Latest Posts by snake-ass-cheeks420 - Page 3
the new family drama i’m obsessed with has been the saga of my eight year old cousin trying to understand how our uncle is related to our grandpa and not our grandma. the answer is our grandpa cheated on her with a nurse and had our uncle, but NO ONE wants to explain cheating and adultery to an eight year old so they’ve just been telling him to ask someone else. so far it’s gone my mom -> me -> his mom -> his dad and he still is no closer to an answer. we are very quickly running low on knowledgeable adults and i cannot wait to see where he goes if that trail goes dry
my friend is very confident and free and i always want to know how she does it so once i asked her and she just said “the only difference between me and you is that when people treat you badly you think it’s because there’s something wrong with you but when people treat me badly i think there’s something wrong with them.” scalped
One of the most important things I have learned today..
Rule #1 stick to the fucking bit
new heresy that makes the bible way funnier:
god genuinely had no idea that people would be able to disobey him, when he made them. angels couldn’t! everything in the universe was just an extension or a reflection of god himself, operating in perfect mechanical order. then he put a spark of his own creative consciousness in an animal and it turned out it could disobey him.
like, that’s why he told adam and eve not to access a perfectly accessible tree. nothing else in the universe up until that point would have done something he told them not to.
that’s why he asks cain a perfectly ridiculous question, given that he would have watched the murder happen right in front of him: where is your brother? what did you do to him? he didn’t know cain could lie. even when adam and eve disobeyed him, surprising absolutely everyone involved, they hadn’t figured out lying yet. cain figured out lying.
that’s why god decides to destroy humans and start over only a few centuries later. he has no idea what to do. not only are people disobeying and lying to him, they’ve started completely ignoring him, too. he can control the wind, the water, the plants, the animals, the angels, the heavens, the earth. but he cut a part of himself loose and gave it to this totally unique new critter and now he can’t get it back. he can’t make anyone do anything, and now they know it. he had to carve humanity back down to the one family that actually, for whatever reason, still listened to him, and he had to ride them pretty fucking hard from that point onward to make sure they didn’t just….. stop. because at any point basically any human, ever, even the ones who liked him, could just randomly decide to fuck off and do their own thing.
then like, according to christians, god thought maybe he could get a handle on whatever the fuck was going on with how bad humans were being by making another human who had even more god in him than all the other humans, and that didn’t work either. and also even jesus himself didn’t know what humans were going to do next, which was kill him young. like, god had to break the news to him based on an educated guess, and it was a big surprise to him! he was really upset! there’s a whole scene!
like, i think this is hands down the funniest fucking thing to conclude about god ever. he didn’t know it was going to turn out like this when he started and he didn’t know what to do when it did. he’s been basically scrambling to stay on top of the situation for six thousand years and he’s totally beefed it repeatedly.
god the omnipotent lord of creation knows everything, except what you’re going to do next. god the supreme ruler of the universe can do anything, except stop you. you have a little piece of god inside you and it lets you defy the most fundamental machinery of existence basically whenever you like.
if that’s not funny, i don’t know what is.
i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here
somewhere in the world
a mother is singing her baby a lullaby for the first time, a shelter cat is going home with an excited family, a kid is starting the first pages of what will be their favorite book series, a couple in a long engagement is finally having their wedding, a gardener is stepping outside to see their produce flourishing and almost ready to be picked, a father is becoming a grandfather eager to hold his new little love, a teenager is putting the keys into their first car, someone is moving on from a break up and walking past a place they used to go with their ex without feeling an ache, a patient is taking their first steps forward after a long surgery, a child is getting all giddy with anticipation for their birthday party
because life all around us is beautiful even though there is chaos and sorrow that can often overshadow it.
Full offense but some of you would run upstairs when pursued by a murderer
I’m know I’m not the first person to say this, but any newbies on tumblr really need to understand how different this is from a lot of other social media. Particularly tiktok.
I just saw a creator on tiktok reminding followers that it’s actually a problem when someone goes back to the earliest post and watches all the posts chronologically, liking and commenting along the way. The stupid app recognizes it as spam or something and then kinda puts a halt on their account? Literally punishing people for positive engagement?? 🥴🤦♀️
I’ve already heard people saying years back how they don’t want to be “creepy” and go through a persons blog, liking and reblogging tons of stuff. But think how many more people are going to be worried about it now, thinking they might do actual damage! Most people, especially younger people, are so used to the way tiktok works now. So please, do not ever worry about this on here. Just remember-
You will never do any harm if you go on a like and reblog fest through someone’s tumblr blog! The only risk you’re taking is to make the blog owner weep for joy!! 😭🤣
Reblog to put one of these in your mutuals’ pocket when they’re not looking
🦇Service Mindset🦇
A look into Charles’ work life.
