Poeticcos - Rayn's Blog

I knew that the racism would start spewing when Allison started all of those horrible actions and it honestly made me feel uncomfortable because I knew it would happen. People love to cling onto the stereotype that Black people are aggressive, but I also feel that if Allison wasn't so aggressive then she would have been stereotyped as the "kind, motherly" type when that is a stereotype portrayed on Black women. I honestly don't know how she could have reacted that wouldn't have led to people putting a racist stereotype. I want to add that it shouldn't be onto Black people to make sure these stereotypes don't exist and that we should be able to see Black people be as complex as they are without stereotyping them with a specific kind of behavior.

I do believe though that some do have the right to be angry with her and her actions. If Luther had taken those same actions as Allison did against Victor I would be just as pissed.

Yes Victor lied, but can you compare lying when telling the truth could have put someone's life at stake as the same as killing someone that didn't change the way the end of the world happened or affected things? Victor's siblings have not had the best track record of listening to him (Season 1) and that was only a few weeks ago (with 2 months not having any memory of it) so it's not like your trust in them gets better ine one day. Yes Allison wanted him out of the vault and had pretty much warned him about Leonard, but those didn't help with the years of trauma he experienced as being excluded from the rest and Allison bring concerned for him happened YEARS after they parted, which again makes sense on why Victor wasn't so concerned with Allison's worries about Leonard. Would you listen to a family member you haven't spoken to in years tell you that you shouldn't trust someone you have a crush on?

Then we have Season 2 where the only interaction between Victor and Allison is when Allison's trying to save Victor and when they get to where Season 3 starts. So you get like maybe a week of interaction with a sibling you haven't spoken to in years and then months of no more interaction, would you trust someone wholeheartedly within such a short time frame?

Season 3 we get to see more interactions with them and Victor is even trying to sympathize with Allison losing loved ones AGAIN when he lost loved ones too (Sissy and Harlan). Yes he got to see Harlan again, but it wasn't because he chose it or did things his way so he could have Harlan, it just was. If Claire or Ray had been in S3 and found out somehow they're the cause of the death of their mothers, do you think Allison would gladly give away that information to her family or be fine if Victor killed them?

I understand that this was how Allison dealt with her trauma and grief over everything, and it's valid she felt the things she did and wanted to cause harm to herself and others, but we shouldn't praise her actions, just like we should 't praise Victor for destroying the world in S1 or Luther putting him in the vault. We can understand why they did the things they did without praising their behavior.

Seeing some of the most insane and fucking racist Allison takes???? If she was a white man going through a “villian era” y’all would be posting fan edits and talking about how attractive you find her, calling her your blorbo or some shit. Every character on that show has done insane fucked up shit and yet I only see horrible posts about Allison. Take some critical thinking skills and apply it to the show bc Jesus Christ y’all cannot be serious rn??

I kinda keep forgetting their situation as something that's tremendously traumatic, which is probably due to how often it happens. 😅 With that, yeah, I should have also considered "why" they're doing it and if it would be something they'd stop doing once the traumatic situation ended, which we can see some of them not drink until they find out the world is ending again (or in Allison's case in S3 she starts drinking when she realized Claire isn't in the current timeline and later on drinking and smoking).

I agree that I wish there were more episodes because not only do I want to get an answer to some of the questions we all have, like Allison's current situation, but I also want to see Klaus at least managing his addictions and maybe even having help from everyone. By then, not only would he be in a different environment that isn't as similar as his environment in S1 (and hopefully no impending doom like S2 and S3), but he'd also have a support system that he needs and wants. I want to see him get sober and not just because it's nice to see character development that's good for them and their wellbeing, but also because I'd love to see more media portray that if you're suffering from addictions it doesn't mean your life is completely ruined. I don't want his addictions in S1 to be seen as "some quirky thing we can added to him that we'll never talk about again". I'd also love to see him turn down an alcoholic drink because he knows it'll affect him negatively or his siblings always make him mocktails and such with everyone else so he doesn't feel so alone. I'd be surprised if we get any of that in S4, but a man can dream.

