Reblog This To Place A Small Flower In The Hair Of Prev, And That You're Very Proud Of Them

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sos

The girl you’re flirting with is going home early to write 70k+ words about having sex with a video game character who’s pushing 60

A hug from Karlach would cure my depression.

All you do is whine

untrue i also suffer, rot, wail, wallow, haunt, mourn and rage

The Favourite

A Grand Duke is murdered, and Baldur's Gate begins to unravel. Kingpin Rilsa Rael sees a chance to watch the corrupt city burn; Guildmaster Keene just wants an orderly system to exploit-- and finds an unexpected ally in seeking balance.

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I checked and I first mentioned this idea FIVE MONTHS AGO and I decided I just need to start posting and see what happens. Please enjoy some crime wives and the origin story of whatever the fuck Nine-Fingers and Jaheira have going on.

The state of the Nine-Fingers Keene tag on AO3 | additional notes & thoughts

"Eh? Jaheira? I... do not understand." "Good. That means you're back to your old ways."

Cat sitter = booked ✅

Hotels = booked ✅

Anticipation = high ✅

T-minus 8 days until I visit home. First stop? Skyline Chili. And I’ll be bringing my own damn Pepsi, ya greedy bastards!

Headcanon!

Bowling headcanon that no one asked for (in addition to the one I did about hockey)

Tav: arranges every single game because they’re the only responsible one; is very good at bowling and owns their own ball, shoes, bag, and towel; somehow never gets a turkey but can hit a 7-10 split

Durge: tries to stab someone when they roll a gutter ball; has to rent shoes; spends the night pretending to sacrifice the pins to Bhaal

Karlach: very good at bowling, but doesn’t take it seriously; tends to order pitchers of beer and gets too drunk to throw the ball down her own lane

Lae’zel: also very good at bowling, but takes the game way too seriously; has her own ball, shoes, bag, towel, and embroidered bowling shirt (Shadowheart embroidered it for her)

Shadowheart (Selûnite): doesn’t bowl, but does like the little claw machine game in the arcade area where she can win owlbear stuffies; cheers on Lae’zel from the spectator area when she’s done playing in the arcade

Shadowheart (Dark Justiciar): what is bowling and who the fuck are these people?

Astarion: much like with hockey, won’t play because he might break a nail (also because even the children’s balls are too heavy for him); spends the whole time gossiping with Jaheira, Shadowheart, and Isobel in the spectator area; tries to convince them to leave and get tacos and margaritas instead because bowling is “droll”

Wyll: very good at bowling and takes it only an inch less serious than Lae’zel; also has his own towel, shirt, bag, shoes, and ball

Gale: spends the entire time “educating” everyone on the historical beginnings of the game and how it has evolved over time; uses magic to cheat because he usually spins gutter balls

Halsin: excellent at bowling; brought the game to the Emerald Grove; is as serious as Wyll and loves it when he gets a turkey (he makes a gobble-gobble noise every time)

Minthara: “IN MENZOBERRANZAN THE MALES RESET THE PINS” (she’s yelling because she and Karlach are having a drinking contest that only Minthara knows about); is surprisingly good at bowling when she’s not sloshed; owns her own ball and shoes, but NOT because she likes the game (she does, but would rather die than admit it)

Jaheira: very good at bowling, but doesn’t play anymore because of arthritis; hangs out with Shadowheart in the spectator area above the pit and cheers on everyone

Minsc: Boo has to remind Minsc how to bowl, but once Minsc understands, he dominates; he also gets very drunk with Karlach

Dame Aylin: same with hockey, she was there when it was created and helped design the lanes; “HARK! THY LANES HATH MARKINGS UPON THEM THAT RESEMBLE MOON MOTES IN HONOR OF MY DIVINE MOTHER” (they’re just arrows and range markers, but don’t tell Aylin that); absolutely amazing at bowling; has her own gear that matches her armor perfectly

Isobel: doesn’t bowl, but comes to every single game to cheer on Dame Aylin and Dame Aylin only; sometimes sneaks off to the arcade with Shadowheart

Bonus -

Mizora: thinks the whole game is idiotic, but wants to be included; doesn’t bowl; spends the whole time making bets on who will get the highest score (but the bet is someone’s soul, cuz, yanno, Mizora)

Ketheric Thorm: very good at bowling - was on a league before his wife and Isobel died; spends the night trying to reconnect with Isobel by telling her “back in my day” stories (it doesn’t go well)

Orin: same as Durge, really, but with a dash more chaos; she also rents shoes but doesn’t wear socks

Gortash: greasy ass fry cook (I will not apologize)