😂😂

Nov 27

Ugggghhh my face looks TERRIBLE. My goodness. And we see the in-laws tomorrow and really didn't want my face to be this way. But that's my own fault. I just pick and pick till everything is bleeding and huge holes in my head. FUCK I really have to find a way to stop this habit... I've destroyed my body. I feel so unattractive and gross. Idk how my bf finds me attractive at all.

Really need to find a way to stop this. Hopefully my face will look at little better in the morning ...

Man I need more cover up to. But haven't been able to cash my last 2 checks so I'm broke and yeah... Ugh

😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😢😢😣😣😣

I don't handle bipolar, double standards, people very well at all. If something isn't black and white or let's say honest and blunt then I won't get that someone is beating around the bush. I take their words for their words. So people who are in my life that are those 2 things tend to get upset with me when I dont acknowledge they were unhappy, mad, annoyed, or whatever because I don't care to play that game of having to try that hard when they can literally just say what's up. That's who I am, always have been. I'll be up front with anyone and expect they do the same. It's not hard even when I tell those people 100 times to just be blunt with me no matter if they think it's mean or anything.

Gosh this has caused so many issues among people in my life. Wish everyone would understand I'm that simple. And I will not put effort into "reading between the lines" just to figure out what someone is really trying to say. Exhausting.

Then among that and the bipolar-ness a lot tend to be super double standards with me. And that is very unfair and not "friends". When they've done shady and shitty things to me but try to play it off somehow as a situation of "helping me" or such. I am going to cut ties very soon with these individuals. Frankly I don't see them changing, never the less caring if I brought it all to their attention. More likely they'll get furious and mean. And at the moment I need them due to drugs. But hoping to get clean as soon as I can to start making these healthier changes. Then I wonder after I stop communication with them out of the blue, if they'll even notice my absence? If they'll try to reach out at all?

Most likely no. 1 out of 100 chance of that is -0. I know these "friends" could care less about me. They are shady every time, find something to be upset about, always trying to con me out of money.

Sad part is I use to really like the girl. As friends. We were good friends for a little while. Then all of this begun. Found out she really doesn't care and seldom times I do see her, I find out later that she got upset about multiple things in that time by receiving a text from her boyfriend going off on me about it.

Again wish she would've just told me in that moment if something pissed her off. But if I confront her face to face she half lies. Saying "ya I just thought that was kinda messed up but it's really not a big deal". When obviously it was. I'm going to confront her 1 more time before I cut ties. Just something I need to get out.

People tire me and confuse me. Wondering why usually everything has to be so complicated and fake. This is why I stopped trying to make friends or keep up with anyone. Because no one cares to do the same or if they do it's to get shit from me.

That's okay really. I like being alone, not having to deal with this. The right friends hopefully will come around someday soon

Tesla: Science Magazine

Things just don't feel right, right now. Feel like a bad thing is just around the corner and it's going to be really bad for us ...

But just have to let the feeling go and cross that bridge if it comes

So fucking fucked up

I'm 10min away dude for real. You drove right past my house

Why the fuck does this have to be made so difficult when it DOESN'T HAVE TO BE BUT THANKS FOR DITCHING ME AFTER TELLING ME YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY

THANKS!!!

I really really really really really hate people

Nov 27

8 o'clock at night. At his parents. I feel a little invisible and boring to everyone. I try to talk but always get cut off or ignored.

Am I really that disinteresting to everyone? Makes me sad. But guess I do this to myself and should be more interesting and outgoing. But that's not me, never has been and honestly won't ever be. So guess I just need to stop being upset by it. Get over it.

I just wonder if his mom ever wishes for a better daughter in law? Who she can go do things with including drink. I think his Dad likes me a little more.

Always feel everyone is always wishing for someone other than me. But that's an assumption.

Love this stove!

Probably the last picture I take in this kitchen!

HORIZON: ZERO DAWN + Photo mode 54/??