Among Other Things, Howl’s Moving Castle Provides AMAZING Representation For The Girlies Who Take Too

that's a horrifying sentence omg (it goes hard tho i love it)

I'm calling alkaline hydrolysis (water cremation) on this one.

No easy-to-locate bodies

Spare immersion heating cylinder

KOH (required) is a paint stripper, so would either already be on hand or raise no flags to purchase for a painter

Very wet paint

Over wallpaper: painting has a purpose other than redecorating

Victim's genetic material on the walls anyway, why would more be suspicious?

Paint would mask the smell (or incorporate it into what'd already be expected?)

Conclusion: dispose of the bodies by painting your house with them???

Very much considering writing a Dark!Snape fic where over the summer after his sixth year Severus finally decides to indulge himself and bite back against everyone who decides to hurt him.

He’s not certain he’ll join the Dark Lord, but he certainly won’t be outdone by trust fund babies in terms of who can be the most despicable.

He spends the entire summer at a muggle library, researching muggle methods of torture: from medieval to modern, psychological to physical, subliminal to overt. After all, you can’t just give up when you lose some magic stick. He’s a halfblood, which means twice the cultural exposure to depravity.

Imagine Severus graduating and evolving into some invisible wartime monster, an adept, illusive torturer who leaves no magical trace, one that the ministry is convinced found a way to remove residual magic signatures and traces to avoid being caught but it’s just textbook adaptations of muggle war crimes.

What better way to be invaluable to the Dark Lord regardless of if he’s a double agent than to distract the ministry of magic so thoroughly that they have as much cause for concern over you than Lord Voldemort himself. And the effectiveness of his methods even when dealing with those who are hardened from the violences involved wizarding war, who think themselves able to withstand anything short of death, woefully unprepared for alternative methods of information extraction.

After all, finite incantatem won’t stop the waterboarding or undo the muggle restraints.

///////

The Wizengamot, after receiving the reports on one of Snape’s experiments: What curse could make such precise cuts along the nerve endings yet also leave ZERO magical signature? The Department of Mysteries must find out in partnership with with DMLE. It’s of upmost importance we find a counter to this devastating piece of dark magic.

Severus Snape, holding an X-ACTO knife and an anatomy textbook: this is just as tedious as ingredient prep just there’s so much more NOISE can you PLEASE shut the fuck up I’m trying to learn where this nerve is in your arm. Yelling does you no good.

///////

Anyways yea dead dove asf but the POTENTIAL??? The possible edits for this concept?? Lawd.

Old Guard microfic #3

Nile slid up to the table across from Nicky, palms smacking the wood loudly as she leaned forward. “So, Christmas.”

Nicky didn’t even look up from his work. “You’ll have more fun with Andy.”

“Andy?” Nile asked dubiously.

“Mhm.”

“The Andy who scoffs at organized religion because she used to be worshipped as a god, that Andy?”

“The very same.”

“Not that I think you’re lying but you understand why I’m skeptical, right?”

Nicky took a breath and looked up at her, leaning on one elbow. “Andy is a pragmatic hedonist who’s spent lifetimes in the far north—midwinter and solstice celebrations of all sorts are burned into her soul as times for hot food, strong drink, and good company kept around the fire. I, meanwhile, am semi-lapsed medieval clergy with a bone to pick with God.”

Nile blinked a couple times. “…point taken. How’s Booker?”

“Depressed but readily motivated by mulled wine and fonder of festive chintz than he likes to let on.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Okay, i’m actually awake now so lets list some more things that happened and include the later books!!!!

McGonnagal is very very biased and consistently takes more points and gives more detentions than Snape. Dumbledore is also biased and shows Harry so. much. favoritism.

I’m going to rehash this because there needs to be more emphasis on the fact that THEY LEFT A 16 YEAR OLD TO WRITE HIS PARENTS ABOUT THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER WAS MOST LIKELY DEAD AND THAT THE SCHOOL HAD BEEN HIDING THE FACT THAT STUDENTS WERE BEING PETRIFIED!!!!! and all this after he had been worrying about her all year and his girlfriend was attacked!!! Do you know how much guilt that boy must’ve felt? how do you even write a letter like that? The teachers weren't even going to floo call???

Remus Lupin, the man who never told the authorities that Sirius was an Animagus bc he didn’t want to face his mistakes. Remus Lupin, the man who brushed off his and his friends consistent bullying, torture, sexual assault, and almost murder of a fellow student as “a joke gone a bit too far” Remus Lupin, a man who forgets his medicine for a condition he hates and has dealt with his whole life and thus puts a castle full of unaware students are risk How is this man an authority figure?

