Tiny Inky Cap

So, okay, fun fact. When I was a freshman in high school… let me preface by saying my dad sent me to a private school and, like a bad organ transplant, it didn’t take. I was miserable, the student body hated me, I hated them, it was awful.

Okay, so, freshman year, I’m deep in my “everything sucks and I’m stuck with these assholes” mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, let’s call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didn’t get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.

One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.

All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the ol’ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.

So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.

And Mr. Hargrove loved it.

It wasn’t just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.

Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, “Some pipsqueak.”

And that’s when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.

Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.

One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargrove’s complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix “ize” to a verb.

That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added “ize” to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.

And, people… The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.

And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying “fuck you” to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)

So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.

Mr. Hargrove showed me my dissent was valid, my rebellion was righteous, and that killer slugs could bring a city to its knees. Someone just needs to write it.

Late Night Call Prompts

“One more night, and then you’ll finally be back in my arms.”

“Your last emergency call was you crying over not having any more sweets at your place, so excuse me for being distrustful.”

“I wish you were here with me.”

“Could you just… stay on the line? It’s weird having to fall asleep without you.”

A quick call to confirm that they got home safely.

“I know I said you could call me anytime, but… It’s the middle of the night.” 

“You’ve been holding the phone to your ear this whole time?” “...Yes? How else would I have been able to talk to you?”

“You’re two rooms over. Why are you calling?”

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

“Now?”

“I know we said we’d take a break from us, but I miss you. You and your love for cacti and weird bedtime stories.”

“Take your fucking late-night calls elsewhere! I’m trying to fucking sleep here!”

“You pretending that cushion is me?” “Maybe I did. But then I had to realize that it’s a better cuddler than you are.”

“Sorry. I had my phone on silent.”

“We saw each other earlier. Why didn’t you tell me then?”

Getting a call from a hospital/police station/etc. late at night. 

“Then why do you keep picking up?”

“You still there?” “Mhhhmmmm.”

“Did you really think you could run away from me, [name]? No, I will find you everywhere.”

“Can you– Can you pick me up? Please?”

“Let me get this straight: You’re calling me at 3 am, disrupting my beauty sleep on a workday, to ask me out?

“Are you alone?” 

“I know it’s stupid, but I needed to hear your voice.”

Threatening to hang up on the other every time they mention something specific.

“What are you wearing right now?”

“Ugh. I knew it was a mistake to give you my number.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“...The only reason why I did pick up was because it’s you.”

“Are you seriously suggesting there are benefits to not sleeping next to me?” “You always steal my covers! I almost had forgotten what it feels like to sleep through the night, all sound and warm.”

“Call me cheesy or a fool, but I needed to wish you sweet dreams.”

“...I thought you forgot about me.” “I’m sorry. Today has been… a lot and I– I wish I could have called you sooner.”

Same, HoHo. Same. ❤️

drdevonprice.substack.com

How Do I Become Less Obedient?

Autistic Advice#12: Noncompliance is a liberating social skill - but it must be developed.

If you’ve never been all that disobedient before, you can and should start really, really small. For example, you can wear the slightly revealing or gloriously trashy-looking garment that makes your mom roll her eyes and sigh despondently every time she sees you put it on. You will feel judged and disapproved of when you put it on, but that is fine. Your goal is to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and continue with your desired behavior anyway.  Saunter down the steps in that highlighter-yellow Garfield crop top with your chest hair flowing over the neckline, and harness as much courage as you can muster. It’s okay if you feel like a beacon of sin. Just keep it moving. Your emotions are not the target here. Your behavior is. You can feel however you are feeling in the moment so long as you keep acting like you’re free.  Do you have a favorite TV show that a partner or roommate vocally hates? Try watching that show around them without apologizing or defensively joining them in mocking the program. At first, you probably won’t be able to enjoy the show while in their presence. You’ll feel self-conscious about everything they find annoying or cringe-inducing about the show, and so focused on their reactions that you can’t relax. That’s okay. Allow those feelings of embarrassment and guilt to exist and pass through you without giving up. In time, you will be able to ignore these reactions more, and enjoy the activity.  You want to see the needle of discomfort moving down just a little, like Link’s body temperature meter in Tears of the Kingdom when he puts on a breathable outfit in a hot climate. You’re not gonna go from roiling hot to frosty cold in an instant. But after a certain point, you won’t be actively in pain anymore. Things are just gonna slowly suck less, bit by bit, until they are finally okay. That’s true of most major life adjustments, I find.  Probably the best way to develop self-advocacy skills while growing in your distress tolerance is simply by telling other people no. Do this without explanation or hedging. Nitpicky aunt wants to hear all about your dating life? “No, I don’t want to talk about that.” Unreliable ex-friend wants you to do them the tiny favor of moving their entire home gymnasium into a new third story walk-up? “No, I’m not available.” Manipulative shift supervisor wants to cajole you into sticking around for another three hours to close? “No.”  As many advice columnists smarter than me have already intoned, “no” is a complete sentence. “No” requires no explanation. “No” is not subject to debate. “No” can be repeated over and over like a broken record if a disrespectful person acts like they can’t hear it. And you can walk away at any time to make your “no” physical and impossible to argue with, when someone has proven they don’t respect your boundaries. 

you can read or listen to the full piece for free here

List of character flaws that could make a funny original character (OC) even more entertaining

Chronic clumsiness: Tripping, stumbling, and knocking things over with comedic regularity.

Absurdly bad luck: Experiencing a series of comically unfortunate events.

Exaggerated laziness: Finding increasingly creative ways to avoid doing any work.

Uncontrollable laughter: Breaking into fits of giggles at the most inappropriate moments.

Inability to keep a secret: Accidentally blurting out confidential information or gossip.

Extreme forgetfulness: Frequently losing belongings or forgetting important appointments.

Obsessive-compulsive quirks: Engaging in peculiar rituals or behaviors for no apparent reason.

Social awkwardness: Saying and doing the most cringeworthy things in social situations.

Over-the-top dramatics: Reacting melodramatically to even the smallest of inconveniences.

Excessive talkativeness: Rambling on endlessly without realizing they've lost their audience.

Compulsive lying: Fabricating outlandish stories to impress others or get out of trouble.

Food obsession: Constantly eating or talking about food, even in inappropriate contexts.

Nervous tics: Displaying quirky mannerisms or habits when feeling anxious.

Paranoid tendencies: Jumping to wild conclusions and imagining elaborate conspiracy theories.

Uncontrollable curiosity: Snooping around and getting into trouble due to a relentless need to know.

Over-the-top superstitions: Believing in absurd lucky charms or rituals.

Excessive hypochondria: Constantly diagnosing themselves with imaginary illnesses.

Silly phobias: Fearing utterly ridiculous things, like rubber ducks or clowns.

Inability to tell time: Consistently running late or showing up at bizarre hours.

Ridiculous fashion sense: Sporting outrageous outfits or hairstyles that defy all logic.

These flaws can turn your funny OC into a lovably eccentric character, bringing humor and charm to any story or situation they find themselves in.

An important PSA to remember!

[ID in Alt]

support trans people.

Im always down for a good yap-sesh :)

guys I need to talk to someone about Hozier. please. I have so many thoughts about his lyrics and nobody to yap to. i'm taking applications

i love a good magic-related fever. Maybe it's a curse, maybe it's overuse of powers, but no matter what, it's not responding to the things a normal fever would. Medicine, rest, cold baths. Nothing works and they just have to live with it until either it passes or they break the curse. :)