Italian:

Everything in Harry Potter is the same except he has a cool aunt like Marisa Tomei’s rendition of Aunt May in Spider-Man.

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

Underrated Natasha Romanoff Scenes (1/?) - Black Widow Reveal at the Donut Shop

time for a little sp meta

i’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, but it’s been rotting in my drafts box for ages and i just remembered

i’ve been thinking about it, and i think magic could possibly prevent sorcerers from getting cancer. possibly.

my reasoning, you ask? of course, cells would die more slowly, but it’s unrealistic to think that skin, blood and hair cells etc would do so, because then all sorcerers would be bald and skinless (that said, slower brain cell turnover might explain a few things).

so if these cells are renewing themselves a regular amount for centuries, it stands to reason that every sorcerer would get some form of cancer at some point due to the increased chance of cell mutations and therefore cancer. this is never discussed, so we can either assume that a) they are immune, or b) they’ve found a cure

i think that if they had found a cure, somebody like kenspeckle grouse would have leaked it to mortals for the greater good, but since that’s also never discussed, we can (again) assume that that’s not the case and consider that sorcerers are (possibly) immune to cancer

imagine Nerf gun wars between Tanith and Valkyrie.

It is so nice to know that none of the people I know irl know of this blog

More of my if Saracen mentored Valkyrie au because I can’t get it out of my head

Valkyrie and Saracen surrounded by a group trying to kill them:

Saracen: okay Valkyrie you’ve got this

Valkyrie: there a five grown men here Saracen.

Saracen: it’s a chance for you to practice what I’ve taught you, good luck!

Valkyrie: *fighting the group off on her own*

Saracen, standing back:

"You know I have a bad habit of being attracted to redheads who are mean to me..." - Tony Stark, A.X.E.: Avengers

Reblog if you're a Slytherin.

gryffindor | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Back to the Saracen mentoring Val au and here’s Saracen introducing Val to Dexter

Dexter: so this is your new partner?

Saracen: yep. This is Valkyrie and I’m moulding her into a fine, upstanding citizen

Dexter:

Dexter: so Valkyrie what’s your magic

Saracen: *winks and nods at Val*

Valkyrie: I know things

Dexter: