(a Snippet From The Same Unpublished Raising Harry AU Except Make It Wolfstar For All Of You Who Have

(a snippet from the same unpublished raising harry AU except make it wolfstar for all of you who have been suffering through shitposts, have a treat for sticking around <3)

context: sirius and harry relocate to grimmauld place.

“Are you sure you’re going to be--”

“Ask me that one more time, Remus,” Sirius said harsher than he intended.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright here?”

“Arse.”

Remus gave him a wry grin over his glass of wine, lips already stained berry from the glass he had before, looking perfectly relaxed on the opposite end of the couch from Sirius. “Still haven’t answered the question.”

“I’m not sure I have an answer.”

Remus clicked his tongue, “You always have an answer. An opinion. It’s one of my favorite things about you, even if it is frustrating.”

“Am I frustrating you?”

“Every second since I met you,” he said, and Sirius opened his mouth, Remus holding up a finger immediately before Sirius could say a single word, “And before you respond with something clever regarding your time prison, no the 12 years there were not any sort of reprieve. Every time I thought I had gotten rid of the traces of you….one more would appear. Dog hair on my clothes, a neatly folded sweater, one year I even found an old letter you wrote me from hols when we were fifteen.”

“Well at least I know I won’t have to become a ghost to haunt you when I die…” Sirius mused, giving Remus a wink before taking a sip of his own wine.

“...Are you going to be alright here?” Remus asked for the third time, and Sirius actually laughed, watching as Remus’s smile split his face wide open and suddenly Sirius was fifteen again, sitting across the Gryffindor common room with a quiet, golden boy who had the best barbs tucked away behind books and big sweaters.

Sirius laughed quietly, looking up at the mantle where the ticking clock was. Sirius missed the stained glass windows already and the handsome emerald green clock and the soft beige rug that was in the sitting room at his home by the seaside. And then he thought of Harry’s smile when they arrived that day, trunks in hand, Harry rushing to the backyard to go flying, leaving his trunk in the middle of the hall.

It annoyed Sirius that Harry did that at first, because trunks didn’t belong in the middle of walkways and Sirius had told him to bring it up to the bedroom he had chosen the last time they had come together. Harry had blindly chosen a bedroom then as well, waving Sirius away with his hand and just nodding along, more interested in the backyard and his firebolt.

It annoyed Sirius, and then…it didn’t.

It was so normal. As if Harry had been leaving his things around and Sirius had been getting mildly irritated for their whole lives.

He thought of Harry’s messy hair and flushed cheeks when he finally came inside after Sirius had called him for dinner twice. Remus had come over to help them settle in, so had Andromeda, Sirius offering dinner in exchange, the table that Sirius had eaten lonely meals at just a few months ago feeling much bigger.

“I think so,” is what Sirius settled on.

“Were you thinking that entire time?”

“Oi!”

“It was a long pause, thought you had fallen asleep.”

“I believe that’s your modus operandi, Moony,” Sirius said so easily, the nickname fizzling into the air like smoke after a firework. “Remus,” he corrected when he realized his fumble. Remus.

“I can be Moony…I…missed being Moony.” Remus cleared his throat, “I missed you.”

“Remus…”

“I can’t tell you that? I can’t tell you how I missed you? And even though the dog hair on my clothes and the sweaters and the stupid notes you used to write me were frustrating to find…they also made me miss you? Can I not tell you I thought about you every day for almost 13 years?”

“You can tell me whatever you’d like,” Sirius said, “And I’ll tell you I did the same except it’s not quite so endearing or sentimental. Because what else was I supposed to think about? You were my…you were going to be my fiancee and you didn’t even try….”

“I’m sorry.”

“I…I know.”

“Then--”

“I’m not at forgiveness yet, Remus.” Moony. Whoever you are. “I’d really like to be, but I’m not.”

“I should go.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I didn’t say I couldn’t get there.”

“You think you will? You think one day you’ll be able to look at me and want me again?”

“I want you right now. It’s not a question of want.”

