Art By Julia Sidorenko

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Remnants of April

April was pretty ok, when I wasn't spiraling lmao. I kept hoping that my April would be cool, cause my March was so ass. But when I started to think about it, I'm not sure what a good month is like, I haven't had one in a while lol, I forgot how they felt.

I got caught up with a lot of anime backlog,

svsss

Ousama

Apothecary(even tho I didn't finish yet)

Castlevania Nocturne (sososososososo good!!!! have to watch again)

Arcane(I'm so late ik, it was so good tho, a bit short but cool)

Kuroshitsuji school arc

its been really comforting, helps me not think so much. I even started keeping track of them when I finish lmao, and adding more stuff to watch. I thought this was gonna be my book year. I did manage to finish TGCF book 5, it was so good, that book had me giggling, it was a really silly book, with a lot of dark themes. It got really heavy at some parts (well for me it did). I keep thinking about all of MXTX's series and how I feel no problem in rereading Svsss and MDZS over and over again. But when I think of TGCF I feel sick lmao, this series is so dark and sad at times( XL past I mean, and others) that I just shutter at the thought of rereading. I will have to bookmark all the past arcs so I can skip them lmao. I can watch the donghua's just fine tho, maybe because they haven't touch any of the heavy arcs. (probably never will sob) 😭.

I also got a lot of books in April too, I haven't gotten to enjoy them yet, cause my life is always in chaos lol. But still super excited for them. Gonna miss you April, you were actually a chill month. May is kind of kicking my butt now, and it's only the 6th lol.

May so far, I haven't had an appetite for like a week now. It's kind of freaking me out. Like I still try to eat but I get full so fast and then I feel like wanting to vomit if I try to overeat ugh. At first I was like this is good, I can indicate when to stop eating. But then I got sad because I like food and I like eating. But my body won't let me ughhhhhhhh lol. I hope this doesn't last.

I got a haircut, it was long overdue, I cut like 4 inch. I asked my mom to cut it. usually I cut it myself but I was just so tired that day and asked her to do it, I wanted her to cut more, but she has this control thing about hair or whatever, I would cut it all off if I wouldn't absolutely hate myself the next day.(it has to be someone else lmao)

I have decided to sell clothes that I don't use anymore or never have used. I am lowkey excited about getting rid of things. My brain has been on sell rot and everything I touch I'm like "YES SELL IT" lmao.I have a lot of clothes that I have accumulated over the years and never regulated because life keeps getting in the way, so I've just been ignoring the mess lol. So thats why I am excited that I found a solution for this. I'll try to also donate half of it to, I just need it all to go. But I have to be calm and be smart about this because I still need clothes to wear lol.

sigh~ this was suppose to be a short post

The best beautiful fireworks in Japan

Source

by elliothawkey

a world without trans people has never existed and never will

prints

by wholesaleflow28

kind of obsessed with this hinge response

by roksolyana_hilevych

Edward Gorey's Christmas Card : 'Cat and Girl looking out of Window'

I've been trying to stay off of social media so I can focus on other things. So last night I logged out and stayed off. But afterward I just sat in my seat thinking about having a better future. Then I got really sad like, this is my life, why is it so horrible. Why aren’t I fixing it. I always get these feeling out of the blue, but usually its like once a year. But lately it’s been every couple of months.

Then I realized that doom scrolling literally distracts me from my sadness lmao. Cause I am not usually like this, usually I’m on twitter looking for something to make me laugh or yt. 

But when I logged off, I sat in silence wondering what to do next. My options were to either go to bed or continue sitting there. 

I convinced myself to read Dungeon Meshi. I’m on book 11. It was a hard read honestly. Maybe it was because of the state of my emotion but I was not having a fun time reading it, and I like reading conflict.

But I got to this page in the book where Marcille is expressing how she didn’t have any good memories in the dungeon and if only she had given up, she wouldn’t have to suffer through the bad experiences. But in the next page she says there’s no way I could just give up. 

And wow….I felt that lol. I feel like I feel it almost everyday.

I don’t want to get into details about it because I am emotionally drained right now.

I just wanted to remember these pages, and express some love for Dungeon Meshi. Lmao I never thought I would come to love it so much. A series I would have never picked up by myself probably because I am super picky lol. I want to get all the books so I can reread it and relish all the amazing line work and compositions.

This part felt so real. I can feel the love and care Marcille has for her comrades. That shes drops all her resolve and standards to protect her friends and they do the same for her. Seeing the Dungeon Meshi crew take care of each other makes me so jealous sometimes but it’s also so sweet. I can feel the love, it oozes.