PROSTHETIC ARM SIMON
sfw + nsfw. overstimulation & premature ejaculation (simon). his metal arm has a vibrator function. unprotected sex.
mr. riley is a new regular.
hulking, broad-shouldered, always hunched like he's trying to fold himself into something smaller. dirty blonde hair, hoodies that swallow his frame, gloves that never come off— not in winter, not when the air conditioning is broken, not when it’s so hot outside that the pavement wavers under the sun. you see him come in once during a heatwave, sweat beading at his temples, looking like he just came from hell itself. but the gloves stay.
always.
he’s quiet. doesn’t talk much unless he has to. keeps his answers clipped, never makes small talk, never lingers longe,ur than it takes to grab his order and leave. you might’ve found him intimidating if it weren’t for the fact that his dog, riley, was the exact opposite.
big, fluffy, and absurdly well-behaved. the kind that made strangers stop and coo when they passed by, all soft ears and wagging tail. an instant favorite among customers. an absolute menace to simon.
because the dog likes attention. loves it, actually. practically demands it. and, more specifically— he likes you.
so the moment simon steps up to the counter, riley is already perking up at your voice. tail wagging, eyes locked on you, waiting expectantly like he thinks you’re about to drop an entire steak into his mouth.
"oh! mr. riley! the usual today?"
simon grunts. closest thing to a yes you ever get.
"and a pup cup for little riley, i take it?"
the man sighs. “he’s gonna get fat.”
but he still swipes his card. no hesitation.
riley whines at the accusation, staring at him with something close to betrayal.
you slide simon’s order across the counter after a moment, the movements routine by now.
he reaches out. his right hand hovers over the cup. fingers stretching, hovering, like he’s trying to will it into his grasp.
nothing happens. his fingers twitch, but they won’t close.
you see it— the way his jaw tightens, the sharp curl of his lip like he’s biting down a curse. the tension in his shoulders. the exhale through his nose.
“mr. riley?” you ask carefully.
his scowl deepens. he tries again— too hard, too fast— his grip locks up, crushing the cup before he can stop himself. the lid pops off. coffee splatters over his hand, dripping onto the counter.
you yelp, stepping back on instinct. he doesn’t.
he just stares down at his hand. impassive. like he hasn't been baptized by scalding liquid.
“shit- hang on-” you scramble around the counter, heat rising up your throat, words spilling out in a rush. “jesus, are you- your hand-”
“s’fine,” he grunts.
his flesh hand flexes at his side, but the other— the one that had crushed the cup— stays frozen, unmoving.
you don’t believe him for a second. ignoring his protests, you reach for his wrist, peeling off the soaked glove before he can stop you.
you freeze.
metal. not sleek, new, high-tech metal. not the kind you see in sci-fi movies, gleaming and futuristic.
no. this is old. dull, scratched, worn— something that’s clearly been through hell and barely made it out. the joints look stiff, the plates dented in places, the wiring almost exposed near the wrist.
your mouth opens. closes. opens again. “… huh.”
his brow lifts slightly. “that all you got?”
you blink, tilting your head. “kinda thought there’d be… more wires. sparks. terminator shit.”
a beat. then, maybe, the smallest twitch at the corner of his lips.
“disappointed?”
“a little.”
you keep staring, the sight settling in your brain, cataloging every detail. not military-grade. not some brand-new prosthetic straight from a lab. something about it makes your chest tighten.
“has it… uh, been this iffy for a while?” you ask, glancing up.
simon shrugs with his good shoulder, the movement almost dismissive. “yeah. thing’s temperamental.”
“like you,” you mutter before you can stop yourself.
his brow arches slightly, but he doesn’t deny it.
you glance around the café, nerves twisting in your stomach. no customers. the clock ticks lazily, the smell of coffee and vanilla in the air. you bite your lip, thinking.
“so, uh- i’m an engineering student,” you start, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your apron. “and… i mean, if you wanted- i could take a look? maybe tweak it a bit?”
his gaze snaps to you. it makes your stomach flip, and you wonder if you’ve just crossed a line you hadn’t realized was there.
“… you want to mess with my arm?”
“not mess! i mean- help. like… it’s kind of what i do. circuits, mechanics- prosthetics aren’t that different. probably.” you wince. “unless you’re, like, secretly part robot with classified tech and i’m about to get black-bagged or something-”
“you talk a lot,” he deadpans.
“nerves,” you shoot back, cheeks warming. “so… yes? no? totally fine if it’s weird.”
he exhales through his nose, staring at you like he’s trying to figure you out. the silence stretches. then—
“… got tools?”
your face lights up. “back in my car!”
“figured.” he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “fine. but if you break it worse-”
“i won’t,” you grin, already grabbing your keys. “trust me.”
“don’t say that,” he calls after you. “famous last words.”
…
simon would rather take a bullet than admit it, but you turn out to be a problem in his life.
because after that first fix— crammed into your car that rattled like it was held together with duct tape and prayer— he walks away with a hand that actually works for the first time in months.
no stiffness. no lag. no bullshit. he clenches his fist and releases, watching the fingers curl and straighten without a hint of resistance.
it feels foreign. unnatural. smooth in a way that it should be but hasn’t been for a long, long time.
so when he asks how much he owes, expecting a number, you just tilt your head and grin.
"tell me your full name. i don’t wanna keep calling you mr. riley."
simon stares at you like he’s weighing whether he can get away with walking out without answering. then, like it pains him— "simon."
you laugh. “you look like a simon.”
…
he doesn’t try to make it a habit, coming to you.
really. he doesn’t.
but prosthetic specialists are expensive, and he’s not exactly drowning in engineering contacts. the local mechanics won’t touch prosthetics (liability reasons, mate, can’t help ya), and he sure as hell isn’t stepping into a clinic unless he wants some lab rat poking and prodding at him like he’s a cutting-edge science project.
so when his arm starts acting up again, he does what he always does.
he ignores it. it’ll be fine. he can live with it.
it starts with a bit of stiffness. a missed grip here and there. nothing major.
then his fingers start locking up at random, the servos stalling, the whole limb feeling like it’s dragging behind the rest of him.
not ideal. not something he can use. three weeks in, and it’s a fucking liability.
he caves.
simon times it carefully. dead hour. mid-afternoon. when the café is empty and you’ll have a second to spare.
he walks in, orders a pup cup for riley, and waits. he doesn’t wait long.
the moment your eyes flicker to his gloved hand— how his fingers can't even curl anymore— your expression drops.
your shoulders tighten, brows knit together, mouth parting slightly like you’re about to scold him before you even know what’s wrong.
"simon," you say, voice sharp like he just admitted to a felony.
before he can so much as blink, you’re untying your apron.
"break," you toss over your shoulder.
your coworker barely looks up. just shrugs.
simon exhales through his nose. he should’ve just ripped the damn thing off himself.
your car is just as a mess as it was last time. empty water bottles on the floor. a crumpled hoodie in the backseat. textbooks piled in the passenger footwell, some open, some stuffed with loose papers. it smells faintly like vanilla air freshener and stress.
riley jumps in first, hopping into the backseat like he owns the place, and promptly curls up across the mess of loose papers and crumpled receipts.
simon says nothing. just lets himself into the passenger seat, shifts slightly to get comfortable in the too-small space, and watches as you slam the driver’s side door with a little more force than necessary.
you’re fuming.
he can feel it radiating off you like an overheating engine as you shove his sleeve up and strip the glove away.
he glances down. yeah. even he has to admit— it looks rough. the plates are slightly misaligned. the servos are dragging. the tension in the fingers is off, the whole mechanism resisting movement like it’s gummed up with sand and bad decisions.
"oh my god, how long has this been going on?"
his eyes flicking to the side. "three weeks."
you go still. "THREE WEEKS?!"
riley lifts his head from where he’s sprawled out in the backseat and whines at the sharpness of your voice. simon rubs at his temple with his good hand, sighing.
"three- jesus, simon, if your arm has a problem, you come to me right away!"
"didn’t wanna bother you."
you make a strangled sound, something between disbelief and frustration, already yanking open your toolkit with more force than necessary. "bother- oh my god, you idiot," you snap, flipping through your tools at lightning speed. "this is- unusable. how were you even functioning like this?"
"managed."
"you shouldn’t have to ‘manage.’ that’s the point of a prosthetic!"
simon huffs, shifting his arm slightly as you mutter curses under your breath and start unscrewing the external plating.
riley rests his chin on the back of simon’s seat, watching the whole thing unfold with his big brown eyes, tail thumping softly against the pile of forgotten assignments.
"can feel your judgment," simon mutters, breaking the silence.
"good. let it sink in."
riley lets out a low whine, nudging the back of simon’s neck with his nose.
simon sighs. "yeah, yeah. i know."
the dog lets out a single huff, like he agrees with you.
you pause long enough to glance at riley, expression unimpressed. "at least he gets it."
"gettin’ ganged up on," simon mutters.
riley whines. you don’t even look up.
"good.
his mouth twitches. he tells himself it’s a muscle spasm.
you don’t look at him when you actually get to work. simon notices.
he’s sitting there, arm bared, cables exposed, and you’re bent over the mess of wiring like he’s not even in the room. like he’s just another machine in need of fixing. your hands move with quick precision, fingers deft as you pluck out worn components and replace them with fresh ones. you mutter to yourself, little noises of satisfaction or frustration depending on what you find.
it’s unsettling. not you— no, you’re fine. better than fine. competent. but it’s been a long time since someone’s handled his arm without hesitation, without the kind of quiet reverence people get when they realize how much damage a man has to take before he needs one of these.
to you, it’s just broken. something that needs tuning.
he flexes his fingers the second you flip the switch.
his hand moves fast. smooth. no delay between thought and motion. he rolls his wrist. it hasn’t felt this natural in weeks.
"good?" you ask, still gathering your tools.
he moves his fingers again. watches them articulate, watches the precise shift of metal joints. "yeah," he mutters.
you nod, already packing up, already moving on.
he watches you.
then you say it, casual, like an afterthought. “don’t worry about it.”
simon doesn’t blink. he knew you were going to say that because apparently you're the next coming of the good fucking samaritan. it still pisses him off.
he glances at you. at the torn-up upholstery of your car, the loose wires under the dash, the check engine light that’s been on this entire time, the faint but definite smell of something burning.
he drums his fingers against his knee. “i’ll fix your car.”
you argue about it, of course. insist it’s fine, like you don’t hear the death rattle when you start the engine. simon doesn’t argue back. doesn’t need to. just asks— when’s the last time you had it looked at?— and watches you press your lips together.
thought so.
“two days, at least,” he tells you.
your horror is almost funny. “two days?”
“maybe three.”
you stare at him like he just told you your dog died.
he pats the dashboard. “i’ll do what i can to keep it alive.”
it takes one day. he calls while you’re still half-asleep. “your car’s a lost cause.”
you meet up later so he can walk you through the damage in person.
you listen. don’t talk much, don’t get defensive. just nod as he points things out, as he explains the alternator’s failing, the battery’s shot, the brake pads are gone— and yeah, he’s still pissed about that one. your transmission is a liability. the engine’s practically running on fumes.
you sigh, dragging a hand over your face.
“i need my car,” you grumble. “i have plates to pass. blueprints that cannot get wet, or my professor will deduct major points. and-”
“i’ll drive you.”
you stop. blink. “what?”
“i’ll drive you,” he repeats, like it’s obvious.
you look at him, wary. “don’t you have work?”
“on break.”
“friends?”
he shakes his head. “not really.”
“family?”
he actually laughs. there's no real humor in it.
something shifts in your face. simon sees it before you do, the flicker of discomfort, the way you adjust your stance like there’s something you want to say but don’t know how.
simon doesn’t let you say it.
“tell me your schedule.” he shuts the hood like the matter’s settled. “text me when you need a ride. i’ll be there.”
you cross your arms. “so i get a chauffeur for fixing one prosthetic?”
he flexes his fingers. “you underestimate how much these cost.”
you roll your eyes. “you act like i replaced the whole thing.”
“you might as well have,” he mutters. “damn thing actually works now.”
you sigh, shifting on your feet. “you really don’t have plans?”
“if you count drinking beer alone, then yeah, i have plenty.
so he starts picking you up.
at first, it’s straightforward. you text him when you need a ride, and he shows up, no questions asked. no complaints, either— just grunts a greeting, waits for you to get in, and drives. sometimes he has the radio on. other times, it’s just quiet, the steady hum of the engine and the occasional flick of a turn signal.
simon doesn’t mind detours. when you run late and beg him to swing by a drive-thru, he just sighs and pulls into the next available one. doesn’t even say anything when you apologize through a mouthful of food, just takes a sip of his own coffee and keeps driving.
but, one morning, when you rush out of your apartment, tripping over your own feet, already bracing for the inevitable “can we stop by-”
simon just reaches into the passenger seat, grabs a bag, and tosses it into your lap.
you blink down at it. warm, heavy. smells good.
“…what’s this?”
he puts the truck into drive. “breakfast.”
“thanks,” you mumble, glancing at riley whose got his head wedged between the two of you, tongue lolling out, eyes bright as he watches you unwrap your sandwich.
“does he want some?”
simon doesn’t even look. “he always wants some.”
you tear off a piece anyway, holding it out. riley inhales it like it personally offended him
simon snorts. “you’re gonna spoil him.”
“he’s cute. he deserves it.”
“he’s a liability.”
“you’re just jealous ‘cause i don’t feed you by hand.”
you look up, realizing what you just said.
simon’s looking back at you. slow blink. unreadable.
heat licks at your neck. “i- i didn’t mean-”
riley whines, nosing at your hand for more food, and you’ve never been more grateful for a dog’s terrible sense of timing.
he hums, turning back to the road. “thought so.”
…
this keeps going for months. a pattern. a rhythm. the two of you slot into each other’s lives like you’ve always been there.
you stop thanking him when he brings you food. he stops questioning it when you drag him to your workshop to tinker with his arm.
and then, one day. he picks you up, just like always.
but this time—
you slide into the passenger seat and don’t say anything.
no greeting. no complaints. no requests for coffee. just sit back, staring straight ahead, like you’re still processing something.
simon frowns. “…what?”
