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Eddie Munson talks in his sleep. Tonight, after a few finished joints, he seems to be extra chatty.

Steve lays there, enjoying the quiet buzz of the movie that they had put on for background noise.

Eds had fallen asleep after the weed had soothed his aching scars. The taught skin finally seemed to relax. After a while, however, Eddie's eyebrows bunched together, his face tensing in thought.

Steve looks down at his dark curls flowing down from his head on Steve's shoulder. Eddie's face has a slight sheen of moisture. "You okay? You look a little sweaty."

Eddie's eyes stay closed. "Yeah, I just have to get the presentations ready..."

"What?"

Eddie adjusts himself. "Grrr...." He mumbles something Steve doesn't quite catch. "-'m sweaty."

Chuckling, Steve asked, "You have to make presentations about that?"

"Just small ones. You know, like earlier."

"What?" Steve sits up a little straighter, starting to question if Eddie was really asleep at all. Maybe he was fucking with him?

Eddie huffs. "Like with you and Rob's characters. Your characters both have penises, and I came in, and I was like, 'I want a penis. I want to be in with the penises. I want to be part of the cool kids that have penises!!'"

Steve wheezes, laughing so hard he's having trouble looking for something to write this down on.

Eddie stirs a little bit. Steve waits with baited breath to see what gold will fall from Eddie's pretty lips next.

"And that's something I would say SOBER!!" He shouts, before turning onto his side and letting out a loud snore.

Steve throws his fist into his own mouth, tears of laughter streaming down his face, trying to muffle his cackles so as not to wake his sleeping prince. "I have to tell Rob about this, oh my god."

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

It’s ladies night at the gay bar Eddie works at which means no men allowed, which means, ‘how the hell did this dork in a polo make it pass the bouncer and how the hell has no one complained about him yet?’

Eddie watches the admittedly gorgeous guy approach the bar and ask for a drink. Eddie responds with, “How did you get past Frank?”

“The bouncer?” Pretty boy asks. “Oh, I asked if I could come in.”

“You asked?”

“Yeah?”

“And he let you?”

“Yeahhh?”

“None of these girls are going to go for you,” Eddie tells him in case he somehow missed that this was the queerest bar in town. “They’re lesbians. They like women.”

“I know!” The guy - Steve, Eddie will find out later - smiles, bright and big. “Isn’t that great?!”

Something in Eddie curdles with disgust because, “Nice try, buddy. You’re not going to ‘turn’ a lesbian.”

“Hope not,” Steve laughs and then pulls a stack of Polaroids out of his pocket. “Look at this.”

He holds one out to Eddie, showing him the image of a girl looking done-as-shit with the camera in her face. There’s a phone number written at the bottom.

“This is Robin," Steve says fondly. “Shes my best friend, and a lesbian, and the best person I’ve ever met, and I love her…she deserves a girlfriend so I’m-“

“Advertising her?”

“Helping get her a date,” Steve finishes. “This will make a great story at their wedding.”

“That’s insane…and strangely endearing.”

“Yeah, I’m like that,” Steve says, sliding over a Polaroid of Robin giving the camera the bird. “That’s my phone number too. Just so you know.”

As the year comes to a close, I just want to highlight all the people that wanted to create this year, but couldn't.

Whether that be due to burn out, lack of inspiration, or simply just not having the time; it's okay. It's hard to center what brings you joy during unprecedented times and these last few years have showed us that plenty.

Just keep chugging along, you're doing fine and we can't wait to see what you've been working on <3

Sometimes I think of a Steve Harrington that is absolutely exhausted by all the horror and bullshit and trying to keep the kids alive through said horror and bullshit, who watches Eddie rock up to him at the beginning of S4 with a dead eyed, flat stare.

"Steeeeve Harrington." Eddie taunts and peacocks and twirls around him, and all Steve wanted was for a couple months to process the trauma, maybe feel safe enough to start thinking about the future instead of stuck in a never ending anxiety loop of what might happen to Dumbass Near-Deatherson, should Steve go to college or move out of Hawkins (bc all the bad nicknames in the world won't erase the fact that Dustin's family, now. They're all family. And when they need help, they go to Steve.) and now he's suffering the unjust ordeal of being haunted by the high school drug dealer.

