiet thrum of your admiration.

it made him dizzy with elation—oh how adorable you are with your futile attempts to rip your eyes from his hands, unable to utter anything but a breathless gasp of his name. god, look how cute you are. how easy. falling apart at the mere sight of his hands.

he didn’t even need to touch you for your desire to burn hotter, your eyes always gravitated at the way he massaged them with lotion or cracked his knuckles. he doesn’t even have a thing for a hands but you’ve made him more conscious of it, almost like it is something pornographic.

so, naturally, he had to do something about it.

buying the full-length mirror and installing it in the bedroom was a hassle but simon loves it now.

“don’t look away,” he rumbles before curling his fingers and plunging them deeper in you. the wet squelch echoes in the room louder than his voice did, drawing out a hiccuped squeal from the base of your throat.

this isn’t even the first time that simon’s got you propped on his lap with your legs forced open by the spread of his thighs, but being fingered in front of the mirror really has you feeling shy, huh? you can’t even watch yourself properly, tending to run away from the sight by screwing your eyes close and tipping your chin low like by doing so, you could pretend that the mirror isn’t revealing every debauchery he’s making out of your pussy.

but god. you should see this—his hand is so soaked with your juices that it’s got it shining like a fucking glazed doughnut. it’s so messy as you drip onto him, your cunt spasming like the greedy hole that it is.

simon croons this to you, his other hand cupping your jaw to brush his thumb just over your kiss-swollen lips, coaxing you to open to your eyes. telling you to see how needy you really are—and even then, your pussy is more honest than you are being right now.

“c’mon, baby,” simon murmurs, twisting his fingers juuust right, making you keen, your legs jumping in your attempt to shut them close only for simon to knock them wide open again. “look at y’r cunt, love, makin’ my hand look all glossy.”

he huffs a laugh at the way your pussy clamps down on his fingers at hearing his words, your cunt betraying your stubborn self once more. truly what a naughty bird he’s got; acting all shy when you’re just as hungry as he is—

“isn’t that right, hun?”

simon thought that it’d take another coaxing, another curling of his fingers or maybe finally adding his pinky to stretch you even wider for his cock, but your resolve fizzled out fast. your tearful eyes peel open, blinking to adjust them to the light. they dance from the reflection of his face, meeting his eyes, before finally dragging down to where you’ve got your pussy spasming around his fingers at his beckoning nod.

he feels more than sees the moment you get a glimpse at what a beautiful sight you make.

“si—!” you gasp, reaching up to clamp down on the arm that he’s got around your chest. your hips begin to wiggle, almost like you desperately want to ride his hand, and oh, that thought makes simon’s cock jump from underneath his sweats.

“si, i’m cummin— i wanna— i’m—!”

he doubles his efforts, fucking his fingers in, nudging them along your walls, before fucking them out in a dizzying pace that has you screaming, your body tensing like a string being pulled taut. it is so messy now, each thrust of his hand meeting the fat lips of your cunt echo with a wet slap, and simon truly can’t wait to lap up at your juices left on his pruning fingers.

your nails bite his skin but he doesn’t even feel the prickles as your walls begin to spasm, your jaw dropping for a soundless scream, then—

an angry gush. your squirt hits the mirror, splattering so wildly, and simon swears he’s gone cross-eyed with his lust.

how beautiful you are, your body locking on his lap for a moment as you ride out your orgasm before falling limply into his embrace, your eyes staring faraway like he’s fried your brain with his fingers alone. he croons, pressing kisses on your sweaty temple, and carefully pulls his fingers out. you rumble, whining in overstimulation, and simon pets you in comfort.

he lifts his hand up—it is wet and his fingers have pruned—before immediately stuffing them in his mouth. he didn’t even notice the way you’ve been watching him until you squeak at seeing him desperately suck on his fingers.

simon flicks his eyes up to meet your gaze from the mirror and, even with a mouthful, he gives you a grin. you breathe in sharply, still shy but refusing to break the heated eye contact, and simon rumbles, pleased, because his cock is painfully hard. it is rutting along the cleft of your ass, leaking pre-, and it is very needy for the feeling of your pussy hotly swallowing all of him up.

so once again I'm rewatching LOTR, and I just..... Boromir was JUST A MAN... he was just A MAN who LOVED his people and BELIEVED so much in his people and wanted BEST for them..... and I cry

they will look for his coming from the white tower....... but he will not return

- amira. 5/18/25 8:51 PM

Simon’s arms are canvases of ink — dark, intricate tattoos that twist along his skin like smoke, etched into him long before he ever imagined someone like her, entering his life. Wrapping around his forearms, crawling up his biceps, disappearing beneath the sleeves of a tight black shirt that clung to every sculpted ridge of his body. Faded scars interrupted the flow of ink — reminders of life spent in combat, discipline forged through years of military service. His hands rough, calloused. — hands made for breaking, but now, for holding, her.