“…my project is on prosthetic arms.”
his head snaps toward you. he doesn’t say anything. doesn’t ask if it’s because of him. because that— that feels too dangerous.
your hands grip your sleeves. “can i design you a new prosthetic arm?”
he doesn’t answer right away. doesn’t move. his fingers flex against the wheel.
you don’t look at him, and he doesn’t look at you, and it’s the first time in a long time he really feels like he’s made of metal and wire and things that aren’t his own.
you exhale. glance at him out of the corner of your eye.
he looks down. his palm, cold and impersonal. not really his, not entirely.
and— “…yeah,” he mutters, tapping his fingers against his thigh.
a beat.
“…all right.”
…
simon steps inside your apartment, and the first thing he notices is that it smells like you. not perfume, not some scent in a bottle— just you. a mix of coffee, paper, and something warm and lived-in. his boots make the floor creak slightly as he shifts, taking it all in.
riley, in comparison,immediately takes off, nose to the ground, sniffing every single thing he can get to. he pushes his head into the couch cushions, sticks his snout into your laundry pile, and stands on his hind legs to peek at the half-eaten bag of chips on the coffee table.
simon watches you rush to pull snacks away before riley gets his paws on them, muttering something about “you’d think i don’t feed you.” riley wags his tail in betrayal.
the space is cluttered but cozy. the kind of messy that isn’t disorganized, just... busy. like your life is so packed with things to do that it spills over into your home. there are loose papers on the coffee table, your drafting table is buried under textbooks and sketches, and there’s a laundry basket in the corner that’s almost full but not quite.
and the lamps. so many damn lamps. simon counts sixteen before he even makes it past the entrance.
you explain your thesis, and simon listens. really listens. you talk with your hands, explaining concepts in bursts of energy, excitement bright in your eyes. you tell him about rare alloys, cutting-edge designs, how the neural link would function with smoother input signals.
his stomach twists a little when you say it—
“i want to make you a new arm with all of that.”
simon doesn’t answer immediately. just exhales through his nose. he know he should say no. tell you it’s unnecessary. that his arm is fine. that he’s fine.
but then you pull out the blueprints, show him the design, and it’s... it’s good.
it’s really fucking good.
and he knows how much this tech costs. he remembers sitting in a sterile office, watching a man in a lab coat list out the prices of different prosthetic models. he remembers running his fingers over a brochure, seeing the way the most advanced models— the ones that felt like real limbs— were laughably out of reach.
“it’s expensive,” he says, voice flat. It’s not a question.
you hesitate. shift your weight. “…the university gave me a budget.”
he watches you. waits. “…and is it enough to cover the costs?”
you don’t answer.
he sighs and pulls out his phone.
you blink. “what are you doing?”
“making a call.”
simon doesn’t ask for favors. he doesn’t like owing people. doesn’t like being in someone’s debt. But this— this isn’t only for him.
it’s for you too.
he doesn’t hesitate when he dials price’s number. the line barely rings twice before it picks up. “this better be good, ghost.”
it's the price standard. no greeting, no pleasantries.
“it is,” he says. “need a favor.”
a pause. not because price is surprised— simon doesn’t ask for favors often, but when he does, it’s never something small. It’s never something for him.
“go on.”
simon glances at you. you’re watching him, curiosity and just a little bit of suspicion. the old leather of his gloves creaking as he crosses his arms. “need a sponsor.”
another pause. then, dry as hell— “what, you starting a football team?”
he rolls his eyes. “no.”
“boxing, then?”
“price.”
the humor fades. a quiet sigh. “who’s it for?”
he hesitates. just for a second. not because he doesn’t know what to say— because he doesn’t know why he’s saying it. “she’s building a prosthetic,” he says finally. “one I need.”
one i want, he doesn't say.
“your arm acting up?”
“yeah.”
“so get it fixed.”
“this is better.”
price doesn’t say anything for a while and simon knows the old man is thinking, turning things over, considering.
then: “she good?”
siimon glances at you again. you’re shifting through your notes now. he exhales. “yeah.”
he hums, considering. “you trust her?”
that’s what it comes down to. trust.
simon has trusted exactly three people in his life:
1. his mother. until she was gone.
2. price. who never asked for it, never demanded it, but earned it anyway.
3. johnny. who trusts him back without question.
and now, there’s you. he wouldn’t be making this call if he didn’t. “…yeah,” he says.
and that’s all price needs to hear.
you protest the second simon shoves the phone into your hands. try to give it back, eyes wide like he just handed you a live grenade.
but he just crosses his arms, leans against the drafting table, and nods at the phone. “explain.”
you hesitate for way too long before reluctantly pressing it to your ear. “alright, kid. sell me on it.”
you freeze.
“oh my god, i hate you,” you whisper at simon before launching into a shaky but passionate explanation of your thesis to whoever the hell is on the other end of this call.
price listens. makes the occasional noise of interest. asks a few questions. and then— “alright. send me the details. i’ll see what i can do.”
you blink. “wait- so-?”
“i’ll sponsor the damn thing. might even endorse it a little.”
you stare at the phone like it's just grown legs.
“just make sure it works, yeah?”
you nod like he can see you, mumbling out a “thank you so much, sir,” before fumbling to hand the phone back to simon.
simon takes it, tucks it back into his pocket, and proceeds to act like this wasn’t a big deal at all.
you gape at him. “who even was that guy?”
“someone you don’t want to owe a favor.”
your eyes narrow. “and you do?”
simon shrugs. “already owed him one.”
and that’s true. priice has done more for simon than he can count. gave him a job when he didn’t deserve one, gave him a reason to live when he thought he’d run out.
if sponsoring you means putting another tally on that tab, then so be it.
…
you learn more about simon throughout the months.
he doesn’t like cucumbers. you find that out when he picks them out of his sandwich with the kind of silent disgust that makes it clear this is a habit, a ritual, a deeply ingrained practice that will not change no matter how many times you tell him he’s being dramatic.
he doesn’t sleep much. that’s another thing. you catch it in the way he moves, the way his eyes flick around a room too quickly, too sharp for someone who’s gotten a full night’s rest. sometimes, when he’s sitting at your table and riley is curled up by his feet, he just stares off like he’s somewhere else, mind miles away. you don’t ask where.
he doesn’t like sitting with his back to the door. ever. it doesn’t matter where you are— your apartment, a coffee shop, some hole-in-the-wall diner— he always angles himself so he can see the entrance. you test it once, sitting at a booth before he gets there, taking the seat facing the door. when he arrives, he stares at you for all of two seconds before just sighing and sliding in next to you instead of across. you don’t do it again.
he fixes things when he’s anxious. your loose cabinet hinge, the flickering kitchen light, the leaky faucet. he doesn’t say anything. just gets up, pulls out a tool, and starts working like it’s the most natural thing in the world. you find out that the calluses on his fingers aren’t just from weapons—he knows how to take things apart and put them back together, knows how to get grease under his nails, how to run his hands over a surface and understand exactly how it works.
he doesn’t like closed doors. doesn’t like feeling boxed in. when he’s at your place, he always leaves the door cracked, just a little. at first, you think it’s just a habit, but one night you’re in the kitchen and you see the way his shoulders ease when he glances up and sees the open space. you don’t say anything. you just stop closing the door all the way when he’s around.
one day, you’re working on fitting the prosthetic to his stump. it’s finally starting to look like an arm.
simon sits across from you, his forearm resting on the table as you carefully adjust the fit. he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t shift, doesn’t do anything except watch as you secure the straps and check the connection points.
“any discomfort?” you ask, frowning as you examine the joints.
he flexes his fingers, rolling his wrist. “no.”
you glance up. “are you sure?”
he snorts, a short breath of amusement. “you want me to make somethin’ up?”
“no, i want you to tell me if it hurts.”
his lips twitch, but he doesn’t argue. just shifts slightly, testing the range of motion. “feels good,” he says finally.
you nod, make a note. “good.”
rain starts somewhere in the background. a soft patter at first, then heavier, filling the quiet of your apartment. you barely notice at first, too focused on your work, but then you glance up and realize how late it’s gotten.
simon leans back slightly, rolling his shoulders. the room is dim now, the warm glow of your lamps casting long shadows across the walls. riley is curled up on the couch, one ear flicking at the sound of the rain.
you hesitate.
simon notices. lifts a brow.
“what?”
you swallow, shifting in your seat. “would you like to stay over?”
there’s a beat of silence.
simon blinks, slow. looks at you, then out the window, where the rain is coming down in thick, steady sheets.
“…you sure?”
you nod, maybe a little too fast. “yeah. it’s late. roads are bad.” you clear your throat. “and- i mean. it’s not like you sleep much anyway, right?”
he huffs out something that could be a laugh. drags a hand down his face. when he looks back at you, his expression is unreadable, something wry and considering.
“alright,” he says finally. “but i’m takin’ the couch.”
you roll your eyes. “obviously.”
he smirks. you get up to grab blankets. riley stretches on the couch, taking up as much space as possible, and simon mutters something about “bloody dog” but doesn’t move him.
the rain keeps falling. the room is warm.
simon stays.
…
months of refining, testing, and sleepless nights have led to this— the almost-final version of the prototype. the culmination of your work, a piece of engineering so advanced it almost breathes beneath your fingertips. simon sits before you, broad shoulders hunched slightly forward, his flesh-and-blood hand resting on his knee while the new prosthetic gleams under the workshop lights.
it’s a work of art, even if he’d never call it that. matte black plating, smooth but lined with faint ridges where the internal components shift and adjust to mimic the movement of muscle. beneath the casing, synthetic tendons coil and flex like real ones, powered by the delicate balance of neural signals and finely tuned actuators. when he moves his fingers, the transition is seamless, each digit reacting in perfect sync with his intent, no longer the slight delay of older models.
he watches as you adjust the final connection points, the alignment of the servos. the heat of his gaze is palpable, but he stays silent, letting you work.
then— a flicker in the system.
it's subtle at first, a low hum beneath the surface of the plating. then it builds. a vibration rolls through the arm, an erratic tremor that makes the fingers twitch. simon lifts it slightly, inspecting it with mild curiosity, flexing his hand.
“huh,” he muses, tone is as dry as ever. “well. could be a vibrator.”
your brain short-circuits. “what-” your fingers slip, almost dropping the tool in your hand. heat floods your face. “that’s- no. absolutely not.”
he tilts his head, studying you like he’s just found something interesting. “was this meant-”
“no!” you blurt, too quick, too loud.
simon is skeptical. “be honest.”
your throat tightens. you look at the circuitry, the faint whir of the servos, anywhere but his face. “…i just- i thought it’d be good-”
his brow arches. “good for what?”
“you look like someone who gets a lot of girls, alright?”
there’s a beat of silence.
simon leans back slightly, tapping his fingers against the metal plating. the low buzz of the malfunctioning motor is the only sound in the room. “is that so?”
before you can even think of a way to explain yourself, he moves.
his grip is swift, fingers curling around your wrist. there’s no real force behind it, no intention to hurt. just a casual show of strength, a reminder of just how easy it is for him to manhandle you. you barely have time to react before he pulls, tipping you off balance.
you land on his lap, breath stuttering out of you in a quiet gasp.
he settles you there like you belong, his flesh-and-blood hand pressing into the small of your back. you feel the heat of him beneath you, the solid mass of his thighs, the way his breath stays even while yours quickens.
the prosthetic hums again.
before your brain can catch up, he moves his arm, pressing the vibrating palm against the seam of your jeans, right between your thighs.
your spine straightens, legs twitching against the instinct to squeeze shut, but his knee is right there, keeping you open.
simon makes a considering noise, watching your reaction. his voice drops, low and lazy.
“since you built it,” he muses, letting the vibration roll against you, “might as well test its full range of function, yeah?”
his head tilts, gaze flicking down to your parted lips. you’re already shaking, already aching, slick and soaked through before he’s even put his hands on you properly.
his weight shifts, thighs bracketing yours, hands adjusting. the grip he has on you firms, fingers pressing deep into soft flesh, making sure you don’t slip away.
not that you would. not that you could.
his breath ghosts over your cheek and your head tips back automatically, a slow surrender, baring your throat. simon makes a low sound of approval, and then his fingers tighten, curling into the denim at your hips.
"si-"
"oh, sweetheart.” he slowly tugging your pants down. "you in a rush? thought you liked when i took my time."
simon's hand drags over your thigh, metal knuckles gliding over your skin. the pressure he uses is just enough to make you feel it, to make your breath hitch, thighs twitching as something hot sparks low in your belly.
"shakin’, love. that bad, huh?"
his fingers stroke over your panties, pressing into the slick beneath.
"fuck," simon laughs, dragging his palm over your thigh, fingers spreading, squeezing. "you're dripping. what, just from me takin’ off your jeans? christ, love, that’s pathetic. you really need it that bad?"
your hips jolt, desperate, chasing friction. instinct drives you— no thought, no shame, just the raw ache of needing him.
simon tsks, shaking his head like it’s funny, like he isn’t already rolling his hips against your leg, cock hard and twitching beneath denim. his fingers press against the soaked cotton between your thighs, rubbing slow circles over your clit.