Remus put down his wine glass on the end table, shifting on the couch so he was closer to Sirius, no longer on opposite ends of the couch--of the world. On the same page, in the same proximity for the first time since that night in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts. The lights were dim, the clock ticked on the mantle as Remus’s knee touched Sirius’s. Amber eyes scanned his face looking for any type of sign and Sirius closed his eyes.

Moony.

“Can I hold you?” Sirius opened his eyes. “...Can I hold you?”

He breathed in deeply, already watching Remus’s hands between them, itching to touch Sirius. Sirius’s hands were longing to do the same.

Remus was all scratchy cardigans and half-shaven face. Bumps and bruises, and Sirius remembered running his hands over every part of Remus entranced by the indentations of scar tissue and raised freckles. Nothing about Remus was smooth. Clever, but lacking social charm. Knew how to clear a room. Knew precisely the wrong thing to say at the wrong time. But their relationship had been.

Against all odds, Sirius and Remus, Moony and Padfoot, my love and my darling, had been the smoothest course Sirius had ever sailed.

“Can I hold you?” Remus asked one more time, even softer, his face moving closer.

“....the only thing I can think of to say is your name. Every version of it.”

“Yes…no…” Remus offered, “maybe…in a few hours…just for a second…”

“That’s a lot of options.”

“Yes or no, then.”

Yes.

Hold me. Please. Remind me of what it was like to give my burdens to someone else to carry just for a little while.

“Yes.”

Remus moved slowly, daring to touch Sirius’s hands first, then his wrists, thumb caressing his pulse point while long fingers skimmed over tattoos and the dark hair on his arms again. Sirius sat still, inhaling and exhaling deeply, afraid Remus was going to make him come undone with the most innocent of touches. Remus’s hands moved up to his arms and Sirius continued to fight with lingering resolve.

It wasn’t passion, though.

No.

Not like when they were seventeen and they would take turns edging each other into madness with wanton looks in the hallway and hands in places they definitely shouldn’t have been in the middle of class, and kisses that always left someone begging for more. Or even when they were nineteen and finding intimacy in learning how to fix a leaking sink and a tiny shower that really couldn’t fit the two of them properly, but they insisted on being in there together anyway. Sirius would have to hold Remus’s arm when they got out of the shower, so much excess water on the linoleum flooring, taking care not to let his boyfriend-fiance-nearly husband slip.

The one thing Sirius always handled with care…was Remus, and now it seemed like it was the opposite. Not that Sirius asked for it, or explicitly told Remus that.

This Remus now though, this thirty-something Remus was feeling every valley and curve of Sirius’s arms, then shoulders, moving closer until their faces were mere centimeters apart.

Sirius inhaled.

Remus exhaled.

Sirius and Remus. One name it was always said so fast and together- SiriusandRemus, carved into trees, etched into pavement, signed on leases and wedding certificates that never came to be.

Soft Christmas Drabbles: masterlist

Ficmas became my entire personality, here is all the things in one convenient area, in case you missed one or in case you want to re-read again

all is calm, all is bright- post-full moon christmas's arent so bad.

sweaty hands, full heart, can't lose- sirius meets the lupins.

its a wonderful life -sirius/remus watching Christmas movies. raising harry au

the best present - sirius learns to knit. wolfstar/raising harry au

a letter to you - remus gives sirius a gift. wolfstar @ hogwarts

grandmas cookies - on grief, love, and baking. wolfstar/raising harry au

traditions - lily and sirius have a christmas tradition of their own. (lilypad friendship fic)

do you not want to kiss me (pt 1) - jily, under the mistletoe

do you not want to kiss me (pt 2)- jily and a first kiss.

are we going to do this then?- jily, under the mistletoe, take two

good things take time - soft christmas moment with sirius/harry, raising harry au

ghosts - sirius drinks with ghosts...and his godson.

simply the best - lily convinces sirius to go to the slug club party with her. lily and sirius friendship fic.

a room of ones own- remus and harry surprise sirius for christmas.

229 notes View Post

scatteredbeans

3 years ago

“Honestly, I’m Having A Proper Full-on GAY PANIC.”

“Honestly, I’m having a proper full-on GAY PANIC.”

