Some Sketches Of My OC's For One Of My Stories, Im Proud Of Them And Wanted To Show Them Off 😅

throws up

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

Okay, I'm supposed to be sleeping but I need to make this or I'll die.

We're all talking about how this is the only universe where Jean lives, but the same applies to Jeremy. Throughout TSC and TGR there are multiple references of how Jeremy views his 5th year as his "last year". The most damming is this:

I think it's fair to say that Jeremy was planning to kill himself after he finished college. He'd be forced to do the LSAT, and it doesn't matter if he succeedes or not, Mathilda would never allow him to pursuit a career on professional Exy. Even without Jean, the Trojans would surely win this year Championships, and Jeremy would have the taste of the life he can't have. He'd be forced to abandon the only thing that brings him purpose and joy; the only thing that allows him to be himself without expectations; and do something he hates for the rest of his life. He'd reach his breaking point.

We know Jeremy is very close to the edge. It may not appear, mainly because of how hard he avoids dealing with his crumbling mental state. He's like this big, beautiful and lush tree that's completely hollowed out and rotten on the inside. It looks healthy and strong, but one strong wind and it topples like a piece of paper. Jeremy is on his last strings. He may not kill himself in every timeline, but he'd be like Andrew without Neil: joyless.

The only thing that brings him away from the edge is Jean. Jean is the one who gives Jeremy strength to confront his family. Beacuse Jean makes his life worth fighting for. The same way Jeremy makes Jean's life worth living.

They are truly meant for the other. They are soulmates in the purest, most literal form, for one cannot live without the other. Jean is destined to die without his Sun. Jeremy is destined to snuff out without his Moon.

I know that everyone wants Jeremy to help Jean get over his fear of water. I know cannonically thats what is most likely to happen, however hear my out on my hc's that I think are reasonable.

TGR spoliers big time:

Ten steps back, it has been hinted at that Jeremy might crash his car. I believe that this is completely within reason and I can see it happening in the next book. 1. He has fallen asleep at the wheel more than once. 2. They worried about his constant lack of sleep and how much he has on his plate. 3. The apartment being even further than before 4. He is doing even more than previous years Ex: learning french, studing for LSAT (is that the correct abbreviation?? Law!) And 5. Teaching Jean how to be a whole human being on so many levels. Man's exhusted. So I can definitely see him crashing. Now the severity of this may very, if its late or raining or a million other things to make it worse. My brain is stuck on him flipping over a guard rail, but any type of crash can cause major injury which leads us to where this post is supposed to be. Jeremy crashing the car and everyone going to pick him up from the hospital. Maybe he even is unconscious when they get there and has all these machines, stuff Jean has never seen, he doesnt know what any of this does, he never got real medical help. So of course hes worried, his partner is breathing through a tube. A day or two later they bring him home (after heavy convincing, his mother lets him stay with the girls for the sake of making it to classes on time) Jeremy is benched for at least 5 weeks, concussion, sprains, pulled mucsles, etc. Day three of being out of the hospital and he feels disgusting. Painstakingly making his way to the bathroom to shower, Jean follows him, hovering his hands out in case he stumbles. Jeremy lets him help, leaning on Jean as he hobbles into the bathroom, but Jean doesnt leave when Jeremy turns on the water. A moment of awkward staring at each other, Jean asks if he needs help. Of course Jeremy is embarrassed, a little ashamed and wanting to do it alone out of spite, but Jean insists he could fall, benching himself longer, so he lets him help. Its awkward and neither know where to put their hands, Jeremy tries to wash himself at first, letting Jean keep him steady, but the sore muscles make it hard to clean his hair, so they switch. Jeremy holds at Jeans shoulders as Jean scrubs soap into his scalp. Jean stays as far out of the spray as he can, occasionally wiping the water off his face, but hes focused on helping his partner get better. It doesnt matter that hes scared because Jeremy is hurt and its miserable watching him struggle. Of course some of the fear is stomped out by the adoration and hunger he gets from the way Jeremy closes his eyes and contently hums at how Jean rinses out the soap. How can he be scared when Jeremy is using him as a crutch, tan freckled skin and blonde hair under his hands. The need to help his partner override the fear.

RAH I am so temped to actually write a fanfiction about this because it could be at least 4 chapters. ANYWAY, not sorry for more JereJean posts :D

What I would give for a scene with Jean and Renee where she finally gets to see him up closed and healed. She'd walk up to him with a big smile and offer a hug, maybe he would hesitate, but its Renee so of course he hugs her, but not some simple side hug or a quick one. Instead he melts into her, letting her pull him down with arms around his shoulders and smile buried into his neck. And he is just, completely relaxed, full body relief. Renee is all warm smiles and soft words and Jean has that heartbreak love in his eyes. Then theres Jeremy with a jelaous understanding that Jean needs this, that he needs her. She cradles his face after he pulls away and looks at his scars, traces where the bruises were before telling him "you look good." And Jean's response is honest "I am"

Later that night Jeremy doesn't mean to ask about her but its been on his mind, Jean can tell something is eating at him.

"Spill it." Jean demands without looking up.

"What." Jeremy startles out of his thoughts, not following the conversation.

"Whats wrong?"Jeremy hesitates, unsure of how to say it.

"You care about her." It only takes Jean a moment to understand who he means.

"She saved my life." Its not exactly an answer, but its true.

"You told Cat you had been a in love before. Was it Renee?" Jeremy regrets the question the second he sees Jeans pained scowl. "We dont have to talk-"

"No. Maybe in another life, but it wasn't Renee I fell in love with. I dont think I was capable of loving someone when I was with her."

"Not capable?" Jeremy echos confused, trying to ignore his phrasing.

"It was against the rules." Jean looks away "I'm trying to change them now."

"The ravens rules. They wouldn't let you love someone?"

"No. It was a distraction. But now I have someone worth breaking them for." Jean shrugs, getting up before Jeremy can question 'who'.

Andreil is still on my brain

After they've both gone professional, they've been separated for at least a month, but todays the day Neil goes to pick Andrew up from the airport. Neils been scanning the crowd for the last 20 mins, looking for that familiar blonde hair among dozens of people. Then he spots him, facing the other direction with a suitcase in one hand. Neil can't help but stare for a moment, taking in the broadness of his shoulders in his tight shirt, the thickness of his arms, the black armbands in their usual place. Neil pulls out his phone and texts him a 'yes or no'. He watches as Andrew looks down at his phone, then glances up looking around, not noticing him yet. Then he looks back down and Neil feels his phone vibrate, seeing a 'yes?' In response. Neil all but sprints, Andrew turning to him last second before Neil lifts him up into a hug, squeezing him to his chest. Panic floods Andrew for a second before he lets excitment take over, hugging him back. Andrew grips him tightly around his neck, burying his face in the cloth of his hoodie, taking in his smell, cigarette smoke and black coffee. He can feel Neil smile against his neck. Neil squeezes him once more before lowering him to the ground, loosening his grip to put a few inches between them. Andrew glares up at him, the smallest trace of a smile on his lips.

"115%" Andrew grumbles out.

"I'm okay with that." Neil says, looking down at his lips. Andrew doesn't hesitate, kissing him without a care for who might be watching. Neil melts into the kiss, placing his hands in Andrews hair. A moment later they break away.

"Welcome home, Drew." Neil stares down at him, that glint in his eyes and Andrew decides maybe he can look at him like that, just this once.

I want it so badly to be a step by step process. Starting out fully clothed with Jeremy washing his hair and arms the, maybe he realizes Jean can't stand water in his face so he just wipes him down with wet hands instead of trying to get him under the water. Maybe a week or so goes by and it happens again, but this time Jean's comfortable enough to take off his shirt, allowing Jeremy to wash his back and get the lent out of his scars. (As someone with a lot of scars lent is such a battle especially in spots you can't reach) By the third time Jean is able to close his eyes without being scared, letting the water rush over him without flinching. Two or three months into these occasional showers, Jean is willing to try to put his face in the water, but he clings to Jeremy the whole time, who holds a dry towel for him if he panics. And they get through it and Jean is learning that the water isn't what hurt him. Showers can be good. Showers with Jeremy are better.

desperately in need of a non-sexual jerejean shower scene with their clothes on. jeremy washing jean’s hair. jean realizing that water is not always meant to hurt, but it can even be relaxing. jeremy softly yapping non-stop so jean doesn’t get lost in his thoughts. help

I imagine this is what goes on in his head the whole time he has an empty stare 😭

