Ship-happenss - S H I P H A P P E N S

Life goals in 1 picture

All the Ways Your Rich Friends Will Not “Get It”

I’m a kid from a blue-collar, working-class background, doing my master’s degree at an Ivy League school. I’m incredibly grateful to be here, and I fully understand that this is an opportunity most people of my upbringing never get to have. Not everyone here is from a rich background - there are other working-class kids, getting by on loans, scholarships and part-time jobs. But for the most part, the people around me grew up very differently than I did, and although I love my friends, there are things about my life and my college experience that they’re just never going to get. Things like:

Money can buy good grades. My wealthier friends aren’t slipping the TAs a wink and a $100 bill on their way out of the midterm, but being wealthier does make it easier to earn better grades. I have to work a part-time job in order to afford my rent, while my rich friends are abstaining from work so they can focus on school. That’s 20 hours per week that they can spend on school, while I’m at my job. Our school is in a neighborhood in Manhattan that I can’t afford to live in - I’m spending at least ten hours per week commuting, while they live steps from campus. That’s all extra time that they can spend studying, or just relaxing and getting the sleep they need to be mentally alert. Many of my friends pay to have a laundry service pick up their dirty laundry and bring it back clean and folded (which is common in NYC). I can’t afford this, so instead I spend hours lugging laundry up and down five flights of stairs, because I can’t afford to live in a building with an elevator. I cook and prepare my own meals, they eat mostly takeout. And so on, and so forth. My life is filled with hours of work, chores and annoyances that they don’t have to deal with, and all of it cuts into my time. We may be taking the same classes and doing assignments that are the same difficulty, but I’m going in with a 40-hour per week handicap that they can afford not to have. 

“Follow your dreams” is a risk some of us can’t afford to take. My old roommate spent long hours agonizing over whether she wanted to major in art history or creative writing. For me, that would be like asking if I preferred a pet dragon or a unicorn. My biggest passion in life is fiction writing, but I can’t justify spending tens of thousands of dollars to study it - I’m paying for my education by myself, and I had to choose a field that would let me make enough money to pay back my student loans and afford my own rent after graduating. My friends can focus on the things that really interest them, without worrying about future career prospects. A lot of them are using their college years to “find themselves” and plan to take some time off to travel the world or work on their art after graduating. Many of them have parents with connections in hard-to-access industries like fashion, publishing, television, or the art world. They can take unpaid internships and go for their shot at a one-in-a-million dream job - if it doesn’t work out, they can move on to something else, no harm done. If I put tens of thousands of dollars into being an author and it doesn’t pan out for me right away, I’m in deep shit. I’m happy for people who are able to follow their true passions, and I wish more people were able to do so without fear, but I’m tired of the pitying looks and condescending lectures I get when I tell my friends why I’m not in school for my greatest passion. I didn’t make that decision because I’m boring, or because I don’t believe in myself hard enough - I made that decision because my parents co-signed on all my student loans, and they could lose their house if I can’t find a job. 

Your “funny mishap” is my “life-changing disaster”. My friends talk about the time that they accidentally got drunk and spent all their rent money at a strip club, or the time that they slept through their final and had to re-take a class. For them, these are funny stories. For me, this would be a life-defining catastrophe that could change the course of my 20s and beyond. If I blow all my rent money, I can’t call my parents to beg for more - I could get evicted, or ruin my credit score. Best-case scenario, I’d probably have to take on so many extra hours at work that I could barely finish my schoolwork. If I sleep through a final and fail a class, I will lose my scholarship and be unable to complete my degree. To my friends, I come across as uptight and overcautious, but I don’t have a choice. The same mistake carries much greater consequences for me than it does for them, and they have a hard time understanding that. I wish that I could be carefree about money, and laugh about accidentally getting drunk and spending $500 on Amazon, but I can’t. It can be hard to tell the difference between “oh shit, this really sucks” and “oh shit, I’m going to be dealing with the consequences of this for years” when you’ve never been on the latter end of the spectrum. Again, I love my friends, and I’m happy that they don’t have to have these stresses in their lives, but it’s hard when they attribute my cautiousness to a personality flaw, and not to the financial reality of my life. 