"His highness has come down from his castle!" Munson will crow, making a show out of Steve picking up the kids like this is a great battle of wits, a scoreboard between them and not like Steve is half dead on his feet, head aching, dreams full of too many teeth. "Quickly hide behind me, he'll try to cut off your heads!"

"Wouldn't he just cut yours off too?" Lucas asked, though the tone was slightly timid, Sinclair unsure if his joke would be well recieved.

(Steve doesn't care if the kid outright insults him. He still recalls the junkyard, the fight with Billy, the blood staining the kid's headband. Lucas lived, therefore, he can be a shit if wants.)

"Mine? Oh, the King wouldn't dare." Munson tosses his head, full of cartoon energy, too big for his body and grin both. "Many have tried you see, but no one had ever succeeded!"

Steve, equally, does not give a single shit that Eddie Munson has decided to play these games with him--until he realizes he's maybe been a little too exhausted and depressed and morose around the kids.

Watches them getting worried over him, whispering urgently and making dramatic gestures and talking to Robin and suddenly, playing a little tug of war over them the way Munson seems to want feels like a good idea. A way to hide all the rough edges, a way to be fine so they can be fine.

"How about you guys skip the dork brigade tonight," Steve taunts back the next time they're all together, standing like the man he used to be, wearing a dead personality. "And we go do something actually fun instead?"

Eddie laughs, lights up, is all too happy to match him tit for tat, and it's so easy to fake this kind of interaction, rolling his eyes and snapping his gum. Steve could match this energy in his sleep, and never once does Munson catch on that Steve's not doing this for him.

That he's not even looking at him half the time, eyes askew, locked on the kids. Seeing them relax as he banters, seeing Dustin glow as he returns to his favorite position, being the center of attention.

So long as they think he's okay, Steve will be okay. If that means putting up with Munson, then so be it.

Its not like he'll catch on.

Eddie doesnt.

(Or rather, he does--but Its months and several deaths later, when they're in the RV, chasing what feels like literal demons, does it dawn on Eddie what Steve is doing.

Has been doing, the whole time.

Steve, sassy, ridiculous, jock- brained Steve makes the mistake of doing it again, using the same trick he had on the kids to convince them he was fine on Eddie. To further convince Eddie that they were fine as a group.

That they'll survive, they'll figure it out, they'll make it.

Loudly bantering with dead eyes, smiling with a mouth robotically locked in. Jokes on jokes on jokes and all of them making the kids take their minds off VecnaHenryOne to screech ineffectively at their babysitter. Winks tossed to the girls, who both roll their eyed at him. A sly look given to Eddie, to include him.

Its then, that Eddie decides to cement his life with Steve's. Because this loyal bastard of a paladin is too good hearted to die, too protective to not try it anyway. The idiot is cutting himself to ribbons to tie them all together and Eddie can't undo the damage but he can grab all the pieces he can, loop them together.

He can make those dead eyes light up again.

And he does.

This time when things are over Steve finds himself unable to pull those little tricks of his. Every time he slides the mask over his face Eddie rips it right back off again.

They fight, a lot, until they start kissing instead and for a while that also, somehow, feels like fighting but Eddie's real good at this. The emotional part, not so much the kissing, but he knows how to draw Steve out. How to break down walls, and annoying his real personality out.

The kissing was just an odd little side benefit.

A thing they don't talk about.

There's a benefit to it, one he doesn't look very hard into, until strangely, one day, Eddie wakes with Steve's head pillowed on his shoulder and comes to the abrupt conclusion that he's screwed.

Or so he thinks--until bright, loving eyes blink awake, and turn on him, and Eddie realizes just how long it's been since they looked dead.

He wonders, vaguely, how long it'll take for Steve to catch on, that this just got serious.

Will laugh at himself when he learns that Steve already knew.

Guess that's what he gets for finally paying attention.)

I would personally say that it was more because of how the school system wanted me to learn and use math. Not just math alone. I like math, it feels good when things have strict rules and can make sense because if strict rules.

ok wait, reblog if you’ve cried at least once because of math, doesn’t matter which grade i’m trying to prove something 

Possession of the Heart - Chapter 8

Rating: 18+ minors gtfo Chapter Summary: Steve finds his ticket to freedom and gets help from some good Samaritans CW: Mpreg, medical checkup, mention of Tommy's infertility and his plan for Steve being assaulted (again, Steve is ok! Nothing happens!) Pairing: Alpha!Tommy x Omega!Steve - Alpha!Eddie x Omega!Steve Word Count: 2.8k

Chapter 7<<Masterlist>>Chapter 9

Tommy comes home around lunch time and Steve’s plan is set into motion. He packed what he knows he’ll need into two suitcases, and tucked all of Eddie’s letters into his needlepoint bag underneath his supplies. He’s not exactly sure how he’ll be able to get out of the estate, but he needs to be ready at a moment’s notice.