- Nick Nelson, Heartstopper by @aliceoseman

Here’s my celebratory take on these beloved besties. I AM SO READY FOR THIS SHOW TO AIR TOMORROW! 🥰

12K notes View Post

scatteredbeans

9 months ago

Hey, first of all I’d like to thank you for all the lovely words and condolences. I’m feeling quite okay right now. I am still sad of course, but my thoughts are with my friend’s husband and sister, who suffer most.

I can’t believe it myself, but I actually finished my newest Sirius painting in August! (very last day, but still 😅 Grumpy SIrius in Grimmauld place 🤭 It has been a long time since I painted a more detailed background. It was a great experience, but very exhausting. I also made some bad perspective mistakes. Please ignore them 😅 I really put much effort into it, but in the end I still messed it up.

1K notes View Post

scatteredbeans

3 years ago

my parents are looking at me weird cuz i burst into tears in the middle of economics revision!!!

𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘

- When they first got Harry, Remus wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Everything had happened so quickly, he had no time to grieve the loss of his friends before he was handed a small human with no sense of how to look after it. At first he panicked, never holding Harry, always letting Sirius look after him, shutting himself away so he didn’t have to acknowledge the situation they were in.

- He soon realised that that wasn’t fair on anyone, and began to spend more time with Harry.

- It took a while, but they began to fall into a routine, Sirius would look after Harry in the morning (Remus couldn’t get out of bed before noon), and Remus would give him attention in the afternoon. They would go out into the village, play with new toys, read stories, plant flowers in the back garden.

- It was on a summer afternoon when Harry said his first word. Remus was playing with him, swinging him around in his arms whilst Harry giggled and squealed, clutching his hair with his tiny fists. He tugged on his curls as Remus stopped to put him down, opening his mouth and gurgling “Moomee.” Remus froze, and Harry laughed again. “Moomee, Moomee, Moomee!”

- “Sirius! Sirius, come here!”

“What, what’s wrong?”

“Listen, go on Harry, say it again, Mooooony.”

“Moomee!”

“Holy shit. Okay Harry, say Padfoot. Pad-foot.”

“Moomee!”

“I think he just likes me better, Pads.”

“Bullshit.”

“Bullshh!”

“No!”

- They had a ‘party’ that evening, celebratory noodles and garlic bread, Remus even gave Harry some of his chocolate bar, much to he Sirius’ dismay. “How come he gets your chocolate! All he did was say a few words!” “He’s a baby, Sirius.”

- After that day, Harry started speaking more, and soon enough they had a small child of four running around and grabbing their legs. He was a good kid, helped Sirius cook meals and cuddled Remus after full moons.

- He would wait outside Sirius and Remus’ bedroom door, waiting until Sirius allowed him to come in, before climbing carefully onto the bed where Remus was laying.

“Padfoo said Moomee’s sick,” he said, frowning at Remus.

“Moomee isn’t feeling very well at the moment,” Remus replied, smiling weakly.

“Like when I have stomach bugs?”

“Yes, like when you have stomach bugs.”

Harry scrunched up his face. “Want a hug? Paddy said you feel better with cuddles.”

“I would love a cuddle.”

- It wasn’t long after Harry turned five when they decided to tell him about his parents.

- They’d been putting it off until he was old enough where he could full understand, but not old enough that he would believe that they’d been lying to him for his life. That was the last thing they wanted. They started the process slowly, telling bedtime stories about James and Lily, showing him photographs and letters.

- “That’s my mummy?” he questioned one evening, pointing to the photo they had presented him with.

“And that’s your dad,” Remus said.

Harry looked up at them with wide, green eyes. “You’re not my dad?”

“We’re your dads now, little sprog,” Sirius said with a small smile, “But that’s your real dad, that’s why you look just like him.”

Harry nodded, holding the photograph in front of his face and giving both James and Lily a kiss.

“Kisses for mummy and daddy!”

He didn’t fully understand when Remus started crying.

“I made Moomee sad,” he said when Remus left the room.

“You didn’t make Moomee sad, Prongslet,” Sirius reassured, pulling him for a hug. “Moomee just…he just misses your mummy and daddy.”

“Because they’re gone?”

“Yes. Because they’re gone.”

“Do you miss my mummy and daddy?”