Tumblr Please Stop Telling Me To Wd40 A Mouse

They should invent a removing facial hair that isn't sysiphean

can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??

a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.

I need a shawty who also has memory issues so neither of us can remember who was actually right during disagreements.

America be like "you cant have free healthcare or easy access to disability but you can have a gun"

stop calling me "my fragile little flower" or "my beautiful delicate pet" im literally going for a glass cannon build. i can one shot most adults

If something is ‘old as fuck’ then it’s about 1.2 billion years old because that’s when life evolved sexual reproduction.

The Gods love you.

Even when you spend days without lighting up their candles.

Even if you don't have an Altar.

Even if you don't feel their presence yet.

Even if you're not good at tarot.

Or doesn't have prophetic dreams.

They still love you. And you know why?

Because you're you. And that's enough for them, your presence, your devotion, your well-being, is what truly matters for them.

So don't you feel pressured or sad, lovebug 💜💜

the women of america were once promised that butch dykes would be lurking in all corners of society, ready to corrupt our minds and turn us all gay. what ever happened to that. where are the butches uncle sam.

my day:

10:00 am: wake up

10:30 am: miss wife

11:30 am: get out of bed

12:00 pm: eat

12:30 pm: miss wife

1:00 pm: read classic literature that incites existential dread

4:00 pm: miss wife

6:00 pm: dinner :D

7:00 pm: miss wife

8:00 pm: shower

9:30 pm: play games on my puter

11:00 pm: same thing except im still missing my wife

2:00 am: cry myself to sleep cuz i miss my wife