• An Oxford Comma Walks Into A Bar, Where It Spends The Evening Watching The Television, Getting Drunk,

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

More Posts from Richcsigs and Others

5 years ago

Have a ball with Baal!

Why do you trust the biggest liar in our existence(satan)and why do you support murder of our innocent children??? Oh well at least you will get yours in hell ,FOE KEEP PUSHING BAALS AGENDA DECEIVED ONE.... OTT TV SCRIPTURE REALITY.

Why Do You Trust The Biggest Liar In Our Existence(satan)and Why Do You Support Murder Of Our Innocent
5 years ago

We are playing Tapestry for the first time. The 12-sided die is the die you roll for the science track. We have already dubbed it "Bill Nye The Science Die."

We Are Playing Tapestry For The First Time. The 12-sided Die Is The Die You Roll For The Science Track.
5 years ago

Important Warning Please Read and Share

So Scientology has recently been purchasing ad spots on social media sites including Twitter and Facebook. Scientology has always worked hard to recruit young people it seems like they’re investing in social media as well now. I know most people think Scientology is a joke but it’s a seriously dangerous cult which uses fear, extortion, violence, vandalism and various other unethical actions against those who oppose them both inside and outside the church. Here is key information on the abuses committed by Scientology: 

•Scientology uses a form of pseudo-therapy called auditing which focuses largely on embarrassing and traumatic memories. Scientology collects the information you share and uses that information to threaten you if you oppose the church. They also charge huge amounts of money for auditing sessions (which is why they really are doing all this).

 •They are extremely anti-psychology and psychiatry and pressure you against taking any antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication or any other drugs for mental health.

 •They believe homosexuality can be “cured” and are blatantly homophobic. •Enemies of the church are labeled “suppressive persons” and it is forbidden to communicate with such people. This isn’t just to limit the negative press they receive but also is a manipulative tool. If you are in the cult and decide to leave or criticize the church you stand the risk of being completely cut off from your friends and family. “Suppressive Persons” are often also harassed, stalked, or threatened. 

•If you’re new to Scientology and your family or friends are worried about you being in a cult you’re instructed to cut them out of your life, increasing your reliance on the support system (though there’s nothing supportive about it) the church give to you. 

•Scientology’s doctrine includes the concept of “Fair Game”. This basically says that those who are judged a threat to the Church can be punished and harassed by any and all means possible.

 •Because of this, they have no moral qualms about having their members lie in court which they use to defend themselves from lawsuits or charges that they’ve broken the law and also to help win lawsuits against their enemies. •They essentially spied on and stole information from the IRS and tried to frame the mayor of Clearwater Florida for a hit and run. 

•Scientology filed 50 different lawsuits in one year against the Cult Awareness Network, an anti-cult organization. Using false testimony they won one of the suits and because the organization couldn’t pay the fine Scientology took the organizations name and logo so if you were calling to get out of Scientology you’d be unknowingly telling Scientology of your intentions. (For full transparency my mom was a member of the Cult Awareness Network before it was taken over and was sued individually by the Church of Scientology) 

•Scientology has an official branch known as the Sea Org, a mixture between a paramilitary group and slavery, comprised of their most dedicated members including many children/teens who’ve been raised in Scientology. This is where some of the most rampant and terrifying abuse in Scientology occurs. 

•Sea Org members often work over 100 hours a week for Scientology for around 2$ per hour.

 •Sea Org member’s living conditions are terrible; they live in overcrowded communal rooms with up to 12 other people, are not given healthcare unless there is a free clinic in the area, often are forced to miss meals or sleep in order to successfully completed their work. 

•Several former Sea Org members have accused the church of physical abuse. •Sea Org members may not have children and women who have become pregnant have reportedly been forced/coerced by their higher-ups to have abortions. 

•Leaving Sea Org without permission automatically makes you a suppressive person, so young adults who’ve been raised in Scientology who want to leave are cut off from everyone they’ve ever known with no money or job and getting permission to leave can require 3 years of hard labor, social isolation, and group pressure.

6 years ago

What’s been on my mind?

For the past 36 hours, only one question has been on my mind.

With everything he had... With the life he lead... If Anthony Bourdain couldn’t be happy...

