I Have Made Two Assignments In One Day For My Classes, Thank You ChatGPT. I Wish We Had AI When I Was

Shit weather. Half of the year is a dark hell then spring comes and you feel like a beggar to see some sunlight. I don’t even know why I’m doing this to myself. I actually do know but anyway. I want to go out, scream and swear at everything that led me here to experience this shitty weather right now. But I don’t… Why?? Because we all need to act sane.

Vagabond, de Takehiko Inoue, バガボンド・井上武彦

The day starts with a grumpy mood and then I suddenly start smiling like an idiot when I see one of these beauties.

I’m aware I still can’t make any move about opening up on here. It makes me think even more. I shouldn’t be afraid of being judged cuz I know whoever judges me have their own issues too even if they don’t who cares? Everyone pretends to be something else than they are, it’s very rare to see tranparent people. Maybe I should think less. Yea, probably I should. I have a silly exam soon in couple of hours, I will think more about not thinking this much after that.

I don’t even know why I’m still doing this, I feel like I will neve rbe able to share anything deep on here even with people who has no idea who I am. At the beginning I thought it will be easy since I’m anonymous but I gotta think about what’s stopping me to get there.

Arthur Morgan is a good motivation. I really like seeing and remembering him everyday. I find so many similar things in him about me. He will stay with me and be a part of my life till I die. A fictional character is way more heartwarming than so many people around me.

News

Today I learned something new about myself.

I have always been the smart kid and appearently it is not always a good thing for adulthood. Being used to getting things done easily becomes sabotating when life gets more complicated as an adult. I was praised as a kid for being smart but it also means not putting much effort.

I'm still sharp and capable, I still learn fast but I have no motivation. There is this constant isolation sense inside of me. And the pressure... The expectations are always high from me, I can't tolerate to fail and that's why I avoid many situations that challenges me. I feel socially behind.

The way I feel makes more sense now with this information. I should focus on understanding myself better and after that I should figure out how to undo this shit.

I’m still pissed at myself for making things very hard for myself with such a small and stupid mistake but at least after getting lots crappy offers for my car from a bunch of fucking scavengers, I’m getting proper offers from couple of people who knows the value of it.

The weather is horseshit though, cold and rainy. It doesn’t help with this gloomy mood of mine.

I have been very active today out in the garden, repotting my plants, seperating some cactuses, washing the porch and my windows… I’m most satisfied and the happiest when I’m physically working, maybe I should just quit following the path of engineering and become a carpenter or something like that…