Crowley Smiling Because Of Aziraphale (requested By Anonymous)

Undeniable Proof that Aziraphale is That Bitch™

Over the last couple of nights, I’ve been skimming my copy of Good Omens again, because so many people in the comments of my other post were somehow surprised by the suggestion that Aziraphale might be a garbage angel. But like… He is. He really is.

So here, an itemized list of Aziraphale being absolutely Extra (capital E) with evidence:

1) That time he chose his CD player over Heaven.

“That’s it, then,” said Crowley, with a gleam of triumph. He knew Aziraphale’s weak spot all right. “No more compact discs.”

2) That time he lit a traffic cop’s ticket book on fire because he didn’t want to pay a fine.

As they drove past an astonished traffic warden his notebook spontaneously combusted, to Crowley’s amazement. 

“I’m pretty certain I didn’t mean to do that,” he said.

Aziraphale blushed. “That was me.”

3) That time he collected Bibles, but all of them were evil.

And he had a complete set of the Infamous Bibles… These Bibles included the Unrighteous Bible… the Wicked Bible… the Discharge Bible… the Buggre Alle This Bible…

4) That time even the apocalypse couldn’t dent his manicure or his obsession with occult prophecies.

No one knows what happened to the legions of unsold copies of Agnes Nutter’s book. Certainly none remain in any museums or private collections. Even Aziraphale does not possess a copy, but would go weak in the knees a the thought of actually getting his exquisitely manicured hands on one.

5) That time he may or may not have done… something ominous to the mafia.

Or sometimes, while they were talking, other men in dark glasses would wander around the shop shaking their heads and saying how inflammable paper was, and what a firetrap he had here.

Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he’d think about it. And they’d go away. And they’d never come back.

Just because you’re an angel doesn’t mean you have to be a fool.

6) That time he was just an absolute mannerless heathen.

“You said it was him!” moaned Aziraphale, abstractedly picking the final lump of cream cake from his lapel. He licked his fingers clean.

7) That time that he actually considered moving to Hell with Crowley.

“I suppose–get off the road you clown–” Crowley said, “your people wouldn’t consider–and the scooter you rode in on!–giving me asylum?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

8) The raw confidence it took to deliver THIS:

“Some Southern pansy,” Shadwell said, “I heard him. He was in here, suggestin’ things to yer. I heard him.”

Madame Tracy’s mouth opened, and a voice said, “Not just A Southern Pansy, Sergeant Shadwell. THE Southern Pansy.”

9) That time the line “You go too fast for me Crowley” was amusing to any book reader who remembers book!Aziraphale beating Crowley’s top speed by over 90mph while driving a scooter:

Look at Crowley, doing 110mph on the M40… …This was exactly like that, except that instead of a gleaming twelve-mile-long spaceship, it was an off-white twenty-year-old motor scooter. And it probably wasn’t going at more than two hundred miles per hour.

10) That time his sass game was so strong even Crowley had no answer.

“We seem to have survived,” Aziraphale said. “Just imagine how terrible it might have been if we’d been at all competent.”

“Um,” said Crowley.

And this isn’t even mentioning the time he left a loaded gun in the hands of a sugar-high 11-year-old, was the only main character responsible for actually killing an animal, dropped the book’s one (1) F-bomb, manipulated a human into agreeing to murder a child, performed what looked exactly like a demon summoning ritual, lied to God, and broke the first commandment…

TL;DR: Aziraphale is a L E G E N D and Crowley legitimately wishes he could be this cool.

The Holy Trinity.

Never seen someone this mad, but can't disagree with that

Mother fuckin-

BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKER SLEEPING WITH MARK WIFE MOTHER FUCKER

“WHO SLEPT WITH WHO-”

Y O U H O E

YOU’RE “WHO SLEPT WITH WHO” HOE

YOU THAT HOE

H 👏 O 👏N 👏E 👏 Y

YOU THAT :

HOME WREAKING

FAKE PINK AFRO WEARING

FIRING DICK  SHOTS INTO ANOTHER MANS WIFE CAUSE HER HAIR LOOKED PRETTY

MUSTACHE TWIRLING, FUCKING EVERYONE YOU MEET IN MORE WAY THAN ONE

HOE

MISS ME WITH THAT

~°•*TIME LINE SHIT*•° ~

YOU ALWAYS BE BEING

THAT HOE

THAT MOTHER FUCKINGGGGGGGGGG

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH

M

Y

G

O

D

Ask me if I’m mad

Bitch yes I am.

LIKE!!!

YOU REAL?

U good?

YOU REAL RIGHT NOW?

YOU GOT THE TEA ON HUNTY?

U READY TO DRINK WHAT UR SERVIN’?

I DON’T THINK S O O O O O O O

OH

MY

LORD!!!

DID YOU GET THAT WIFE PUSS WITH ALL THAT “BIGGER PICTURE” TALK HONEY????

HMMMMMMMMMM???

I THINK FUCKING NOT!!!

(I know y'all gonna be like “bigger picture!!!!” but god damn Willford, I love honey but you that hoe tho, at least own it)

Hiccup: Where’s Snotlout?

Tuffnut: Doing stuff.

Hiccup: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Astrid?

Tuffnut: Trying to stop Snotlout from doing the stuff.

Hiccup: And Ruffnut?

Tuffnut: Trying to stop Astrid from stopping Snotlout from doing the stuff.

Hiccup: I see. And what are you doing here then?

Tuffnut: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Ruffnut from stopping Astrid from stopping Snotlout from doing the stuff.

I'm not gonna lie, but Michael Sheen's Twitter scares me sometimes

No one messes with my sisters or my whitelighter.

requested by @lostinmysticfalls

Things I’m glad the Good Omens TV show gave us

-A full 2 minute theme song with a rock ‘n roll guitar version

-A script written by Neil Gaiman the Nocturnal Man™️ himself

-Michael Sheen aka the biggest Aziraphale/Crowley shipper ever to walk the surface of this Earth

-David Tennant aka Hips for Days™️

-YOU’LLLLL BELIEVE GOOOOOD IS A WOOOOOOMAN

-Michael Sheen dancing the gavotte (and david’s terrible disco omg)

-“We can go off together” and the sequel “We can run away together”

-The three (3) times people assumed Aziraphale and Crowley were a couple and the zero (0) times they corrected them

-Crowley making a dramatic gay exit from the flaming remains of Aziraphale’s bookshop while “Somebody to Love” blasts in the background

-Queen Queen so much Queen

-Crowley sobbing over aziraphale while wasted in a bar (“I lost my best friend”)

-“Uh... Okay, so, uh... in the beginning, in the Garden, there was.... Well, he was a... wily old serpent, and I was.. technically on apple tree duty...” aka one of the most Married™️ scenes in Good Omens

-When Crowley stopped time simply because Aziraphale threatened to never talk to him again (mAn that scene was gOrgEOus omfG)

-A Benedryl Cambersnatch cameo

-Having a defined gender????? Don’t know her (@ Crowley, Pollution, Beelzebub, the Angels, ect)

-The body swap

-“To the world” aka the SOFTEST scene go ahead and @ me on this one

-Tori Amos with “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square”

... Yes, I love men over 45.

you can tell a lot about someone based on their phone background. it shows what’s most important to them

Hell: are consorting with an Angel?

Crowley: yes? Are all you slackers not out there seducing any Angels? You got no game, is that it Hastur? You hating on me because you can’t get any Angel to feel an ounce of Temptation? Tell me, how’s it feel to be so unsexy you try and make one of my greatest demonic acts look traitorous?