How It Should Have Been. The Bathroom Scene.

Absolutely horrid that a 10hr sleep does not cure you of all that ails you

What did Andrew Lloyd Webber do to make Patti Lupone upset? Sorry, saw your tags and i was curious

Oh.

Oh honey.

You sweet child.

Anyway, get ready for one of the most infamous showdowns in all musical theatre history, with the guy who writes the straightest musicals on Broadway (derogatory) and the one and only, the matriarch, the queen, two three-time Tony award winner Patti LuPone.

So, Andrew Lloyd Webber was basically kind of a boy genius in his prime - he met his future collaborator Tim Rice when they were 17 and 20 respectively, he wrote his first big hit, Jesus Christ Superstar, at 22, with Tim Rice writing the lyrics. And it was kind of a big deal at the time because the topic was controversial (you know, the Passion with rock music), but also because Broadway wasn't that far off from its golden age and let's just say the music and style were very different from, say, My Fair Lady. Or The Sound of Music. Or Funny Girl. It was basically the Rent/Hamilton of its time. (Yeah, Stephen Sondheim was around at that time, he worked on West Side Story which was revolutionary in of itself, but he's kind of an oddball in this case. You'll understand why later.)

Their real follow up (I'm not counting Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for a variety of reasons) was a little musical called Evita, which you might know mainly because of a song called Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Or at least, your mom has probably heard it once at the very least. It's that song that's oversung from a musical while being out of context along with I Dreamed a Dream for Les Misérables. Or Memory from Cats.

Evita tells the story of Eva Peron, the wife of an Argentinian dictator, who basically screws her way to the top and ends up becoming the mistress of Juan Peron and the most beloved woman in her country through guile and deceit. Yes, I know the historical accuracy is very much debated but I know jackshit about Argentina's history except the bare basics so don't come at me. It was first produced in the West End in London, with Elaine Paige in the role, but because of Equity issues, she couldn't reprise her role for the Broadway production. So a Julliard graduate who was mostly starring in David Mamet plays got the part instead, and that was Patti LuPone.

Patti... did not have a good time during Evita, because the part is basically the kind of score where you can tell the composer is used to writing male parts, but most female singers have a two-octave range (yes, you got Julie Andrews who used to have a three-octave range, and many others, but they're exceptions), so she struggled a lot. That being said, if you listen to live recordings of her, you wouldn't be able to tell, and it got a lot easier later on. But she had this to say:

"Evita was the worst experience of my life. I was screaming my way through a part that could only have been written by a man who hates women. And I had no support from the producers, who wanted a star performance onstage but treated me as an unknown backstage. It was like Beirut, and I fought like a banshee."

This is from Patti's autobiography, which she wrote in 2007 - 8 years after shit with ALW went down. With all that said, she won a Tony Award for Evita, and she pretty much became a musical theatre household name from then on. She played Fantine in Les Misérables, Nancy in Oliver!, Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes. Meanwhile, ALW's next big hits were Cats (I'm not even kidding, Cats was a hit), and, you guessed it, The Phantom of the Opera, which he wrote in part to showcase his then wife Sarah Brightman's triple threat talents.

So, you need to understand before I continue that ALW, from my perspective, has always had a bit of an inferiority complex. He's basically associated to writing these commercially successful musicals that show a big spectacle but aren't ultimately substantial. I'm not sure I entirely agree with that, but I do think that if he didn't have Hal Prince, Maria Bjornson, Charles Hart and Gillian Lynne backing him up for Phantom, it would have probably been a Rocky Horror Picture Show knockoff people would have forgotten about pretty quickly. This is what I mean:

Yep, that was Phantom before any of the people I mentioned above (and Michael Crawford) were really involved.

Remember how I said Stephen Sondheim was an oddball? The thing with him is that his musicals weren't always commercially successful, but in general, in part thanks to being Leonard Bernstein's protégé, he was generally pretty well-respected and it was considered that his work was bringing musicals to a whole other level. Without Sondheim, you wouldn't have Jonathan Larson, and you wouldn't have Lin-Manuel Miranda. I am convinced ALW is resentful of that, and when you stop and think about it for more than 10 seconds, it's so obvious he REALLY wants to be Sondheim or at least command the same level of respect, but that's a story for another day.

So, after Phantom, ALW had other musicals that followed that either got a meh reception or outright flopped. Then there was Sunset Boulevard, which is based on the movie of the same name with Gloria Swanson. Despite all of her griefs for Evita, Patti LuPone agreed to partake in the musical as Norma Desmond, for its production in London, with the promise that she would transfer to Broadway once that production would open. And overall, after a string of flops, Sunset was actually doing pretty well.

