Sleepisntreal - Too Old Inside

"i danced with death" yeah well i slowly ran from him all frail and daintily in a cunt-honoring way

my one skill is expertly manipulating the shape of the eggs I’m cooking so that they fit perfectly onto my toast every time

"Why are you crying?"

Me, inconsolable: Th-they're-*sob* they're normal fish

"What?"

They're normal fish in the picture. They were his fairy godparents. They were *hic* like his parents- and-and *sniff* they loved him so much *sob* and he loves them so much and-and- *sniff* he's never going to remember them *hic* because now he's all grown and they're normal fish in the picture

They're normal fish!

I know what you're all definitely thinking. What if everyone from Gravity Falls was a chair. Well, I was bored enough at 3am to think about that too

Dice Shaming

Everyone should experience a Krampus festival at least once in their lifetime