Scarlet-anon - BV

Last night's party

This is all over the place and so out of order but i need to get it off my chest. So my family always has this thing where when we do get togethers, at night something always goes wrong, someone always ends up crying, and almost everyone is hurt. So this year it was my sister. My sister had been stuggling alot lately, and the night before the party talked with her husband and discussed divorce which he said he wanted. She wanted to forget it so she didn’t tell anyone and she got drunk. She found this girl flirting with her husband at the party and she got upset, and my brother is also going through stuff so they were going to basicly go and try to have fun and dance and listen to music with their family and forget about it until my brother pulled my sister inside and sat her down trying to give her basicly relationship thiripy, which this was not the time. Because everyone was kinda drunk, so she was already emotional and my brother made it so much worse. So I was there trying to calm her down because she was crying and trying to talk and getting overwelmed and dizzy and about to puke because she couldn’t calm her breatheing, and I wasn’t going to leave her because I know how she felt because I used to have really bad breakdowns. And so my other brother came in and pulled me out and then they went walking up the road so I followed in which I watched someone my sister loves so much as a uncle tell her to kill herself and drive off. And so at this point I was pissed and my sister was hurt so I was about to beat in anyone’s faces who dared say anything rude to my poor sister who is already going trough so much these past two weeks. And her husband came up there and my other brother (nice one) and I defended her and he walked away giving up in which I then proceded to call him a dick. Then I sat by her telling her it’s okay and to calm her breathing and tell her to breath in through her nose and she couldnt. So we sat in the middle of the old gravel unused road in frount of her grampas old house while she cried as I held her and rubbed her back. My brother told me to leave because I didn’t need to see her like this because I’ve been struggling with my anxity really bad lately and my sister told me thank you and to leave so I did. And then I came back to the house. I wanted to see my mom so I found her in the house where she was drunk and couldn’t even talk correctly, And that’s the first time I’ve ever seen her like that and it was because she had a friend come to the party who got her drunk, and she’s in bed rn with a hangover too. And last night she had some girl in the room with her so I walked out. And my older cousin who sat with me last year while I cried after the party was there again this year ready to bring me into a giant hug again this year. He brought me outside where we sat on the swing and talked about random stuff. I texted my boyfriend because at this point my brother and I had already took him home and stopped by our old friends grave and I almost cried then too. So I texted him and he made me super happy and then my brother and sister came back from up at her granpas house and my other brother came outside to start throwing stuff and yelling and my cusin just tried to distract me by asking me stuff while I cried. And then my mom came outside while my brother almost punched her And my sister yelled at her. So mom pulled me out of the house and forced me to go home with her. Which I was not okay with. And I cried until I got home and once I was home it was 1 am. Which I proceded to sit alone for 30 minutes on the bathroom floor and cry like it was sixth grade all over again. ~Anon

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

Tue, April 4th - 23:41

Here lately someone special to me has been struggling. She’s been in and out of the hospital several times and now she is back in a hospital bed. This time how ever I’m not so sure she’s going to be leaving, and this scares the life out of me.

Growing up, and even now my grandma is the most important person in my life. She’s a big influence on who I am and how I see things. She always has been and always will be.

When I was younger I used to see my grandma every week day when my mom and dad went to work, I would go to her house at 8 every morning. It is by far the best memories I have, even till this day ten years later. I would do anything to reverse the clock and go back to when I was the happy little four year old who couldn’t wait to see her grandma every Monday through Friday. She was never just my grandma, and she still isn’t. She’s my best friend.

She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met; well, unless you sit in her cats chair, that’s a whole other story. She loves everything, and I don’t know anyone as open minded as her either. She has the heart of a five year old, and maybe that’s why I love her so much.

Growing up she always told me I could do whatever I want when I become a adult and encouraged my insane dreams. She told me to never grow up. My favorite thing she ever told me was that I’m however old I feel. I heard this one quite a lot usually followed by a “I’m still five at heart”.