The medical report and marriage contract are folded and held close in his pocket. When he hears Tommy come in, he puts on his best performance and staggers down the stairs holding his belly.

“Tommy?” His voice warbles and he pats himself on the back for sounding so genuinely distressed. “I think…I think something may be wrong.”

Tommy meets him at the bottom of the stairs with a look of concern. “Steve? Darling you look awful.”

He tries not to take offense. He knows his performance isn’t that good, but he’s also aware that he hasn’t been eating enough, and hasn’t left the estate for so much as a hair cut since fall. “I need…I need to see that doctor. The one who came here before. I don’t feel well and I’m worried about the pup.”

That’s all he needed to say. Tommy’s only real concerns are his investments, and the most important one he has is currently doing somersaults in Steve’s belly. Without any hesitation, Tommy calls back the driver and they make their way into town to see Dr. Owens. When they arrive at his office, Tommy tries to enter the exam room. Steve gives one look of warning to the doctor, and Tommy is being escorted to the waiting area.

The door closes and Dr. Owens is immediately at Steve’s side. “I wish you would have come sooner, Steve. You don’t look well.”

“That’s the least of my concern. Dr. Owens, please…I need your help and I don’t know who else to turn to.”

The doctor seats him at the exam table and pulls up a chair. “You’re safe here, Steve. Anything you tell me will remain confidential.”

“I’m actually hoping it won’t.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the papers. “Tommy has been lying to me. To everyone. Here, this is our marriage contract. It states right there that our marriage will be dissolved if there is any proof of adultery or if either of us are infertile. Sir, it’s not just Tommy’s legs that were affected by his wounds. He can’t father children. This signed medical report proves it. I didn’t know until today that this clause was in our contract. Since he returned from the war, he’s known that our marriage can be dissolved, and he hid it from me to keep his control over me.

“What’s worse is he ordered me to find another Alpha to pup me so he can claim it as his heir and bond me to him. I couldn’t imagine doing such a thing. But then…then I met a man who showed me what actual kindness and love is. Tommy found out. He didn’t want me being happy. Didn’t want this man getting in his way. So he threatened him and forced him to leave. That’s when I found out I was pregnant. The day you came to the manor…he told me that once the pup is born, a man he hired to follow me, William Hargrove, would be rewarded for his efforts by…by having his rights to pup me against my will. It terrified me so much that I fainted.  

“Doctor, please. I need to get away from them. The proof of his infertility is right there, and the proof of my adultery is here.” Steve places a hand on his belly and wipes the tears from his face with the other. “Can you help me? Please? I know I made mistakes of my own, but I cannot allow him to claim this pup as his.”

Dr. Owens sits in stunned silence for a moment and his own eyes look misty. “I’m glad you came to me. Steve, this is the most abhorrent thing I’ve ever heard, and I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way. After you leave here, I can take these papers to the courthouse. The judge, Bob Newby, is a good friend of mine and a good man. There’s no way he’ll let this stand.”

Judge Newby. Steve remembers him from one of the parties Tommy hosted. He was so kind and Steve was sad to see that he was one of the Alphas that Tommy refused to have back. All because he made Steve laugh and gave him a moment of joy. “I met him once. He was kind.”

The doctor nods in agreement and gives Steve a reassuring smile. “He is, I promise you that. I can get this to him immediately and once the papers are signed dissolving your marriage, your ties to Tommy are broken. Do you have a means to leave?”

Steve’s shoulders sag. “No. I don’t have a way to leave the estate and no money for travels. The only thing of value I have is my wedding band. I suppose I could sell that and get money for a train ticket.”

“Steve, do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

Dr. Owens holds out his hand. “Then give me your ring. I’ll take it to the jeweler and get the best price I can. And as far as getting off the estate, leave that to me. I’ll get your funds for a ticket and the papers you need. Just pack what you can and be ready before dusk.”

