Slut.

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blaise!!!

Olive Theory

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Blaise Zabini x Reader

Word count: approx. 4.2k

Summary: You and Blaise complement each other perfectly as best friends, but little do you know, he’s been keeping a secret.

Warnings/be aware: best friends to lovers, use of Y/N, introverted!Reader, Slytherin!Reader implied, the Slytherin boys being sweeties, kissing, fluff

A/N: had a little one-shot fun in between working on chapters for my Theo series 🤭 Based on the olive theory from How I Met Your Mother!

You staggered up the dimly-lit stairwell leading from the dungeons to the Great Hall, yawning. Pansy and Daphne, who walked on either side of you, looked just about as toasted as you were. The three of you had just finished another exhausting study session in the Slytherin common room, leaving you feeling ready to give up on your NEWTs altogether.

“Ugh, what a day.” Rubbing your eyes, you stepped up onto the landing.

“Tell me about it.” Pansy’s face soured. “If McGonagall gives us one more surprise essay, I’m getting on my broom and going the Weasley twins’ route.”

“I’ll join you.” As she crossed the corridor, Daphne tightened her ponytail. “If I get anything less than an ‘E’ in Transfiguration, my parents are going to kill me.”

“Would it be mad to just go to bed after dinner?” It was only six o’clock, but you could scarcely keep your eyes open. “Maybe we can get up early and study.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Daphne agreed.

“When did we get so boring?” Pansy shook her head as the three of you stepped through the doorway and into the Great Hall, a wall of chatter hitting your ears as you entered the space where many of your classmates were already eating. “We’ve got to get out more, I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

As the three of you approached the Slytherin table, you saw that your other friends had already arrived. Theo, Mattheo, Draco, and Enzo were preoccupied with some debate about whether a dragon could beat 10,000 flesh-eating slugs in a fight.

“What is wrong with you all?” Daphne muttered, her nose wrinkling in disgust as she took her usual spot to the left of Enzo.

However, your best friend Blaise immediately caught your attention, his midnight eyes meeting yours as he grinned. You felt the tension dissipate from your body as you sat down next to him.

“Rough day?” He raised his eyebrows as he caught the exhausted look in your eye.

“Terrible. Even Herbology is difficult these days.” Letting out a heavy breath of frustration, you leaned your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around you and gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze, letting you rest on him.

You and Blaise had been best friends since you’d beaten him at Wizard’s Chess in the Slytherin common room during your first year. Though you’d since become close with many of the other Slytherins, your relationship with Blaise was special. The two of you complimented each other perfectly. He was outgoing and popular while you were more introverted and kept a closer circle of friends – you calmed him down when he became too worked up and excitable, and he brought you out of your shell when you began to isolate yourself. You would remember the million parties, games, and school club meetings he’d agreed to attend and then immediately forgotten about, and he would make sure that you left the library and went to them with him. Rarely was one of you spotted without the other.

“Tell me about it. A chomping cabbage got me yesterday.” He pulled up the sleeve of his robes to display an angry, scabbed bite on his forearm and you winced.

“Blaise!” You sat up, fixing him with a displeased frown. “Please let me heal that, it looks like it could get infected.”

“After you eat something.” Acquiescing, you scooped a sandwich and some salad onto your plate. “Want my olives?”

“Yes!” You bounced in your seat excitedly. Olives were your favorite food in the world. Blaise somehow hated them, which was a blasphemous opinion in your eyes. However, you could hardly complain considering every time there were olives in his food, he gave them to you. It was just another way that your differences somehow made your friendship even better. He grinned as you happily dug into your meal.

The food was exactly what you needed, and the feeling that your head was going to explode from stress soon began to subside. You chatted with Blaise and Daphne for a few minutes until a small voice interrupted you.

“Uh, hey guys.” You turned to see Daphne’s sister Astoria standing behind you, glancing bashfully at the ground.