"built this thing for me," he mutters, mostly to himself, watching his own fingers move, the thick, cool metal pressed flush against heat-swollen flesh. "and look at you. already makin’ a fuckin’ mess all over it."
his mouth twitches. not quite a smirk. something meaner, hungrier.
his gaze drags up, pinning you in place. sharp. knowing. "bet you thought about it, though," he says. "at least once. didn’t you?"
heat spikes through you, curling in your gut. shame prickles at the edges, but it doesn’t matter. not when he’s right. you had thought about it. had imagined this. had pictured his prosthetic between your legs, pressing down, making you beg, the hard edges of metal digging into soft, soaked flesh, the slow hum vibrating against your clit until you couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but come apart on him.
your fingers clutch at his shoulders, grasping for something solid, but he doesn’t move. doesn’t acknowledge how you tremble beneath him. just watches. tracks.
you stare up at him, panting, barely able to focus, and— god, his face.
the sharp lines of his jaw, the slope of his cheekbones, the scar that cuts jagged through the scruff along his chin. his stubble is coarse, speckled with hints of gray, a little uneven along his jaw. coarse shadows frame his mouth, dust over his upper lip, the cut of his jaw. his nose has been broken before, maybe more than once, slightly crooked where it was never set right. the thin pink ridge of an old scar cuts through his left eyebrow, splitting it clean in half, a deeper line stretching down the side of his face, the tail end disappearing into the rough stubble at his jaw.
you don’t get long to stare.
his mouth crashes against yours, rough and urgent, teeth knocking against teeth, lips parting just enough to let him shove his tongue deep, curling against yours, licking into your mouth, taking, claiming.
his teeth sink into your bottom lip, sharp, hard enough to sting. you whimper, legs shaking, and he groans like he feels it everywhere, like he wants to eat you alive.
then— a hum. low. steady. vibrating against your cunt.
your whole body jolts, spine arching, hands flying to his arms, fingers twisting into the thick, corded muscle of his biceps.
you gasp into his mouth, try to pull back, try to breathe, but he doesn’t let you.
simon’s arm locks around your waist, dragging you closer, pressing you down against the hard, pulsing vibration between your legs.
"fuckin’ christ," he groans, fingers slipping beneath soaked fabric, spreading you open. his breath stutters, mouth barely moving as he stares down at his own hand, at the thick, slick mess coating his fingers. "you’re soaked."
his cock throbs against your thigh, thick and heavy where it presses into the denim of his jeans, pulsing hot through the fabric.
his fingers stroke through slick, teasing, pressing against your clit, and the vibration amps up.
you cry out, body jolting, hips stuttering, but he catches them in both hands, grips them tight, holds you still.
"jumped like a scared little rabbit.” Simon's breath is warm against your jaw, lips dragging over your pulse.
his hand stills.
his fingers rest against your clit, pressing just enough to make you squirm, to keep you teetering, but he doesn’t move. doesn’t push you over. "should turn it up, yeah?"
your breath hitches, hips jolt, but his grip plants you right where he wants you.
"no runnin’," he breathes against your mouth. "you take what i fuckin’ give you."
pressure builds. tightens. burns through you a f through it all his eyes stay locked on yours.
the vibration shifts— harder, deeper. his fingers push inside, stretching, filling, pressing against every aching, sensitive spot.
your moan rips from your throat, raw and wrecked, nails sinking into the hard planes of his back. your legs twitch, thighs trembling where they clamp around his sides, but he doesn’t let up. doesn’t ease up.
simon grins, sharp and smug, lips curling against your temple. “atta girl,” he breathes, pushing you down, keeping you still.
his fingers press firm against the swollen bud beneath, dragging slow, torturous circles that make you jerk.
"swollen, love," his knuckles brush over your clit just enough to make your whole body twitch. "look at you-" his tongue drags over his bottom lip. "all fucked-out already, and i haven’t even started.”
a whimper spills from your throat. you twist beneath him, trying to get away— but there’s nowhere to go. simon is everywhere all at once.
simon’s head dips, breath warm as it ghosts over slick, swollen flesh. you’re open for him, spread wide, cunt glistening— slick dripping down the crease of your thigh, pooling beneath you.
he noses at you, the rough drag of his stubble scraping over sensitive skin, pressing lazy, open-mouthed kisses along the inside of your thigh.
"tastes sweet," he mutters, lips barely brushing where you need him. "dripping all over yourself, love. makin’ a fuckin’ mess just for me."
his tongue flicks out— soft, fleeting— not enough.
you cry out, hands flying to his hair, fingers twisting, trying to pull him in, trying to keep him there.
he smirks against your skin. "shh." another lick, just to watch you tremble. "poor thing. so sensitive."
you twitch, hips chasing his mouth, aching for more, needing him to stop teasing, needing him to eat you alive. but then—
he pulls away.
your eyes snap open, bleary, wild.
you barely register him moving, barely track the way he rises up, broad and so fucking smug.
you're about to ask where he's going when you you hear it.
the clink of his belt.
your breath hitches.
he drags it out, making you watch as his fingers work the buckle, making you listen to the quiet rasp of the zipper, the rustle of denim as he shoves his jeans down just enough—
his cock is flushed dark at the tip. pre-cum beads at the slit, smearing as he wraps his fingers around the base, giving it a slow, teasing stroke. the sheer girth of it stretches his grip wide, the veins running down the shaft prominent, pulsing, standing out beneath the taut skin. he’s obscenely long, thick enough that your thighs instinctively press together, anticipation twisting tight in your gut.
simon strokes himself again, dragging his fist up the thick length, thumb circling the swollen tip. his cock twitches in his grip, another bead of precum welling at the slit, spilling over, tracing a slick path down the ridges of a pulsing vein.
his fingers flex around the base, squeezing, drawing another lazy stroke up before dragging his thumb along the sensitive underside. a quiet exhale leaves him, sharp through his nose, body tensing at his own touch.
he taps the swollen head against your clit, watches the way you shudder, thighs trying to squeeze together even as they stay spread for him.
a whimper breaks from your throat.
simon smiles. "need it that bad, huh?"
you nod frantically, thighs trembling, nails biting into his skin.
he exhales through his nose, head shaking like he can’t believe you.
"fuckin’ insatiable," he mutters, pressing the head against your cunt. "guess i’ll just have to fuck it all out of you."
you sob beneath him, legs hooked around his waist, nails clawing at his shoulders.
"so tight," he grits out. "fuck- look at you, baby. takin’ me so good."
simon sinks an inch, just enough for the head to pop inside and his breath catches, body locking up, heat surging through his spine.
your cunt swallows him whole, warm and wet and too fucking tight, and instinct takes over—
his hips snap forward, bottoming out in one sharp stroke.
a broken noise rips from his throat, something between a groan and a whine, his body shuddering, his hands gripping your hips too tight as his cock jerks inside you, pulsing, spilling hot and thick before he can stop it.
his forehead drops to your shoulder, his whole body trembling, breath coming ragged, desperate.
"fuck-" his voice breaks. "oh, fuck."
your cunt throbs around him, squeezing, milking him even though he hasn’t even moved, and the overstimulation makes his body jolt, makes his jaw lock tight.
"oh my god.” your fingers claw at his back. "simon-!"
he groans into your skin, cock still twitching inside you.
"jesus christ..” he drags in a shaky breath, pulling back just enough to see your face— tear-streaked and glassy-eyed. "m'sorry- fuck, baby, i’m sorry, it’s been-" he chokes on his words, shaking his head, voice breaking. "god, it's been so long-"
he drags in another breath, body screaming, cock still throbbing with the aftershocks of his orgasm, but you’re still crying, still trembling beneath him, still so fucking needy.
and fuck, you deserve better than that.
he shakes his head, tries to will himself to stop, to apologize, to pull out— let you laugh at him if you want.
but your cunt is still squeezing him, soft and warm and perfect, and he can’t.
his hands slide down, gripping your thighs, spreading you open wider.
"fuck- i got you, baby," he pants, hips pulling back before snapping forward again. "fuckin’ hell.” his whole body shakes. "gonna make it up to you, promise. gonna give it to you like you need, yeah? gonna fuck you so good, baby, you’ll feel me for days."
you wail beneath him, thrashing, tears streaking hot down your cheeks, mouth open on a sob as he fucks into you, fast and hard, ignoring the way his cock aches, the way his whole body protests, pushing through it because you need this.
"simon- simon, please- oh my god- fuck!"
"shh, shh," he coos, a little breathless. "i know, baby, i know. takin’ it so good- fuck, squeezin’ me so tight."
you sob harder, clinging to him, and he groans, burying his face in your neck, pressing messy, open-mouthed kisses to your throat, sucking little bruises into your skin.
"fuck- oh fuck," his hips stutter, his own release rising again, too soon, too intense, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t give a fuck if it hurts.
"c’mon, love," he pants, "give me one more, yeah? cry all you want, baby, i love when you cry."
and when you finally do, when your body locks up around him and your walls squeeze tight, he groans loud and desperate, hips stuttering as he fucks you through it.
"there it is, fuck, there it is-"
he’s so proud, pressing wet, messy kisses to your cheeks, licking away the salt of your tears, whispering, "such a good girl, takin’ me so well, so fuckin’ perfect-"
"gonna cum again," simon tells you, almost pleading, "need to, sweetheart- need to cum deep in this perfect fucking cunt again-"
you wail, nodding, sobbing his name as your own orgasm crashes over you, squeezing down around him so tight it nearly knocks the air from his lungs.
simon groans, pressing his forehead to yours, gasping, desperate, hips snapping forward in rough, short little thrusts.
"good girl," he chokes out, "good fuckin’ girl-"
and then he's spilling into you again, sobbing into your skin, wrecked and shaking and completely fucking gone.
fuck all romance except whatever the fuck that dwarf king and his burglar hobbit had going on
style swap
elrond: must you always attack me with words? durin: you want me to use rocks??
Frodo: Sam hates Gollum, but that is what I shall become once I have lost myself to the ring… he’ll despise me…
Sam if Frodo did turn into a Gollum: That’s a very nice fish you caught with your bare hands, Mr. Frodo, and its very smart of you to eat it raw, saves us the trouble of starting a fire. I knitted you a sweater in case you get cold running around in that loincloth of yours. Is the sun hurting your eyes? I’ll kill it if it’s bothering you. I’ll kill the sun
LOTR & HOBBIT TEXT POSTS
This is absolutely amazing and absolutely canon
Imagine Ghost accidentally conditioning the 141...
Ghost is busy. Always. Too much paperwork, too many reports, too many logistics to handle before training. It’s 1400 before he realizes he’s skipped lunch. Again.
Not a big deal. Not the first time. Won’t be the last.
But he is hungry.
His eyes land on the bright pink bag of Valentine’s Day mini Snickers that’s been sitting, untouched, on his desk for a week. They were part of a bulk shipment to the base; some gift or something.
Not exactly lunch. But it’ll do.
He grabs the bag and heads for the training field. He’s two minutes late, not that it matters much because Soap and Gaz already have the unit ready.
"Where’s Price?" he asks, tearing open the bag as he walks up.
"Got pulled away. You’ve got this one, Sir," Gaz replies, raising a brow as Ghost lifts his mask just enough to pop a Snickers into his mouth.
Ghost doesn’t react, just grunts.
Today’s drill is a simple infiltration exercise. Hell, it's something Ghost or Price hardly have to be here for. Their presence would be more of a formality. Gaz leads the attackers. Soap leads the defenders. The teams get ten minutes to plan, to prep.
And then Ghost sounds the time up, and the groups move.
Ghost watches, leaning against a crate, chewing another Snickers, barely paying attention to one of the new guys—until the kid steps right into a trap. Ghost sees it before he does.
Blue powder erupts into his face.
Soap’s defenders descend, but the kid doesn’t go down easily. Blind, but still fighting back, holding his own until his team pulls him out.
Soap's team wins. Barely.
When it’s over, the teams regroup. Ghost is still eating Snickers.
He turns to the recruit, still dusted blue.
"What 'appened?"
"Didn’t see the wire." The kid shifts uncomfortably.
Ghost turns to the unit. "Who set it?"
One of the defenders raises a hand. Ghost considers him for a moment before reaching into the bag.
He tosses a mini-Snickers at the soldier.
The guy catches it. Looks at it. Looks at Ghost. Eats it.
Ghost turns back to the newbie. "Held your own. Tha' matters. Surprises happen. Don’t let ‘em get you again."
And that’s it. Training’s dismissed. Ghost pockets the rest of the Snickers and moves on.
...
The next day, Price is still gone. Ghost doesn’t skip lunch this time, but he still brings the Snickers bag.
They run the same drill.
Same recruit. Same route. But this time, he checks everything. Quick. Efficient. Finds the wire. Disarms it.
No blue powder today.
Gaz’s team wins.
Ghost eyes the recruit and flicks a Snickers at him. The kid catches it mid-air.
...
By the end of the week, Price is still gone. Ghost keeps the pink bag of Snickers on him during training. Like it's just another part of his kit.
One or two mini snickers get handed out every session. And nobody really notices at first. But the team starts moving differently.
They work harder. Smarter. More ruthless. More efficient. No one wants to be the guy who doesn’t get a Snickers.
Even the veterans sharpen their tactics. Gaz and Soap notice. But no one says a damn thing. If Ghost is going to give them snickers, then shut the gel up and let him give them snickers.
...
They're sent on a mission. High stakes.
They don't lose a single man. Not a single injury.
At the end of it, back on their transport home, Ghost pulls the pink danm bag from some unassuming pocket and hands out the snickers.
The men take them without question. They earned it.
But Ghost is running low. The bag nearly empty.
...
At the next training, Ghost doesn't hand out a single snickers. Not on purpose, but the bag is empty, so there's nothing left to do.
But the others notice. Gaz squints. Soap looks like a confused dog. Head tilt and all. The newbies glance at each other, shifting.
...
Two days later, Ghost swings his door open at 0600 sharp—and pauses.
Sitting just outside his door, neat as you please, is a bag of mini Snickers. Not the Valentine’s ones anymore. Just regular.
Ghost blinks. Hums. Pleasantly surprised, he picks up the bag, inspecting it briefly before stuffing it into his tac vest like it’s just another piece of gear.
He doesn’t think much of it. It’s a good snack.
At training, he does as he always does. Watches. Observes. Evaluates.
And then, without thinking, he tosses a Snickers at a recruit who clears a building faster than expected.
He snaps to attention as he catches it, eyes shining. Ghost does not question it.
The pattern continues.
And when he starts running low, Ghost finds a fresh bag of Snickers waiting for him.
Somebody—somewhere—has decided that the Snickers will not run out.
...
At training, at drills, in the field, there is a silent expectation. A new, unspoken rule. Do something exceptional? Get a Snickers.