Steve heaves a sigh of relief. “Oh my god, I can’t thank you enough.” He slides off his ring and places it in the doctor’s hand. “You’re saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

Owens pockets the ring and stands. “You can repay me by letting me examine you. I take it you haven’t been caring for yourself for quite some time.”

Steve readily accepts. He's dehydrated and underweight, but the baby seems to be growing just fine regardless. The doctor stresses that he needs to do his best to eat regular meals once he's off the estate and get as much rest as he can. Before he leaves, Dr. Owens gives him a wink and wishes him the best of luck. He walks Steve out the waiting room where Tommy is looking irritated. 

“Well? Is the pup ok?”

“Yes, Mr. Hagan. Steve is just a bit underweight, but that can be remedied easily. He’s experienced some fatigue, and will need plenty of bed rest. But otherwise the baby seems to be doing just fine.”

Tommy huffs, like this whole thing was a hardship for him. “Good then. We’ll be on our way. Steven, come along now.”

Tommy is furious on the drive back to the estate and tells Steve several times that this was all his own doing. That refusing to eat with Tommy led him here, and he only has himself to blame. His tone would normally make Steve prickle with irritation, but he lets it roll off his back knowing that this is likely the last time he’ll have to hear it. 

When they arrive back at the manor, Tommy retreats to the study and Steve goes up to his room to make sure he has everything he needs. He places his bags by the door…and waits.

The sun is just starting to set behind the trees when he hears a loud knock. His heart leaps in his chest and he springs to his feet. He slings his bag over his shoulder, opens his door, and picks up his suitcases. It’s a bit of a struggle getting them down the stairs, but he manages. He makes it to the foyer and Deputy Callahan is handing Tommy a piece of paper.

“What is this?”

“Mr. Hagan, this is your notice signed by Judge Newby that as of today your marriage to Steve Hagan is dissolved on grounds of adultery and infertility.”

Tommy’s glare is full of rage as he turns to look at Steve. His face is red and jaw clenched. “What have you done? You have no proof of this!”

“You had proof of it this whole time, Tommy. I found the papers. Your medical report, our marriage contract…you never told me about the clauses in there. You knew this whole time that you could have called this off and you didn’t. You made me a prisoner in our own home, and I refuse to let it happen any longer.”

His face has darkened even more with rage and Steve would be afraid if he didn’t know he would be leaving soon. “You had no right to go through my belongings.”

“And you had no right to keep me here! To bring me here in the first place! You don’t own me anymore, Tommy.” Steve picks up his suitcases and Deputy Callahan is quick to take them out of his hands. He makes his way out the door and Steve follows, stopping in the threshold and turning to look at Tommy one last time. “You only have yourself to blame.”

He closes the door behind him and holds his head high as he walks to the police car and the deputy helps him into the passenger seat. As they drive out of the estate and head towards town, Steve feels the weight of the world lift off his shoulders. For the first time in his life, he’s free.

They’re just outside of town when Deputy Callahan reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope. “The Doc and the Judge wanted to make sure I got this to you. It’s a copy of the papers they signed, and a little something to help get you where you need to go.”

Steve opens the envelope and is shocked at the amount of money he finds. It’s much more than what he expected to get for his ring. He sees a small notecard between the bills and pulls it out.

Steve,

I was able to get a good price for your ring, but it will only get you so far. Bob and I had a bit of money to spare and thought there would be no better use for it than to get you to your Alpha. Love is priceless, kid. Go find yours, grab it with both hands, and don’t let go.

We wish you the best of luck on your travels. Be safe, eat well, and enjoy your new life.

Warm regards,

Sam Owens

“So? Where am I taking you?” Deputy Callahan looks over at him with a knowing smile. 

Steve wipes a tear off his cheek and smiles back. “The train station would be lovely, thank you. I need to get to Indiana.”

He spends four days traveling by train across the country. 

When the conductor sees him coming, lugging two suitcases, alone, with a swollen belly, he runs to assist Steve and makes sure he has a compartment to himself so he can stretch out as much as he needs.

His appetite finally returns and he makes sure to eat every bite of the meals offered. Sleep comes more easily too, without the fear of Tommy and Billy hanging over him. The seats aren’t exactly ideal for a pregnant person to sleep on, but he makes do and is just grateful to not be at the manor.

