John: We Need Wifi

John: If you took a shot for every bad decision you’ve made, how drunk would you be?

Virgil: Maybe a little tipsy

Scott: Drunk

Alan: Wasted

Gordon: Dead

When Kuroo and Oikawa are Long-Distance Friends

Kuroo: You live in Miyagi, right? I could swing through and pick you up.

Oikawa: Okay, first of all, my parents live in Miyagi. I live in the moment.

Gordon: There’s a message in my Alphabet Spaghetti! It says ‘oooooooo’

Virgil:….

Virgil: Gordon, those are cheerios

Virgil: Hey, I haven't seen Alan anywhere since yesterday

Gordon: Same here, I wonder-

*notification beep*

[@rocketboytracy is live]

Gordon, sighing: Never mind, found him

Alan, outside Area 51: RELEASE THE ALIENS

Fuse: I can't steal this Thunderbird, it goes against my moral compass

The Hood: Your moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel, so excuse me if I don't take it very seriously

Scott: Don't you find them a little weird?

Virgil: You've seen E.T right?

Scott: The old film? Yeah, sure.

Virgil: Ok, well remember the kid Eliott? He and E.T had this strange, inexplicable bond. If Eliott got sick, E.T got sick. If E.T got drunk, Eliott got drunk. Gordon and Alan are like that, and you and I are like the government guys in the white hazmat suits. We're trying to steer them onto the right path, but in the end we just don't understand.

Grandma: I really regret getting you that blender for Christmas

John *sipping a bagel*: Why?

Konoha: What time is it?

Akaashi: Oh it's 3:13-

Bokuto: [JUMPS OUT OF NOWHERE] do you mean 3 days, 16 hours, 26 minutes, and approximately 32 seconds before THE BIG GAME

'No Dad I already have a career path, it's called being hardcore'

- Alan Tracy

Scott: Hey, everybody, I have some bad news. Due to circumstances beyond my control-

John: Impulsivity and an inattention to detail

Scott: Hey!