The machine of the 141—the deadliest operators in the world—now snaps to attention at the crinkle of plastic.
They move with a ruthless kind of precision, bodies coiled, eyes sharp—waiting, anticipating.
Even Gaz and Soap are part of it now—though everyone refuses to acknowledge it outright.
But the moment Ghost hands one of his men a Snickers, he takes it.
Silently. Gratefully. Like a goddamn reward.
Ghost does not acknowledge this. Not out loud. But he keeps handing them out.
And they keep earning them.
They'd quite literally kill for a Snickers. (imagine what they'd do for an expensive piece of chocolate)
...
And then Price comes back three weeks later. He walks into the training area and pauses.
Something is off.
The unit is too sharp. Too focused. The newbies stand stock still in their group, as if waiting for something.
Gaz and Soap exchange a look. Soap refuses to meet Price’s eyes.
But he doesn't acknowledge it, until he begins unwrapping a plastic sleeve holding a new pen. The plastic is thick and loud. And half of their fucking head snaps his way. The hungry eyes of three dozen of soldiers latching on him.
Ghost, standing at the edge of the group, tears open a fresh bag of Snickers.
And now the entire fucking unit reacts. Subtle shifts in stance. Focused attention. Expectant silence.
Price squints. Frowns.
Ghost flicks a Snickers at a recruit. He earned it today.
The recruit catches it like it’s a holy offering and eats it immediately.
Price’s frown deepens. Slowly, carefully, he turns to Ghost. “The fuck did I miss?”
READ THIS SHIT TOO OML IMMA DIE
Set My Mind Free
Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x f!Reader
Summary: “'Just wanted to…' You rolled your eyes, trying to explain yourself, 'After our conversation last week—you and me—I thought it was only fair. I mean, he waited by me, right? So what kind of Sergeant would I be if I didn’t look out for him? Just repaying his...kindness.'”
Warnings: SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI!!!!) oral (f receiving), p in v sex, intercrural sex, dirty talk, praise, very mild degradation, canon typical violence, detailed descriptions of wounds, allusions to PTSD, reader experiences a very detailed panic attack, discussion of panic attacks/anxiety, discussion of drug use and addiction (not reader), implied age gap (ages not mentioned), enemies to frenemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, I know little to nothing about how the military works, if I missed anything please let me know!!
AN: Part 1 here!!
By 4:00 AM, you’d stopped crying and told yourself that you would go to sleep.
But by 5:00 AM you were still awake, staring up at the ceiling and listening to the faint rhythm of your heart.
There was nothing you could do.
There was one thing you could do—but it required a sense of decency, and a level of respect that you worried wouldn’t translate properly from your brain to your mouth.
You didn’t know what you would say, if there was anything to say at all, and yet you still felt the urge to find Simon.
But he was probably asleep, just like everybody else on base, and likely in no mood to see you if he was up.
And you were worried how you’d act, seeing him at his lowest.
After several minutes of going back and forth between your limited options, you slipped out of bed, donning a sweatshirt and making sure you remembered shoes this time around. You grabbed the shirt—maybe he’d take it back now that he knew what it was like.
You puttered inside your room for a moment longer, hesitating, before you found the nerve to open your door and walk down the hall to the infirmary.
It was dark out, but the floods outside forced streaks of light into the barracks. You could hear nothing but your own footsteps, and the fact that nobody else was awake to see you like this; hair stuck to your temples from the tears you’d shed, carrying a blood-soaked shirt to a man who probably didn’t want to see anybody—least of all you—was reassuring.
You braced yourself for the grating sound of the infirmary doors against the floor, pushing them open slowly to keep the unnecessary racket at bay.
He was asleep in the same cot you had been in, and he managed to make it look even more cramped than it had felt when you’d been in it: lying on his back, he’d propped his head up with the single pillow he’d been offered, clearly trying to keep his feet from dangling off the end of the mattress.
It didn’t work, and he still had to bend at the knee to fit in the cot properly.
He’d been stripped from the waist up, and the left side of his abdomen was covered in gauze and bandages that likely concealed stitches over an ugly wound. But he still looked beautiful, and you kicked yourself for even daring to allow the thought to run through your head.
He still had his mask on. Of course he did.
You situated yourself in the same seat Gaz had been sitting in when you’d woken up, setting the shirt to the side and just looking at him.
That’s all you could do. Look.
You wouldn’t wake him up. You had nothing to say. And even if you did wake him, it was unlikely he’d be able to say anything of substance with all the morphine they probably had him on
So you sat quietly, staring at him; his mask, his bandages. Your wounds were in the same place, which meant nothing, but it still filled you with a profound sense of awe, a subtle yanking in your abdomen.
“Figured you’d come by.” Ghost’s voice broke through the silence of the infirmary, and you flinched.
“Fucking—Christ, Simon,” you sighed, gripping your thighs as you collected yourself, “How long have you been awake?”
He stared up at you, ignoring your question. “Pick a new name yet?” When you looked at him quizzically, he elaborated, “Not Berserker anymore?”
“Oh—no,” you had forgotten about wanting to change your callsign—too many things had been plaguing your mind, pushing your concern about a name to the back. “Still Berserker. For now.”
The conversation fizzled out, but you didn’t want it to end. You blurted the first thing that came to mind.
“I never thanked you.”
“For?” He seemed oddly relaxed for a man who’d just been shot.
“For?” You mocked him, almost playfully; what else would you possibly have to thank him for? “Saving me from, y’know…bleeding out.”
“My job.” Simon shifted, trying to stretch in the tight confines of the cot.
“No, but…it isn’t, is it?” You found yourself questioning his words aloud, “Your job is…lead, call the shots…”
There may have been nuances in his title that made it his responsibility to show compassion, but there was definitely nothing that said he had to kneel beside you while you bled; use his clothing in place of a bandage; care for you after you had done something so stupid and avoidable.
You bit your tongue, remembering how you’d screamed at him so intensely about how he didn’t do anything that wasn’t in the job description.
“Whatever, I’m…” you sighed, furrowing your brows and giving yourself another moment to back out of saying the next words. “I’m glad it’s you I call Lieutenant. Anybody else probably would’ve seen me as a lost cause—back there, and in…in a lot of the situations we end up in.” You couldn’t stop yourself from praising him, not after the events of the night and your self-reflection. “You’re a good Lieutenant.”
He didn’t respond. You were too uncomfortable to deal with any more silence, so you continued.
“You’re a good person, Simon.”
“Why me?” You’d hardly finished saying his name when he bombarded you with the question.
“What?” You didn’t understand what he was asking.
“Gaz is your mate, yeah?” In the low light of the room, you could see his eyes scanning your face, “‘Nd Soap. Both of 'em would’a helped.” He tilted his head back, and you realized what he was talking about.
You tried to push down the way your heart screamed for him.
“I trust you.” You answered with your brain instead.
“You trust them.” It was amazing to you that a man in his condition still had the energy to argue about such superfluous things.
“Yeah,” you shrugged, “But it’s…different. I think.” You didn’t care to explain.
Slowly, he nodded, as if trying to deconstruct the meaning of your words.
“And, you know…” You finally found your confidence, “Figured if I was gonna die, I could at least find out what it was like to have your hands on me first.”
You didn’t know why that was the direction you went in, taking a lighthearted approach and praying that it would come off as a joke.
“Could’a jus’ asked,” Simon sighed, and to your relief, he sounded amused. “Always wanted you to give me the go 'head.”
You felt your heart stutter, but you rationalized that all the drugs he was on were probably making him loopy.
“Would’a been nicer wi'out all the blood—better story for the grandkids.” He closed his eyes.
You just hummed, smiling. He must have been drugged to the nines.
He went silent again, and you stayed seated beside him, listening to the way his breathing leveled out as he drifted off to sleep.
If what Gaz said was true, and if Simon really had kept vigil over you while you were out cold, then it was the least you could do now for him. It was funny, in a melodramatic sort of way, thinking about how the two of you had switched places.
When you were certain he was asleep, you dropped your voice to a whisper.
“I brought you your shirt back,” you picked it up from the spot you’d left it when you had first come in, crumpled on the chair next to you. “I know you don’t want it…but…I don’t think I do, either.” You smiled, adding, “Maybe a clean one.”
You paused, half expecting him to respond. When he didn’t, sound asleep, you continued.
“I’ve seen all the shirts you own. Not a lot on rotation.”
You stewed in your thoughts, realizing that having him trapped as an unconscious audience gave you the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth—at least to a degree.
“I just don’t want to have this reminder of my own fuck up. And of what you had to do to…”
To keep me from dying, you didn’t say—couldn’t say, despite the fact that he wouldn’t hear you.
“But if I give it to you now, as a—if we treat it like a gag, like it’s something funnier than it is…” You pulled at the fabric, “At least…let me care, Simon. Even if it’s just this once. Pretend you’re ok with being cared for.”
Let me show you how deeply I care.
You folded the shirt in your lap, putting it on the small table next to the bed and rising from your seat.
You let your gaze rake over him, once again taking note of how oversized he was in the cot. In a way, though, as he lay, contorted and bandaged, he looked so, so small. Like a child that couldn’t bear to separate from their first bed; desperate for comfort that he couldn’t find and wouldn’t admit to craving.
How the mighty fall.
But he’d be out of here in a day. He wouldn’t let himself waste away in the infirmary—he wouldn’t be like you.
You couldn’t help the way you reached out to graze your fingers over the hem of his balaclava. For how often you grumbled about wanting to tear it off his face, you had no intention of doing so now.
You knew better. You just wanted to feel that part of him.
It was soft. You smiled.
Of course it was.
You brushed your thumb over the fabric that covered his cheek, smiling softly. Maybe the emotions you’d experienced over the course of the night were still running high, but you felt like you might tear up.
And you felt like maybe you’d be ok showing him this kind of affection even if he was awake.
You did your best to remain unwavering in the face of yearning.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you, LT,” you pulled your hand back from his face, “Won’t do it again.”
~~~
The sun was coming up when you left the infirmary, and the hall glowed with an eerie pre-dawn atmosphere that comforted you in the strangest of ways.
You had time; he would see another sunrise.
You found yourself knocking on Gaz’s door, eager to apologize for snapping at him hours prior during your rampage.
He opened the door, already dressed, and the smile on his face helped you remember that no matter what you did, he understood.
Kyle always understood.
“Up early.” He noted, taking in your disheveled appearance.
“So are you,” you pointed out, and he smirked. “I wanted to say sorry.”
“For what?” He swung the door open wider, walking back into his room and silently beckoning you inside.
“Screaming at you last night—this morning,” you kind of laughed, feeling awkward for the storm of feelings you’d lashed him with. “I don’t want you to…I’m not mad at you. Or anything. And I don’t want you to be mad at me. I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”
You walked into his room, closing the door behind you, and he laughed.
“I’m not mad,” he sat at his desk, “Why would I be mad?”
“Because I cursed you out after you saw our Lieutenant get bodied,” you sighed, trying to make the situation seem lighter with your phrasing. “Shitty of me to do.”
“You were upset.” Gaz looked at you in a way that made you feel more at ease; he could see through you, but you didn’t really mind it right now.
“Yeah,” you nodded, “I was.”
“You still upset?”
“N—no…” You measured your feelings; you still felt a strange buzzing throughout your body, but you chalked it up to lack of sleep and the rush of adrenaline you'd been dealt. “I’m alright.”
You hesitated, looking around Gaz’s room to avoid having to meet his eyes.
“I went to see him.”
“Uh-huh.” Gaz raised an eyebrow at you.
“Just wanted to…” You rolled your eyes, trying to explain yourself, “After our conversation last week—you and me—I thought it was only fair. I mean, he waited by me, right? So what kind of Sergeant would I be if I didn’t look out for him? Just repaying his...kindness.”
Gaz didn’t say anything, but his lips morphed into a poorly concealed smirk.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he shook his head, “Just happy to see you two getting along.”
“Yeah, well—now that we’ve both been brought back from the brink in the span of less than a month, it’s a little easier to empathize with him.”
“Is'at it?” Gaz looked up at you knowingly, and you rolled your eyes again.
“It is.” You lied.
“Right,” he nodded, trying not to come off too pleased. “Good.”
“I’m happy that you’re not mad.” You muttered.
“And I’m happy that you’re feeling better,” he replied, voice tender. “You sleep at all?”
You shrugged, shaking your head.
“Try.” Was all he said.
“I know,” you nodded, heaving a sigh, “I will.”
He stood, patting you on the back and leading you out of his room.
“I’m serious, by the way,” he shook your shoulder playfully, “Happy that you and him have found common ground.”
“Yeah,” you smiled softly, turning to face him when you’d stepped over the threshold, “Me too.”
~~~
A full day had passed before there was a knock on your door. When you opened it, you weren’t as surprised as you thought you’d be to see Ghost standing opposite you.
“You’re up.” You stated, rather dumbly. He looked as though he had never been in the infirmary at all, clad in all black, gloves and balaclava on.
“Nothin' to do in ‘ere.” He grumbled, and you smiled.
“I think that’s the point, Simon.”
His eyes darted to the side before his gaze settled back on you, as if he was making only a halfhearted attempt at rolling them.
“Thought I told you to keep this.” Ghost held his hand out, and you recognized the shirt.
You sighed. “I kinda just figured—I dunno. Thought it would be…funny? You were so drugged up. You looked…” You tried to think of an excuse, coming up dry. You shrugged, “Thought you might finally want it back.”
“Wasn’t drugged.” His eyes narrowed a tad, having ignored everything you said to him after you mentioned him being drugged.
“What?” You furrowed your brow.
“Wasn’t drugged,” he huffed, “Don’t like 'at shit.”
“It’s morphine.” You smiled, amused by his discontent at the notion of taking painkillers.
Your delight at his distrust of anesthetics almost drowned out the loud thought at the front of your mind as you remembered the words he said to you as he lay in the medical cot.
Always wanted you to give me the go ahead.
You shook it off; you had been joking, and he had been joking back.
“They don’t give it to me. Don’t let ‘em.” His voice became a bit smaller, and you tried to reason with him.