Steve whiles away the hours reading and rereading every letter Eddie wrote him. He was adrift for a while after Billy escorted him off the estate at gunpoint. He finally tracked down his uncle and worked his way out to Indiana. His uncle owns a wheat farm in a small town with a large farmhouse. There’s a stream nearby, and following it south is a cabin Eddie has taken residence in. 

He’s been working for Uncle Wayne on the farm and has taken on the care of a whole flock of chickens. He insists Steve will love them even more than the pheasants. 

Most of his letters are about how much he loves Steve. How he misses him and wants more than anything to see him again. How he hopes Steve is safe. 

As the train pulls into the station in Indianapolis, his heart races at the thought of being so much closer to Eddie. Once he’s off the train and has his suitcases, he realizes he needs to find his way to the town Eddie lives in. He approaches the ticket booth and asks if they know the best way to get there.

There’s a tap on his shoulder and he turns to see a young man who must be around his age with a younger boy no older than fourteen. “I didn’t mean to overhear, but did you say you were looking for a way to Hawkins?”

“Yes, I did. Do you know the area?”

He gives Steve a small smile and looks to the boy. “That’s where we’re headed, actually. We’d be happy to take you.”

Steve is so grateful for small miracles. “That would be wonderful, thank you so much! I’m Steve.”

He holds out his hand and the young man shakes it. “I’m Jonathan. This is my brother, Will. May we take your bags?”

“Oh, it’s no trouble. I’m sure I can manage.”

“I insist! Our mother is a midwife and she would have our heads if we let someone in your condition carry luggage.”

Steve laughs genuinely for the first time since he was with Eddie. “We can’t have that! Thank you Jonathan, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help.”

Jonathan and Will help him into their car and load his luggage into the back. He learns that Jonathan is also an Omega, and he was at the station seeing his Alpha off for a semester of school in Chicago. Nancy is studying to be a journalist and Jonathan just beams talking about her. He works with his mother assisting in births, and does odd jobs around town, but is fascinated by photography and is learning about how it all works.

Steve himself is fascinated by this other male Omega who is living his life so...normally. It's such an unfamiliar concept for him, and his heart aches at the thought of the possibilities he could have had if he weren't born into such wealthy circles.

Will is a quiet and sweet boy. He loves drawing and spends a lot of his free time either working on sketches or causing mischief with his friends. There’s a whole gaggle of them from what Steve gathers.

He doesn’t want to tell the boys too much of the life he escaped, so he keeps his story vague. He tells them that he’s been separated from his Alpha due to circumstances out of his control, and is finally finding his way back to him. With Hawkins being a small town, it should be no surprise that Jonathan knows where the Munson farm is. He buys their eggs from Wayne weekly. 

When they eventually arrive at the farm, the boys carry Steve’s luggage to the front porch and wish him well. He’s sure he’ll be seeing them again soon enough. They drive off and Steve takes a deep breath before knocking on the door. His heart sinks when there’s no answer. He knocks again and waits. When no one comes to greet him, he thinks back to Eddie’s letters and the cabin he mentioned.

Steve picks up his suitcases and quickly finds the stream nearby. He follows it south, moving slowly with all the extra weight he’s carrying, until he happens upon a quaint log cabin that’s just as Eddie described. On the porch he sees pots of sprouts, and small wood signs with Eddie’s handwriting. Lavender. Rosemary. Sage. 

He sets down his bags and knocks. Again, there’s no answer. But when he tries to open the door, he finds it unlocked. As soon as it swings open, he’s hit with the fragrance of cedar and suede. His heart races and the pup begins to kick wildly. Steve looks down smiling and runs a hand over his belly. “That’s right, little one. That’s your father.”

Steve brings his bags inside and sets them down. The cabin is set up much like the cottage on the estate. There’s a small kitchen and dining area, a living space with a fireplace, and as he walks further through, he finds a washroom and bedroom. The scent of Eddie is stronger there and it draws Steve in like a moth to a flame. Above the bed, he sees his lilac embroidery.

Weary from days of travel and months of misery, Steve climbs into the bed and pulls the covers up to his chin. The cabin is chilly without the fireplace lit, but he quickly finds warmth under the blankets. Surrounded in the scent of his Alpha, and feeling more safe than he has in a long time, he drifts into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter 7<<Masterlist>>Chapter 9

*********************************************

Get your ass home, Eddie!

