What Do You Feel Today? Or I. Is It Different From Yesterday? Or The Day Before? I Think I Cant Hardly

What Do You Feel Today? Or I. Is It Different From Yesterday? Or The Day Before? I Think I Cant Hardly

what do you feel today? or i. is it different from yesterday? or the day before? i think i cant hardly tell, day to day, it changes so little but it does change. like hair growing. the ph level of the fluid in the jar they keep me in. just slowly changing, towards something, marinating all the way. the air isnt being violently ripped from my lungs, but there is a slow leak, vacuum rising, unbreathable, undrinkable, inedible, sour, bitter, alkaline. the blood in my body is slowing to a halt, ooze, turning to brine, desiccating my tissues, bursting cell walls, drowning in rancid effluvium. me shaped stain in the bedsheet, and in the chair over there, and you can see the path i take every day over the dead birds and through the dunes of discarded black and mild tips. it was/could have been a palette with every pigment, now all smeared together into just, brownish-greenish-grayish.

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“Most of the worst things said about me, I’ve said myself”

Although exploding through the Austin Alternative scene, Daniel Johnston was originally born in Sacramento, California and grew up in West Virginia. Johnston began exploring his creativity through making art, drawing comics and recording home movies of his friends and family, often at their expense. In his late teens Johnston began experimenting with music, utilising the home piano and a chord organ the family owned.

Johnston joined an art program at Kent State University where he would fall in love with one of his fellow students, Laurie Allen. She would go on to be Johnston’s muse and the motivation for a great deal of his music. Although the relationship was doomed from the start, Laurie was already in a relationship with a soon to be Mortician, Johnston said of Laurie; “I was alone in my life with little to live for, trying my hand at art thinking that maybe I could save myself and in my desperation all my hope would fly away until there was nothing left of me, nothing left to say. And in this nightmare there was a dream of a girl so beautiful beyond compare, the girl of my dreams. So wonderful, so beautiful, so many songs; Laurie”. He would go on to make the albums Songs of Pain and More Songs of Pain off the back of his heartbreak and move to Austin, Texas to pursue his music career.

His arrival in Austin was as eventful as much of his time there, and in hindsight may have been slightly prophetic. Johnston had run away from his sisters house to join the circus, he toured with them for some time before landing in Austin. During a break in a portable toilet one of his less patient carnival colleagues banged on the door until Johnston open it, when he did he was punched in the face leaving him dazed and confused. Johnston wandered the streets of Austin until he found a church to seek refuge in, his parents were fundamental Christians and although Johnston had rebelled against some aspects of their faith he still held a deep belief in God. The Church got Johnston back on his feet, in more than one way, and he began his life in Austin. He landed a job at McDonalds and continued to work their through the first years of his career, often being interviewed for magazines and radio stations at his workplace. Johnston would continue to record and put out music through this period, including his two most well known projects; Yip/Jump Music and Hi, How Are You?

Although Austin and it’s music scene provided Johnston with respect, a certain level of fame and some money in his pocket it began becoming a detriment to his mental health. Johnston began becoming increasingly paranoid, he would see the number 6 every where which he called the devils number. Audio and visual hallucinations also began warping his view of the world and despite various medications and treatments Johnston would often cease them when it came time to record music or play live as he felt they clouded his creativity. His descent into mental breakdown culminated in his removing of his clothes and splashing himself in the river outside the University of Austin, his father owned his own airplane and flew to Austin to collect his son. On the flight back while reading a Casper comic about the ghost parachuting, Johnston decided mid-flight to take the keys to the plane and throw them out the window. Fortunately his father was able to level the plane before crash landing into treetops, both walking away mostly unharmed. Johnston was hospitalised in a mental institution as a result.

During his institutionalisation Johnston’s fame grew exponentially. His music was being shared throughout the growing alternative scene of the late 80’s/early 90’s. Musicians like Sonic Youth and Half Japanese began championing Johnston and reached out to his manager to work with the troubled artist. Kurt Cobain would famously wear Johnston’s Hi, How Are You? T-shirt in multiple interviews, with people wanting to know who the guy was from the shirt. Although Johnston would continue to make music and produce art, his mental health illness and his occasional refusal of treatment always came between Johnston truly breaking out. He would spend his later years living with his parents up until their death, his music and art still garnering world wide acclaim until his death in 2019 from a heart attack.

Daniel Johnston is reminiscent of tortured artists like Van Gogh and Dali, whose mental illness and creative output are so seemingly intertwined that you wonder if you took away the illness would the output still be as influential?


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2 years ago
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