I saw your post talking about Klaus' addiction and how his family plays into the role of how society tends to treat addicts, which I totally agree on and I'm so thankful to see others speak up on it, but I also wanted to bring up that there's even more issues with how some people in the fandom, and society as well, treat addiction.

A lot of society only treats addicts horribly if their drug(s) of choice are "hard drugs". Nobody sees Allison's smoking cigarettes in S3 or all the drinking done in all seasons as an addiction because they've been so normalized. They're so normalized that there are hundreds of shows that show a lot of drinking and/or smoking cigarettes/cigars and hardly anyone considers any of those characters as addicts.

And I think that also plays into the way Klaus' siblings treated him while struggling with addiction because they participate in it too, but they never get called an addict because their addictions are "normal". "Why can't Klaus just drink like everyone else and not do 'hard drugs'"?

Oh absolutely, I did actually get into this a bit in a follow-up post (here)

And like, addictive behaviours can latch onto anything. Gambling, exercise, food, shopping, music, sex, gaming... if it gives a moment of happiness and dopamine it can become maladaptive as an outlet and an escape...

Alcohol causes much more social and physical harm than many "hard" drugs, and in much smaller quantities, despite being much more socially acceptable. And it isn't criminalized in the same ways (which is good, because criminalizing a health issue is wrong and doesn't work, because social rejection and judgment force people deeper into addiction, and by making things illegal you create black markets and fund organised crime and really do everything to increase the problem at hand).

And you're right in that the siblings (and society) treat drinking (and smoking) as different, even with Klaus who is very much an alcoholic...

Because many people do turn to bad habits and alcohol during bad times.

But it is interesting to note that while a large number of the siblings are self-medicating during that time due to their level of alcohol use, and in a very unhealthy way, it doesn't necessarily mean they're addicts as well. Or rather, not addicts in the same way as Klaus.

I'm reminded of a study done about drug use, particularly heroin usage, by soldiers in the Vietnam War. Where drug use was ubiquitous and at incredibly high levels. And yet when most of these soldiers returned home they stopped using it entirely (and this is a physical dependency causing substance, so unsupervised withdrawal can easily kill a person).

Because they were no longer in the situation they wanted to escape.

Of course not every soldier stopped using, and the homeless, addicted veteran is a well-known figure in the popular consciousness for a very real reason. But often those soldiers who kept using weren't coming back to any sort of support system or a good situation at all. And there was, and still is, a huge lack of support for the trauma inflicted by war on those forced into it ( I say as someone who had half their family conscripted into a Cold War related war, even if it wasn't the Vietnam War specifically).

It was something of a real-life example of the Rat Park experiment, which has trended on Tumblr before, and also illustrated how connected addicted behaviours are to the environment that people are in...

But this is to me part of why they treat their behaviour as "different" and why they also don't bother Klaus about his drinking in s2 and 3, even as he consumes much more than any of them and started carrying a flask again that he's seen drinking from constantly, even in the less stressful situations he's in since he first relapsed s2...

Because he can't stop once he started again.

The others can't comment on his drinking, if they even notice it with everyone being so wrapped up in their own things, because they're all also drinking at unhealthy levels, particularly in s3, and it's the end of the world so from their perspective, "fuck it!". But even though their own dependency at that point is unhealthy, it's still not at the same level as Klaus's...

Because there is nuance when it comes to addiction and dependence and situational dependency and so much else...

But it is also cause for them to finally sympathise and recognise that "there goes them but for the grace of god", because they really aren't as different as they would like to think... (which tbh, it seems like Luther got after s1, given how he's treated Klaus since)

This is another reason why I'm also so sad about the 6 episode announcement. Because these things being addressed would be best without the apocalypse hanging over them all and giving them the excuse to ignore stuff

But yeah, I think they're gonna be stretched to try and wrap up the plot, and character development and moments are gonna be sacrificed...