“Hi, Astoria!” Grinning, you greeted the shy girl brightly. You and your friends all loved the younger Greengrass, though she wasn’t around much. She was almost always with a large group of other fourth-year Slytherins, who Daphne disdained for the way they overran Greengrass Manor during the holidays.

“Daph, can I…can I sit with you today?” Tears welled up in Astoria’s eyes and your eyebrows furrowed with worry.

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” Daphne scooted closer to you, patting the seat on her other side. She turned towards you and Blaise. “Budge over, you lot.” He reached around your hips and pulled you closer to him as everyone squished together to accommodate Astoria. “What’s going on?” Daphne watched her younger sister, her eyes full of a concern that you rarely saw her display.

“Yeah, who d’I need to fight?” Mattheo chimed in, his mouth full of food.

“Riddle, close your mouth, that’s disgusting!” Pansy scrunched her nose in displeasure, calling out from across the table.

“I just need new friends.” Astoria let out a sigh, wiping the tears that were threatening to overflow. “They were all hanging out without me after class today! I asked Lacey what she was going to do after Arithmancy and she said she was just going to the library to study, but when I went outside for a walk they were all by the Black Lake, having a picnic.” She glanced hesitantly down the table towards the area where the other fourth-years were sitting. “I don’t even think they notice I’m gone.”

“Ew,” Pansy remarked, glaring at the distant group scathingly. “They sound toxic. You should get some better friends.”

“That Julius Mulciber sure acts like a git,” Theo scoffed, nodding in the direction of one of the fourth-years. “He was so busy trying to impress that lot with some candy he’d nicked from Honeydukes that he ran straight into me when I was coming back from Divination the other day. Knocked himself clean over."

“Sit with us for as long as you like.” Enzo squeezed Astoria’s shoulder gently, sounding somewhat more gentle than Theo. “You shouldn’t have to waste your time with people who treat you that way.”

“Thanks, guys.” Astoria smiled softly as Daphne pulled her in for a hug. “You lot make it look so easy, getting on all the time. I want a friendship like…well, like you two.” She glanced at you and Blaise, and you couldn’t help but grin as he nudged you playfully. “How do you find something like that?”

“Well, you find someone you ought to be snogging, and then you dance around each other for half a decade or so and you have what they’ve got.” Draco’s smug voice drawled as he picked up his sandwich.

“Draco!” Your cheeks suddenly felt very hot as Blaise snatched a dinner roll from Mattheo’s plate and pitched it at Draco’s head.

You knew that most of your other friends were placing bets on when you and Blaise would start dating, and to be honest, you’d thought about it. How could you not? Your best friend also happened to be one of the most handsome guys at Hogwarts, with beautiful eyes, a swoon-worthy smile, and a gorgeous physique from years of playing Quidditch. But what you and Blaise had was like catching lightning in a bottle already. If you confessed your feelings and he didn’t feel the same, you ran the risk of pushing your favorite person out of your life. Nothing was worth that chance.

“Don’t do that.” Pansy rolled her eyes. “You just have to follow the olive theory.”

Astoria frowned. “What in the world is that?”

“I’m with you,” Enzo agreed, nodding at Astoria as he eyed Pansy with confusion.

“It’s simple,” she stated. “Y/N and Zabini get on so well because one of them loves olives and the other one hates them. They balance each other out in a way that makes them both better off – Y/N gets to eat twice as many olives and Zabini doesn’t have to eat any. It works in other ways too.” She glanced at you. “You get Zab to study,” she said before looking towards Blaise, “And you get Y/N to actually go outside. That sort of thing. Dray and I have it too.”

“How?” Draco’s eyes shifted to Pansy.

“You’re a massive prat sometimes, and when that happens, I balance you out by telling you you’re a massive prat.” You and your friends burst into laughter as Draco grimaced.

“Had that one coming.” Mattheo shook his head, chuckling.

“Olive theory is real, though,” Daphne agreed, nodding. “It’s why they work.”