i hate you

you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs because obviously someone could never look at me like you do. nobody could SEE ME the way you do. nobody else would dare to step into a viper pit on the off chance that it might protect me because nobody else has ever considered that i’m a real person. and that means you cannot be real. because there isn’t a single person who would try to protect me. i’m the only person who can save myself and i haven’t wanted to save myself in a very long time. i cannot be saved. but then i saw you standing there with auburn hair and blue eyes… jesus christ you cannot be real. because you are a terrified runaway and now you’re telling me that instead of running away like i told you to, instead of letting me take the fall like i expected to, you somehow ran directly into danger for ME? unreal unreal unreal you are a hallucination and a pipe dream because you’re saying things nobody has ever said to me and there is a catch in your voice that i’ve never heard before and it’s all because you were worried about me and it makes me sick because nobody should ever make you feel that way, least of all me. i see every piece of myself and my pain directed back at me, reflected in the ocean of your eyes and it makes me want to burn down the world, it makes me want to destroy myself, and yet you keep telling me that i deserve to live. you see me and you won’t let me tear myself apart but you don’t see that in offering yourself up to be slaughtered you are ripping me to shreds. you cannot be real. you cannot exist. and yet here you are, standing in front of me, bruised and bandaged and more alive than you’ve ever been. and i’m so terrified to want any piece of that because it’s impossible. you’re impossible. you don’t listen. you won’t back down when i tell you i’m not worth it. you’re a dream. you’re all the hopes i threw away when i was a child. you’re not my savior. i wish you would save me. i wish you could. i’m terrified that if i look at you too long, you will.

i hate you.

I wanted to see this so bad, I so desperately wanted Andrews pov because to him, suddenly Neil was telling him it was all worth it out of the blue. I expected anger and rage, we know he got violent (poor kevin 😅) but the fear was not expected, he spent so long denying it was anything at all then when he thought he lost him, he so desperately needed him back. 🥲

i’m finally finally reading the aftg extra content and

omg?? ive seen some people post about this before but reading it on my own is just another feeling like he was freaking out after neil got kidnapped and it hurts to read but also omg

There are too mamy itches in my brain. Andreil. Its a peaceful Saturday morning and they're sleeping in, sun just barely filtering through the window as they cuddle together. Neil's pressed against Andrews side and Andrew has an arm around him laying on his back. The phone rings waking them both and Andrew goes to turn it off but its a call from Aaron, a FaceTime. So he answers, groggy and half asleep. He wakes up more after noticing that Aarons been crying.

"You're still in bed" chuckles from the other end of the phone

"Its the weekend, you're crying?" Andrew cuts the small talk and Neil peaks open an eye out of curiosity.

"We have some news" Katelyn wiggles her way onto the screen standing behind Aaron. "We're pregnant" she give a small happy dance. Andrew stares blankly for a moment.

"Youre going to be an uncle." Aaron says, clearly a bit nervous but mostly proud.

"How long?" Is the only response he can think of.

"I'm currently eight weeks, so give or take another 32 weeks, but theres more."

"More?" Andrew sits up a bit dragging Neil with him.

"Twins" Aaron finishes. Neil muffles a laugh into Andrew's shoulder.

"Good luck with that. If they are anything like you, your hands will be full."

"Shut up" Andrew and Aaron say in sync. Neil just laughs again with a shrug.

"You're not saying much." Aaron presses, fiddling with a pen.

"He's excited" Neil says, looking up at him. Andrew scoff and pushes his face away "he's got that look in his eyes, he happy" Andrew shoves Neil off of him.

"If you ever need anything," Andrew mumbles grumpily to which Aaron nods.

"We will be posting updates on our socials, but we wanted you to know first" katelyn says before disappearing off screen.

"Yeah okay." They talk a bit more before hanging up. Andrew stares at the black screen, processing everything.

"Whats on your mind?" Neil whispers crawling back over to him.

"I'm going to be an uncle. He wants me to be apart of it. Of their lives."

"Of course he does, you're his brother."

"A year ago, I would have never gotten that phone call." He drops the phone on his chest, letting it lay face down. Neil lets him be lost in thought for a moment, then reaches out and brushes the hair from his face.

"You two fixed your relationship. Of course he wants you to know his kids."

"Have you ever thought about it?" Andrew picks at his nails, not looking at Neil.

"About what? Drew, what are you asking?"

"Kids. Have you thought about it?"

"I think I'd make a terrible father. I didn't think you were the type to want kids"

"We dont have to be parents. We could foster. Its just an idea, i dont know." Andrew sits up, tossing his legs over the bed. "I don't even think kids would like me." Neil sits up too, watching Andrew's back.

"Do you want to foster children?" Andrew just shrugs at the question, not facing him.

"We could, it would be one more good house in all of the bad ones. Kids might not like us but theyd have their own room. A warm bed and a safe place to be." His words are quiet, contemplating. "Its just a thought."

"We can always look into it. I wouldn't mind."

"An uncle. He wants me to be an uncle." Andrews thoughts go full circle and Neil cant help but smile. Their future seems bright, and possibly filled with young laughter and toys. Neil inches his way to him and whispers "yes or no" a mumbled yes and Neil trails little kisses down Andrews neck, hugging his back to him.

"This also technically makes me an uncle, think Aarons upset about that yet?" Andrew rolls his eyes at him, earning another laugh.