Psst...next chapter is gonna be an Eddie POV!

Taglist is open!

@mrsjellymunson @the-unforgivenn @watermelonmite @hiscrimsonangel @micheledawn1975 @stedestielfrattficlover @disrespectedgoatman @orie-jai @themoonagainstmers @moltenchocolatelavacake

I'm autistic and I currently feel like shit checklist

Hi there. Are you autistic? Do you currently feel like shit and don't know why? Try this checklist to see if you can Fix The Problem!

When was the last time you used the bathroom? If you answered "I don't know" or "at least 3 hours ago", go now!

Do you need a drink? Go get one if you don't have one in front of you.

When was the last time you ate? If you haven't eaten yet today, consider eating A Meal, or perhaps A Snack. Something is better than nothing, eat whatever you feel able to!

Is there something in your immediate surroundings that is bothering you? If the light is too bright, turn it off. If there is an annoying sound, make the sound stop or reduce your ability to hear it (earplugs, headphones, etc.). If your clothes are bothering you, change them.

Is your space messy? Pick one area of your room and clean it up as best you can. Clean your whole room if you have the energy!

When was the last time you did An Activity? Scrolling on social media doesn't count. Try actively doing something fun! Play a game you like, read a book, make something, or go for a walk.

When was the last time you Spoke to a Person? Consider talking to a person you like if it has been a while.

How long has it been since you did something Special Interest related? Make some time to do that today. Infodump to a friend, have a nice long research session, look at related images or gifs, make art about it, whatever works best for you!

Try stimming actively! Put on some music and dance, spin in circles, go to the park and use the swings!

If you still feel like shit after trying all of these things, you might be tired or sick. Go to bed early and get some rest. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow!

Hope that helps :)

Sad Steddie Scenario Part 5

Okay I said I needed to just post what I had mostly written instead of everything I wanted have in this chapter, so! Here we are! Hopefully it won't be a year until the next part, yikes.

Previously on SSS: Steve spends a week mourning his relationship while his parents are home and being assholes. Dustin shows up to yell at/comfort him.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

“I’ve got to drive the kids home.”

Eddie watches as Steve’s car pulls away, barely pausing at the stop sign before disappearing around the corner. He stares at the now-empty road until a squawk from the tree overhead startles him into action.

He can’t—he can’t think about what he did right now. He needs to grab his things and get out of here before he loses it. What the fuck just happened? What did he do? God, Steve’s face. No, no, he’s not thinking about it. He’s going back inside to get his shit, and then he’s leaving.

He slams open the door to Gareth’s basement and thunders down the steps. The guys have already settled back in, lounging around, shooting the shit, clearly in no mood to break the party up even though the session is over. They barely glance up when he enters, but Jeff instantly does a double take.

“Whoa, hey, man. You don’t look so good.” That gets all of their eyes on him.

“I broke up with Steve.” He doesn’t mean to say it, but the words are out there now, and it’s real. It’s real and he can’t take it back.

Around him, the guys are clamoring, a loud cacophony that essentially amounts to, “What?!”

“I broke up with him,” he says again, almost disbelieving. His mind is already racing. He can take this back. He can fix this. He just needs to drive to Steve’s house and tell him that he didn’t mean it. That he was body snatched or possessed or Vecna’d.

Okay, maybe not that last one. But, god --

Gareth crows with laughter, breaking through the spiral of Eddie’s thoughts. “Seriously? Good for you dude. We’ve been waiting. And thank god. He was such a square.”

Jeff rolls his eyes at Gareth. “Does it make you a square if you call someone a square?”

“Shut up, man.” Gareth shoves at him and Jeff shoves back.

Grant nudges Eddie from where he sits on the floor next to him, waits for Eddie to look down at him before asking softly, “Seriously, are you okay?”

“I—I don’t know. Did I fuck up?” His voice sounds funny, far off. His eyes refuse to focus. Jeff and Gareth immediately stop their tussling. Gareth leans up from where Jeff has him pinned to the floor, eyes blazing.

“No. This is a good thing. He was a douchebag.”

“You guys were around him for one night,” Eddie argues.