Anyway, I have so many thoughts about these topics, and I am so thankful for every ask that allows me to indulge in me thinking my thoughts!

okay maybe I’m biased, but did it bother anyone else how literally none of the characters acknowledge that Harlan /is/ like family to Viktor? When they’re deciding whether or not to give him to the Sparrows it’s always “Harlan saved our lives” or “Viktor owes Harlan for giving him powers”. Not “Viktor partly raised him” or “Harlan is like a son to Viktor”. Family is soooo important but Harlan doesn’t get to count?

i’m not going to get into it fully right now but what the umbrella academy writers did this season to allison has fucking pissed me off. immensely. her being a villain? FINE! her getting angry at all she’s lost and the racism she’s had to face is perfectly valid. but this?? what she was going to do to luther? seriously? not only was it triggering it felt targeted. let me ask one question to the writers. why did cha cha, marcus, fei, and allison get these stories? these endings? these arcs?

“I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” –Vincent Van Gogh 

Fun little fact. It takes anywhere from five to six layers of dye and paint to achieve the star patterns on my adventure gear. ⭐

I’ve been thinking of doing a time-lapse of the process  if people would be interested in seeing something like that?

Wishing you all a splendid Saturday, and a wonderful weekend. :)

https://www.etsy.com/shop/ArcherInventive

klaus has this habit of searching for answers and purpose in the same place he lost them. his autonomy was stolen from him as a child, and he lives with that loss every day. it’s quite common for people with that experience to live with dissociative symptoms, and i actually think klaus is a realistic portrayal of that. while it’s never outright said that it’s dissociation he deals with, i think a lot of survivors could probably see it in him. he’s always seemed to feel a disconnect with himself, with his own body (for example – and this is a small one – when he told ben “you’re not getting in this body,” rather than my body). his identity is something transient, something that shifts drastically sometimes depending on the situation he’s in, which is a common experience in people with dissociative symptoms – we’re like “chameleons.” 

he forgets key things regarding his trauma: that, or his brain will twist the events to make them more palatable to himself. he didn’t remember being killed as a child, even though it happened multiple times. and despite not remembering anything, he still has visceral reactions when it comes to being confined. he may not consciously remember every event, but his body does, and so he reacts accordingly, as if the threat of being killed again were a present one. because the body remembers the loss of control, it remembers the autonomy that was once stolen. then there’s “bus ball.” obviously, it was an objectively shitty, terrifying thing, being once again murdered, multiple times by your own father and abuser – and as an experiment, no less. despite that, the events were portrayed as something that was for the most part fun, almost. and when he vaguely recounted said events later on, he referred to it as “bus ball.” like it really was nothing more than a game. that’s another common dissociative symptom, and a common trauma symptom: being so disconnected on a certain level from your own trauma that you’re able to talk about it like it’s nothing. that you’re able to remember a skewed version of it so that you don’t have to internalize any of the real terror.

touch is another one. klaus is a very tactile person. he communicates well through touch. but he often doesn’t like being touched, unless it’s from someone he knows, loves and trusts.

he startles easily, too. will jump back at sudden movements or words, gets frightened by loud noises and will cover his ears.

his need for connection is relevant here, too. he has a hard time being alone with himself, and so he finds people to cling to, or finds people that will cling to him, just to stave off those feelings and to ground himself, almost. sometimes it spirals out of control, like with the cult. but his constant need for connection stems from feeling disconnected.

one of his passing comments to luther in s1 (”I remember my first time… oh no. i don’t”) hits hard, too. it’s not uncommon for trauma victims to experience hypersexuality as a result of this loss of autonomy. and then, to not even remember some of these encounters (obviously, the drugs/alcohol likely play a role in this not remembering. but hey, what’s addiction often a symptom of? oh yeah. trauma.)

this disconnect he feels from his own body is also why he was able to have certain encounters even with people he didn’t like. keechie comes to mind. he didn’t like keechie, that was made clear. but it sounds like he still had no problem having sex with him, despite this. it’s common, when you have dissociative symptoms, to feel this sort of disconnect. you don’t always care what happens to a body that doesn’t feel like yours, hell, you can enjoy it, sometimes – even if you don’t like the person you’re doing it with.