Lets also reinstate a tournament that was disbanded for its high death toll!!!! And lets also let the entire student body shun and hex a CHILD for getting entered in against his will and do nothing to stop it!!!! And lets reinstate this tournament after obvious death eater attacks and an (alleged) serial killer breaks out of Azkaban and tries to (allegedly) kill a student residing at said school!!!! The ministry doesn't know that Sirius wont come for Harry again, they don't know that those death eaters wont attack again!!! But no! Lets host it here instead of going to France or Scandinavia!

Also, lets appoint a man to DADA teacher who is borderline insane and recently attacked his trashcans because he though they were Dark Wizards!!! let this man of all men teach students!!! Don't really reprimand him when he transfigures a student who he then shoves down another students pants!!! Like that isn't traumatizing!!! Lets give this man permission you use the unforgivable curses in front of students!!! Again, War Generation Students!!! The Longbottoms were in the order, you know what happened!!! “Lets show Neville exactly what happened to his parents and broke their minds so much how own mother doesn't recognize him! That’ll be great for his mental health.” “Lets also show Harry how his parents died for him in great detail and then immediately afterward draw the whole class’ attention to him!” Yes the man was a death eater but Dumbledore gave special dispensation for the curses to be demonstrated!!!!

Yes, once a younger student gets put in the tournament we aren't going to make the challenges easier!!! That wouldn't be fair!!! We are going to have a 14 YEAR OLD face a dragon and chain his friend to the bottom of the lake!!!

ALSO THEY CHAINED AN 8 YEAR OLD GIRL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BLACK LAKE SURROUNDD BY MERPEOPLE AND GRINDYLOWS!!!! ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED!!!

Hagrid: *breeds a new creature for COMC class even though breeding new creatures is illegal* Hagrid: *has 14 year olds take care of said creature with unknown powers who cannibalized the other creatures* Amos Diggory: *works for the department of regulation and control of magical creatures and definitely heard about them from his son* Amos Diggory: *does nothing about said creatures* Hogwarts Staff: *does not report Hagrid for illegal breeding or stop the dangerous lessons that gave children burns and stings even though Hagrid definitely didn't know the effects the stinger venom could have had on students*

Lets give the most dangerous dragon to a 14 year old and not have him switch or assign the dragons in the first place.

Lets give the champions a difficult clue and not tell them what they need to do to prepare even though said 14 year old probably does not have the knowledge needed to decipher said clue.

Lets have no protection against falling in the broom sport where iron balls are enchanted to knock people off their brooms and grievously injure them often breaking bones and causing concussions!

Lets fill a maze with dangerous spells and creatures and have no way of seeing the competitors. How is one to send off red sparks when incapacitated because of an Acromantula, Blast-Ended Skrewt, Sphinx, or deadly spell??? Lets also not spell the cup against tampering!

Its totally normal for reporters known for slander to drag a teenager into a broom closet with that blasted quill. And then do nothing about the article. Why are they letting the worst reporter into the school at all!!!!

Lets do nothing about the crowds of students harassing and stalking the foreign celebrity! Or the students harassing and stalking the girl(s?) with veela blood!

Yes we teacher gladly ignore the slanderous bullying buttons that most of the student body is wearing.

We also ignore that Rita Skeeter is harassing minors is the gossip columns with unfounded romantic insinuations and making them appear in a horrid light.

No counseling once again after a dead student appears on school grounds, no Harry is totally fine after witnessing that, lets just ship him home! And the other students are totally not traumatized by seeing a dead schoolmate!! it’s fine.

Lets immediately give the death eater with information the kiss! Lets also not look for what happened to Barty Crouch Sr.’s body and blame everything on the new hire because he is poor and new and easy to blame!!! And then lets have a full inquiry for said 18 year old and then give him a high end job at your (Fudge’s) side so he feels indebted to you for this chance of redemption so that you and your associates can manipulate him further!!!

Lets ignore the bullying and students calling Harry crazy for saying he witnessed the rise of the dark lord.

Lets also punish said boy for getting punished by the manipulative ministry official (McGonnagal took points) and ignore him trying to tell you that hes being tortured.

