I Was Walking Through The Toy Aisle At Target When I Found This Thing And Had A VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE

There is no real winning when your a shazam villain cause you ethier a grown ass adult beating the shit out of a 10 year old or getting the shit beat out of you by a 10 year old

I don’t know why but I find it immensely funny that the idea of John Constantine working with Billy Batson and/or Danny Fenton. People believing they are HIS sidekicks, when in reality, he is THEIR sidekick. 

Danny, in his forties, knows he passes for two people; Bruce Wayne and some randomass reporter named Clark Kent. Which is great, because he's about to defend Bruce Wayne's son, and it'd be weird if the press thought he was just some rando.

Danny didn't want to know who the fuck Bruce Wayne was, but Sam's parents would not shut up about the guy as Danny was growing up.

So, yeah; he can recognize Bruce Wayne on site. And his children.

Not because he stalked them! It was all Sam's fault, her and her parents! Her for complaining about the Waynes, and her parents for idolizing them!

Anyways, he's pretty sure he just saw some chick drug Dick Grayson's quadruple sugar caramel frappe, and Dick drank it.

Danny doesn't really think? He kind of just moves.

Dick Grayson barely gets out a "Uh, hey-?" before Danny decks the bitch in the face hard enough to throw the woman back five feet.

She's definitely going to need a hospital.

Danny doesn't give a fuck.

Danny gives so little fucks that he just puts a very carefully gentle hand on Dick Grayson's shoulder and steers him away from the scene.

"She roofied your drink. I'm taking you to the hospital."

Or; Dick was going to allow a Trafficker to drug him, so that he could play bait. The trackers he'd swallowed would absolutely lead Jason to where he was taken, as Jason was working with him on this, but didn't meet the traffickers "type". He didn't tell Bruce he was going to do this. So when the Rohypnol starts to kick in, he's absolutely sure he sees Bruce come in out of nowhere and wreck the Trafficker's shit. The randos filming the incident think they just saw someone's dad almost murder a bitch, and then heard said dad mention roofies. When the videos are posted online, and the dad is "identified" as Bruce Wayne, Bruce has three things happen. First; he's getting a lawsuit from the woman. Second; he's also getting notified through this that he has a doppleganger or clone. He will need to investigate, as he needs to thank the man. Third; his image has become pristine in the eyes of Gotham, and has also become yet another wholesome meme.

*Hugs you and cries when you leave but in a totally heterosexual way*

Warriors: “It’s illegal to be better-looking than me.”

Four: “Well, everyone, it looks like we’re all going to jail.”

how some of the LU boys vent headcanons but in fic form

okay so a while ago i was really angry about something and cracked open botw to fight some guardians with only melee weapons and i kept getting viciously blasted to the ground and set on fire every time i tried to do anything and i was like MOOD but then i realized something. link always gets back up. immediately. you don’t even have to hit a button. he gets knocked down, and then he gets back up again. over and over for the at least a half an hour i was playing. and then that gave me feelings so i started writing.

this goes completely off the rails very quickly and is ridiculously self-indulgent but it was fun to reread so *gestures vaguely* now you get to see it. fair warning that even though it’s presented in a very video-game-mechanics way, wild is talking about serious self-endangerment so be warned if you’re not up for that. anyway, enjoy!

(2.4k words)

“You know what I do?”

“What?”

Hyrule turned around from where he sat keeping watch by the fire, startled by Wild’s sudden question. Or at least he’d been trying to keep watch, stabbing a stray piece of kindling into the sand at his side over and over again and trying not to think too hard about—well, he was trying not to think about it. Wild stared up at the clear desert sky, deep with unfamiliar stars, laying on his back in his bedroll with one hand stretched above his head, fingers splayed. Hyrule hadn’t even realized he was awake.

“When I’m angry. You what what I do when I’m just so frustrated and furious and filled with rage and I’m caught halfway between breaking something’s bones and breaking down and all I want to do is scream but I don’t even think I have the strength to speak?”

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monkey??? sounding like an actual cat and not like she smokes 10 packs a day? more likely than i thought, apparently

Batman: captain marvel, you have been spotted multiple times with this boy, *holds up a picture of Freddy*

Captain Marvel: oh yeah! That's Freddy :]

Batman: is he your sidekick?

Captain Marvel: no he's my boss :D

JL: *utter confusion*

I have made what I think is the shitty-est dad joke in existence and I love it

So I'm in hell (the nether in Minecraft) with my friends, yah know the usual. So this one friend and I come across a Bastion which results in lots of screaming on my part and death for the both of us but as we’re exploring trying to find our way around I found a random loot chest with a banner in it which my friend gets  hyped about and asks if he can have it. So as he comes and finds me so I can hand it off I make the passing comment of ‘it’s like Bruce’ ... like the banner, like Bruce Banner. This is what I mean by shitty as in actually shitty not just its so shitty it’s funny shitty. Anyway my friend gets what I mean and finds it kinda funny in a pain way cause he’s a nerddd so at least there’s that.