it’s why he gets off on torture, too. klaus being a masochist was clearly portrayed in episode four, but then was referenced again two other times. (”if i see a boner, i’m out” when he was being tied up, and, “i’m going to beat you, and not the way you like it.”) when you grow up tortured and become accustomed to it it’s easy for the brain to say “hey, this is unbearable so actually we like this thing now. that’ll make it bearable!” i mean, obviously it’s a little more complicated than that, but that’s the gist of the situation. 

you often find comfort – or even pleasure – in familiarity, even when familiarity isn’t safe. we see that in klaus.

and that leads me back to my main point: klaus searches for answers, he searches for purpose in the same places he lost them. if he can give up his body to anyone who will take it, then maybe he can take back autonomy, is what he might think. if he can have a say in his own destruction, whether it’s addiction or reckless behavior, then maybe he can take back control. 

but that’s never truly how it plays out. a trauma survivor will never find what they’re looking for this way. i believe that klaus is starting to realize this, even if he does run into setbacks, and even though he will continue to run into setbacks. if he wants to find control, and if he wants to find purpose, he will have to reroute that energy into a path of recovery rather than destruction. it’s a hard hill to climb, but we know he can do it.

i could say more about this, but i think this says enough, for now.

I feel like a lot of people fail to see how similar umbrella Ben and sparrow Ben are and that bothers me a lot : they're not entirely different characters.

It really bothers me how most people see umbrella Ben as this pure little angel(tm) while he's not ? Of course we didn't see that much of him cause, yk, he's dead, but he was sometimes harsh, and just as pragmatic as sparrow Ben. Like remember when he wanted the brellies to kill Grace ?

When Sparrow Ben tells Viktor to put his shit together cause the apocalypse is happening and they don't have time for that, that something umbrella Ben did with Klaus and Viktor in the past, the only difference is that he has emotional attachment to them, and sparrow Ben doesn't.

That's also why I love that Klaus had a chance to talk about him, cause he's the only one who truly remembers how umbrella Ben could be a little shit sometimes, while the others forgot because of grief.

That was a long way of saying : stop making umbrella Ben into the shy nice little angel he's not.

funny story i was reading your bio and my heart genuinely stopped when i saw aro-ace exclusionist like. HELLO?? and then i remembered the start says DNI

thanks for the support man 😭😭

Of fucking course! I'm ace so I totally understand how frustrating it is to see others exclude us and aro people so I wanted to make it known that anyone who wants to exclude aro and/or ace peeps aren't allowed.

Just a PSA, desecrating a Torah is not the same as burning a Bible.

Torahs are not mass produced, and cannot be mass produced due to how specific and strict the rules are for construction. They have to be handmade in a very specific process with specific materials (the scroll must be made of calf skin instead of paper, for example) A rabbi can reasonably spend about a year making a single torah. It must be written by hand in ink, and if a mistake is made on a page, the page must be thrown out and started from scratch. Because of this, torahs are often extremely expensive and delicate, and we have rules for how they are to be held and interacted with so as not to damage them. One of the most important rules is that you cannot touch the parchment of the scroll with your fingers, you have to use a pointer called a yad. This rule is for religious reasons, but also practical ones because the oils on your hands can damage the parchment very easily if touched regularly. That is how fragile these objects are.

In addition, if one is damaged, it is no longer considered kosher and must be replaced. There is obviously a spiritual reason for not wanting a torah to be harmed, but it’s also because they are extremely expensive, often very old heirlooms or artifacts, and handmade art pieces. Desecrating a torah is not just a symbolic gesture of disrespect to Judaism, it is destroying an expensive, old, and culturally significant art piece.

The Christian equivalent would be more along the lines of smashing stained glass windows in a historic church. Bible burnings as a form of protest are almost always done with copies you can buy for $15 at Barnes and noble. It is certainly meant to be disrespectful to the Christian faith, but it is not the same in terms of level of harm caused.

Bible burning vs torah desecration is a comparison made in bad faith I see occasionally to be like “why is antisemitism bad but being mean to Christians is fine?” But I’ve met a lot of well meaning gentiles who don’t fully know the cultural context or significance of the Torah and genuinely don’t understand the gravity of desecrating one.

