Robinnygrenart - Robin Nygren Hiltunen

I didn’t feel very good in high school. Or life. Childhood. At all. There was a lot of negativity. I didn’t feel I belonged in my family and friends who I thought were ride or die had all just abandoned me as our class swished schools to fit in with the new popular kids and that meant, not to get seen talking to me. Any time someone in my class spoke to me were either to speak down to me or just hit my head into a wall. And well, I lived at a child care I guess is the closest translation so it's easy to feel abandoned by your relatives and you tell yourself your place there isn’t more than an income for your carers.

I felt useless. Absolutely 150% worthless. Waste of space and oxygen. If you think you can imagine that, you can’t. You have to experience it and not everyone makes it out of that journey alive. I kinda just dragged my lifeless body throughout childhood, telling myself “just one more day”, trying to find something to live for. Marvel-releases were kind of small milestones to strive for but lacked any real meaning, so now you know why I draw so much Marvel.

I didn’t talk much to my new class in high school as well, my friends I have known since kindergarten didn’t value me more than popularity, why would this new class?

So strangely enough, I find myself in a group chat with some other selected classmates one night and have to leave the conversation because of a sudden anxiety attack where, to my surprise, I get a notification.

One of the other classmates had noticed I stopped talking and reached out privately, asking how I was doing. And in my entire “emo-phase”, nobody had ever asked me that before. Not really, not in a meaningful serious way other than the usual polite “it’s been so long, how are you, enough about that…”

That was the first real step into this random girl who I expected would leave my life after graduation becoming one of the most important people in my life and holding my hand in this new journey into the light at the end of the tunnel.

Tiny moment after moment, inviting me for milkshakes, sleepovers, watching Good Omens, bonding over horror films, this girl made me feel like I was more than a waste of space, that maybe I… could matter?

And from feeling absolutely nothing, that I mattered nothing, less than so, to just… be invited to stuff. That was huge. It’s indescribably huge.

I am now 22 and can seriously say that I’m much older than I ever expected to be and I am grateful for that every good and bad day.

All because of that single message that one night. That first step on a ladder she probably didn’t know I needed to climb.

Thank you.

Reach out to someone, you never know who might be needing it.

Yesterday, it’s officially made 7 years ago since I bought Overwatch.

So here’s my most played hero Lucio with my childhood friend’s most played hero, Ana.

That’s it. That’s the post. Have a good day and be nice to your healers.

Also, finished the last planned post of 2023 today, that’s crazy.

You know what I found satisfying?

These random character-focused... card thingies... poster stuffies...

They're not creativly satisfying, they don't apply to the "a picture speaks a 1000 words"-thing. They are far from deep. But I just like to look at them. And I like to just shut off my brain and draw them.

And I think they're cool. They allow me to try something new. I found a vibe for my Star Wars-stuff ever since. I found a color I try to use for Life is Strange ever since. I managed to actually draw faces in Miraculous I'm satisfied with.

If I ever would fullfill my dream and sell stuff at like... Scifiworld or something, I would have a pile of these

Sorry for inactivity, needed to shitpost not to get forgotten by my 3 followers

World Mental Health Day!

Mental Health has become a larger life issue for me than I expected. (Life issue? Life focus? Might not be the right word, there is a word for it…)

I have struggled with mental health, I have friends that do, family that does. I have social anxieties and panic attacks and days it’s hard to get my foot out of the door and it’s important to me to work on myself and try to help everyone around me in every way I can. And it had led to periods of loneliness and dropping out of university and problems with job-hunting. But I also read psychology in my last year of high school and a lot of articles about everything between earth and the sky and it really helped me overcome a lot of old obstacles.

And I love it when fiction handles mental health. The sole reason I like Miraculous so much is that they handle anxiety, panic attacks and stress. Big reason I love Life is Strange so much is Kate Marsh and the effects of bullying and hopelessness. Big reason I like MCU Spider-Man is Mysterio, his special kind of brutality, mind games and effects of his lies on Peter’s life and mental health. Same with RDJ’s Tony Stark or Anakin Skywalker or really any famously unhealthy fictional character.

So yeah, a big part of fiction is escapism and to get away from stuff, but also fun when they handle it and helps me to easier explain and understand my mental stuff.

My absolute favorite thing with the X-Men TAS is that they never explained Banshee's powers.

You just suddently see him in a bright costume and he starts screaming and also he's flying. It's not even like a sonic sound effect I'm used to, like Canary's cry for example, it's just a basic scream... and kids where just supposted to connect that one action supported the other.

Like! I knew this character from before. I knew his power-set. And I still needed a sec to realize what was going on

HE JUST STARTED SCREAMING AND NOBODY POINTED IT OUT AND I'M CRYING

There's so much in X-Men TAS that just goes unexplained and I love it for it. This was a show for comic-readers and if you didn't read any, well good freaking luck keeping up.

Happy 100th Birthday Disney!

Didn’t really know what to do, tried a realistic Mickey Mouse but didn’t end up as creepy as I hoped for.

Maybe something for Snowwhite but knew it would just be a lesser good version of a poster Alex Ross did once.

So, here’s a shot inspired by my favorite Disney-movie, Lilo and Stitch!

I love these movies so much and thank you Disney, despite your many flaws, for creating my and many others’ childhoods!

OMG! NEVER SEEN MY NAME AS A HASHTAG BEFORE! THAT'S SO COOL! Want anything from the gas station?

Truly made my day! Adding that to the bucket list and crossing it

Another thing I have wanting to do for ages and finally got the time was to redraw this a little bit.

Max’s and Chloe’s pose felt awkward and poorly drawn and didn’t match the vibe of the game I realised so kind tried to just draw them hanging out. Less action-game, more life-game.

Not that this is 10/10, there’s a giant gap in the picture but a step in the right direction

Bittersweetness

Last planned Life is Strange for a while Fitting it would be the ending I went into it with not liking Chloe that much and ended actually having a difficult time with who to sacrifice (or whom? is this a "whom"-moment? We never mentioned whom in english class)