By Giorgio_filippini_photographer

why do I only have two settings, clean and sad 

Inktober Day 03 - Boots

jitabebe

I was really feeling this hair lol

it's all coming together

I really wanted this Halloween to be a good one. But it wasn't lol, I just had to ride it out I guess. Me and my kyodai were going through the notion that life doesn't always revolve around oneself. We have been talking bout this because a lot of r family members think that it 100% does revolve around them.

And so the notion had been stuck in my head for a couple of days. But on Halloween, it really hit me hard , that life does not always revolve around me. But it felt worst than that, like the world also hated me lmao, I felt so helpless, I didn't know what to do. Just think of the Linkin park song, I got so far and it doesn't even matter lmao.

I'm not trying to say I needed this night to be about me, cause I know the world isn't circling me. I just felt attacked even thought I was trying to make this person feel better. and I know it wasn't their fault, they just wanted to have a fun night.

At the end of the day I wished I had stayed home lmao. But you know bad days happen lol, it's not the end of the world.

Mom and Dad

I've been trying to stay off of social media so I can focus on other things. So last night I logged out and stayed off. But afterward I just sat in my seat thinking about having a better future. Then I got really sad like, this is my life, why is it so horrible. Why aren’t I fixing it. I always get these feeling out of the blue, but usually its like once a year. But lately it’s been every couple of months.

Then I realized that doom scrolling literally distracts me from my sadness lmao. Cause I am not usually like this, usually I’m on twitter looking for something to make me laugh or yt. 

But when I logged off, I sat in silence wondering what to do next. My options were to either go to bed or continue sitting there. 

I convinced myself to read Dungeon Meshi. I’m on book 11. It was a hard read honestly. Maybe it was because of the state of my emotion but I was not having a fun time reading it, and I like reading conflict.

But I got to this page in the book where Marcille is expressing how she didn’t have any good memories in the dungeon and if only she had given up, she wouldn’t have to suffer through the bad experiences. But in the next page she says there’s no way I could just give up. 

And wow….I felt that lol. I feel like I feel it almost everyday.

I don’t want to get into details about it because I am emotionally drained right now.

I just wanted to remember these pages, and express some love for Dungeon Meshi. Lmao I never thought I would come to love it so much. A series I would have never picked up by myself probably because I am super picky lol. I want to get all the books so I can reread it and relish all the amazing line work and compositions.

This part felt so real. I can feel the love and care Marcille has for her comrades. That shes drops all her resolve and standards to protect her friends and they do the same for her. Seeing the Dungeon Meshi crew take care of each other makes me so jealous sometimes but it’s also so sweet. I can feel the love, it oozes.