“But it makes you feel better—great, even.” You offered an amused sigh, tilting your head.
“Brother was a druggy.” He stared daggers at you, and you were taken aback.
“Oh—I—”
“Don’t,” he shook his head before you could come up with an appropriate response. “'Eard it all before. Dead, either way.”
You nodded, resigned. Your gaze fell to the floor.
You knew a lot about Simon, but there were certain things he kept closer to his chest. He dropped lore at random moments—usually in an effort to shut people down, but this felt sincere. Vulnerable, even.
“Do you wanna come in?”
You could see his brow furrow, the familiar crease between his eyes appearing.
“Into your room?” He looked at you curiously before just barely nodding, “Sure.”
You stepped to the side, raising an arm to invite him in.
He walked slowly, taking in the look of the space; it was plain, barely decorated—like most of the rooms on base—but there were still pieces of you that lingered.
A blue hairbrush on your nightstand, pens with gnawed-on caps scattered about, half-finished reports on your desk.
He pulled the chair from your desk and sat. You couldn’t tear your eyes from him, as hard as you tried.
He was clearly still uncomfortable, tilting slightly to one side, but you couldn’t help but feel as though he looked right in your room.
You settled on the edge of your bed, pulling your legs up to your chest.
“You doin’ a'right?” He cleared his throat, worried that he’d made the situation uncomfortable by mentioning his brother.
“Yeah,” you nodded, looking back up at him. “Better.”
“Look, uh…tired.” He was slow to say it.
“Thanks, Simon,” you laughed sardonically, but tried to show him you were only kidding. “Always know what to say.”
“Meant—'ave you not been sleeping?” He tried to save face.
“Not well.” You chewed the inside of your cheek.
He nodded, eyes flickering over your form before trailing back to your face.
“Something keepin' you up?”
“Wish it was that simple,” you swallowed, tightening your grip around your legs where they pressed against your chest. “I’m, um…the thought of sleeping is pretty…daunting? Lately.”
“You scared?”
“Putting it lightly.”
There was a long pause, during which he seemed to study you. You didn’t squirm under his gaze like you normally would—something about this was more comfortable.
“'Ad a panic attack my first night in the barracks.” Simon spoke suddenly, but maintained a casual tone.
“What?”
He nodded, rolling his shoulders back slightly.
“Thought I’d made a mistake. Thought I’d…” And here it was, more bits of his lore—but again being shared in a manner that made you feel like it was more than just Ghost offering insight into his brutality.
This was Simon offering insight into his ability to feel.
“Early two-thousands, lots of, uh…propaganda, 'at I fell for, y’know, jus’ like everybody else,” he spread his legs, resting his elbows on his thighs as he recounted his experience.
You searched his eyes, though he didn't bother to look at you. He'd been a soldier for nearly as long as you’d been alive; you wondered what it was like.
“Didn’t know if I’d see the next morning. Didn’t know if I’d made the wrong choice, or what.” He took a deep breath.
For a moment, even in the mask and in his brooding, you saw Simon clearer than ever, without so much as a hint of Ghost.
“It was like 'at for a long time.”
“I’m no rookie, Lieutenant,” you scoffed, but it lacked any real bite. “I know how it is.”
He looked at you, almost pleadingly, for a moment, before his gaze settled.
“Point is…” he hesitated, “Don’t know if I 'ave a point, really.” He tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling before meeting your gaze once more. “Thought I was…valiant for pushin’ it down.” He looked at you pointedly, “I wasn’t.”
You nodded solemnly. He was right.
He wasn’t telling you directly that he thought you were burning yourself out; that he noticed you struggling; that he saw the way you were trying to ignore the mental toll, but he was right. And you both knew it.
“Sure you’ve 'eard it before from people you’d…” he shook his head, his sentence trailing off before he finished the thought. “But, if you need anything…”
“Yeah,” you swallowed, suddenly wishing you could reach out and pull him closer; allow yourself the comfort of falling into him and finding safety curled against his form. But you didn’t act on the urge, responding instead with a curt nod and a weak smile. “Thanks.”
He nodded, eyes still focused on your face. He shifted in the seat he’d taken, standing up slowly—too slowly.
“Take an Advil, Simon.” You tried not to make your voice sound too pleading.
He waved you off. “Yeah.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know,” he turned to look down at you. “I know.”
“Won’t kill you.”
“Don’t push it.”
You remained on your bed, hugging your knees to your chest, as he walked himself out of your room.
He paused, hand hovering over the knob.
“I like your callsign,” he finally opened the door, throwing his final words back at you as an afterthought, “Glad you 'aven't changed it. Suits you.”
You didn't ask him to explain, didn’t have the energy to call after him. You were too focused on the fact that he'd left the shirt on your desk; once again leaving you with a piece of him that you didn't know how to handle.
~~~
You didn’t want to check the time, fully aware that it was an early hour nobody else would be awake to see.
Your heart was beating too fast, and it traveled to your ears to create an obnoxious, suspenseful thump.
Were you dying? Or did it just feel like you were?
You could feel the sweat on your body, dampening your sheets; making them cling to you in unruly patterns that would surely press into your skin, leaving faint lines to show for your lack of sleep. But even soaked in your own sweat, cold to the touch, you felt like you were burning—like you had been stuck to some kind of pyre and set alight.
You were back in that hazy state. Underwater and out of control.
Every time you slept, you would dream; every dream you had became a nightmare.
In every nightmare, you were back on the ground.
Your breathing had been labored when you woke up, and though you were still panting, the nausea that had lurched within you now subsided into an inconsistent waver that occasionally rolled over your stomach.
You sat up, shoving your head between your knees and counting your breaths.
Five in; hold for five; eight out; hold for two.
Your legs were shaking, and your skin was numb, but you could still feel the press of your knees to your temples as you sat there, counting.
And then as soon as it had begun, it was over.
Maybe not over entirely, but you’d overcome the peak and were now on a steady decline.
You felt tears pricking the corners of your eyes, and it made you feel weak; a special ops soldier who panicked and cried could hardly be called a soldier at all.
The conversation you’d had with Simon came back to you, remembering his random divulgence of the fear he’d faced when he first joined the military. But you weren’t a rookie, you weren’t new to this—the only part you were unfamiliar with was the genuine fear.
He’d said that trying to get over it on one’s own wasn’t the heroic option he’d thought it was.
And he’d implied that he’d be happy to help.
On shaky legs, feeling practically boneless, you walked to his room, tiptoeing as you tried to keep yourself small.
It wasn’t hard—you already felt meek, crushed by your nerves.
You lifted a hand to his door hesitantly, unsure if he’d even be awake; unsure of what exactly you wanted from him.
But you did knock, and he opened the door, looking at you expectantly.
You swallowed. “Can I come in?”
He didn’t say anything, moving to the side and gesturing vaguely into his room. You hurried in, and Simon closed the door, walking forward to stand in front of you as you puttered around his room.
“What—” He began, but you cut him off.
“I have been pushing it down.”
“Mm?” You saw his eyes contort in confusion.
“The other day. You said you thought you had been valiant to push it down—said I could come to you if I needed anything.” Your words were rushed, and maybe louder than they should’ve been.
“Said ‘if you need anything,’ and then—"
“Simon.”
He held up a hand in concession.
“I’ve been trying to ignore it, and it isn’t working. I’m—” You felt a sudden onset of emotion, voice breaking. You tried to swallow the lump that formed in your throat to no avail. “I’m scared.”
“Of what?” He asked, and his voice came out low, quiet—almost as if he was attempting to sound softer.
“I don’t know.” You admitted.
He nodded, still standing at a distance. His eyes stayed trained on your face.
“I can’t sleep, I can’t—I feel like, I dunno, maybe it’s just because of how…unexpected…it was. But lying out there, on the fucking ground, on the dirt, bleeding, I felt peace, LT,” you had given up on holding back the tears, and they flowed freely down your cheeks. “I could accept what was coming. And now I’m back, I’m here, I’m alive, and I—I’m sore. Like, in my—in my soul, I’m sore, and I’m so, so fucking tired.” You took a shuddered breath. “And I’m scared.”
Ghost was quiet, but he finally moved, situating himself on the edge of his bed and motioning for you to join him.
“Sit.”
You obliged, wiping your tears with the back of your hand as you sat next to him.
He sighed, staring at the wall. “Not something you jus' move on from.”
“But I want to get better.” You argued, swallowing another sob.
“Y’will. In time.”
“When?”
“Can’t tell you.”
“Need to know basis?” You rolled your eyes, still sour about being left out of the last mission.
“Yeah,” he turned his head to look at you, and for the first time, you recognized the exhaustion in his eyes. “But you’re the one who’ll know." He moved to rest his hand on your knee. "S'not an answer anybody else can give you.”
Ghost didn't do physical affection the way Soap and Gaz did, and a gesture as forward as placing a hand on your leg felt deeply intimate coming from him.
You liked it. Partnered with his words, the weight of his touch made you feel better.
“Some help you are…” You smiled softly, glancing at him in your peripheral as you sniffled.
“Talkin’ about it, aren’t you?” You could see the movement of his brow as he raised it beneath the balaclava.
You sighed, nodding an affirmative.
“Talked to Gaz about it?”
“No…not—not like this,” you turned to face him.
His hand slipped off your leg in a manner that seemed almost reluctant. Immediately, you missed the warmth of his palm.
When he looked down at you in his trademarked silence, you continued.
“I trust you.”
You thought his eyes might’ve creased, giving away a smile under the balaclava, but you didn’t dwell on it.
“Can I ask you something?” The question popped into your head, and you figured now was as good a time as any.
“Wha’s’at?” He shifted on the bed, giving himself more space to look at you without having to crane his neck.
“You weren’t drugged the other day.”
“S'not a question,” he pointed out. “No. I wasn't. Told you ‘at.”
“So, you were just…joking? When you made the, uh…that remark about…grandkids.” You chewed the inside of your cheek, "About me giving you the go ahead?"
This time, you were certain he was smiling.
“D’you think I was joking?”
“I—maybe…” You chewed the inside of your cheek.
He shrugged, leaning back on his hands.
“You’re tired, Simon.” Unable to get a straight answer from him, you changed the subject.
“Projecting a bit?” He straightened back up, folding his arms, and you frowned at him.
“Why haven’t you been sleeping?”
“Rarely do.”
“Are you scared?”
“Not th’first time I’ve been shot at, love.” He was deflecting.
“Are you still hurting?”
He hesitated. With a huff, he answered.
“…I guess. Li'l bit, yeah.”
“Can I please just give you something for it?” You weren’t trying to beg, but it certainly came off as if you were, "Just some Advil?"
His gaze shifted around the room, and then back to you.
“Will it make y’feel better?” He tilted his head at you.
“It’ll make you feel better.” You countered.
He heaved a sigh, and you saw his shoulders sag a bit in defeat.
“A'right,” he nodded, “Yeah. Fine.”
You grinned at him through the tears that had dried on your face, rising from his bed and speeding down the hall to your own room. You grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen on your nightstand, then moved just as quickly back to his room.
“Take two.” You fished the pills from the bottle when you situated yourself on the bed again, holding them out to him.
“One.”
“Two.”
“Half of one.”
“Jesus Christ. Simon—”
“Fuckin' with you.” He took the pills from your hand.
You watched a bit too keenly when he pulled the balaclava up over his jaw to place the pills on his tongue. You could see the tip of the scar that brushed over his top lip.
He swallowed the pills dry, tugging his mask back down.
“Happy?”
“Thrilled.” You smiled, and it was genuine.
“Y’smiling at me, sweetheart,” he sighed, “Gone mental from exhaustion?”
“Maybe,” you rolled your eyes playfully, “Maybe I’m just…”
He stared at you, waiting for you to finish your thought.
“I’m glad you’re alive…” You sighed, staring at his chest rather than his eyes.
“I’m glad you’re alive.” He echoed your words, a bit more decisively.
You could tell he meant it.
There was a silence in the room, one that allowed the tension to really resonate. But it wasn’t uncomfortable—if anything, maybe it was necessary.
“Think you’d rather stay ‘ere tonight?”
“Here?” Your brows furrowed, unsure if you’d heard him correctly.
“Yeah,” he nodded, “Could both benefit from some company.” He added, “Up to you.”
You absorbed the question, nodding slowly.
“Yeah. That would…that’d be nice.”
"Go on." He shifted on the mattress, motioning to the head of the bed.
Simon watched you maneuver yourself up the bed, kicking your legs under the covers and pulling them up to your chin. When you'd settled, he worked his way to a more comfortable spot. He lay next to you above the blankets; mask on, arms folded over his chest.
It wasn’t the way you’d imagined getting into bed with him—and you often felt ashamed for thinking about getting into bed with him at all—but it was comforting all the same.
“Let me ask you something.” He looked over at you when you’d made yourself comfortable.
“Okay.”
“You serious? ‘Bout wantin’ t’feel my hands on you?” His voice was low but carried a playful tone, as if he were baiting you into a confession.
“What?” You laughed.
“In the infirmary, ‘fore I said that stuff about givin’ me—”
“Simon?”
“Mm?”
“Do you think I was serious?”
You rolled over onto your side, pleased with yourself. If he wouldn’t give you a straight answer, you wouldn’t give him one, either.
~~~
Simon was still in the same position he’d gone to sleep in when you woke up; lying on his back with his mask on, arms folded over his chest.
You had managed to position yourself against him, face pushed into his bicep. You found yourself wishing he had moved; tried to get closer to you, given some indication that he had noticed your shift and embraced it.
But no matter.
You snuck out of Ghost’s room as the sun came up, eager to avoid any prying eyes—if only to save yourself from the embarrassment of having to explain that nothing had actually happened at all.
But it had been a sounder sleep than you’d anticipated; he was warm, solid next to you, and that alone made you feel more at ease than you had in a while.
You found yourself in front of his door for a second night in a row.
“You a'right?” He opened the door on your second knock.
“I—yeah…” you answered, “It’s…I don’t…”
“Don’t want to be alone?” He finished the sentence for you, and you nodded.