STUDENTS ARE BEING TORTURED AND NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING, SOME OF THE TEACHERS HAD TO’VE FOUND OUT!!!! ESP POPPY POMPHREY WHEN FIRST YEARS WHEN TO THE HOSPITAL FOR THE PAIN!!! DO SOMETHING YOU USELESS AUTHORITY FIGURES!!!

Bertha Jorkins goes missing? Oh its normal she’s fine! They say as she was tortured and killed

Fred and George never get punished for basically running human experiments in the common rooms!!!!! And for making money off of it!!!

Also Harry gets ignored by his mentor and basically abandoned and treated like a child bc Dumbles wants to ‘preserve his innocence’ or ‘let him be a child for as long as possible’. That boy was never a child! He had no childhood! He was locked up and starved and forced to do everyone's chores and cook as soon as he could reach the stove. He was thrown into hallways and had his head swung at by a frying pan and was beat up by his cousin and humiliated all his life. He was never innocent, was never a child, i wouldn't be surprised if he had to potty train himself. Dumbledore avoiding him and keeping his from the order and the prophecy was the worst thig he could've done.

Harry never gets counseling for seeing the local warlord murder people and attack arthur weasley with a snake

FRED AND GEORGE SHOVED GRAHAM MONTAGUE INTO THE BROKEN VANISHING CABINET! BEING IN TWO PLACES AT ONCE ALMOST DROVE HIM INSANE BEFORE HE APPARATED (without a license or much practice) AND LODGED HIMSELF IN A TOILET ON THE FOURTH FLOOR. THEY ALMOST MURDERED HIM AND HE WAS IN A FUGE STATE FOR MONTHS. HERMIONE SUGGESTED THEY TELL POMPHREY WHAT HAPPENED BUT HARRY AND RON SAID NO. HE WAS NEVER THE SAME AND JUST BARELY SURVIVED!!! FUCK YOU FRED AND GEORGE, YOU NEVER TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALMOST KILLING SOMEONE!!!

Oh! Percy left this year! The year where the Weasley families horrible treatment of him came to a head and they disregarded his achievements and how amazing it was that at 19 years old he had such a high position after years of being ridiculed and Arthur became the worst father on the planet!!! Percy is my favorite character and he deserved better.

Also Dementors. he had a full criminal hearing like those for genocidal maniacs like Bellatrix Lestrange. Yup that’s normal.

I would list everything the ministry did this year but i’m trying to keep this shorter than it already is so i’m just going to say that they slandered a minor in the largest wizarding newspaper in Britain for a whole summer, taught nothing and focused their energy on taking over Hogwarts rather than the war effort or finding out what really happened. Put the education of the magical children of Britain into the hands of said children because of their incompetency, and had the most dangerous artifacts in wizarding Britain (time sand, evil brains, de-aging bubble, prophecies) and the ministry itself behind such shoddy protections that 6 teenagers could break in easily. All this led to more people dying than necessary in the war.

Harry never gets counseling for watching his godfather get murdered right in front of him they once again ship him off with his grief bc he’s so fine and then wonder why he doesn’t trust adults.

Year 6: AKA the year where a grown man collects teenagers for their connections and teaches them to brew a date rape/obsession drug and then no one ever punishes Romilda Vane for using it on a fellow student. Its almost worse than mind control.

Katie Bell almost gets murdered and there is no investigation of who did it but thank god finally someone goes to St Mungo’s when they need it.

Ron gets poisoned, again no investigation, again no St Mungo’s. This is a school!!!! They deal with spells gone wrong and bumps and bruised and broken bones!!! Not Petrification, attempted murders, soul stealing possession, near death from a broken vanishing cabinet, and the deadliest poison in the world!!!

Also they never closed the school after death eaters broke in and they had to fight for their lives, and bill weasley was permanently disfigured.

Lets give teenagers liquid luck!!! That a great idea even though its illegal in certain circumstances!!!

And then Dumbledore says its a great idea to take Harry on a deadly mission, the same one that has killed in the past!!! Oh jolly itll be an adventure he says as Harry has to watch him be mentally tortured with the Draught of Despair and then almost killed by inferi.

Then he dies.

Only one thing to say about year 7: No one appreciated Regulus Black enough, we get one chapter and that is? Come on his is my second fav character and we only get a short section devoted to his tragedy?

