Ophelia, 1872 - Oil On Canvas

I just had to draw them, they're too good

Why oh why I am hyperfixating on a book series with a target audience of middle-aged women and absolutely no fandom for??

Harm & Mac's Love Language: Hands.

Wriothesley's lore and his relationship to Neuvillette and justice is so interesting to me because let's be real: the justice system failed him. He was brought up in a foster home where he was intended to be sold in the black market. And when he ran away, why was his solution to return and kill them? Why not inform the police? One can argue he was afraid but usually you'd try every other option before resorting to murder, yes?

And when he succeeds in killing them. He's sentenced to prison, where he is forced to spend the rest of his teen years (so, a child), and the start of his adulthood. And when his sentence is over, he doesn't even leave but take over the title of warden. He literally takes over the title of warden the day his sentence is over. That is severely fucked, like so severely fucked.

So it makes me wonder where was Neuvillette and Furina in all of this? Furina left the room in the middle of Wriothesley's trial for unspecified reasons (Wriothesley interpreted it as she found his case uninteresting, though headcanons say otherwise) and despite everyone in the room finding Wriothesley innocent, Neuvillette still finds him guilty. And you can't argue that it's cause Wriothesley wanted to be found guilty, like objectively let's look at this: he was a victim of abuse killing his abusers in self-defense. Is Neuvillette that obtuse?

I wanna know what Wriothesley thought of Neuvillette in that moment. I really feel like it needs to be addressed that Neuvillette failed Wriothesley and others like him. He is the second highest authority in Fontaine, yet the only thing he could do for Wriothesley when he was homeless as a child was allow a melusine to offer him soup? That's it? Did knowing that there's starving, homeless kids on the street spark no other interest? No implications of Fontaine's society and their quality of life?

I refuse to believe that Neuvillette let the melusine give him soup because it was Wriothesley, because that would mean he was aware of his background and did nothing. He did nothing until it was too late and Wriothesley had to take matters into his own hands. I personally see it as, he lets melusines offer help to those in need, which isn't better, but is better than him actively knowing that Wriothesley was homeless, starving, and running away from an abusive home and did nothing but allowed him one meal one night. Nevermind any other nights Wriothesley could've been starving. Nevermind what he had to endure on the streets as a child, scouring for money and safety. He couldn't offer him anywhere to stay or a job or something that can better Wriothesley's quality of life in the longterm -- he is the Iudex. He has the power to do so.

I still think that Neuvillette cares. But I also think he's extremely ignorant. And I don't fault Wriothesley for believing that Neuvillette wasn't concerned about him -- I think he has every right to think so cause Neuvillette failed him when he needed him most and has not shown him a reason to think otherwise. Every instance of Neuvillette's care is never directly shown to Wriothesley but to everyone else around him.

Anyways, I just find it really sad to think about, and I think Wriothesley deserved better for his own story and I wish the narrative didn't gloss over it like "oh but Neuvillette does care" because does he? Emotionally, maybe, but did Neuvillette make any real positive difference to Wriothesley's life?

…So that's why I think the headcanon that Neuvillette personally made the soup that the melusine gave to Wriothesley isn't as sweet as you think it is.

An Example of Gaslighting:

My sperm donor only took me to a fair once. I was seven. I didn’t ask to go, because I made it a habit not to ask for things so no one could accuse me of being greedy. He decided we were going, but made sure I knew that it was causing him all kinds of stress and ‘cutting into his work time’.

We still went. It was okay. Fairs with my mom were waaaay better.

Well, after meandering and not being allowed to go on anything or eat anything unhealthy because of that death-vegan diet he had me on, he finally asks what games I want to play. I said I was fine. I’m not greedy, I told myself.

He insisted and flashed a large wad of money, which was standard for him. It was how he tried to make himself look wealthy when he wasn’t. It was a 50 covering several single dollar bills.

I, with hope in my little heart, motioned to the dart game because it was the cheapest. $5 for 3 tries. He scoffs, but pays for it.

I had to deal with him snickering and shaking his head and my first 2 darts nearly impaled the stall worker and got nowhere near the board of blue stars. But my last dart… hit dead center on the smallest star on the board, which automatically earned me a prize.

According to the stall worker, I was the only person that day to hit a star, and while the big prizes usually required all 3 darts to hit a star, he’d let me pick whatever I wanted, just because I was sweet and did so well.

I chose this big ass, pink guitar! I was so happy! I clutched it like a lifeline all evening. I rarely ever won things and the last thing I won was a large ass Easter basket from the Community Room back when I was 5, so this was monumental for me.

But then…

Something happened on the way back to the house. Something set him off, and all I knew was that he was suddenly angry and was lecturing me over something. So I did the normal, which was to stare at his face the entire time, no matter how much my neck hurt. I was in the passenger and that immediately meant bad things and I regretted not sitting in the back where he couldn’t immediately reach.