He stepped aside, wordlessly, giving you space to walk through the door.
You had been truthful—you didn’t want to be alone. You couldn’t handle the idea of being trapped with your thoughts again in the dark of your room when you knew what was looming just behind your eyelids.
But the whole truth was that you wanted to be with him.
He tugged haphazardly at the blankets in an attempt to make the bed more appealing. Not that he really had to; you were tired, and it didn’t matter whether the bed you crawled into was made or not, as long as he was in it with you.
When he’d made the bed to his liking, you undid his hard work in a split second as you got comfortable under the covers.
You looked up at him. He stood by the edge of the bed, looking back at you.
“Left without sayin' anything this morning.”
“You were asleep,” you pointed out. “Why? Were you gonna make me breakfast?”
“Not with ‘at attitude.” He scoffed, and you laughed quietly.
He situated himself next to you, once again lying above the covers.
“I won’t make this a habit,” you muttered, “I promise.”
“S’a’right,” he shook his head, “Not really a problem, far as I see it.”
“Oh?”
“You ‘eard me.” He tilted his head back, closing his eyes.
He seemed so much more at ease in his own space, which begged the question:
“How come you wear the mask to sleep?” You couldn’t help yourself. “I mean—it’s your room, Simon. Nobody’s gonna see you.”
“You might.” His eyes reopened, and he tilted his head to the side to look at you.
“But I know what you look like,” you smirked, “I know who you are. And you’re not Ghost.”
“S’not true.” He mumbled.
“It is,” you doubled down, “Outside of this room, sure, but in here—in bed, at the very least—you’re all Simon.”
He was quiet for a minute.
“So ‘ow come you don’t wanna be Berserker?”
“Told you—just doesn’t feel like me.”
“But I’m still Ghost.”
“Yeah.”
“But I’m also…not.”
You hesitated. “Well, when you make it sound so…complicated…”
“I like your callsign.”
“Why?” You were genuinely curious to know what he thought.
“Thought I said,” he sighed, “Suits you.”
“You never said why.” You pressed him for more.
“You flip on a dime,” he explained with a sigh, “Go into this, uh, wild state. Pretty thing, goin’ completely berserk on the field—always liked it.” He exhaled a quiet, one-breath laugh, “And you’re damn near impossible to kill.”
You digested his words, but only one point stuck with you, and it made your heart flutter.
“You think I’m pretty?” You spoke coyly, covering your excitement with a playful tone.
He tensed his shoulders before letting them drop with a sigh of faux exasperation.
“Yeah,” he nodded, “I think you’re pretty.”
You smiled, staring up at him from your spot on the bed—his bed.
“‘Nd you think I am, too—beggin’ me to take my mask off.” There was a smirk in his voice.
“Simon,” you rolled your eyes, turning away from him, “You ruined it.”
~~~
After spending several nights in Simon’s bed, you’d become used to the process of falling asleep to banter that bordered flirtation; of sleeping soundly and without distress; of waking up earlier than you’d like to, and creeping out of his room.
On the morning of the fourth day, you had woken up with his arm draped over your side, his hand pressed lightly against your stomach. He had positioned himself so that his arm perched over your hips rather than your waist to avoid brushing the scar that lingered even after your stitches had dissolved.
Maybe it had been an accident, just a subconscious pull to the heat of your body as you lay next to him, but it felt too precise to be coincidental—and that made you feel a sort of smug adoration.
You had stayed a little longer that morning.
You weren’t keeping it a secret, per se, but it felt wrong to put this newfound arrangement on display. Even if it was only something between coworkers—friends?—that benefitted your sleep schedule and made you feel less jumpy, you didn’t like the notion that people in the barracks would suspect it was something more.
Maybe you didn’t care about what other people thought.
Maybe it was more about what Simon thought; what his intentions were; whether or not you’d be overstepping by making it known that you’d been sleeping—and only sleeping—with him.
You strolled into the mess hall feeling well rested and hungry. Your appetite had finally returned, and you were happy to sate it.
“You look better,” Gaz addressed you from across the table, “Sleeping?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, “Been managing to go the whole night.”
“Good,” he sipped his coffee through a smile, “That’s good.”
You hadn’t told him it was because you’d been finding comfort in the Lieutenant’s bed.
Ghost and Soap approached the table, taking their respective seats.
Soap threw his tray down next to Gaz, grumbling as he sat.
“What’s wrong with you?” Gaz nudged Johnny with his shoulder.
“Slept nae a fuckin’ wink last night.” Soap mumbled into his coffee.
“Why?” You questioned.
Soap sighed, shrugging in defeat.
“Bet you could get something from the infirmary,” you suggested, “Something to knock you on your ass. If you keep getting no sleep, I mean.”
“That what you’ve been doing?” Gaz asked you, and your mind went blank.
“Hoping it doesn’t come t’that.” Johnny inadvertently saved you from having to answer Gaz’s question by responding to your initial prompt.
“Tried countin’ sheep, Johnny?” Simon finally piped up from his seat next to you.
“Bile yer heid,” Soap shot a deadpan look at him.
“English.” Ghost huffed.
“Fuck yerself—y’keep it up, I’ll crawl into bed with you, LT.” Soap turned to look at you, smiling as he quirked a brow “If there’s any room.”
“What?” You tried not to let the sudden wave of panic show on your face.
There’s no way he could know.
Was there?
“What?” Johnny laughed, brow furrowed, “Look’t ‘im—be a shock if he alone could fit into one o’the beds.”
You faked a quick laugh, looking over at Simon, who hadn’t reacted at all to Soap’s taunt. He remained completely unfazed, watching his coffee steam; seemingly unaware of your knee-jerk response.
It was like he had not a care in the world.
Suddenly, your appetite was gone.
“I have reports to finish.”
“Still?” Gaz looked at you incredulously.
“Yeah,” you nodded, “Been putting them off too long.”
Picking up your tray, you wandered out of the mess hall and towards your room.
~~~
You forced yourself to stay in your own bed that night, and the night after that.
And it felt torturous, and not because of the nightmares or the creeping sense of dread—though that certainly didn’t help your quest to find independence. This discomfort was more about your lack of understanding.
You didn’t know why you were so concerned about other people on the base seeing you with him—nervous at the notion of your own friends knowing about this arrangement.
You didn’t understand why Ghost had become so attuned to your needs or what he meant by not seeing you in his bed as a problem.
He thought you were pretty. At least you knew that much.
Not that it did anything to help quell your doubts.
You had started sleeping in the same shirt that had caused you so much grief; after doing your best to lift the stains, you’d managed to make it seem like the shirt hadn’t been through hell and back.
Now if only you could make yourself feel the same.
You weren’t avoiding Simon on purpose—that’s what you told yourself, anyway. You just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that maybe he was being kind out of pity; that he saw how miserable and tired you were, and was simply relenting.
You didn’t want to get your hopes up, get riled up over the nothing that was sharing a bed with him.
Johnny’s offhand remark had, for some reason, made you feel odd. It was the way you’d reacted that made you feel bad, though, and Simon’s lack of reaction that made you feel worse.
His lack of an outward response made you upset. It dredged up the resentment you’d projected onto him. His clear obsession with appearing so stoic and uncaring in front of everybody made you feel unwanted; the fact that he could never, ever, seem to give you a reaction, no matter what you did, made you feel pitiful.
Meanwhile, your immediate panic at the thought of Soap knowing what was going on made you feel pathetic, and served to put into perspective just how deep your feelings actually ran.
The juxtaposition in reactions from yourself and him made you feel dirty.
You stared at the ceiling, trying to find solace in your bed after a day of forcing yourself to finish reports. You hadn’t been lying when you’d walked out of breakfast the other day—they had been piling up, and you had really needed to get them sorted.
You were tired. It wasn’t your best work, but at least they were finally done.
Someone knocked on your door.
“What?” You called out, prepared to hear Gaz on the other side.
“Open the door, sweetheart.”
Simon.
You opened your door a crack, just to peek at him, before finding the courage to open it completely.
“A'right?” He didn’t seem to notice your hesitation—that, or he was just ignoring it.
He was so good at ignoring things.
“Yes.” You lied, immediately turning bitter towards him.
“'Aven’t been comin' to see me.” He wasn’t asking, just stating the obvious, and it made you even more upset.
“Two nights,” you turned your back on him, walking further into your room. “Three tonight.”
You hadn’t really meant your movement as an invitation for him to come in, but Simon took it as one anyway. He followed you inside, shutting the door behind himself.
“D’you want to—”
“Do I want to sleep in your room?” Your words came out snippy as you cut him off, and indignation dripped from your voice.
He stayed quiet for a moment.
“Do you?”
“Did you tell Soap?” You began interrogating him.
“Mm?”
“Did you,” you took a step closer to him, “Tell Soap? About—about this? About…whatever this is. Me sleeping in your bed.”
“No,” Simon tilted his head to the side, “Did y’want me to?”
“Did I—what? What, so you can make a show of how you finally got me to behave for you?” You snapped, “Make sure everybody knows how easy it was to soften me up and get me where you want me?”
His eyes went wide for a moment before he collected himself with a huff.
“What?”
“I said what I said. Is this about you getting a little power trip?”
You felt lightheaded. You’d spent so long building walls around yourself to avoid your want for him, and he’d managed to tear them down in a matter of weeks. And he didn’t even care; he was seemingly ignorant to all of your emotional turmoil, to all the what ifs, and the sinking feeling you always carried of never being good enough for him.
“Making sure everybody knows that you’ve gotten another thing that you deserve?” You continued, irate.
He stared at you, resigned to your verbal onslaught.
“You don’t care what they think.” He spoke as if it was only just dawning on him.
“But I care what you think!” You broke, slumping over yourself slightly. You didn’t know if you wanted to laugh or cry, finding a happy medium in giggling so hysterically that your eyes began to water. “I care way too much about what you think, Simon! And I have no idea what you’re thinking, ever! You wanna know why I’ve been so fucking—I don’t know, upset? With you? For god knows how long? Why I'm so confused by this random fucking attentiveness?”
You stormed over to your desk, hastily grabbing the reports and walking back over to Simon to slam them against his chest.
“Be fucking certain they’re in order this time, sweetheart!” You mocked his accent, angry enough that you considered mimicry fair game.
He let the papers drop to the ground by his feet.
“You went from so easy to so, so difficult in the span of twenty-four hours, and I have never for the life of me been able to figure out what set you off!” You wondered if he even remembered the series of events you were talking about, if it stuck out to him the way it did to you. “You’re so complicated! You’re so fucking—and now you’re mad that I’m not running off to bed with you? So—so that you can keep me safe from myself and prove to me that you’re some fucking superhero? Wanna be my personal savior? Make me eat my words about your arrogance?” You scoffed, “Jesus fuck, Simon!”
You swallowed every emotion besides ire. Still, you felt a pang of remorse when you remembered what you’d said to him as he lay sleeping in the infirmary.
Sorry I yelled at you; it won’t happen again.
Now you were making a liar out of yourself, and it wasn’t even his fault—this was you still trying to push it all down, even after everything. The fear of rejection tried to overpower your desire for help from him; comfort from him.
The terseness of your words hung between the two of you, and you remained frozen in place, standing across from him, panting.
“Wasn’t mad.” You could hear the irritation in his voice, finally getting a reaction.
“What?” You huffed.
“I wasn’t mad. Never been mad at you.”
“Then what—”
“You needed a push.”
“And that’s how you thought to do it?”
“'Ow else would I have done it?” He sounded like he did on missions, blunt and loud, and the severity of his tone made you flinch.
“Any other way! You—you refuse to acknowledge the work I put into all of this! Then, now, you’ve always acted like I’m not good enough to be here!”
“I push you because I respect you,” he was practically yelling now as he matched your urgency, raising a hand to point at you for emphasis. “You respond better to assertiveness. You thrive on clarity, always 'ave. Thought I was fuckin' ‘elpin' you.” With narrowed eyes, he searched your face. "And maybe I was rough on you, but ‘ow the fuck was I s'posed to react—you think I knew what to do? When you were showing me such bloody—this gentle fuckin' devotion since day one?"
You thought you'd like getting him to snap, but you didn't. You could feel your cheeks heating up, sinuses stinging slightly as your body readied tears.
You felt stupid, the situation lamentable. It had always been a misunderstanding; a lapse in communication between two people who understood each other but refused to relate. Someone who wanted to adore, and someone who had no idea how to be adored.
He had always been attuned to your needs. He was just godawful at showing it.
You shrunk into yourself a bit, biting your lip to keep the tears at bay. You avoided his gaze as you chose your words.
“Are you proud of me?”
“What?” He looked down at you in disbelief.
You doubled down, trying to keep your voice even, “Are you proud of me, Simon?”
He took a long breath, debating his next move, before tugging his mask over his jaw.
In one swift motion, he pulled you into him, not bothering to weave his arms under your own and instead wrapping himself around you with your arms still slack at your sides.
“Fuck are you talking about?” He growled, one hand coming up to cup your face.
And then he was kissing you, passionately, but in an oddly chaste manner.
You gasped, shocked by how forward the action was and by how much you responded to it. You wiggled your arms out of his grasp, one hand finding purchase on his chest while the other flew to the nape of his neck.
He pulled away from you, and you found yourself chasing the slow movement of his lips against yours, already missing the vague taste of him you’d gotten from the gentle kiss.
“You’re fuckin' stubborn,” Simon spoke just above a whisper, deep voice ragged as he caught his breath, “You’re one of the most competent people I’ve ever worked with. You call me on shit people three ranks above you wouldn’t, and you’re right. You stepped on a landmine, and you lived.” His thumb brushed over your cheek as his hand kept up the responsibility of holding your face up, ensuring that your eyes met his. “Who cares ‘f I’m proud of you.”
It wasn’t a question, more of a statement, but you answered anyway.
“I do.” You breathed, and you finally felt as though the whole truth had been told.
“Well, I…” He swallowed, “I am.” There was a pause as he collected his thoughts, staring at you with a tender look of hesitation. “I am. And ’m sorry.”
