Just Once In My Life I Want To Throw A Molotov Cocktail

WAIT FIVE GUYS ISNT A MASC HOOTERS???

I want to print this ask out and frame it and keep it on my nightstand so it's the first and last thing I look at every day until I die

Floating face down in a blank word document file, while not physically possible, is nevertheless a tangible authorial state.

God I wish I was crab with knife, I bet crab with knife doesn’t have to deal with pornbots

TUMBLR SEXYREMATCH POLL MASTERPOST

I'll update this as the rounds progress.

ROUND ONE:

Lewis Pepper (Mystery Skulls Animated) vs. Professor Venomous (OK KO)

Guzma (Pokémon) vs. Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls)

The Warden (Superjail) vs. Almond Cookie (Cookie Run)

The Once-ler (The Lorax (2012)) vs. Megamind (Megamind)

Sans (Undertale) vs. Junkrat (Overwatch)

Tony the Talking Clock (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared) vs. Black Hat (Villainous)

King Dice (Cuphead) vs. Raymond (Animal Crossing)

Wheatley (Portal 2) vs. Doc Ock (Marvel)

Nagito Komaeda (Danganronpa) vs. Dr. Habit (Smile for Me)

Cecil Gershwin Palmer (Welcome to Night Vale) vs. Slenderman (???)

Jack Skellington (the Nightmare Before Christmas) vs. Turbo (Wreck-It Ralph)

Ingo (Pokémon) vs. Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

Purple Guy/William Afton (Five Nights at Freddy's) vs. Spamton (Deltarune)

Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) vs. Loki (Marvel)

Arataka Reigen (Mob Psycho 100) vs. Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice (all versions))

Herobrine (Minecraft) vs. Benr(e)y (Half Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware)

they banned my literal first name but not mpreg

they didn't even ban mpreg

Arcanine

remembering the time i ate an entire loaf of pumpkin bread and my mom got so enraged she called me a “little loaf eating freak”

My favorite part of reading Les Mis is when Victor Hugo says “we must be brief” and then plunges into a 40 page description of the Battle of Waterloo

John Oliver Just Found A 'F**king Creepy' But Legal Way To Blackmail Lawmakers

The "Last Week Tonight" host suggested he has some really weird dirt about certain members of Congress.

Dude this is so f*cking briliant.  To basically get Congress to realize how f*cked up data privacy laws are. He did data mining, targeted men over 45 that are within 5 miles of the US capital, and put ads out including “do you want to read Ted Cruise fanfiction”. it looks like 100s clicked it including 3 that seemed to be in the capital building while doing so, which then means he has their device info, ip address etc. which he can then mine even more.