He glanced over, glared, and claimed I was ‘giving him a look’ and that he ‘wouldn’t tolerate such disrespect’. He then slammed his fist into the passenger seat, inches from my left shoulder.

Proceeds to complain about how he did this whole thing for me and whined about how greedy and ungrateful I was as a kid. How he bought me so much stuff(he bought me nothing but a ticket) and how he won me the guitar.

Now here is where I fucked up. 

Rule #1: Don’t interrupt your abuser. Just don’t.

I corrected him, foolishly thinking he forgot that I won it, after all, it was because of me specifically that I was allowed to have anything I chose.

Bad idea. “Are you calling me a liar?! I don’t like being called a liar!”

“No.” But I had won it, not him. But the situation was escalating and it got worse.

The guitar was confiscated by the time we got to the house and was held for ransom. I had to ‘work to gain his trust back’, which meant cleaning and catering to his every whim.

Lesson: Gaslighting is psychological manipulation to fuck with someone. I won the guitar, he claimed he did. Despite me only getting it because I was a ‘sweet kid’. He proceeded to talk over me and claim that he bought it and when I corrected him, he made the situation worse by using the ‘calling me a liar’ line to intimidate me into agreeing with him because I knew very well what would happen if I was calling him a liar.

It didn’t work completely, since I still know I won the guitar and refused to be convinced, but the threats and lies, and dramatics are all gaslighting attempts. And I only gave in to avoid pain.

I still have the guitar.

mama's boy №2

an addition to version with kaeya

Ma’at

Egyptian goddess of truth, justice, harmony, wisdom, morality, balance, and divine order

The goddess Ma’at is truth and justice herself, perfectly embodying these noble virtues. She was said to regulate various cycles and actions such as the cosmic bodies (planets, stars, moons), seasons, human behaviour, relationships, and the afterlife. It was this goddess who protected creation from isfet (chaos and injustice). Each god and human was believed to be duty-bound in preserving and defending Ma’at, with the Pharaoh perceived as her guardian. Without Ma’at, Nun (the primordial waters) would reclaim the Universe and purge all into chaos. 

Ma’at is the wife of Thoth (god of knowledge and wisdom) with whom she bore eight children known as the Ogdoad and a daughter named Seshat (goddess of knowledge, wisdom, writing, calculation, and sciences). Ma’at is most often depicted as a winged woman seated or standing, with her wings stretched out wide. Adorned upon her crown is an ostrich feather (a sacred symbol of hers) and she may rarely be shown to have an ostrich feather as a head. In one hand, Ma’at holds a sceptre while in the other, she holds an ankh, the symbol of life. Other times, Ma’at may be seen with a plinth atop her head, which may suggest that Ma'at was considered to be the foundation of Egyptian society.

Myths: At the beginning of all things, Ma’at is said to have been born by Amun-Ra (king of the gods) when he rose from the primordial waters of Nun. In the moment that Amun-Ra spoke the world into creation, Ma'at was born. Her essence filled creation with harmony and the ability to operate with good-will and wisdom. Thus, she brought order and peace from the nothingness of chaos, and created safety for all living beings. Her importance can further be seen in how Amun-Ra had stood upon her own pedestal in order to bring all of creation into being. As a daughter or “Eye” of Ra, Ma’at was thought to chart the course of the Sun god Ra during his voyage across the sky each day. During this voyage, Ma’at remains ever-present at the side of Ra, assisting him against the snake-god of evil, Apep, along with the help of the warrior god, Set. 

Judgement in Duat: Another role this goddess held was being a judge of the Underworld (Duat), within the Halls of Ma’at. When a soul was to be judged, one of her white feathers would be placed on the Scales of Truth, in order to see whether or not the person’s heart was full of evil or not. 

Upon reaching Duat, the deceased spirit would come before a council of fourty-two Judges (led by Osiris), and would have to recite the Negative Confessions where they must honestly claim to be free of guilt against certain crimes. After this, a feather of Ma’at and the heart of the spirit would be placed upon the golden scales of truth and weighed by Anubis- if the heart was heavier than Ma’at’s feather, it showed that the spirit had been evil during their life, and was then thrown to Ammit, the goddess of doom and retribution, who would devour them into unending torment. If the deceased was simply neutral, they would be sent into reincarnation until their karmic debt was paid off and they had learnt their lessons. If the spirit was found to be pure, they would be sent to the Field of Reeds, which is the realm of Paradise. 