Having no safety net is more stressful than you can imagine. Many of my friends insist that they aren’t really rich - rich people own private jets and private islands and party with celebrities, while their parents just own a modest condo in Manhattan and a sensible vacation home in Connecticut. They’ve grown up around people who are much richer than they are, and they’ve come to think of themselves as middle-class, even though many of their parents easily make double or triple the federal upper boundary for the middle class. But they don’t have unlimited money. They don’t have their own 6-figure bank accounts or unrestricted use of Daddy’s black credit cards.  If they run out of money, they will have to call home and ask for more, which will be awful for them - their parents will probably yell at them, and make them feel shitty, and give them a huge unwanted lecture about responsibility. It could have a huge toll on their mental health, and that really sucks. But if I run out of money, I’m just kind of screwed. My parents cannot help me, even if they desperately want to. The best they can do is let me move into the guestroom of their home, in a desperately poor rural area where the best job available is cashier at the grocery store in town, because it pays $2 above minimum wage. I wouldn’t be homeless, but I would almost definitely default on my student loans, launch my credit score straight into the sun, and waste months or years trying to get back on my feet in an area with no opportunities. If my friends screw up, they have to face their parents’ scorn and disappointment. If I screw up, I have to face my entire life coming apart at the seams. Living with that constantly hanging over your head can affect your entire life, and it really does feel like you’re trying to walk across a tightrope dozens of feet up, with no net to catch you if you fall.  Once again, I love my friends dearly, and I am grateful to have every single one of them in my life. They have made my life and my time at graduate school infinitely better with their humour, their wit, their friendship and their sympathetic ears. I am in no way blaming them for the way they grew up - they didn’t choose their lives any more than I did, and many of them appreciate how lucky they are. But there’s still a gulf between me and them, and it’s one that can be surprisingly difficult to cross. My rich friends love me, but they don’t understand me. They don’t understand that money isn’t just an aspect of my life - it shapes my entire life, for better or for worse, and I don’t have the luxury of forgetting that it exists for even a moment. My rich friends love me, and they try. But they just don’t get it. 

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up.”

Stephen Hawking

The MBTI types in the Morning

INFJ: Woke up first and is sitting on the couch, sipping coffee/tea

ENFJ: Is making pancakes for everyone 

INFP: *has been awake since 6 am* la la la, oh good morning Songbird *the singing begins*

ENFP: Just kind of *flops* out of bed

ISFJ: Has 47 alarms set just in case, but they always wake up to the first

ESFJ: Sends “good morning” texts to all their friends

ISFP:  *suddenly jerks awake* I SMELL PANCAKES

ESFP: Chucks alarm clock out the window as soon as it goes off

INTJ: *hears INFP and their bird chorus* WhAtEVER is MaKINg ThOse awFUL NOISES will DIE

ENTJ: Has already started their morning “get ready” routine

ISTP: Is running late and rushed out the door with messy hair and something caffeinated in hand

ESTP: Decides to wake everyone else up with an air horn

ISTJ:  Got up at 5am to do that one important thing they had to do

ESTJ: Already has their day, and everyone else’s day planned 

INTP: Is 500% dead inside

ENTP: *hasn’t slept yet* What do you mean its morning already?!? 

Surprisingly, the INFP one fits me better than the ENTJ one. What is this sorcery...

DATE IDEAS FOR INTUITIVE TYPES

INFP: Something calm, but exciting. Feeding ducks. Walking through a not familiar part of the area you live in together. Listen, adore, have fun. If you go to an amusement park, make time for eating cotton candy in a calm corner and talk about things close to your heart. Ask them what they liked the most, and make it your personal tradition. Hugging before parting the ways, if they are already close to you is also nice.

ENFP: Do something crazy. Skinny dip in lakes, run through busy places. Order a super spicy meal and cry and laugh together because neither of you can eat it. Go listen to outdoor music and offer to dance with them, even if no-one else was dancing. They will dance with you. But after the crazyness, take tem to a cafe or home, and talk about everything you felt and experienced that day!

INTP: Ask them what they’re interested in. A movie that just got into teathers? A game they just purchased? A concert of a band they really like? Do it with them. Show interest in things they are into, and experience them together. Show that you want to learn what they already know. And eat good food while doing it. Even skype dates are ok, just make sure your minds are in the same place.

ENTP: Challenge them. Mentally, physically, however you want to! Take them to place with games! Bring a secret twister mattress to your picnic, ask them to haunted houses in amusement parks and see which of you can figure out better how things were made. And remember: it’s not (always) about winning. It’s about the crazy analyses and speculations, and the fun!

INTJ: Good food from a place they like already. Stand-up shows, zoos, nature parks. Dress up, pretend to be professionals together in modern art gallery. You together make the environment fun by being there, the environment can be almost anything. Don’t choose too hectic places: if you want to go swimming with them, go at evening when there’s only few people.

ENTJ: Invite them to a date. Make it clear it’s a date. Wear at least smart casual, and tell them also what kind of place your going so they can also think about how they want to look. Offer them little fancier drinks or prepare picnic basket with wine classes (even if you drink juice XD). Follow the plan you have talked about, but suprises like flowers and small extra program is always nice! Also, just photoshooting each other with ENTJ might be fun!

INFJ: Be honest about what you want from the date, because they will notice if you’re not having such a good time, and it will affect the whole date. They want to paint and you want to get icecream from your favorite place? Do both! Do stuff like decide to walk on top of a hill with a nice view. Reward yourselves with talking while admiring the view, or go and buy something nice together.

ENFJ: You don’t need a sharp plan. Decide what you want to eat or drink on the spot where you meet them. Drinks? Sure! Shopping? Why not! That nice movie that’s on tv today? Sounds like a plan! Sometimes even though you would have asked for the date, it might seem that they come up with everything else. Randomly going to tennis hall or minigolf. Taking frisbee to beach just if you feel like it. There are many possibilities that will present them on the date day!

“The Painter and the Night”

Process Video

Bookworms be like...

Me: I have to go out for just five minutes

Me: I'll take 10 books with me, who knows what might happen

To all the little girls