“Wait.” Blaise raised his eyebrows. “You’re telling me that you think that Y/N and I are best mates because of…olives?”

“That’s not what I was saying at all.” Pansy threw up her hands in frustration. “Do you all even listen to me?” She paused for a moment, her brows furrowing. “Don’t answer that.”

“I get it.” You shrugged. “The olives are like a bribe to put up with him. They keep me friendly.” You shot him a teasing grin as he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Well if they’re supposed to keep you friendly, clearly they aren’t working.” Suddenly, his fingers that were previously resting lightly on your waist squeezed your side. You shrieked, giggling as he grabbed an olive out of the salad bowl and threw it at you.

“Get your disgusting fingers out of the salad!” Daphne smacked Blaise in the back of the head as the two of you began to push each other.

“Maybe don’t follow the olive theory.” Enzo looked on at you, Blaise and Daphne resignedly before glancing back at Astoria. “Don’t follow any of their advice, they’re all mad.”

“Clearly.” Astoria giggled.

Meals with your friends proved to be your only respite from the mountain of schoolwork that you were struggling to complete. The next couple of days were packed with essays, assignments, and revising, mostly alone but occasionally with Daphne, Pansy, and some of the boys. It was rare that you actually saw your best friend for more than a few minutes at a time, though. Blaise seemingly always had somewhere to be.

“B, pleaseee come sit down and do your work.” You pouted in his direction as he prepared to head out the common room door once again, Quidditch broom in hand. This is for his own good, you told yourself. He needed to catch up on Arithmancy before Professor Vector gave him a month’s worth of detentions. But if you were honest with yourself, you were tired of studying on the couch without him to rest against.

“Can’t, Malfoy has got us doing two-a-days since the Cup final is coming up.” To his credit, he looked genuinely apologetic as he strode back toward you, squeezing your shoulder gently. “I’ll come study with you as soon as I get back, I promise.”

Your eyes found his brown ones as you looked up at him and scrunched your nose. “You'd better shower first.”

He chuckled, flicking you in the ear as you walked away. You let out a squeak of protest and threw a pillow at his retreating back.

The hours seemed to drag as you waited for Blaise and the rest of the Slytherin Quidditch contingency to return to the common room. Enzo and Pansy did eventually join you, plopping down on two of the surrounding armchairs as they pulled out their textbooks.

“Where’s Daph?” Pansy frowned, glancing around the common room.

“I’ve no idea.” You shrugged, jotting down an idea in the margins of your Defense notes.

“I saw her when I came back from the lake,” Enzo said. “She was talking with Astoria…Astoria was crying.”

“Oh no.” Your face fell at the thought.

“Looks like Riddle and I have some fourth-years to fight.” You glanced up to see that Pansy had stood out of her armchair, glaring at Mulciber and the girl that Astoria had called Lacey from across the common room.

“Pans, no.” Enzo extended an arm to gently push Pansy back into her seat. “We should at least wait and hear what happened. Besides, Riddle’s gonna be in some serious trouble if he gets another detention.”

“Then we won’t get caught,” Pansy murmured to herself, but remained seated nonetheless.

Strangely, even as the sun slipped behind the mountains and night overtook the day, no one returned to the Slytherin common room. Finally, after several hours, Theo ducked his head through the common room door.

“Oi!” His familiar voice caused you to jolt from your studying-induced trance and glance around.

“Nott! Where is everyone?” Enzo furrowed his brow as Theo stepped further into the common room. His hair was still slightly wet from the showers and he held his broom in his hand, a set of muddy Quidditch robes poking out of his bag.

“We’re all in the kitchens if you guys want to come. We ran into Daphne and Astoria on their way there after practice. Astoria’s really upset, Daph is getting her some ice cream.”

You cast your books aside and stood along with Enzo and Pansy. “Yeah, let’s go.” Astoria seemed like she was really having a difficult time and the last thing you wanted was for her to feel alone.

