racheloleo
art by Karkof
98 posts
Latest Posts by racheloleo
Me:
Reblog if you think a woman can be complete without children
Y’ALL HAVE TIME TO REBLOG THIS. IT TAKES LESS THAN FIVE SECONDS.
Sense & sensibility is one of those books that, for me, was irrevocably altered by seeing the movie first. Book colonel brandon is quite lovely but movie colonel brandon is something else and he's all I can picture when I read the book
#5'8"
me finding out my mutual is one inch taller than me
Emmrich Volkarin would be such a disruptive presence to the local online dating app pools. An innocuous hookup with a handsome Vincent Price looking older guy. He's unsinister. Clearly takes care of himself. One of his profile pictures is from the day he got his doctorate. He shows up to the agreed-upon location and he's brought flowers. Okay...whatever. Some decent food (UberEats? The Chinese place on the corner? Maybe he cooks?) and some crazy hot sex later and the subject of his very soft hands just so happens to come up. Oh, he says. It's the embalming fluid. EMBALMING FLUID? OKAY. Dude's a mortician. Sure.
He gets up and puts on his clothes. He stares out the window for a few moments. Just long enough to be a little awkward.
"Do you have an uncle who recently passed?" he says. "By the name of Gerard. Gerry?"
WHAT.
"I'm so sorry," he sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. "He wants to tell you that your mother hid something from you underneath the floorboards of the blue bedroom. Does that make sense?"
Unfortunately, yes.
"Right," says Emmrich Volkarin. His hair is still sticking up from being clutched into by ecstatic hands. He is ten minutes post-orgasm and looks so, so annoyed. He only brightens a little when he says, "Thank you for a lovely night. You were wonderful."
Then he leaves in an almost-silent swish of expensive trousers and a plume of even more expensive cologne.
The only further contact from him is a message that says Your uncle spoke to me before we retired to your bedroom. I assure you his spirit was not present or aware of our sexual encounter.
I'm gonna need you to lose my number Emmrich, is the response from most people
There is a sadness about him.
He's sweet, considerate. He can do crazy things with his tongue. He also needs someone who can match his freak on a molecular level.
Understood, he responds.
At some point he pops up on the TV because he's become a regular on a well-loved YouTube channel. One of those phenomenally popular longform documentary-style series about ghosts or true crime. He's apparently the expert medium. The host of the show, some thirty-something named after a chess piece, looks at him like he hung the stars while he monologues about demons who imitate children. Or something.
Good for him.
imagine being the person who has to operate the fake skeleton arm that has to choke out vincent price for a movie like how does one even BEGIN to explain that particular boner.
I'm so glad I live in a world where there's Archive of Our Own
Everytime an artist includes the mole on Emmrich's nose, I ascend to a higher state of being.
"An old professor of mine had this great thing. He said "On the level of individuals and civilization, personality predates ideology." Meaning that before you were a fascist, you were a bully and an asshole." -Brennan Lee Mulligan in conversation with Amy Vorpahl, Adventuring Academy S1E2
"what a nerd lol" i said with barely controlled lust
“can mutuals dm you?” my mutuals can fire me from a cannon through a brick wall, looney tunes style. as long as we’re all having fun
Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace
people really just walk into horror movies and expect them not to deal with uncomfortable things despite the genre being dedicated to discomfort.
i saw so many people complain that lisa frankenstein, a movie where one of the leads is famously a rotting corpse, was too gross for them. when i walked out of nosferatu, i heard people say that the nudity was uncalled for... in a vampire film. nudity? in MY gothic horror?! unheard of!
a LOT of people really need to accept that maybe some genres just aren't to their taste, idk. not every movie needs to be cookie-cutter clean. sexuality is a staple of gothic horror, if not the wider genre horror in General. you don't need to enjoy it, but it doesn't make these things uncalled for.
If you have ever been tempted by a Paleozoic Pal, like a a stuffed trilobite or a full size eurypterid body pillow, now's the time to buy one, before they and a really lovely little museum are gone for good 😭😭😭
Keeping up with the Mourn Watch
Emmrich Volkarin and Johanna Hezenkoss in their 30’s
and, of course:
Emmrich Volkarin + the sluttiest thing a man can do
Taash: Why are Emmrich and Rook standing facing away from each other? Harding: They had an argument. Taash: But they're still holding hands? Harding: They both get sad when they fight.
You ever have that "hungry but nauseous" feeling about activities? Like you really really want to do something and you've got plenty of fun hobbies and things you could pick from but all of the options turn your stomach so you're just laying there bored and angry about it.