Jeff pushes up from the floor and stands in front of Eddie, serious in a way he rarely is. “Yeah, but Eddie, you’ve been fucked up for months. I know we don’t know what you went through, and I’m not asking you to tell us, but it’s sucked watching you be a freaking zombie.”

“We didn’t even really get to watch you for most of it,” Grant breaks in. “It was like Harrington had you on house arrest. Half the times we tried to visit you and he was there, he refused to let us near you. Every other time, he kicked us out after like five minutes. We had no idea what was going on, we couldn’t talk to you.”

“He was just being protective,” Eddie protests, but it’s weak. Steve had been pretty militant about visitors during the early days after spring break. But Eddie hadn’t minded. For most of his recovery, he hadn’t wanted to see anyone. He’d never explicitly told Steve to keep people away, though. He’d somehow just known. Eddie can only imagine to his friends, though, it looked like they were being deliberately, even maliciously kept away by a known asshole who probably wouldn’t know Eddie from Adam.

Jeff nods at Grant’s words. “We’re your best friends, man. We were terrified over spring break. Then suddenly you’ve got this guy who you couldn’t stand playing guard dog over you, and we’re just supposed to accept that?”

“Now that you’ve been out of your cage for a little while,” Gareth breaks in, “and we get to hang out with both of you for real, he acts like he’d rather be anywhere else. Doesn’t know our names, doesn’t talk with us, can’t even be fucked to remember shit that’s important to you. So, yeah. I think this break up is a good thing.”

Ten minutes ago, so had Eddie. But now all he can see is the devastation on Steve’s face.

“You guys mind if I skip the cleanup? I can get most of the stuff later.”

“Yeah, mean, get out of here. We’ll see you next week.”

“Or before then, if you want to hang out,” Jeff says. “Now that we’ll actually be able to see you.”

Eddie scoops up the papers with his DM notes on them, but leaves his screen, dice, and books to grab later, and trudges to his car.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next week is a blur. Eddie barely leaves his room, barely leaves his bed. He hears most of the kids talking to Wayne at various points, but Wayne, like the saint he is, turns them away, leaves Eddie to rot in peace.

He misses Steve. It’s honestly stupid for him to stay in his room the way he does, because Steve is in every corner of it. He’s left so much shit there (including but not limited to: a Hawkins High baseball raglan, a Springsteen cassette, at least two pairs of boxers, and memories, memories fucking everywhere). Eddie can still smell him on his sheets. In his weaker, weirder moments, he finds himself trying to hotbox Steve’s scent, comforter pulled over his head as he buries his nose in his what’s now Steve’s pillow and sniffs hard enough to cause a headache.

Eddie almost drove to Steve’s house after leaving Gareth’s that awful day. Made it three blocks away before he turned around and went home. His brain had been a mess, unable to decide what to do or how he felt, and it still is days later. He goes over everything obsessively - the epic failure of their date, the argument in the car after, the two days he spent ruminating on their fate, and then the break up itself and Steve’s reaction to it.

Eddie’d felt so solid in his decision the minute Steve had opened his mouth at Gareth’s. But as soon as he said it, all his reasons seemed flimsy. Who cares that they had one bad date, that Steve had been at less than his best one time in front of Eddie’s friends, that he’d run the second Eddie had tried to talk about it? Eddie could have tried again, gone over to his house the next day or called him up, talked about it when their heads were cooler. And who cares that they don’t have anything in common? Steve still acts interested in whatever Eddie wants to tell him most of the time. Asks questions, smiles at him so, so sweetly and tells him to keep talking every time Eddie laments that he's boring Steve.

But there’s just been an itch at the back of Eddie’s mind since he got out of the hospital. A shadow at the corner of his eye that disappears when he turns to look at it fully. It tugs at him at odd moments, when things seem to be going fine, good, even, but there’s something off. He can’t see a pattern, but he knows he feels it more when Steve’s around. And every time his friends or Wayne push back against Steve, every time something Steve says hits a sour note, the shadow grows bigger and more menacing.

He’d felt the shadow swell at The Hideout as he waited in the parking lot, watching the minutes tick by. He tried to shake it when Steve showed up, tried to ignore it pulling more insistently as he clocked Steve’s attire, his inattention, his apathy, and his anger. But it grew and grew until it was almost suffocating, until he saw him at Gareth’s and it exploded in words he couldn’t…didn’t want to?…take back.