When you arrived at the kitchens, Daphne and Astoria were sitting atop a counter near the corner of the room, out of the way of the busy House Elves as they ate their ice cream. Around them stood Draco, Mattheo, and Blaise, all snacking on something or other as they listened to Astoria. It was heartwarming, really. As tough as all the boys were, they could be so kind as well.

“And…and Lacey said it was my fault that Julius likes me, even though I said I wouldn’t go out with him!” Astoria sniffled as she wiped her tears and allowed her sister to wrap a reassuring arm around her. “He told her all kinds of things that weren’t true…and then they all came up to me after Charms today and told me they were dropping me from the friend group.”

“That’s it, I’m giving Mulciber a bloody nose.” Pansy stepped forward, looking irate.

“I already called dibs.” Mattheo’s mouth contorted sourly as he set aside the crisps he’d been eating and cracked his knuckles.

“If anyone gets to fight someone, it’s me, so shut up.” Daphne glared at the group before turning back to her sister. “Tori, I’m so sorry. They’re awful. You told Mulciber you didn’t want to go out with him, it’s not your fault that he doesn’t know how to accept rejection.”

“I know.” She sniffled again, her shoulders shaking slightly. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do now. I don’t have any friends.”

“We’re your friends!” Enzo chimed in. “I meant it yesterday when I said that you could sit with us in the Great Hall for as long as you like.”

“And we’re way better friends than they are.” Blaise’s mouth was full of food as he spoke, and you couldn’t help but let out an exasperated little chuckle as you turned to look at him. He was leaning languidly against the counter, in his hands a jar of…olives?

“B, are you eating olives?” The words came tumbling out of your mouth before you could think, and you immediately clamped your mouth shut as everyone turned to look at you. Astoria laughed despite her still-watery eyes.

“Yeah, weren’t you guys just telling me yesterday about how you two are the perfect friends because he hates olives and you love them?”

“Eh, just testing whether my tastes have changed. Haven’t tried an olive since I was twelve after all.” Blaise shrugged nonchalantly, scooping a few olives into his mouth before he grimaced. “Yeah, these are still nasty. Here.” He held the jar out in your direction.

You raised your eyebrows, unconvinced. “If you like olives now, you can have them.” With a gentle hand, you pushed the jar back towards him. “It’s fine, I promise.”

“No, they’re gross. I don’t want ‘em.”

“If you insist.” You shrugged, accepting the jar of olives. “Anyway, I’m so sorry to interrupt,” you continued, turning back towards Astoria.

“Oh, it’s fine.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to bother you guys, sitting with you in the Great Hall all the time. I know I’m just Daphne’s little sister.” Her gaze dropped to the floor as she let out a bashful chuckle.

“Don’t worry about it.” Theo shook his head insistently. “You’re at least as mature as Riddle.” Everyone laughed as Mattheo snatched the brownie that Theo was about to bite into out of his hand.

With Astoria’s spirits successfully raised, you all continued to joke and snack until curfew was drawing near. Finally, with a nervous glance at the clock you announced that it was probably time to get to bed. Draco and Pansy split off for Prefect rounds as the rest of you returned to the Slytherin common room. As Astoria, Mattheo, and Theo walked ahead and Daphne and Enzo chatted quietly behind them, you fell in step with Blaise.

“How was practice?”

“Awful. You’ll need to speak with Malfoy if you’d like to have me around for much longer, because I think he’s trying to kill me.” His dramatics made you giggle.

“Well, that would be awfully stupid of him. It would be more difficult for Slytherin to win the Quidditch Cup if you were dead.”

“I knew there was a reason I still call you my number one fan.” He winked, nudging you playfully. “Looks like all the food I’m bribing you with is working.”

“Yeah.” You paused, remembering him eating from the olive jar. “Although, if you’re ready to join me on the dark side and embrace your love of olives, all you have to do is say so.” Flashing him a teasing grin, you nudged him back.

“Absolutely not.” He shook his head ardently. “I’ll always give you my olives.”

You watched him for a moment, taking in the serious expression on his face. “B, you know that’s not actually why we’re friends, right?” Letting out a hesitant little chuckle, you rested your hands in your pockets. “If you like olives now, it’s fine.”

“I don’t. They’re nasty.”

“You were literally eating them!” Stopping in your tracks, you turned towards him as your friends continued on ahead of you, your little dispute unnoticed. “I can procure my own olives, I promise.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. They were olives, for goodness’ sakes. “You don’t need to give me yours.”

“I want you to have them. I mean it.” He stepped forward, his eyes softening as he gazed at you. “I would rather you have them.”

“But I feel bad, I mean, I’ve been taking a food that you like…”

“Olives are olives.” With a grin, he shrugged. “But they make you so happy…” His eyes lowered. “It’s a small price to pay, really, to see you smile like that.”

“Blaise.” Your voice was hushed, and you could feel your cheeks heating up as he grinned sheepishly at you. You drew closer to him, your heart pounding in your ears. “That’s so sweet. That might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, I –”

“Well if that’s true, I need to start getting you some better presents.” His mouth tilted playfully as he rested his hands on your hips. He’d touched you like this a thousand times throughout your friendship, so why, this time, was your stomach flipping inside you? Trying not to let your hands shake, you reached up and twined your arms around his neck. He was head-spinningly close now, and he didn't seem like he minded the proximity in the least. As you reached up the hem of your sweater lifted, leaving his fingers brushing your exposed skin. Your body tingled as his thumb stroked across your back.

“You don’t have to get me anything, B.” Your voice was a hushed murmur – you knew it would tremble if you spoke any louder in the silent corridor.

“What do you want, then?” He gave you a slight, gentle grin. “I’ve got to do better than some olives.” You bit down on your lip nervously, knowing what you truly wanted.

“You.”

As the word left your mouth, your breath hitched in your throat and your mind raced, struggling to read the look in his eyes. What if he didn’t feel the same, what if you’d misinterpreted the situation, what if he never wanted to speak to you again, what if –

His fingers dug into your hips as he pulled you flush to his chest and you stopped thinking altogether.

“Are you sure?” His eyes were gentle and his voice almost pleading as he held your gaze, seeming to search for any trace of doubt.

“Positive.” With bated breath, you watched as his eyes darkened. In a second, his lips were on yours, kissing you fiercely.

Salazar. It was like he knew your body like the back of his hand, and in a way, he did. He knew you better than anyone on Earth. One hand twined in your hair as the other explored the bare skin of your back, and you melted into his touch. You gasped softly into his mouth, allowing his tongue to slip past your lips, and he groaned needily as he pressed you up against the stone wall of the corridor. Tugging on the collar of his shirt, you pulled him closer, relishing in the feeling of his skin on yours. Though you’d dreamed of this moment a hundred times, this was better than anything you could’ve imagined. It felt so perfect, like this was what the two of you were meant to be doing all along.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” His low, breathless whisper brushed against your lips as he pressed his forehead to yours.

“Need you so bad, B.” You pulled him back to you, desperately crashing your lips against his once again. You could feel him grinning against you as he continued to snog you senseless, exploring your skin. An eternity seemed to pass in his arms as you indulged the desire that you’d struggled to suppress for so long.

“Are you two aware that it is now ten minutes past curfew?”

Curfew. Prefects. You’d completely forgotten. By the way you felt Blaise tense beneath your fingers, you could tell he had too. Reluctantly, you pulled away from him, glancing up to see his dark eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

“Run?” The corners of his mouth twitched mischievously as you twined your fingers together with his.

“Run.” Hand-in-hand, the two of you took off down the corridor, sprinting as the Prefect shouted after you.

By the time the two of you arrived back at the Slytherin common room, you were both gasping for breath, chests heaving.

“I think we lost them.” Though you could hardly get the words out, you couldn’t help but giggle as Blaise grinned at you.

