You Guys Just Have To Trust Me On This One And Click Here Okay?

kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

Get To Know You Tag Game

Tagged by: @weighty-ghosts <33

Rules: tag the people you’d like to get to know better by playing the game!

Three ships: wolfstar (Remus x Sirius), first prince (Alex x Henry), drarry (Draco x Harry)

First ever ship: wolfstar, surprisingly (and luckily) enough i got into this entire fandom with ATYD (yes that WAS my first ever fic <33)

Last song: laughing on the outside by Bernadette Carroll

Last film: Maurice (1987)

Currently reading: re-reading song of achilles cuz I like pain when its not my own :)

Currently consuming: cOffEe

Tagging: whoever comes across this leeteel thing :)

Robert Wood Lynn, "About the Phones", Mothman Apologia

wake up,

open tumblr,

get my heart fucked,

sleep.

oh and repeat! :)

isnt this the cutest??? i feel like this is the cutest-

the way tommo peeks!!!!!! yeeeeeeeee-

gosh i miss them so frikin much!!! :3

This is the first Audio Post I’ve posted, but I felt really strongly about this poem written by Pencap, it’s so gorgeous and full of emotion that I felt I would do my best to bring it to life. Thank you for giving me permission to post it as well!

ok but damiano and victoria are ze PUR-FECT sirius and marlene!

i mean just LOOK AT THAT-

Would you be happy for me to screenshot your comment and reblog it with my reply? This is in ref. to the bi/pan post

You can dm me rather than reply here if you would prefer.

yea absolutely, thanx for asking tho :))

damnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!

bite the hand