Now here he is. Midway through a D&D session with his three closest friends and three kids who clearly know something’s up with the way they’ve been trying him since the session started. Lucas and Mike are just being annoying, having side conversations, making Eddie repeat himself when they don’t pay attention to the narration, but Dustin’s actively hostile, antagonizing Eddie’s NPCs at every turn, tossing out snide remarks at the other players unprovoked, even the way he rolls his dice is disrespectful.

“You okay over there, Henderson?” He finally asks, the third time Dustin’s tossed his dice so hard across the board they’ve flown off the table.

Dustin accepts his dice back from Jeff who’d scooped them off the floor easily enough, but he sneers at Eddie. “What do you care, Munson?”

Even though Eddie knows the likely reason Dustin’s acting out, he still revels in the eyes going wide around him, the quiet ooohhs at Dustin’s words. Eddie smiles like a predator indulging its prey.

“A Dungeon Master always cares if his party members are having a good time,” he says, low and dangerous. “So if you have a complaint, I say out with it. Share with the class, please.”

The words and the tone pass over the kid who used to cower at the thought of Eddie being upset with him. The shadow grows larger.

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“Oh, really?” Eddie says, menacing, meeting Henderson’s head-on stare unflinchingly. “Well, if you don’t have anything to say, then—”

“What did you do to Steve?” Mike breaks into their standoff. Eddie’s attention snaps to him.

“Excuse me?”

Mike rolls his eyes at the theatrics, something Eddie wouldn't have imagined possible before spring break. “You heard me.”

“Why do you think I’ve done anything to him?”

“You haven’t been around at all, and Steve hasn’t mentioned you once since our last session. Normally he can’t shut up about you.”

“Mike!” Dustin hisses. Mike throws up his hands.

“It’s true! And his hair’s been all droopy!”

“Jesus Christ, Mike,” Lucas says, dropping his head in his hands.

“Oh no, not his hair!” Gareth cracks up with Grant and Jeff.

“Shut up, man,” Lucas says, with enough annoyance that the other guys stop laughing. Lucas never talks back.

“He dumped him,” Henderson bites off. “For no goddamn reason.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Eddie stares Dustin down from behind his DM screen. Yeah, he did do that. But he had his reasons…mostly…and he’s not going to let some snot-nosed freshman, no matter what they’ve been through together, act like he’s the bad guy in this situation. He did what he had to do.

“Yes, I do.”

“What,” Eddie scoffs. “Did Steve run and tattle to you?”

“What is he, five? No he didn’t tattle to me.” Dustin rolls his eyes, which Eddie’s getting real tired of seeing. “It’s not tattling to tell your best friend something bad that happened to you. Besides, he didn’t even want to tell me, but I caught him crying and made him.”

That brings Eddie up short. “He was crying?”

“He was crying.” Dustin says, somehow smug and angry and sad all at once. “I’ve seen Steve after he was tortured and I’ve never seen him cry.”

“After he was what?”

“Dude!” Mike smacks him on the arm, gives him a look as he gestures to the rest of the Hellfire guys whose eyes are all wide as saucers.

Dustin rolls his eyes. “Metaphorically tortured,” he amends. Eddie glances at the guys and can see it doesn’t help. Eddie needs to end this now, before anyone says something they regret, or anyone exposes something they really shouldn’t.

“Henderson, listen—” But he’s cut off by a herd of elephants galumphing down the stairs.

“All right, children, it’s time to go! Move your butts!” Instead of elephants, it’s Robin, entering the room like righteous whirlwind. Eddie clocks immediately that she’s spitting mad, eyes ablaze, mouth set.

Gareth, with zero sense of self preservation, whines, “But we haven’t finished yet!” The look Robin shoots him is pure venom.

“Yes, you have.” She dismisses him, and turns back to the kids who are already gathering their things without protest. “Now move it, chop chop. Nancy’s in the station wagon outside.” The kids don’t grumble the way they normally do when…when it’s Steve come to get them and is hurrying them out of the room. Dustin shoulder checks Eddie on the way out, knocking him off balance metaphorically if not physically.

As the kids file upstairs, Robin lingers.

“I need to talk to you,” she says to him. “In private, please.” It’s not a request. Eddie nods. Time for a reckoning.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Next up! Robin and Eddie have it out, and we get more insight into this "shadow" that Eddie feels.

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