HOWEVER. One day, while reading the gossip column of a newspaper, Patti found out that contrary to what she was promised, Glenn Close, who was meanwhile starring as Norma in the Los Angeles production, was to play Norma on Broadway. That was a complete surprise for her since no one on the production team had bothered to tell her it was happening - and keep in mind that for the news to come up the way it did in a gossip column, it probably would have necessitated a delay of a few weeks between the producers and the newspaper, which would have given them plenty of time to break the news to Patti. And Patti kind of needed the leg up because she was pretty bitter that a) Madonna was cast in the Evita adaptation instead of her; b) they actually lowered the key to fit Madonna's voice range, and she still had to expand her own to be able to sing the (lowered) score. And trust me, Patti is mad about it to this day.

So of course, she trashed her dressing room, the cast and crew weren't even mad about it because they were as shocked and angered as she was by the news. Patti sued Andrew Lloyd Webber for breach of contract, namely for 1 MILLION DOLLARS (yup, those are the real numbers), won, used the money she got from the lawsuit to get a swimming pool, which she called (and I SHIT YOU NOT) the Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool. Since then, Webber is dead to her, to the point rumor has it she had part of a building blocked during an event so she could get out of it without coming across Webber, because she hates him so flipping much she doesn't even want to be in the same building as the guy.

(There's also drama that happened with Faye Dunaway who was supposed to replace Glenn Close after she went from Los Angeles to Broadway, except they abruptly closed the show down after Close left, but that's a story for another day)

So with all the bad press, and with ALW forced to pay 1 million dollars for Patti's lawsuit, that led Sunset's productions to close earlier than expected. ALW has stayed around since, with... mitigated output, so to say. The lowest point for a lot of people is Love Never Dies, the sequel to Phantom, which some people love, and that's fine, but it didn't do well with either critics nor fans of the original show, which ALW is EXTREMELY BUTTHURT ABOUT. And like, there are so many stories I could tell about LND alone, but I will share my own crack theory about it, since it does relate to the ask.

Anyway, buckle up.

So. There have been jokes going around for years that the Phantom in LND is basically ALW's self-insert, where he displays to the world that he's totally not over Sarah Brightman leaving him (in part because making Phantom kinda ruined their marriage lmao), despite, you know, having married since. (Aaaaaakward.) So LND basically becomes this really uncomfortable therapy session where a man writes a self-insert musical about how his ex-wife made a big mistake of leaving a sensitive artistic soul such as himself. The characters from Phantom who appear in LND are all more or less unrecognizable as a result, and one who gets it worse (in my humble opinion) is Meg Giry, who was basically Christine's sweet and loyal ballerina friend who basically went into the Phantom's lair on her own to save her friend despite the danger. In LND, she's basically a bitter hag (because ALW hates women, guess Patti was right about that), who really likes the swim and even has a stripping vaudeville number about it, written in universe by the Phantom, no less.

For comparison, here's Don Juan Triumphant (the Phantom's opera in the original):

And here's Bathing Beauty (the vaudeville number):

Yeah, so... do you see why people hate LND already?

And that's not the only thing with Meg! She's also pining for the Phantom to pay attention to her and threatens to drown the Phantom and Christine's secret love child when he makes it clear that he's gonna love Christine for EVA AND EVA.

So, with everything we learned today about ALW, would someone like him view someone like Patti LuPone as some sort of crazy, bitter diva who's obsessed with him for whatever reason? Absolutely. Would he be petty enough to insert Patti LuPone into his self-insert musical, which gave us the version of Meg Giry we got in LND? Of course. Why does Meg love to swim so much and why does she drag Gustave out ostensibly for a swim? Is it a dig at Patti's Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool? Maybe.

I kind of hope we find out one day if that theory is true. And maybe start a kickstarter so Patti can add this painting from the 2004 movie in her collection.

Fun fact: during the process of casting for the 2004 movie adaptation of POTO, ALW allegedly suggested Patti LuPone to play Carlotta... only for Joel Schumacher to have to awkwardly remind him that they were not on speaking terms. The idea was therefore promptly dropped.

CARMILLA + adaptions You are mine, you shall be mine, you and I are one forever. @lgbtqcreators — creator bingo / adaptations

Draco Malfoy's patronus is a stag.

Patroni are about protection. He doesn't know what it would have been if he had managed to cast one before 7th year, maybe a Horntail, or a blasted ferret.

He didn't even know that he could cast one. Cried the first time he did.

Cried harder the first time he made it corporeal and the antlered head came closer, like it was trying to sniff at him. He still says he can't cast a corporeal and no one questions it, most people are surprised that he can cast even the misty one.

Patroni are about protection, and Draco Malfoy would rather not have it thrown at his face who makes him feel the safest.

Masterpost of Masterposts

I love when the witchy people of tumblr share their knowledge by creating incredibly useful masterposts of information. I made this “masterpost of masterposts” to act as a running directory of such resources. If you see any errors (such as credit or misinformation) please contact me and I will make any necessary changes.

