The Haggis Animal

a bunch of mushrooms

Not a lot of people really utilize the fact that the gods of the ancient world were super messed up, did jacked up stuff to people for minor inconveniences, and legit did horrific things for the lols and billy being a child is probably just as likely to do weird things to people with his magic if he feels justified in their Billy head canons: let’s change that

Someone on Twitter @s the justice league official account in their rage tweet and Shazam/Marvel has volunteered to run the account for a few days while the league’s usual guy is out. It seems like a great idea at the time, he’s well known as super friendly guy and even though he’s pretty immature at times he always seems to be the best at deescalating hostile situations with the guidance of what he calls ‘the wisdom of Solomon’.

For a good while Marvel tried to reason with them, giving evidence to the contrary for every accusation, defending his fellow league members, and owning up to his own mistakes and promises that while the league does the best they can, they aren’t perfect. None of it is good enough for them though, they argue in circles for hours.

Finally he just says, “sir, your home will be a beacon for hoards of snakes, the harvest you wish to reap will be drowned by the rain you prayed for, your milk will curdle in your mouth, and your rage will only burn yourself with every poisoned word”

And not even an hour later that person tweets that a long term work project has just been ruined for this or that reason, their coffee is rancid because they didn’t check the date on the creamer when they bought it, posts photos of at least 12 snakes writhing in their bathtub, oh and they’ve been called out for being a jerk by everyone keeping up with the thread.

Marvel/Shazam is never allowed on the Justice League Twitter again.

the fact that i’ve known i’m ace for years and this has confused me too but i didn’t realize the ‘you’re meant to be looking at the people’ part until just now 🙃🙃

why am i like thisssss

do y'all want a fun little story about me being ace cause you're getting one

okay so for the longest time I did not understand the idea of sexy clothes. like lingerie and short dresses and stuff. did not get it. when I saw photos of clothes that I objectively knew were "supposed" to be sexy I would literally just go like "why is this sexy. this dress has so many holes in it and that bra looks really itchy and I don't understand the draw of any of this. it's just a piece of clothing wdym it's 'sexy'"

and then. I figured out. that YOU'RE MEANT TO BE LOOKING AT THE PERSON WEARING IT 😭 the clothes are not supposed to be inherently sexy but the fact that they show off the person wearing them IS supposed to be and that is something that did not click for me for SO LONG. I spent real actual time and energy trying to figure this out.

so yeah that's like probably one of the most ace things about me 👍

It’s a little windy today

Steve actually loves science fiction but it’s infinitely funnier to piss Dustin off by repeatedly mispronouncing the names is the characters in Star Wars because, “It’s Skywalker, Steve. Not Stair-Master! And his name is Luke, not Lucas! No one is named Lucas.”

“I think at least one person is.”

“In the movie.”

Dustin has recently discovered Doctor Who and is kinda a dick about explaining it to Steve. He heavily implies that Steve isn’t smart enough for the show like Steve’s mom doesn’t have a friend in England that tapes the new episodes and mails it to them.

Steve could share that information with Dustin but he’s not going to. Instead, when Dustin brings up The Doctor, Steve says, “Woah, Doc Hagan got a tv show?”

“It’s not a show about your dentist, Steve!”

If Steve is trying to round up all the kids and they’re being particularly annoying, he’ll clap his hands together and says, “C’mon, Ghost-bangers.”

The first thing he did after facing the demo-dogs was to memorize the entire D&D monster guide. He could tell Dustin this but D&D seems insufferable to him and it’s going to be way more satisfying when he catches the kid bullshitting an explanation and can call him out.

Robin knows about the stack of HG Wells books shelved in the den and Eddie definitely knows something is up. But Dustin? Nope.

There’s literally a picture on the mantle in the living room of him and his mom dressed as Spock and Nurse Chappell at a Star Trek convention when he was eight. Dustin walks passed it twice a week and has never noticed.

I just remembered this one time then I was in like primary 3 (so like around 7) and we were doing surveys or something like that. so our teacher took us to the cloak room and gathered us all in the centre and then would pick like a feature or something, like hair or eye colour, that we would group ourselves under.  So he assigned eye colour to three corners and basically said go to the corresponding eye colour for you and I just sat down cause he had only said brown, green or blue eyes and seven year old me is like nah bicth I know what colour my eyes are and they aint that so I just continued to sit there even as my teacher is looking at me like what is this stubborn child doing. but he asked me to go to a corner and I said that no my eyes are hazel and you didn't say hazel so I didn't know where to go. and the poor teacher is obviously kinda annoyed at this point but he repeated himself (because I asked earlier about hazel) that no hazel eyes aren't a thing and im still sitting there being stubborn. So he sighs and asks me to stand up and look at him so he could check and so I did.  Annnnywaaay I got to stand in a corner by my self as he counted how many people were in each corner because my eyes are literally like half brown, half green. 

yo what if humans just got shiny after being under a lot of pressure

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water but cronch