“Hello, Traitor.”

Yours truly in a nutshell. 😈

#just crowley things (aziraphale)

Things To Do Today...

Drive around

Sleep

Drive around some more

Get drunk

Sleep it off

Sleep some more

Repeat

~*~

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One last day to go at Leipzig bookfair.

Until I continue the diary, I'll leave you some very cute pics of Crowley and Aziraphale cosplayers whom I saw walking by our booth.

There even was a big cosplay meetup of about fourty to fifty people, which I unfortunately couldn't attend 'cause I was working. Well, maybe next time. 😁

Cat Booped Me Awake Today

Seems like I slept through another week. If it weren't for the cat, I would probably be sleeping still. Shouldn't leave the window open.

Things I Did Today:

Ate the rest of Shax' chocolates, simply because I'm booored. They were not poisoned.

Drove around for a bit.

Drove by the bookshop

Made another attempt at telling Muriel (or Maggie) I don't want be their friend. The attempt consisted of me sitting in the car in front of the bookshop

Drove away again

Drove by the University where they gave away old books today. They do that from time to time because they get lots of books from private collections, but they don't have room to store them all.

Took a few boxes of books and stored them in the bentley.

The plants were not pleased

Drove back to the bookshop

Placed the boxes by the door

Wrote a note to Muriel

~*~

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GO unites people of different ages, genders, cultures, countries... There aren't many things that have such a universal language. Terry and Neil wrote a masterpiece, Michael and David made it real. I will never be grateful enough. In the midst of the rubbish of life and the world, it's so nice to find common ground with other people, beyond all barriers. Because this is what GO teaches: there should be no sides, we should simply try to be at peace with ourselves and others. I don't think it's a trivial message, I think it's powerful.

Didn't you have a booping paw?

"Aziraphale would probably disagree about the introvert part.

My plants would too, if they dared something to say on the matter."

Where we left off:

Nina, purveyor of coffee, whirling into the scene like a thunderstorm, woke our hero from his precious sleep (and a weird dream) to give him - me - another telling-off.

She's quite scary when she's angry. Not demon scary, but most definitely human scary.

"Do you even understand how all of this affects Maggie?" I'm not surprised at the burst of emotion in her voice as she says the name.

"She's been worried sick about you! Trying to write to you, trying to call you, and some days even waiting by your car for you to wake up, so she could make sure you're all right."

"I'm not." How does she even find me? I drive around and park the Bentley in different places every couple of days.

"We KNOW. Do you think none of us has gone through breakup before?"

Well, maybe you have. I certainly haven't. I don't do relationships and I have no idea how to process this. Except for drinking, sleeping and curling up in a little snake ball of pain.

"Of course it's bad. It hurts like hell..."

Worse. Speaking from experience here.

"... and you have every right to be sad and mopey and angry, but stop shutting out your friends. Talk to us! At least let us know where you are and what's going on."

"I don't have friends. Never wanted friends. Completely friendless person, me."

She sighs. "Yes, you're a devil and you're evil, blah blah blah, real man solves his problems on his own. Heard all of that before, except maybe the devil part. But you've got to realize that your actions have consequences for others. You're not alone in this world."

But I am.

I've always been alone. For 6000 years on this godforsaken planet, doing the bidding of my ridiculous headoffice and trying not to go completely insane. Using every excuse to be close to my angel and every excuse not to get too close, so we wouldn't be in trouble. Missing him after every encounter, every meeting, every conversation. Sometimes positively yearning for his presence, but never ever being able to act on it.

Because that's just the way things are.

I was alone the last time I hit rock bottom. Healing one step at a time, slowly piecing myself together after my 33 years of torture. Because I allowed myself to save one human soul and got caught at it. One. Single. Human. Soul.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I never had anyone to talk to because angels are my enemies, demons are my rivals and humans wouldn't be able to shoulder all this bullshit that's been going on with me. And God doesn’t answer to any of us.

And yet, Nina has the nerve to come here, shake me awake and tell me that I'm not alone? That I’m supposed to 'talk about it'? Throw overboard all my harshly earned survival skills because now apparently, I have friends?

No, absolutely not. I don't make 'friends' with other people. It's not something demons - the word is demon, not devil - do. You can stop pretending to care now and walk away.

She doesn’t.

Instead, she throws my very own words back at me. “For once in your life trust somebody!”

~ * ~

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Things To Do Today

Sleep

Burn more mail

Why is there always so much mail under the wipers? That can't be right. There never was so much mail under the wipers in the months and years before. And Shax never put the mail under the wipers anyway. She always insisted on giving it to me personally.

Seems there were notes in between the letters. Or letters with notes. I don't know. I don't care. It's all burned now.

Something or other from Nina and from Maggie. Maggy? Don't know how to spell her name. Spelling's hard anyway. Doesn't matter, I'm never talking to her again.

And Muriel obviously wrote me some glittery card thingie for Valentine's Day. That must be the reason why the ashes are so glittery.

Someone needs to explain the little bee what Valentine's Day is for.

Someone, not me. I'm going back to sleep.

~*~

More Diary Parts:

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So, last time I showed you the amazing Crowleys, now we move on to the beautiful Aziraphales at Proud Nerd Con.