“I think fanfiction is literature and literature, for the most part, is fanfiction, and that anyone that dismisses it simply on the grounds that it’s derivative knows fuck-all about literature and needs to get the hell off my lawn. Most of the history of Western literature (and probably much of non-Western literature, but I can’t speak to that) is adapted or appropriated from something else. Homer wrote historyfic and Virgil wrote Homerfic and Dante wrote Virgilfic (where he makes himself a character and writes himself hanging out with Homer and Virgil and they’re like “OMG Dante you’re so cool.” He was the original Gary Stu). Milton wrote Bible fanfic, and everyone and their mom spent the Middle Ages writing King Arthur fanfic. In the sixteenth century you and another dude could translate the same Petrarchan sonnet and somehow have it count as two separate poems, and no one gave a fuck. Shakespeare doesn’t have a single original plot—although much of it would be more rightly termed RPF—and then John Fletcher and Mary Cowden Clarke and Gloria Naylor and Jane Smiley and Stephen Sondheim wrote Shakespeare fanfic. Guys like Pope and Dryden took old narratives and rewrote them to make fun of people they didn’t like, because the eighteenth century was basically high school. And Spenser! Don’t even get me started on Spenser. Here’s what fanfic authors/fans need to remember when anyone gives them shit: the idea that originality is somehow a good thing, an innately preferable thing, is a completely modern notion. Until about three hundred years ago, a good writer, by and large, was someone who could take a tried-and-true story and make it even more awesome. (If you want to sound fancy, the technical term is imitatio.) People were like, why would I wanna read something about some dude I’ve never heard of? There’s a new Sir Gawain story out, man! (As to when and how that changed, I tend to blame Daniel Defoe, or the Modernists, or reality television, depending on my mood.) I also find fanfic fascinating because it takes all the barriers that keep people from professional authorship—barriers that have weakened over the centuries but are nevertheless still very real—and blows right past them. Producing literature, much less circulating it, was something that was well nigh impossible for the vast majority of people for most of human history. First you had to live in a culture where people thought it was acceptable for you to even want to be literate in the first place. And then you had to find someone who could teach you how to read and write (the two didn’t necessarily go together). And you needed sufficient leisure time to learn. And be able to afford books, or at least be friends with someone rich enough to own books who would lend them to you. Good writers are usually well-read and professional writing is a full-time job, so you needed a lot of books, and a lot of leisure time both for reading and writing. And then you had to be in a high enough social position that someone would take you seriously and want to read your work—to have access to circulation/publication in addition to education and leisure time. A very tiny percentage of the population fit those parameters (in England, which is the only place I can speak of with some authority, that meant from 500-1000 A.D.: monks; 1000-1500: aristocratic men and the very occasional aristocratic woman; 1500-1800: aristocratic men, some middle-class men, a few aristocratic women; 1800-on, some middle-class women as well). What’s amazing is how many people who didn’t fit those parameters kept writing in spite of the constant message they got from society that no one cared about what they had to say, writing letters and diaries and stories and poems that often weren’t discovered until hundreds of years later. Humans have an urge to express themselves, to tell stories, and fanfic lets them. If you’ve got access to a computer and an hour or two to while away of an evening, you can create something that people will see and respond to instantly, with a built-in community of people who care about what you have to say. I do write the occasional fic; I wish I had the time and mental energy to write more. I’ll admit I don’t read a lot of fic these days because most of it is not—and I know how snobbish this sounds—particularly well-written. That doesn’t mean it’s “not good”—there are a lot of reasons people read fic and not all of them have to do with wanting to read finely crafted prose. That’s why fic is awesome—it creates a place for all kinds of storytelling. But for me personally, now that my job entails reading about 1500 pages of undergraduate writing per year, when I have time to read for enjoyment I want it to be by someone who really knows what they’re doing. There’s tons of high-quality fic, of course, but I no longer have the time and patience to go searching for it that I had ten years ago. But whether I’m reading it or not, I love that fanfiction exists. Because without people doing what fanfiction writers do, literature wouldn’t exist. (And then I’d be out of a job and, frankly, I don’t know how to do anything else.)”

— “As a professor, may I ask you what you think about fanfiction?” (via meiringens)