End note: Again, Fred and George almost murdered a student and drove him to temporary insanity, never checking on him until he saved himself which injured him and permanently mentally traumatized him. All this bc he was part of the inquisitorial squad and tried to take points. They were uncaring of the fact that it may take him weeks to reemerge and never once were guilty that they almost killed him.

harry potter and the year a literal teenager was blamed for not noticing his new boss was acting weird and was given loads of shit and was held responsible but staff of the safest place and the best school in wizarding world and the best wizard failed to notice the man they knew very well was actually a death eater in disguise and got away without a single complaint aka the year nobody got a haircut.

kaminari !! 💛 ⚡

Okay, but really, natural necromancer Stiles would've been so funny.

The Sheriff's success file is actually larger than his failure file because Stiles can just ask dead people who killed them and he can sense where the unburied corpses are so the number of missing persons goes down, too. And that's why he drags Scott out to the Preserve to look for Laura's body bc that's his 'job.'

I can't decide if he'd be besties with Lydia as another being of death magic, or if they'd have a kind of frenemies thing bc Lydia feels the constant need to Scream around him, and Stiles constantly gets a headache from all that goddamn racket.

He would be bros with Peter, tho bc, "you're the first reanimated person I've met that I didn't I raise myself! :D"

Peter: "I'm sorry, what the fuck did you just say?"

Also, he's learned nothing from Jurassic Park.

Stiles: Did you know that most dinosaur skeletons are actually plaster casts?

Scott: Did you learn that from the Internet?

Stiles: Nope, just a lot of very disappointing trips to the museum.

Hiya! I started listening to the Lost Terminal because you mentioned it on here. I'm a few seasons in and really loving it. My friend is looking for some new narrative pods and I know you listen to a bunch. Got any suggestions? They can be finished or ongoing.

Oh do I! Have a couple, in alphabetical order:

Absolutely No Adventures - An outright pratchettesque fantasy parody about a (very) Chosen One who has studied the art of baking instead heeding the call to adventure and refuses to go on any quests.

Care and Feeding of Werewolves - A (in-universe) podcast addressing current events and issues in the (American) paranormal community, hosted by a witch and medical practitioner. Has very good plot and worldbuilding.

Folxlore - Queer horror podcast set in Glasgow. Excellent show. "This apartment complex is very haunted, extremely cursed, and it sometimes randomly shifts to an eldritch nightmare realm. Everyone here's queer though, including the building itself. 4 stars out of 5."

Gabriela & The Inn Between - A recent botany undergrad takes a job as Innkeeper at an inn with very strange and unusual guests. Cozy and low-stakes.

Gastronaut - Set a couple hundred years from now, a food journalist travels from Earth, then Mars, then a distant space colony. He's pathetic but in a good way. Excellent food descriptions, nice anti-capitalistic and anti-colonialist themes. Higher stakes and fewer steaks than expected.

Ghost Wax - I've always disagreed with the idea that necromancers are always evil. This show agrees - it's a horror podcast about an ancient necromancer solving supernatural murders by interviewing the victims. Very thrilling. Many feels.

Icarus Rising - Queer airship pirates! Stow-aways! Rebellion! Chases and Thrills! High-stakes drama and action among the clouds! An adorable ship cat!

Kalila Stormfire's Economical Magick Services - Very cool story about witches, fairies, werewolves, and more, a story about what makes a community, about modern-day working class neighborhoods, psychology, love, and of course magic.

Parkdale Haunt - This one I haven't listened to yet, but I've heard very good things about it. It's a horror show about a haunted house, set in Toronto, made with love for that city. Disregard this suggestion if you don't like Toronto, I've never been.

SCP: Find Us Alive - A podcast set in the SCP universe, about a site getting sucked into some sort of pocket dimension that keeps resetting in a sort of time loop. Very interesting cast of characters. Requires minimal knowledge about how the SCP Foundation works.

Starfall - Fantasy audio drama about the adventures of a theatre troupe that uses magical items and illusions in their work, and about a young warrior with mysterious powers who joins them.

Tell No Tales - Horror story about a company that specialises in removing ghosts from haunted places. The protagonist quickly becomes concerned about the ethics of that and tries to prove that they need to start treating spirits with the humanity they deserve.

The Antique Shop - Urban Fantasy drama about a student getting a job at the kind of antiques shop that you only find when you need to. Lots of cursed items. An excellent cat. Queerplatonic relationships.

The Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality - An AI audio tour guide shows you various interesting exhibits and learns how to be a person. There's lots of feelings here.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris - Sci-Fi story set in the aftermath of a war between Earth and extraterrestrials. It's about outer space, survival, espionage, resistance, identity, friendship, found family, romance, and secrets. The intro song is excellent.