We used to have tea parties every morning followed by watching the kids channel on tv, which I’d catch her watching years to come even if I wasn't watching it with her. We’d make ornaments for the Christmas tree or her refrigerator out of play-doe all year around. We’d often move the chairs to the hallway to make a car which we’d ‘drive’ to the ‘store’ in the living room and go shopping for groceries. we’d hop back in the ‘car’ and drive home to cook dinner. which she usually cooked those tiny barbecue hot dogs while i made stuff on the fake wooden storage stove in the corner. afterwards we’d listen to the wolf radio station and play with some toys by the window. It was a everyday cycle. My favorite part was waiting for the bus to drive past. We’d wait everyday and then wave through the blinds as it passed. I’d even cry everyday and hide behind her recliner when my dads car pulled up outside, I never wanted to leave.

On rare days my grandma would go to her bedroom and get some bananas and some water bottles and we’d sit by the window on the floor and eat them and drink the water. I remember her always telling me to put the cap back on the bottle which is probably why even till this day I can’t put a water bottle down without first screwing the lid back on, let alone watch other people do it.

During the summer was my favorite. We’d go outside and sit in her backyard swing and watch the trees blow back and forth in silence. Sometimes I got to feed the neighbors dog. We’d also walk through her yard and pick up the gum pods that had fallen from her three gumball trees that my dad planted many years earlier.

I have two favorite memories. The first one was when I broke her collectable small puppy. She told me she’d be upset if I broke it. Of course this is me we are talking about so I broke it’s tail. I crawled under the kitchen table and bawled all day. I worried her sick, she finally found out why and she chuckled before saying she’ll glue it back together. She quickly did so before smiling and putting it back. I’ve never felt so bad before! My second is more calm and simple. My grandma got me a toy Polaroid camera, I ran all around the house pretending to be her. If there was one thing she was always doing, it was taking pictures of me. She always made me feel special.

Seeing her here lately is a completely different experience for me. She has memory loss so she can forget me. Yesterday she didn't recognize me, today she did. It’s on and off. She can’t speak very good, It’s mostly mumbles and gibberish. Even though all this is happening she’s still the same lady who took care of me and that I love so much.

I’m scared, My biggest fear is losing my grandma. My family and close friends all know this. It’s something that scares me so much. I’ve spent nights crying just thinking about it and I feel like its becoming a reality. I can barely even talk about her without crying. my dad says she’ll be lucky to make it to the end of the week.

I’m being my strongest I can be and I plan to keep being my strongest. I’m trying to stay positive and happy, I’ve been distracting myself a lot. I am struggling, That’s the truth. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying my best be be happy.

This took a long time to type and a lot of tears. I’m going to keep praying for her and hope everything gets better. Please everyone have a safe night, and pray for your loved ones too, I love you all.

~Anon

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scarlet-anon

7 years ago

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

Want

I want to stop cussing. I want to stop talking to much. I want to stop sharing about me. I want to seem invisible. I want to be forgotten. I want to stop asking. I want to stop being diffrent. I want to stop caring. I want to stop thinking about things. I want to stop being overly attached. I want to let go of the past. I want to be able to forget people. I want to stop holding on to things. I want to stop doing stupid things. I want to not have a relationship. I want to be nicer. I want to stop yelling. I want to stop being a brat. I want people to want me. I want to be perfect. I want to be smart. I want to stop begging for things I can't have. ~Anon

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

Sometimes a guy has to deal with his own shit

So as of lately our shower has been stinky. Like it smells like sewage. Gross I know. So my dad dicided to take a look under the house to see if there was a problem. What he found he wasn't really expecting. The sewage pipe hadn't been attached. So he called our old land lord. Aparently he had forgotten to attach it. What? How do you build a house and forget to connect the sewage pipe? Anyways so my dad dicided he would fix it. Which ended in my dad climbing under the house through all of the sewage to fix it. But you know, sometimes I man has to deal with his own shit. ~Anon

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scarlet-anon

7 years ago