Witchcraft 101 / Paganism 101 / Basics

The PunkGreenWitch’s Beginner Witchcraft masterpost

Windvexer’s Baby Witch masterpost

Windvexer’s Making Friends With Magic masterpost

Mysticism-n-magic’s witchy links masterpost

Thiscrookedcrown’s resources masterpost

Thepaganstudygroup’s author masterpost

Snwitch’s pagan 101 masterpost

Snwitch’s becoming a witch masterpost

Witchtip’s beginner witchcraft resources masterpost

Magicusersresource’s path directory masterpost

Witchbxbe’s witchy masterpost (a mix of useful posts)

Types of Witchcraft

Rainydaywitchcraft’s Types of Witches masterpost

Popculturewitch’s pop culture witchcraft masterpost

Miss mango’s secular witchcraft masterpost

Holidays / Rituals

Geekinglikeaboss’ blessed Yule masterpost

Naturalmagics’ Samhein General Guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Yule general guide

Natural-magic’s Imbolc general guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Ostara general guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Beltane general guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Litha general guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Lamas general guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Mabon general guide masterpost

Natural-magic’s Samhain general guide masterpost

Correspondences

Moonalmonds candle color and meaning masterpost

Thewitchesjournal herb masterpost

Witchtip’s stones and crystals masterpost

Thecatandthewitch’s magical correspondences of food masterpost

Satinsouled’s incenses by use (correspondences) masterpost

Artsy-witch’s magical waters masterpost

Tarigrove’s correspondences for luck spells masterpost

sirel-vemiel’s essential oil magickal correspondences masterpost

Spells / Charms / Crafting

Atypical pagan spell’s masterpost

Witchtip’s herbal amulet masterpost

Witchtip’s budget witchcraft supplies masterpost

Foresthoney’s magic knot masterpost

Magicusersresource’s prosperity & money spells masterpost

Recreationalwitchcraft’s bath magic, where to begin masterpost

Kitchen/Hearth Witchery

spell-of-the-month’s herbs and spices associated with money magic masterpost

Moonstonebeginning’s domestic witch tips, charms, and omens masterpost

foresthoney’s herbal remedy stress masterpost

herbalriots herbs for your medicine cabinet masterpost

Idontusemycauldren’s magical herbal teas masterpost

Protection

Windvexer’s shielding masterpost

Thesigilwitch’s protection and shielding masterpost

Energy work / Elemental work

Snwitch’s energy work masterpost

Windvexer’s shielding masterpost 

Divination / Scrying / Communication 

Arcanemysterie’s tarot masterpost

Theouijagirl’s Ouija FAQ masterpost

the-daily-diviner’s diviation masterpost

Satinsouled’s divination symbols masterpost

Sigils

Thesigilwitch’s FAQ masterpost (includes a lot of resource links)

Thesigilworkshop’s list of (sigil) resources masterpost

carpeumbra’s sigil masterpost (lots of gifs!)

Deities / Mythology / Fae 

Vilarp’s mythology and deity resources masterpost

Gardenofthequeen’s resource list of all things faerie masterpost

Naturalmagic’s deities masterpost (a running list)

Astrology / Space witchery 

Astrologymarina’s Astrology blogpost masterpost

Pastelastrology’s astrology blogs masterpost

secretsofthezodiac’s astrology masterpost

astrocelestial’s planets in astrology and what they represent masterpost

Reading lists / authors / books

Wiccanwolfe’s Witch / Pagan free ebook and pdf masterpost

natural-magic’s books and resources masterpost

Misc

Duskenpath’s poison research masterpost

Duskenpath’s otherkin masterpost

Asksecularwitch’s paradigm masterpost

Unmaskingthedivine’s shadow work masterpost 

Stsathyre’s pagan posts of 2015 masterpost (a mix of pagan related posts)

Recreationalwitchcraft’s limited witchcraft masterpost

Hereditarywitch’s magic for anxiety/depression masterpost

rainydaywitchcraft’s sea witch’s guide to seashells masterpost

**Disclaimer: this is a collection of links that I thought would be helpful. I did not create any of the above content within the links. If you are confused or have concerns about any of the material please contact the original creator.

If you know of a link that would fit on this list please feel free to share. :3

everytime i think im done with drarry (its been years..) i see a piece of art that makes me squeel and kick my feet and giggle

boop

Relax, Potter. Don’t you trust me?

I edited it so you can only hear his voice 🤭

He's so hypnotising 😫🫦😍

university is like a video game. you can pick up sidequests. Youre gonna neglect the main storyline. youre gonna end up in a guild of sorts. i just looted a bush on campus and found a sticker