I Am Truly Alone

i am truly alone

it only hits me on the late nights when everything goes silent

in the car with my mind wandering

or lying in bed next to someone who i could call a stranger

i try to convince myself that i am loved, that i’m not alone

i go out drinking with friends

i spend time with family

i look for love

but nothing seems to fill the void inside of my heart

i feel guilty for feeling this way sometimes

people are jealous of me, of the life i live

i have a family, i have friends, i have love

but then again, what is love?

is love feeling like youre never good enough?

is it always wondering what youre doing wrong?

is it constantly craving the feeling of acceptance with all of your fucking will??

or does it just not exist?

-written when i was 16 & very angsty lol