He hadn’t come to that grimy little dive bar looking for anyone. Least of all someone soft, so bright-eyed, and warm. He stays tucked in the shadows, the glow of the neon barely catching the matte ink of his skin. People usually know to keep their distance. But, then she walks in. — curious, unafraid, drawn to something dangerous like a moth to a flame.

“Nice tattoos,” she murmurs, voice soft and intimate as her fingers graze the lines on his arm. Her touch light, almost reverent, but enough to make his muscles twitch beneath her fingertips.

He’s never been one for indulgence. Self-restraint is second nature — ingrained, necessary. But she is a temptation wrapped in softness, and something in him gave way.

—

Now, hours later, she’s pressed against the cold wall of his apartment, dress hiked up over her hips, tits spilling free. He drags her panties down with little ceremony, letting them dangle around one ankle. The air was thick with heat and tension, the dim light casting theirs bodies in an amber shadows.

“Wanna know something about my tattoos, darlin’?” Simon’s voice low and gravelly, vibrating against her skin as he pressed the heavy weight of his cock along her slick folds, teasing, coating himself in her arousal.

“They’re older than you, sweetheart.”

She whimpers, biting her bottom lip hard enough to sting, a breathy moan escaping as his words sank in. But she doesn’t pull away — no, she pushes back into him.

“Didn’t think you were into that,” he muttered with a smirk, and then he pushed inside — slowly at first, then all at once. The room echoed with the obscene squelch of him sinking deep into her soaked heat, her walls fluttering around him.

“Didn’t take you for someone who had a thing for older men,” he groaned, wrapping a large, inked hand around her throat, applying just enough pressure to make her eyes flutter. “Turns you on, yeah? Getting filled up by a man with tattoos older than your ass?”

Her legs tremble as he began thrusting, each snap of his hips sharp and precise. She could barely breathe, let alone speak, her brain melting under the weight of his cock.

“Already gettin’ dumb on me?” he cooed mockingly, his voice laced with dark amusement as tears welled in your eyes. “Fuckin’ hell, look at you. Cryin’ like a good girl.”

He watched every twitch of her body with greedy eyes. This — this — is more real than any night he’s spent fisting his cock in a lonely bunk, teeth gritted behind a balaclava, imagining something softer than his own rough palm. Now he has her, warm and wet and real, and he isn’t letting go.

He speeds up, fucking into her like he needs her to live, slick sounds loud and messy between them.

“C’mon, darlin’,” he murmured, tapping her cheek gently, coaxing her out of her haze. Drool trickling from the corner of her mouth. “Give the old man some respect, yeah?”

She moans brokenly, while he grins — all teeth and hungry — before burying himself deeper, like he wants to leave something behind inside her.

And maybe, he already has.

Next installment of Lord of the Rings AU: It's Fine, Everybody's Fine is Aragorn's coronation, at which Boromir W E E P S:

I think in a circumstance where Boromir lives, or even just in interacting with Faramir in canon, Aragorn would be very aware of the optics of striding in out of the wilderness to take a throne that the line of stewards had been fighting and dying for in his absence (Thorongil cosplay aside). Cool thing is, in this AU, seeing the king's throne filled and experiencing Gondor at peace for the first time in living history is more than Boromir EVER hoped for.

The day the White Tree sapling blooms, Aragorn wakes up Faramir and Boromir like a six-year-old on Christmas:

And then there's that FIRST SUNRISE over the Mountains of Shadow, when day breaks over a defeated east that's clean and clear and Boromir WEEPS AGAIN because he NEVER THOUGHT he'd see such a thing and YES this is a THIRST TRAP why do you ASK

Hell yeah I gave him a tattoo, it's the seven stars of Gondor plus a coastal rockrose that grows in sandy soils along the Mediterranean because I figure that's like Dol Amroth in honor of HIS MOM because I LOVE SYMBOLISM

Kid Aragorn, running around Rivendell:

Elrond: Let me see what you have there :)

Aragorn: A KNIFE

Elrond, running after him: NO!!