“For what?” You wanted to hear it.
“Everything,” he seemed assured, “Not being—not being the right kind of support, not being clear about…”
When he trailed off, you wanted to push him forward into his feelings; make him say it, clarify how he hadn’t been clear about his true intentions or the nature of his emotions; make him put into perspective what Gaz had been trying to tell you in your room as you smoked through your skepticism.
But that would just make you feel cruel, and if he wasn’t ready to share that sort of vulnerability with you, then so be it.
Instead, you began a new line of questioning.
“Why’d you make that crack about us having grandkids?” You leaned against his palm where it rested on your face.
“Felt right. In th’moment,” he sighed, “Thought it was funny.”
“You were serious.”
“‘F you think I—”
“You were.” You delivered your claim with certainty.
He smiled, and you were thrilled to be able to see the rare presentation on his partially unmasked face.
“I was.”
“I’m not a problem.” You tried not to get distracted by how pretty his lips looked, curled so obviously at the edges.
“Not the way I see it.” He answered in a manner so typically Ghost, but it still served to prove your point.
“And you think I’m pretty.”
You watched his smile turn into something more akin to a smirk.
“'At's right. I do.”
“Gaz said…said you stayed with me. In the infirmary.”
“I did.”
“How come?” You wanted more extensive answers, unsatisfied by his brief responses.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Simon countered your question with another.
“You were pissed that I woke up when you weren’t there.” You continued to run through the series of events that had irritated you so greatly.
“Can y’blame me?”
“Yeah.”
He closed his eyes for a moment upon hearing your reply, perhaps recognizing his own shortcomings in how he was dealing with this conversation; or recognizing that he had, in fact, been in the wrong to get so aggressive while you were still healing up.
He didn’t say anything, so you took it upon yourself to continue, trying to prompt him.
“You were mad.”
“I was upset.” He clarified with a hiss, not out of spite but frustration at his inability to express himself.
“Why?” You urged him on.
“Because—” He heaved a sigh, “Wanted you to know I...cared. Wanted it t’be something 'at registered…”
He was clearly struggling to describe his thought process, and you couldn’t blame him—he was a complicated man in every sense of the word, and you could only imagine what it was like inside his head.
But he was trying.
“'En you woke up while I was gone, 'nd I felt stupid, so I just…took it out on you, and everybody else,” he breathed, “And I shouldn’t ‘ave. And I’m sorry.”
You wondered if you were the first person to ever hear the words I’m sorry come out of his mouth, and you tried not to relish in the notion.
You tugged subconsciously at his shirt collar, and realizing that you both still hand your hands wound around one another made you blush.
“Why did you listen to me?”
“When?” He furrowed his brow enough that you could see his eyes crease.
“You let me lead—you treated me when I asked you to.” You explained.
“Think I’d jus’ let you bleed out?” His lips curled into a subtle smile again.
“Answer the question.” You tugged a bit more harshly on his shirt.
“I respect you,” he muttered, “You’re a good soldier.”
“That doesn’t answer my—”
“It does.” He cut you off, eyes boring holes into your own as if in an effort to telepathically send you the meaning of his words.
And you understood.
“So why did you use your shirt?” You swallowed, smiling softly.
“Y'ask a lot of fuckin’ questions, know 'at?” He huffed playfully.
“Yeah,” you shot back, not bending to his teasing, “Why’d you use your shirt.”
“No bandages.”
“So your first instinct was to just—strip down, middle of a warzone, wrap me up?”
“I need you,” he paused then, perhaps intentionally, as he tightened his grip around your waist, hauling you even closer against him, “Safe.”
Your breath caught in your throat, and you parted your lips, but no words came out.
“I need you alive. And I’m glad I did it,” he was trying not to mumble, unsure of how his words would be received despite how you were clinging to him like some sort of life preserver. “I’m glad you’re alive.”
You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat, touched by his sincerity and wanting to grip his face, pull him down into another kiss that you could deepen even further.
“Could’ve used a sock…” You opted instead to poke fun at him, hoping it might lighten the mood and ease the tension. You didn’t want to run the risk of kissing him with tears trailing down your face.
“Fuck off.” He chuckled, and you felt instantly soothed.
Simon tilted his face down ever so slightly, eyes leaving your face to take in the way his shirt framed your body.
“Looks good on you.” He seemed pleased.
“Cleaned the blood.”
“I noticed.” He nodded, eyes still scanning the fabric that adorned you. “Suits you.”
“You keep saying that, and I don’t know what you mean.” You tilted your head at him, your bodies close enough that you could hear his heartbeat syncing with yours.
You belonged here.
“'Ow much clearer could I be, sweetheart?” He scoffed in jest.
“Simon.”
“Mm?” He looked back at you.
“Shut up,” you shook your head, amused, “I’m giving you the go ahead.”
You pulled him down by the nape of his neck where your hand still sat, reconnecting your lips to his.
This time, it was different—his movements were hungry, and there was little time wasted as he worked to deepen the kiss. You parted your lips, beckoning him in and whimpering softly when he began to lick into you. The room was silent with the exception of the soft sound of his mouth exploring yours and the quiet hiss of breath.
He finally moved his arm, wrapping it properly around your waist, and you could feel his fingers pressing against your skin as if in an attempt to map you out, to bruise you with his fingerprints and mark you as identifiably his own. His other palm rested heavy on your cheek, sliding back to allow his fingers to brush through your hair leisurely.
Your own hands had also begun to wander, stroking up his chest and his back, grabbing at his shoulders and his arms in a desperate attempt to feel the warmth of him seep into your palm anywhere you could get it through his shirt. You felt delirious with want—every emotion besides lust fizzled out, and you were left with the knowledge that this was all you’d ever really wanted.
And now that you had it, you couldn’t get enough.
You tugged on his shirt. He took the hint, allowing you to walk with him in an awkward dance of intwined limbs until the back of your knees hit the bed.
You finally separated, though he kept his hands on your sides. You stared up at him as you caught your breath.
“Take it off.” Your words came out whined.
“Take what off?” He heaved a breath.
He knew what you were talking about, but he prompted you all the same in an effort to encourage you to take what you wanted.
You reached up hesitantly. With one one hand, you cupped his jaw, while your other hand gripped the fabric that he’d tugged over his mouth, peeling it off of him until his face was fully exposed.
It had only been a month or two since you’d seen his face unobstructed, but he was prettier than you remembered, if that was possible.
The scars that crisscrossed over his left cheek were a flushed pink, rosy against his pale skin; his eyes seemed sharper, keener as you analyzed his features.
His hair had grown longer on top, despite the fact that he had clearly maintained the close cropping on the sides.
Seeing him like this always made him seem human, and the circumstances in which you were seeing him now made it innately more intimate.
You kept your hand on his face, absentmindedly trailing your thumb down his cheek as you considered what you could say in this moment.
“Hair’s not regulation…” You mumbled, swallowing.
“Gonna tell on me?” When he spoke, the faint stubble that dotted his jawline scraped gently against your palm.
“No…” You couldn’t think of anything witty to say, “I like it like this.”
He didn’t respond, but his eyes grew softer as he stared down at you. His hands, still on your waist, dipped beneath your shirt and the feeling of his calloused palms running so gently up your bare skin made you suck in a breath.
“Simon…” You suddenly felt that you couldn’t make eye contact with him, lest you embarrass yourself by begging him to fuck you where you stood.
He looked at you expectantly for a moment before his gaze flicked down to where his hands stroked up your body.
“I want—” You tried to find the words that would make you sound the least pathetic, but realized that you didn’t really care as you settled on your phrasing. “Fuck me.”
“Yeah?” His voice gave away his eagerness.
“Please.” You added.
That was all it took to get him to grab you by the hips and tug you into him, turning the both of you around so that he could sit on the bed. You scrambled to straddle his lap.
He snaked his hands back under your shirt—his shirt—helping you out of it with one hand while the other traced patterns down your spine. When you tossed it to the side, you gazed at him expectantly, searching his face for a reaction.
“Fuckin’ hell,” you got one quickly. “Wanna…”
He never finished his sentence, and you didn’t have time to prompt him; his hands traveled up to your shoulder blades, face dipping down to bury himself in the cavern between your breasts and trail open mouthed kisses over your skin.
You couldn’t help the giggle that slipped from your lips, a response to the action itself and the way he felt against you; hot, wet tongue smoothing over the spots his stubble scratched at.
When he moved to take one of your nipples between his lips, you rolled your hips, arching your back. The action earned you a growl from him, and the small vibrations from his mouth made goosebumps erupt over your skin.
“Christ, don’t—” He grunted against the supple flesh of your breast, clearly struggling to hold back from reciprocating your movements as he bucked his hips gently up into you. “Fuck, c’mere.”
He grabbed your thighs before he stood, flipping you onto your back. Your legs dangled off the edge of the bed, and he knelt between your thighs.
“Should we take these off?” His fingers just barely dipped beneath the waistband of your sleep shorts, and you whined.
“Yes—yeah,” you raised your hips from the bed, “Go for it.”
Simon smirked, tugging your shorts down your legs and leaving you completely exposed to him. He trailed kisses up the inside of your leg, sucking hard on the skin of your thigh as he inched closer to your core.
“Knew you’d be a tease.” You huffed a laugh when he reached the top of your thigh only to move back and trail kisses up your other leg.
“Thought about it a lot?” He smiled against your skin, “Night’s young, sweetheart.”
You rolled your eyes, but gasped softly when he reached the top of your thigh again and slowly began to leave kisses over your pubic mound, taking his time, dipping lower until he reached your clit.
You let out a shaky breath. How long had it been since someone touched you like this; since you’d exposed yourself to a hand that wasn’t yours, a mouth that knew how to put in the effort?
How long had you been aching to feel Simon this way?
Your hand flew to his head, fully appreciating the way his hair had grown out to offer you the proper length to pull on.
Simon moaned softly, pressing chaste kisses to your clit, but when you tugged harder, desperate for more, he let out a quiet growl and stared up at you as he finally pressed his tongue to your folds.
You knew he had good aim—snipers tended to—but the way he so expertly circled his tongue over your entrance, pressing into you and lapping up your slick made your back arch. You raised your legs to rest them over his shoulders, aching for him.
You could feel his breath coming out in warm huffs against your slick. He ate you like a man starved, and you bucked your hips into his face when he licked a broad stripe over your slit that culminated in him teasing your clit with the tip of the muscle.
“Greedy thing,” he teased, nipping at your inner thigh, “Taste even better 'an I thought.”
“Thought—thought about it a lot?” You threw his words back at him with a shaky voice, nearing the edge, and he laughed.
“All the time,” he wrapped his arms around your legs, forcing you to still as he pressed another kiss to your dripping cunt. “Hand wrapped 'round my cock, thinking 'bout buryin' my face in you,” he teased your clit, licking another stripe over you before continuing his rambling. “How fuckin' pretty you’d look, starin’ down at me.”
His words made you feel feral, and the knowledge that he had touched himself to thoughts of you, just as you had to thoughts of him, forced a whimper from your throat. You looked down at him with parted lips and lust blown eyes.
“Yeah, ’at’s it,” he nodded, staring back at you from between your thighs, face coated in your slick, “Jus' like 'at, sweetheart. Watch me.”
He dropped his face again, hands moving up your legs to grip the flesh of your ass and pull you firm against him as he sucked on your clit mercilessly.
You found yourself writhing beneath his ministrations, pulling his hair harder as you reached the precipice. You didn’t know if you wanted him to stop, to go easier on you; or if you wanted him to stay there, lapping at your cunt and overwhelming your senses forever.
Your thighs squeezed around his head, trembling, as your muscles tensed. Your vision went blurry from the pleasure.
“Cum.” He said it like it was an order, licking into you before quickly returning his attention to your clit, sucking down hard around the bud.
What was likely meant to be a scream came out a choked cry as you came, gasping his name and trying to curl into yourself as the stimulation became all too much for you to handle.
With a final kiss to your cunt, Simon removed his mouth from you, stroking his thumb over your hip and watching you shake.
“Good?” He whispered into your thigh, planting soft kisses over your skin as you whimpered through the aftershocks of your orgasm.
“Yeah—fuck, Simon, yeah. Good,” you panted, “Better than good...Christ.”
He hummed, satisfied by your answer.
You stayed sprawled out with him between your legs for a while longer, appreciating the soft touches of the man who projected such a harsh persona; reminding yourself how to breathe properly.
"Come." You stretched your arms out, staring at him as you encouraged him to crawl into bed with you.
He obliged, standing, and you bit your tongue to keep from taunting him about how easy it was now to get him to follow orders. He pulled you into him, and you pressed your hands to his chest, nuzzling beneath his chin.
“You gonna keep all your clothes on?” You mumbled, teasing.
Simon sat up, supporting himself on his elbow. He tilted his head down as he brought a hand to your chin, forcing you to look up at him.
“Ask me again.”
“Simon—”
“Nah, c’mon,” he practically cooed, voice saccharine as he teased you. “Say it, sweetheart.”
“You want me to beg for you?” You matched his tone.
“Bet you’d be good at it.” He quirked a brow, smirking.
You sighed, fully willing to give him what he wanted even if it was in jest. Grabbing his collar and pulling him down so that your nose brushed his, you spoke in a whisper.
“Will you please fuck me, Simon?”
He smiled, but the glint in his eyes read almost predatory.
“Good girl.”
He sat up, pulling off his shirt and exposing his chest to you. It wasn’t anything new; you'd seen him in states of undress like this, but when his lips were still wet with your cum, it felt different in the most magnificent of ways.
You watched him stand, sitting up to get a better view; his stitches had already dissolved, but a scar still marred his left side, joining the dozens of other marks he'd collected during his time in combat.
With a smirk, he looked down at you and unzipped his fly, bending down to take his pants off, and you laughed at the showmanship he displayed.
Cocky motherfucker.
But you rubbed your thighs together when he took off his boxers, all the previous teasing production value gone as he straightened up and kicked them to the side with a huff.