Personal experiences: Ma’at is an extremely noble and virtuous goddess who values things such as compassion, courage, honour, wisdom, honesty, charity, knowledge, self-improvement, and the ability to accept responsibility for one’s actions. She is usually reserved and serious, though enjoys gentle music such as harp melodies. She also enjoys logic games such as senet and chess, as she values all sorts of mental actives and strategy. In her divine role, Ma’at presides over all the Judges of the Underworld and ensures that each spirit receives correct acts of justice. She does not punish the corrupt, as this is a task for vengeful deities such as Sekhmet, Nemesis, and Ammit, but she assists in swaying chaos into order and working against crimes. Ma’at is the patroness of judges and all those who seek to uphold justice and nobility. She may not be a judge herself, but is the Universal power that keeps all in balance and under moral guidance. 

Some of her Epithets:

Directress of the Underworld Justice

Lady of the Hall of Judgment

Lady of the Heavens

Queen of Earth

Ma’at the Beautiful

Perfect Measure

Right Order

Sustainer of the Sun

The Changeless

The Good Gift

The Undeviating

That which is True

Tracer of the Course of the Sun

Twofold Truth

The Measure of the Heart

Offerings: cold water, tea with milk, herbal infusions, vanilla cream soda, fish, chicken, pheasant, fruit (especially dates and plums), lettuce, chickpeas, olives, olive oil, vinegar, eggplant, hummus, barley biscuits, pistachios, walnuts, almonds, sistrum, scales, ibis feathers, reeds, small ritual drums, white marble, gold jewelry, sun pendants, white linen, clear quartz, selenite, white howlite, amethyst, angelite, banded agate, geodes, olivine, smooth river stones, and statuettes of herself *no alcohol or drugs (she hates these and always wants clarity of mind)

Someone online: "Men dont have to deal with [issue]. I have never heard a man talk about [issue]. This is a women's issue!"

Man: "I've dealt with this. I just dont speak up about it because no one car-"

People online: "Shut up. We're talking about women."

Wriothesley's lore and his relationship to Neuvillette and justice is so interesting to me because let's be real: the justice system failed him. He was brought up in a foster home where he was intended to be sold in the black market. And when he ran away, why was his solution to return and kill them? Why not inform the police? One can argue he was afraid but usually you'd try every other option before resorting to murder, yes?

And when he succeeds in killing them. He's sentenced to prison, where he is forced to spend the rest of his teen years (so, a child), and the start of his adulthood. And when his sentence is over, he doesn't even leave but take over the title of warden. He literally takes over the title of warden the day his sentence is over. That is severely fucked, like so severely fucked.

So it makes me wonder where was Neuvillette and Furina in all of this? Furina left the room in the middle of Wriothesley's trial for unspecified reasons (Wriothesley interpreted it as she found his case uninteresting, though headcanons say otherwise) and despite everyone in the room finding Wriothesley innocent, Neuvillette still finds him guilty. And you can't argue that it's cause Wriothesley wanted to be found guilty, like objectively let's look at this: he was a victim of abuse killing his abusers in self-defense. Is Neuvillette that obtuse?

I wanna know what Wriothesley thought of Neuvillette in that moment. I really feel like it needs to be addressed that Neuvillette failed Wriothesley and others like him. He is the second highest authority in Fontaine, yet the only thing he could do for Wriothesley when he was homeless as a child was allow a melusine to offer him soup? That's it? Did knowing that there's starving, homeless kids on the street spark no other interest? No implications of Fontaine's society and their quality of life?

I refuse to believe that Neuvillette let the melusine give him soup because it was Wriothesley, because that would mean he was aware of his background and did nothing. He did nothing until it was too late and Wriothesley had to take matters into his own hands. I personally see it as, he lets melusines offer help to those in need, which isn't better, but is better than him actively knowing that Wriothesley was homeless, starving, and running away from an abusive home and did nothing but allowed him one meal one night. Nevermind any other nights Wriothesley could've been starving. Nevermind what he had to endure on the streets as a child, scouring for money and safety. He couldn't offer him anywhere to stay or a job or something that can better Wriothesley's quality of life in the longterm -- he is the Iudex. He has the power to do so.

I still think that Neuvillette cares. But I also think he's extremely ignorant. And I don't fault Wriothesley for believing that Neuvillette wasn't concerned about him -- I think he has every right to think so cause Neuvillette failed him when he needed him most and has not shown him a reason to think otherwise. Every instance of Neuvillette's care is never directly shown to Wriothesley but to everyone else around him.

Anyways, I just find it really sad to think about, and I think Wriothesley deserved better for his own story and I wish the narrative didn't gloss over it like "oh but Neuvillette does care" because does he? Emotionally, maybe, but did Neuvillette make any real positive difference to Wriothesley's life?

…So that's why I think the headcanon that Neuvillette personally made the soup that the melusine gave to Wriothesley isn't as sweet as you think it is.