I Have Never Been Forgiven For Not Understanding

amen › amber run

i think my body is falling in pieces i think my blood is passing me by

Micah Nemerever These Violent Delights / I.B. Vyache Excerpt 07.01.21 / Silas Denver Melvin excerpt from Grit: A Poetry Collection / Christa Wolf excerpt from Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays / Ethel Cain Family Tree (Intro) / unknown / Fiona Apple Left Alone / Richard Siken The Worm King's Lullaby / Gwen Benaway Holy Wild

i. Micah Nemerever, These Violent Nights

[ "I don't think you've ever felt anything that didn't hurt you. / We've found each other, out of everyone else in the world. Does that hurt, too?" ]

ii. I.B. Vyache, Excerpt 07.01.21

[ "It's time to forgive my hands for being hands. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow." ]

iii. unknown

[ "have you shot a gun? is your blood authentic? is your blood authentic? is your blood authentic? can you prove it to me?" ]

iv. Christa Wolf, Cassandra: A Novel and Four Essays

[ "You looked at me / (did you still see me?)" ]

v. Ethel Cain, Family Tree (Intro)

[ "The fate's already fucked me sideways / Swinging by my neck from the family tree / He'll laugh and say, 'You know I raised you better than this' / Then leave me hanging so they all can laugh at me" ]

vi. unknown

[ "I fight. I resist. It doesn't even matter what I resist; there is simply something in me that tends to resist things as they are. I have been fighting since I was very small." ]

vii. Fiona Apple, Left Alone

[ "[Chorus] / How can I ask anyone to love me / When all I do is beg to be left alone?" ]

viii. Richard Siken, The Worm King's Lullaby

[ "Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story." ]

ix. Gwen Benaway, Holy Wild

[ "I am tired of explaining the fire, / it burns because it must." ]

the embrace of soil and soul

the way you say soil sounds like soul // the way you say soil you make a poem out of every speck of dirt

[Galatée, Charles François Jalabert // soil, Irène P. Mathieu // Take Me to Church, Hozier // Quote, Jonathan Swift // The Triassic Cuddle, alissaurus_rex // Poem, Tanner Olson // Painting (detail), Josef Neugebauer // Work Song, Hozier // Wolfstar Microfic, tumblr user @mkaugust // Dreaming of Pomegranates, Felice Casorati]

“My dear, how far do you go hunting monsters before you become one yourself?”

— ashpichu (via ourobcros)

“I am so filled with my love of her. At the same time I feel that I am dying.”

— The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

“yes, our story ended. i lost you without warning, without justice, without meaning; but somewhere, out there in time, in an alternative universe, we’re meeting for the first time, i look at your lips eagerly, you laugh. somewhere out there we have a whole future ahead of us, an unlimited number of days. and that is not sad, darling. that is beautiful.”

— and until we meet again, i will carry you with me. // V.R. (via liethargy)

Mahmoud Darwish, from Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut, 1982 (tr. Ibrahim Muhawi)

For context: this is written within a work regarding the siege of Beirut in 1982. “Memory for Forgetfulness is an extended reflection on the invasion and its political and historical dimensions. It is also a journey into personal and collective memory. What is the meaning of exile? What is the role of the writer in time of war? What is the relationship of writing (memory) to history (forgetfulness)?” (x)

there is no such thing as good grief

“big god,” florence + the machine/mary oliver/richard siken/wandavision/jamie anderson/“good grief,” hayley williams/unknown/“i promised no more poetry,” trista mateer/“heaven’s gate,” the wonder years

🗡️🖤⚔️🩸 swordmates part 11/∞

— 1. anton chekhov, “the seagull” 2. the musketeers (2014) 3. the mountain goats, “no children” 4. luther (2010) 5. emily bronte, “wuthering heights” 6.  crouching tiger hidden dragon (2000) 7. christina rossetti, “the convent threshold” 8. it’s okay to not be okay (2020) 9. my country: the new age (2019) 🖋️ nuanced translation of this quote 10. princess mononoke (1997)

the tragic hero attains something like divine completeness, except that for human beings completeness is death.