You’d long wondered—rather immaturely—whether his size and stature translated to all of him. You felt your cheeks flush when you saw that you had been correct in suspecting that his cock lived up to the rest of him; thick and long, it tilted slightly to the right, and one solid vein trailed up the underside. His tip was pink and leaking, already smeared with precum, and when you realized that it was likely because he had found pleasure in going down on you, you swallowed a moan.
He rolled his shoulders back, and you thought you might be drooling.
He stood at the edge of the bed, looming over you as he always did, but now with a level of hesitation. He bent down to brush his lips against yours, and you eagerly accepted the kiss.
“Tell me what you want.” His breath was hot against your mouth.
“Told you…” You whispered, bringing a hand up to trace the tattoos on his arm.
He shook his head. “Tell me how you want it.”
You were thrown off guard by his prompting; you had been excited to let him do whatever it was he wanted.
And so that’s what you voiced.
“Any…however,” you swallowed, “Just want it to be you.”
His eyes softened for a moment, but you couldn’t admire him for long as he quickly embraced you in another kiss, pushing you onto your back again and moving clumsily to kneel on the bed beside you.
Simon’s hands ran down the length of your body, thumbs hooking between your thighs to admire the soaking mess at your core. He situated himself between your legs, encouraging you to hook your knees over his hips.
You couldn’t help but stare up at him in awe, the once callous Lieutenant who you swallowed your feelings for, now touching you with such care and admiration—and he looked good doing it.
He moved one hand from your hip to your face, cupping your cheek and staring down at you. The iciness in his eyes was back, but it was in a sense of concern rather than ire.
“You tell me if it 'urts.” He traced your cheekbone with his thumb.
“Knew you could be arrogant, but Jesus, Simon,” you barked a laugh, “That’s just—”
“Meant your ribs, love,” he smirked down at you, and you grinned back at him. “But I 'preciate the vote o'confidence.”
“Freudian slip…” You mumbled, not even embarrassed at your mistake, finding the humor in it and relishing that he, too, was comfortable enough to laugh about it with you.
“Right.” He nodded, smug. He maneuvered himself so that his cock could rest against your stomach.
You tilted your head, looking down to admire the image. He was justified in his pride, despite the way he came off so pompous; seeing his cock against you like this made your breath hitch, the comparison it drew to your size versus his was unavoidable and absolutely delicious.
“You gonna fuck me, or just show off?” You wiggled your hips.
“Nice to know you’re still mouthy even on your back.” Simon huffed, amused, as he pulled back to line himself up with you.
When he notched his tip to your entrance, you bucked your hips gently, unable to conceal your excitement. He pressed a hand to your stomach.
“Uh-uh, sweetheart,” he grunted, “Patient.”
You whined, frustrated and needy, but you didn’t have to put up too much of a fuss before he sunk into you. He watched intently as your cunt swallowed him inch by inch, lowering himself to hover over you on his forearms, pressing his hips to yours.
You squeaked a moan, filled to the brim, and grazed your nails down his back, feeling the occasional indentation of a scar beneath your fingers. Simon pressed his forehead to yours, eyes closed and breath coming out broken.
It was the most unshielded you had ever seen him, and you felt a sense of pride in the fact that it was you who had caused such a response.
“Fuckin’ tight,” he groaned, pulling his hips back an inch only to thrust shallowly back into you. You whimpered at the feeling, the way he had your walls stretched so taut around him. “Oh, fu—ckin’ hell…”
“Fuck me,” you whined, grabbing him by the shoulder blades. You pressed sloppy kisses to his mouth and chin, “Fuck me, fuck me—” It was a chant, a desperate repetition of your needs.
Maybe he captured you in another kiss to shut you up, but you didn’t mind. When his tongue parted your lips just as he began to rock forward, you nearly bit down on it, letting out a broken cry that he swallowed happily.
“Don’t want everybody 'earin’ you.” He shushed you, smirking into the kiss.
“Don’t—don’t care,” and you didn’t; if this was how everybody in the barracks discovered your situation with Ghost, you’d be proud. “Feels—you’re so deep.”
“I know,” he was typically smug, but you could tell he was enjoying himself just as much as you were. “Lift your hips, sweetheart.”
You did as he said, lifting your hips enough so that he had room to reach beneath your body and grope your ass, tugging you into every stroke.
“Yeah, ‘at’s it—fuckin’ take it,” the pace of his thrusts increased. With his hands beneath your body, he straightened up, allowing himself to fuck into you deeper, rougher. “Fuckin’—fuck, take it, take it, sweetheart.” His head fell back as he moved, and you felt hypnotized by the way his chest heaved.
“Jesus fucking—Simon, please—” You bit your lip, really and truly attempting to keep the volume of your cries for him down, but he wasn’t making it easy. “So good—feel so good, please, just like that.”
His jaw was clenched but his lips were parted, and he looked over you with an intense focus, training himself to identify every little bodily response from you, and every little thing he could do to earn those reactions.
“Christ, look't you, love—” His lips curled into a fucked-out smirk, “Droolin’ jus' like your cunt.”
Dazed, you watched as he brought his hand down to your face, swiping the drool you hadn’t even realized you’d produced from the side of your mouth with his thumb. He pressed the digit against your lips, and you opened, eagerly sucking his thumb while he continued his bruising pace.
He watched on as you moaned around him, filling you at both ends.
His words spilled out of him, the vulgar vice grip your cunt had on his cock working him to peak vulnerability.
“You know ‘ow long I wanted this?” He bent down, slowing his pace to offer long, deep strokes that were just as overwhelming as the previous, faster pace. “‘Ow long I wanted t’see you droolin’ f'my cock? Would’a fucked you every night you slept with me—f’you said that’s what you wanted, would’a fucked you with ‘at bullet in my ribs.”
You could feel his cock punching against your cervix, the sharp, brief pain in your abdomen immediately fading to make room for the pleasure. And even so, with him encroaching on you like this, forcing you to take him as deep as you physically could, you still wanted more.
You moaned, irrepressibly needy as your hands wandered over his body above you.
Straightening up again, Simon pulled his thumb from your mouth. He took it between his own lips, tasting your spit and saturating the digit further before lowering it to your clit and rubbing circles over you.
“So fuckin’ stubborn—you’re a brat, ‘nd even when you make me pull my fuckin’ 'air out, I’d still let you do anythin' you want,” he couldn’t stop talking, and you were fine with it. His rambling on about his desire for you, paired with the motion of his hips, had you hurtling towards your second high. “Fuck, you feel good—fuck.”
You thought maybe when he tilted his head down, eyes closing as he dropped his chin to his chest, that he was done talking. For a moment, it seemed that way, his attention refocusing completely on your body, as he collected himself and moved lower to hover over you again; nipping at the skin of your chest and licking stripes over your tits, moving his hand from your clit and kneading the pillowy flesh of your breasts.
But he moved to look down at you directly, nose brushing your own, and there was a flash of something in his eyes—soft and completely exposed.
“I love you.” He said it like a secret, the quietest cadence you’d ever heard him take on.
For a moment you thought maybe you were dreaming again—the nightmares morphing into something more akin to psychological warfare that you would wake up from and miss as if it were a nostalgic memory.
But then he said your name.
“I—fuck—I love you.” His breath hitched, and he was clearly attempting to distract himself from your silence by burying his cock into you deeper.
It made you moan wantonly—both his actions and his words hitting you somewhere deep, and you let out a gasp, reaching up to cup his cheek and letting your thumb trace one of the longer scars.
“I love you.” You echoed, meaning it more sincerely than anything you’d ever said to him, and though his brow furrowed slightly, he smiled.
“Again,” he panted above you, “Shit, say it again.”
“I love you,” you repeated, hand trailing behind his head and fingers combing through his hair, “I love you, Simon. I love you.” It was the second time in the span of a few hours that you’d found yourself chanting for him, and you were quite pleased.
“Fuckin’—” he sped up again, thrusting into you enough that the bedframe knocked against the wall. You almost felt sorry for whichever poor soul bunked next door. “’At’s it, sweetheart, let me ’ear you.”
He was delirious with lust, overwhelmed by his affection for you. And while it wasn’t something he was used to in any respect, he was certainly enjoying it.
“You fuckin’ tell me—you cum on my cock and you fuckin’ tell me ‘ow much you love it.”
He brought his hand back down to your clit, and your back arched off the mattress when he pressed down onto the bud, massaging over it in time with his thrusts.
“Let me see my pretty girl cum again.” He cooed over you.
His phrasing made you moan. His pretty girl; it rattled around in your brain and you let out a breathy sigh of approval.
“Your pretty girl…”
“’At’s what I said, sweetheart,” he nodded, and he would've been smiling if his focus wasn't entirely taken up on warding off his high. “One more, love. C’mon and gimme what I want.” He growled his words, briefly removing his fingers from your clit to pull your ankles over his shoulders so that he could wrap an arm around your thighs and hold you against him. “Fu—uck, tight little cunt…”
He kissed your ankle, replacing his fingers on your clit once more and watching your face contort in pleasure.
“Simon, fuck—don’t stop, don’t stop,” you stuttered through your whimpers, feeling the familiar heat build in your abdomen, “I’m gonna cum—please—like that, I’m gonna cum.”
He groaned, applying more pressure to your clit as he massaged it to the rhythm of his thrusts.
“Go on, sweetheart, gimme another one. Be a good girl, let me see your pretty face while you cum on my cock.”
You let yourself go completely.
“I—I love you,” you mustered the strength to follow his previous orders as the tug that built somewhere in your stomach finally culminated in a pleasant heat coating your skin. Your muscles tensed, your eyes rolling back enough that you could see colors distantly behind your eyelids.
“Yeah, yeah you fuckin’ do. You fuckin’ love it. You love me, sweetheart.” Simon groaned, “’Ere you go—squeeze me tight like ‘at,” his hips stuttered as he fucked you through your high. “Fuckin’ soak me. Good fuckin’ girl.”
His fingers dug into the skin of your thigh, trying to stave off his climax, if only for a moment longer, so that he could continue to enjoy the warm squeeze of your cunt.
When your moans became weaker, battling exhaustion to prolong the delicious overstimulation he offered you, Simon slid out of you with a grunt. He kept your legs up, keeping your thighs pressed together so that he could slip his cock between them and chase his own release.
“Fuck—” you yelped when the underside of his cock swiped over your clit, craning your neck to watch him fuck himself with your thighs.
You could see his abs tighten, desperate moans falling from his lips, and he looked so utterly beautiful as he struggled to control himself against the pleasure.
“Gonna fuckin’ stain you with my cum,” he heaved, rocking against you fervently, “Wanna smell it on you. Mark you up nice, let everybody know who you belong to—show ‘em 'ow good you are to your Lieutenant.”
“Please,” you mumbled your plea, pressing your palm to the back of his hand where it rested on your thigh, “Please…”
With his mouth agape, Simon’s brow furrowed, pushing his hips flush against the back of your thighs; he came with a low groan, bucking against you as he painted your stomach with his spend.
He panted, closing his mouth to swallow and staring down at you in a haze. He tilted his head back, heaving a satisfied sigh, before finding the motivation to move from the bed.
You felt a tug of melancholy, a sudden discomfort in being parted from him, but you watched on as he found what he was looking for and returned to your side.
He wiped you clean with the same goddamn shirt that, as far as you were concerned, started all this.
You fell into a fit of laughter, the adrenaline morphing from physical pleasure to pure amusement.
Simon stared at you like you had two heads.
“After everything that poor fucking shirt has been through, you’re gonna use it as a cum rag?” You tried to explain, and you watched his lips curl into a smile.
“Better a cum towel ‘an a tourniquet.” He quipped, quirking a brow at you.
“Just got the blood out…” You grumbled playfully, and he tossed the shirt off to the side somewhere.
“You’ll live.” He sighed, pressing his palm into your now clean, if not a bit sticky, stomach and appreciating your warmth.
After he had taken a moment to admire you where you lay on your back, he stood, walking around the bed to situate himself next to you. When he’d made himself comfortable, he wrapped an arm around your hips, pushing you onto your right side before tugging you into him.
“Never thought I’d be spooning with Simon Riley.” You sighed, placing your hand over his where it rested on your stomach.
“Consider y’self lucky.” He chuckled.
You fell into a peaceful lull, wrapped up in each other and silent.
“You love me.” You weren’t asking, more so reassuring yourself with a quick statement to ensure that what he’d said in the heat of the moment was true.
“I do,” he nosed your neck, kissing you softly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” You whispered it, bringing his hand up from your stomach to kiss his knuckles.
He hummed quietly, and you continued to plant soft kisses over his hand until you were satisfied.
“You still mad at me?” He questioned, and you laughed.
“You really have to ask?”
“Good to be certain.” He sighed, and you shook your head, grinning.
“I don’t want to sleep in your room tonight.” You muttered.
“Don’t ‘ave to,” he responded in a similarly soft tone, “Won’t make you. Say the word, I’ll leave. You can get some sleep.”
“No,” you smiled at his lack of awareness, “Don’t want to sleep in your room—want you to sleep here.”
He was quiet for a moment. You looked over your shoulder, uncertain, and he was already looking back at you with a smug grin.
“’At’s what you want?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. S’what I want, too.”
You rolled your eyes, pressing your back to his chest.
“Gonna sleep without your mask on?” You teased, eyeing the balaclava where it lay on the floor amongst the rest of your discarded clothes.
“Might as well,” he huffed a laugh, “Cock’s out—nobody’ll notice my face if they come in.”
“I will.”
“I want you to.” He sighed, pressing himself against you so that your head rested beneath his chin.
“Good,” you yawned, “That’s what I want, too.”
Simon chuckled softly, leaning back to reach for the lamp on the nightstand and clicking it off. There was another stretch of comfortable silence, and you felt the soft edges of sleep begin to take hold.
“I’m glad you’re alive.” Simon whispered into the darkness of your room.
“I know,” you were just awake enough to respond, “I love you, too, Simon.”
You fell asleep with his arm draped over you, perched over your hips rather than your waist, his hand pressed lightly against your stomach. But this time, you were both under the covers.
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