Don’t be rude to whoever has the midnight shift at McDonalds
Previous comic First comic
WEBTOONS
I don't think I've ever seen an anthropomorphic personification of Pluto as a person with dwarfism
Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.
literally my favorite type of tweet
Help us by spreading information
taught my dog the word 'yucky' in association to grossness so if he's chewing on something weird I run up to him and yell "YUCKY" and he gives me this look
Follow your dream
the five stages of grief your honour
I was looking for something in my email inbox, going back a few pages, and I came across an email a friend sent me in May asking if she could come visit me this summer and I was seized with blind panic, !!!!! oh my god I procrastinated on this email and never ended up replying to her and now the summer is almost over and it’s much too late to plan anything and she didn’t dare to reach out again and probably never will now I’ve lost this friend forever and then I fearfully clicked on the email and realised I had actually replied to her. In a timely manner. And she actually did come to visit last month and I had no trouble remembering everything we did during her visit. I love starting my morning with a spike of worry so intense it’s like my brain gives itself a stress-lobotomy, erasing entire series of events. A reverse near-death experience where instead of seeing your past life flash before your eyes, you remember not a single potentially-reassuring past decision but you see your tragic future flash before your eyes, ruined by this one mistake you made
Filming people without their consent is a massive issue of not only privacy but ableism that's been going on for many years.
It started out with filming more visibly disabled people, like high support needs autistic people having meltdowns in public and (especially fat) disabled people literally just using mobility aids, but once that was deemed less acceptable it moved to other things. Filming people acting "weird" in public. Eating weird foods. Falling asleep in weird places. Wearing weird things. Stimming. You get the idea. It's no longer safe to be visibly weird in public and that's an issue for a lot of disabled people. I recently had to lay down on the floor of a department store because I had an ME crash while out shopping. Not only did I have to worry about the normal things like people coming up to ask me if I'm ok, I also had to worry about some video of me at my lowest point, when I'm suffering immensely, being shared around as "haha look at this weird bitch on the floor". It's upsetting. It's scary.
And then there's fakeclaiming. A fun trend where people will film us in public to "prove" there's some kind of huge epidemic of people faking disability. Spoiler alert: there is not. Most of the time the people they film are real disabled people who don't fit into the expected mold for disability, usually service dog teams or people who use mobility aids who don't "look sick". And you would think this trend would be some kind of abled nonsense, but it's not. It's often other disabled people doing the fakeclaiming. Yes, there are some times when it's obvious a service dog isn't trained properly, but other than that, it's damn near impossible to tell if someone is faking a disability, and you're much more likely to target a disabled person than a faker. I'd love to say this trend was new, but it's been going on since the days of "the people of walmart" where many of the people posted were fat mobility aid users, always with the assumption that they used it because they were too fat or lazy to move on their own. In fact, the image of a fat person in a mobility cart has become almost synonymous with "lazy". It's one of the things that drove me to get my own expensive power wheelchair, to avoid the judgmental stares in the grocery store when I was just trying to exist, to avoid the fear of public shame. Even now when I stand up from my chair to walk to the bathroom stall or reach something on a high shelf, I watch the corners of my vision for that telltale phone in the air. I feel like I'm never safe from the judgemental eye of the internet, even when I'm logged off, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels that way.
Tik Tok, YouTube, Instagram, these places are all great for disabled people, especially those of us without access to the outside world. But it's also become a source of great anxiety for anyone who's uncontrollably "weird", mostly disabled people. Leave us alone, I'm begging you, we just want to go to the fucking grocery store in peace and safety.
Tl;dr
Stop filming people for "acting weird" or "faking a disability" in public. It's ableist, it's invasive, it's creepy, and it's humiliating. People don't exist in public for your amusement and especially not disabled people. You don't know who is disabled and who isn't no matter how many disabled people you've known or how sure you are that the person is faking.
Men who admit their faults 😘🤌
for our grade 12 formal a guy asked me to be his partner and i was like ‘ok’ but he told me to not wear heels because he was like 5’4 and it would make him feel bad and i considered it but then i remembered a few years before he was in my maths class and i was struggling with a maths problem because i had been sick earlier that week and he told me if i paid attention or even showed up to class that i would understand it anyway i wore 5 inch sparkly heels and the only thing he said to me was ‘this is because of grade 9 right?’ and i said that it was and i am glad he knew exactly where he went wrong
Smh all women do is lie
- chad
a girl will be named isabel and then she isnt even a bell
the zoo is closed forever because a zookeeper developed psychic powers and is using her mind to fling penguins at anyone who tries to stop her