The Tower - A young woman climbs an ancient, unfathomably tall tower from a forgotten age. It stretches up into the sky, through the smog and the clouds. Very vibes.

The White Vault - Travel Is Not Advised. Very scary story about what's been hiding below the ice and the stone. What's been slumbering for ages. What's now beginning to wake anew.

I hope this selection helps! I have more, but I felt it would be better to keep the list short-ish.

The thing I love most about the LOTR films is their ability to do storytelling without words. 

Many of my favorite moments in the trilogy are ones that have no dialogue. Wordless storytelling is the one thing the films do that the original books can’t, because books Have to use words.

I argue the vast majority of the films’ depth comes through things that AREN’T the dialogue. So much of the storytelling in LOTR is done through the music, cinematography, visual effects, character/costume designs, prop designs, environment designs, performances, and so on and so on. So some of the most powerful moments in the films are the ones that have minimal/no dialogue  – like the moments after Gandalf’s death, or  the lighting of the beacons, or Boromir dying as he defends Merry and Pippin, or the moment when Frodo wakes up after being rescued from Mount Doom and sees Sam in the doorway, the hobbits in the Green Dragon after their quest ends…..I could go on and on and on. And people joke about how Lord of the Rings is “50 percent landscape shots to pretty music”, because it IS, but I argue those landscape shots are so important and emotional and symbolic and evocative! They convey so much about the world, and the characters, and the tone!  I’ve written essays on it here and here and here –

 One of my favorite moments in the trilogy is the destruction of the Ring. I love how it captures this feeling of like…. relief beyond words. 

There’s just so much beautiful wordless storytelling! The way Sauron’s tower collapses to the musical leitmotif we first heard playing gently at the crossroads when Sam saw the fallen king statue and said “look– the King has got a crown again.” The way that, after Mount Doom explodes, the soundtrack transitions into the musical leitmotif that we last heard at Gandalf’s death.  The elvish in the soundtrack. ;_: And I love Gandalf’s reactions in this scene….the entire trilogy he’s been racked with guilt over “(sending) Frodo to his death.” The villains recognize and torment him over this: Saruman saying “Gandalf does not hesitate to sacrifice those closest to him, those he professes to love” while Gandalf has no response. And then we see that Frodo did it, he actually made it, and Gandalf breaks into tears…;_; and without a single line of dialogue you know exactly what this means for him. I’ve already written an overlong essay on how I love the general “watercolor painting” aesthetic of the films, and I want to add that I love the way the visual effects for Mordor’s collapse are designed– the way broken tower of Barad-Dur BURSTS outward, like a spirit is leaving it– and how initially it seems triumphant until you realize that Mordor is falling apart with Frodo and Sam still trapped there. And then all of the Fellowship breaks down. ;_; And so many scenes in the films are like this….Frodo crawling up the slopes of Mount Doom to a warped broken version of the Shire leitmotif. Eowyn standing on the edge of the Golden Hall as the flag of Rohan symbolically flutters away, and the Rohan theme plays on the Hardanger Fiddle. Frodo waking up in Rivendell and walking out of his room for the first time as the Rivendell leitmotif plays, autumn leaves falling all around him, then reuniting Bilbo to a mature sad verison of the Shire leitmotif. When Gandalf dies, the soundtrack in that scene is the only one in the films where the vocals aren’t in elvish/dwarvish– it’s just cries of pain, wordless grief. 

And I know that’s Basic Film Theory– the vast majority of things viewers will take away are the things that aren’t in the script– but Lord of the Rings does it so well! 

Every element has so much love and care put into it. Every artist gets to add something to the story.

And I don’t actually think it’s because “every artist on Lord of the Rings was uniquely talented in a way no artists have been before or since.”  I actually have….really mixed feelings on LOTR as a franchise, both because there’s so much in them that I think was objectively Bad and wrong (like the horrible lack of diversity/racist use of coding.)But the reason there are so many strong moments in Lord of the Rings despite its inarguable flaws was because the films had an extended pre-production time that a lot of movies don’t get. Howard Shore was given years to work on the soundtrack rather than months. The visual artists were treated like storytellers in their own right.  The difference between the Hobbit and LOTR trilogies wasn’t talent or money– it was time.  

And the problem with a film industry where everyone is trying to churn out as much Content as possible is that time is something you can’t really buy.