Bellatrix

🌟 RANKING REMUS LUPIN’S BEST "WEREWOLF CARD" EXCUSES 🌟

🥉 TIER 3: LOW EFFORT, BUT IT WORKS

5. "I'm experiencing a rare sensitivity to [current weather]."

Used For: Avoiding outdoor activities (changes reason based on conditions)

Effectiveness: 7/10 - Teachers assume it's a chronic condition and stop questioning

4. "My circadian rhythms require recalibration."

Used For: Skipping early morning classes

Effectiveness: 6/10 - McGonagall's eyebrow twitches but she allows it once per lunar cycle

🥈 TIER 2: MEDIUM-EFFORT LIES WITH A STRAIGHT FACE

3. "The moon’s in retrograde." (Not a real thing.)

Used For: Avoiding having to watch Quidditch practices (James buys it; Sirius cackles).

Effectiveness: 8/10 – James panics and asks if he needs chicken soup.

2. "I've developed an unfortunate reaction to [nearby object]." (gestures vaguely)

Used For: Leaving uncomfortable situations

Effectiveness: 8/10 - Works best in potions class where plausible accidents happen

🏆 TIER 1: ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECES OF DECEIT

1. "I'm presently engaged in critical lunar research."

Used For: Leaving any situation with an air of academic importance

Effectiveness: ∞/10 - Works best when said while holding a chocolate bar as if it's research equipment

0. "I’m legally required to lie down." (No such law exists.)

Used For: Everything. Everything.

Effectiveness: ∞/10 – Even McGonagall lets it slide once.

HONORABLE MENTION (THE ONE TIME IT FAILED):

"I can’t, I’m allergic to... this conversation."

Used On: Sirius, who immediately throws a pillow at him.

Verdict: "Try harder, Moony."

Remus Lupin and Lily Evans, 1979

Do you think Remus had a second of happiness and relief when he saw Peter alive on the map just before the pieces started falling into place? That he thought "oh thank god, he's alive, my friend is alive" but then he understood that if Peter was alive, something awful had to have happened? That a great and terrible mistake must have been made? And do you think that while his heart was breaking with understanding and hatred, another part of him kept him going, thinking that after all, Sirius had always been the Sirius he knew?

my head screams blackinnon, my knees on the other hand: remus lupin 🙃

Idk why people get weird when I mention that I think that Sirius is also attracted to women😭 Like are we talking about the same guy?😭 Bro had bikini posters of women in his room???😭 Nothing wrong with you thinking he's gay, but it can't be that surprising for some people to think he likes women?????😭

the way regulus knew about the dangers of this very clearly a suicidal mission through Kreacher and yet not only did he not back out, he didn't even have any back up plans?? Or some safety measures?? like?? I have no idea what his exact reasons were for betraying Voldemort, to avenge Kreacher or just because he hates the very existence of a hocrux or to protect his family bla bla bla, but either way, he was so offended, and still, no one was forcing him to do this, he went ahead and used the same elf Voldemort tried to kill, in a way, to steal the hocrux all with the intention to get it destroyed and ofc, got himself killed. He didn't need to do any of this but did it anyways?? like why bro.

he had one goal, steal and destroy the hocrux using kreacher. he did all this out of pure spite, 100% a Walburga trait btw, he's literally her son. gosh what an interesting man you are.

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

sirius: are you seeing anyone?

regulus: like a spirit? *looks around* not at the moment.

sirius looking concerned: …

regulus: oh you meant a relationship?

‘Come on, Ginny’s not bad,’ said George fairly, sitting down next to Fred. ‘Actually, I dunno how she got so good, seeing how we never let her play with us.’ ‘She’s been breaking into your broom shed in the garden since the age of six and taking each of your brooms out in turn when you weren’t looking,’ said Hermione from behind her tottering pile of Ancient Rune books. 'Oh,’ said George, looking mildly impressed. 'Well, that’d explain it.' 

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Anything is possible if you’ve got enough nerve.

[instagram @potterbyblvnk] 

Drew him fancy~