Then what hope have I?

7 years ago

Pup interrupts soccer match, gives interview.

4 years ago

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.

HERES SOME LOVE TO A GOOD BOY. Best boy

1 month ago

Wrestlemania 41 Night Two predictions

√ Woman's World Championship Triple Threat Match: (c) Iyo Sky defeats Rhea Ripley and Bianca Belair. Iyo has been pretty much ignored by the other two competitors leading up to this match, which will continue during this match too. Iyo pins Rhea so the "Rhea can't beat Iyo" story can continue. Plus it also keeps the "Bianca has never been pinned or submitted at Wrestelmania" story going too.

√ Sin City Street Fight: Drew McIntyre defeats Damian Priest. The sad part is both of these guys desperately need a win. But I think Paul HHH has decided that Priest is not main event worthy and with this loss will be dropping back down to the mid card. If this match opens the night, then maybe Priest wins. But I don't think so.

√ Intercontinental Fatal Four-Way Match: Dominik Mysterio defeats (c) Bron Breaker, Penta & Finn Balor. It's time to move Dom up. He's still great on the mike and his in ring work has improved greatly. Either Dom pins Pinn Balor or Balor hits his move on Penta only for Dom to attack him and steal the pin. This leads to the break up of the Judgement Day and gets the title off of Bron without him losing so he can move up the card.

√ Randy Orton Open Challenge Match: Despite who his opponent is, Randy is taking the win here. The next PLE is taking place in St. Louis, Randy's hometown, so he'll be challenging the winner of Rhodes/Cena there. Rumor is his opponent will be the returning Rusev (thanks for the spoiler Big E) or maybe Solo Sikoa. I hope it's not Rusev. He should return on the RAM or SAM and certainly shouldn't take a loss in his return match.

√ Logan Paul defeats AJ Styles. Short and to the point, Logan hasn't won in quite a while and AJ, nearing the end of his career, can take the loss. My prediction for who's in the Prime bottle this year is Karrion Kross.

X Woman's World Tag Team Title Match: (c) Liv Morgan & Raquel Rodriguez defeat Lyra Valkyria and a mystery partner (most likely Becky Lynch). I don't think Becky is coming back full time, which is why I'm picking the champs to retain. I suppose they could do a thing where Becky is just "filling in" for Bayley and then Bayley becomes the co-champion. But I think the champs win with Shenanigans which makes Aldis put the match on the SAM with a suddenly healed Bayley and they win them there.

√ Undisputed WWE Championship Match: John Cena beats (c) Cody Rhodes. This match will be loaded with shenanigans. But Cena winning is the much more interesting option. Then he takes on Randy at Backlash (in Randy's home town), then CM Punk at Money In The Bank (c'mon, this HAS to happen). I'll be honest, I have no idea what they'll do with Cody afterwords, but I'm intrigued to find out. Also, Cody got pretty boo'd on Smackdown by the Las Vegas crowd. Curious to see if that will continue tonight.


Tags
7 years ago

I wonder how many chefs in medieval times were wrongfully executed because the king’s food tester had a deadly allergy.

5 years ago

Tips for living alone

Buy a bat (I have my old color guard rifle) or similar. Keep it in your room/near your bed.

Get a lock for your bedroom door.

If you’re moving into a new place, change the locks. Who knows who had a key to your place before you.

Keep your phone/a phone in your room.

Get a weather alert system set up. App, weather call, little weather radio that tells you about major weather events.

Adopt a pet

Wave at your neighbors. Take note of the ones that make you uneasy. Watch out for kids always.

Be nice to your mail person. No matter what.

If you choose to drink/etc alone, unplug your wifi router. You’ll thank me.

Have extra seating. People sit when they visit. Your one comfy chair is great for you. Not so great for you + grandma + ur five cousins, your aunt, and a couple others.

Learn the self-Heimlich

When you take a shower, bring your phone to the bathroom in case you fall your phone is no longer halfway across the house, it’s just on your counter

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Idk what else

7 years ago

Yes.

“Bop It” is a game all about what not to do to my penis.

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richcsigs - My Life & Times
My Life & Times

No theme, no plan. Just what's going through my head at any time that I want to write about.

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