“You’re a quick one. We could use you on the Quidditch team.” He winked before murmuring the password and allowing the two of you through the common room door. As you stepped through, you saw your friends lounging on the various sofas and couches in front of the fireplace. It seemed that Enzo and Mattheo were trying to play a game of Wizard’s Chess as everyone else shouted advice at them.

“Enz! If you move your knight to E5 you can capture the rook!” Your friends turned towards you as you provided your input.

“Oh, hey, where have you two been?” Theo glanced nonchalantly at you and Blaise.

“Yeah, we thought that – ” Daphne paused, her eyes narrowing, and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion until you followed her gaze and realized that you and Blaise were still holding hands.

“No way.” Mattheo’s mouth fell open as he laughed in disbelief. “No way!”

“Uh, yeah.” Giggling bashfully, you beamed as Blaise wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest and kissing the top of your head.

“Aww, congratulations!” Astoria exclaimed.

Enzo shook his head, chuckling. “Draco’s gonna lose his mind when he realizes that he missed this.”

“Checkmate!” Mattheo raised his arms victoriously as Enzo’s gaze whipped back to his opponent.

“No fair! They distracted me!”

As you and Blaise sank into your usual armchair, you draped your legs over his and leaned into his chest. You both laughed as you watched Mattheo sic his chess pieces on Enzo’s, to the latter’s great protest.

“We’ve still got revising to do, you know.” You sighed reluctantly as you sat up, glancing around the common room in search of your textbooks.

“No, we don’t.” He grinned mischievously as he pulled you back down, his arms capturing you firmly.

You scrunched your nose at him. “You’re a terrible influence, you know.”

“Yeah, but I’m your terrible influence.” As he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, you hummed contentedly. “You’re stuck with me.” With a blissful sigh, you rested your head on his shoulder.

“Good.”

☆ . . . matt stares up at you with a grin as you bounce on his cock, his fingers gripping your hips tightly as he tries to control the pace, but with the way you're moving on top of him—the way your pussy swallows him whole, he's losing himself way too quickly for his liking.

his bottom lip tucks between his teeth and small grunts rumble at the back of his throat when his cock hits that spot inside you that has your gummy walls squeezing around him.

matt's trying his hardest not to cum too quickly, but with how the grin slowly fades from his lips and his eyebrows knit together, you know he can't hold back any longer.... and you feel so confident when he fills you.

matt thinks you're going to get off of him after he's done, but when he sees that you're not going anywhere—and somehow you hips move faster—those small grunts he makes turns into whines.

he's trying his hardest to speak to you; to tell you to slow down or to move off of him because he can't cum anymore, but his words fail him. he physically can't form a coherent sentence.

all he can do is let you do what you please, and his body goes slack and his head throws back against the plush pillows, teeth almost breathing through the skin of his lip as you continue bouncing on his cock.

and you're laughing.

you're fucking laughing at him.

matt manages to finally use his words, but he's a blubbering mess. his blunt fingernails dig into your hips as he rambles about how its impossible for him to cum again.. so he thinks, because with the way he's sucking in deep breathes and his stomach tightens, he realises that he is, in-fact, going to cum again if you keep squeezing around him the way you already are.

the cry he lets out is heavenly, and his mouth falls open, his eyes screwed shut and his head falls back against his pillow as he spills inside of you, and you follow close behind.

there's tears clumping his lashes together, and his cheeks are flushed. his body jerks and twitches uncontrollably as his cum leaks from between your thighs.

© sturnioz

Girls when they wanna read angst and fluff but everything is a smut

manifesting a pretty masc girlfriend that plays guitar

never seen something I agree with more than this

the only correct ranking of rory’s boyfriends:

jess

logan

dean

end of story

dear dylan o'brien,

what i wouldn’t give for a hug from my favorite fictional characters right now

do NOT develop a parasocial relationship with that internet person they WILL disappoint u. not me though. u can all be parasocial with me, i will never hurt u like that